‘We’ve brought a film about some births to watch today,’ said Chloe. ‘And I’ve got a sample gas-and-air mouthpiece to try. We’ll show you some puffing exercises, though we will do these again nearer the time. Won’t hurt to do them twice.’
‘I got all my breathing wrong last time,’ said Raychel. ‘I knew what I had to do but I forgot everything.’
‘This is where a clued-up birth partner comes in handy,’ said Sharon. ‘Co-breathing with them.’
‘I think my Daniel might be a good one to have by my side. I’ve got no complaints so far,’ said Di.
Chloe dragged their attention back to the matter in hand or the session would have been hijacked by Di outlining her present situation, which everyone presumed was more than acceptable, judging by her smiley demeanour.
‘As you’ll see in the film, breathing can help a lot. When you’re scared, your breath tends to be shallow and everything tenses, which leads to lack of oxygen and even more panic and it’ll wear you out very quickly. Rhythmic breathing like this . . .’ Sharon demonstrated ‘. . . is what you need to remember most of all. You’re going to need a lot of energy and you don’t want to waste any. Try and make sure your out-breath is longer than your in-breath. I’ve put lots of tips on the fact sheet this week for you. Anyway, let’s watch.’
The films had come on a long way since the one that Annie was shown at school that scared her half to death. That film was French and everyone got a fit of the giggles because the woman poohed as the baby came out. The film had to be stopped before the end because Mick Eckersley and Peter McClaren started trading hard punches when Mick said that Peter’s mother had thrown the baby away and raised the turd as her son because it was better looking. Annie had forgotten all about that until this moment. Funny what the brain stores away, she thought.
The epidural needle looked scary but Eve’s cousin Violet had had that and said it was fantastic; totally took all the pain away. Still, she wished she hadn’t seen the length of it. Sometimes too much information wasn’t such a good thing.
Annie had hoped to survive the birth with gas and air, but after listening to Gill’s and Iris’s tales of childbirth, she’d made up her mind to go with the flow. Palma hadn’t even let herself think about the birth stage yet; she’d start doing that when she knew everything was all right. She knew it would be, she was being silly worrying.
‘A fortnight till our next meeting, ladies,’ said Chloe at the end of the session.
‘Anyone going to Aqua Mamas class tomorrow?’ asked Cheryl. ‘A few of us went last week and it was very good.’
‘Not me,’ said Di. ‘I’m getting enough exercise at the moment, if you know what I mean,’ and she winked and gurned like Les Dawson.
‘Oh, I’ll come,’ said Fil.
‘It’s a fiver and the pool’s lovely,’ Annie butted in. ‘I’m ringing up to book in the morning if anyone else wants me to do it for them as well.’
That was six of them, then. All of them except Di. Dr Gilhooley’s aim to help mothers-to-be claim support and friendship from each other was working a treat.
Chapter 44
Iris, who’d been off for a few days, hadn’t seen Palma since she had her hair changed and she made a real song and dance about it when they met at work the next morning.
‘My goodness, I didn’t recognise you, Palma,’ she said, arms akimbo. ‘When I first met you I thought, what bloody colour is her hair?, but it’s so you. I mean, that’s a lovely colour you’ve got on, but that pink hair looked so much more natural.’
Annie hadn’t said anything because she didn’t want to upset Palma, but she’d thought the same. Palma and pink hair went together perfectly.
‘I went for lunch with Tommy’s family at the weekend and I didn’t want them to judge me on my hair colour,’ said Palma.
‘Well, they aren’t worth bothering with if they do that,’ said Iris. ‘Get that pink put back in and be Palma again. You look far too normal,’ she went on. ‘And you don’t want that.’
The trouble was, Palma did. She wanted the ‘normal’ that Iris and Joe and Annie took for granted because they’d always had it: food in the cupboards, a little bit of money in her purse and that feeling of being accepted and loved. That stuff was boring to other people but for her it was something to aspire to. She wished she could have wiped out her past and started life again from the moment she moved into the house on Rainbow Lane. One thing was certain, her baby would never know what it was like to go to school in an unwashed uniform with a stomach grumbling from hunger. She’d come home to a cheerful house and a hot meal waiting for her and she’d have to eat up her vegetables. On winter nights, they’d have spaghetti Bolognese and home-baked jam roly-poly and custard made with eggs and double cream. She’d sleep soundly in clean sheets and never have to prop her chair against the door for fear of a stranger bumbling in. Her child would not have to turn a comatose mother over on the sofa so that if she vomited in her sleep, she wouldn’t choke herself. Normal equated to wonderful in Palma’s world.
She hadn’t told Tommy what Neil had said to her in the gym at the bottom of his garden because she didn’t want to stir up any trouble. She loved him, she wanted everything for him that he wanted for himself and more; and she wanted to prove to his family that she wasn’t the sort of woman who would divert Tommy’s focus, so any worries she had about her pregnancy, she kept to herself. He was going to take her out for a meal tomorrow, he said, and try and fatten her up a bit. She’d not meant to, but she’d snapped at him for bringing it up again that she wasn’t putting on weight and he’d been mortified that he’d upset her. And then she’d been mortified that she’d upset him and apologised, saying it was her pregnancy hormones at play and to ignore her and that she’d love to go out for a meal with him.
At least in the Aqua Mama class she could forget all about the Neil lecture and have a laugh. Fil was last into the water and strolled out from the changing room in a golden bikini, looking like a Bond girl. Everyone’s jaw hit the bottom of the pool. She even made Shona look like a munter by comparison.
‘You have no idea how beautiful you are, have you?’ said Annie after the session and Fil had thrown her head back and let loose a laugh that wouldn’t have sounded out of place in a Carry On film.
‘Same time next week, ladies?’ asked Cheryl. ‘Fil, try to look a bit ugly, you’re showing us all up.’
‘Natural beauty is a curse,’ said Fil, and gave her a cheeky wink. ‘I suffer every day.’
Palma thought she was falling in love with these women, as surely as she had fallen in love with Tommy.
When Tommy arrived to pick her up the next night, he brought with him an enormous yellow teddy bear.
‘I couldn’t resist it,’ he said. ‘We should start buying things for the baby, shouldn’t we?’
‘Let me get the next scan out of the way first and make sure everything is all right,’ she’d answered. He couldn’t wait to come with her but she hadn’t told him the date had been brought forward.
Over their main course Tommy asked her if she’d like to move in with him.
‘I know it’s early days, but you and me, we’re meant to be, aren’t we? I can feel it, can you?’
Palma did feel it. She loved being with him, loved the feeling of anticipation when he texted her and said he was on his way over. But Neil’s words had made her extra wary and she wanted to be sure – for both of them – that every step forwards they made was a solid one. She knew he craved the family thing: the wife, the kids. And she knew that was because he wanted to be the dad he wished his own had been, as if that put the past right for him. But she had to make sure he wanted these things with her and not just anyone. In short, she couldn’t really believe her luck.
‘I love you, Palma. You’re all I could want,’ he said, trying to lighten up the weight of his words by buttering some bread at the same time as he said them. ‘You’ve only got one bedroom. I’ve got three. The middle one would make a perfect nursery. For no
w, anyway, because I want to move to somewhere with a massive garden so we can have that Arctic cabin you want.’
She laughed, ‘Oh, now you’re bringing out the big guns.’
‘Oh come on, Palma. What’s the point in hanging about when we both know I’m right?’
Because Neil’s words were perched on her shoulder like a raven, that’s why.
‘Tommy, hold your horses. We’ve got plenty of time before we need extra space so there’s no rush. You’ve got to keep your head on your fight, not on redecorating, and I’ve got to keep mine on having this baby. Don’t run at this, Tommy. We’ve got all the time in the world, so let’s get it right.’
Tommy took her hand and held it between his. ‘I know, I’m sorry. I just can’t believe my luck.’
Palma couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. She had more right to think that than he did. ‘Are you joking? I could understand you saying that if I looked like that ring girl and I was driving an Audi R8; but I’ve got nothing, Tommy. I stuff crackers for a living and let’s not even mention—’
Tommy thumped his chest, where he imagined his heart lay. ‘I wish you could feel what I do in here,’ he said. ‘I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Actually, scrap that, I have. When I knew I was going to win the title. I walked into that ring and there was no doubt in my head at all.’
‘Eat your steak and shut up,’ said Palma.
A couple passed by their table. She: slim, plastic boobs and hair extensions and half the age of her companion, who had a sharp suit on and was tall, powerfully built and lantern-jawed.
‘All reight, Tom,’ he said, his voice rough, deep, his accent as broad as his white-toothed smile. ‘How’s tha gooin’?’ He shook hands with Tommy as if he was absolutely delighted to see him.
‘Good, mate, good. Are you?’
‘Nivver better. I’m coming down and see thy Neil. Tell him to watch art for me.’ He pretended to box with Tommy who reciprocated with the same moves and said: ‘Dream on if tha’ trying to tek me title off me.’
‘I want some tickets for t’feight. Ringside. Save me six. Naw, eight. Full job. Dinner and drinks. I mearn it,’ said the suit.
‘I will. I’ll be in touch when I gerram.’
The suit turned to Palma. ‘Sorry, sweetheart. I’m disturbing your meal. I’ll leave you alone. See thi’, Tom. See you, love. Look after him.’
‘See thi’, Dion,’ said Tommy. ‘Have a nice evening,’ he said to the woman, who was really a girl with shovelfuls of make-up on.
‘Awreight,’ she answered through blown-up lips. It was evident that theirs wasn’t a relationship built on sparkling conversation.
‘Dion Webb,’ explained Tommy, when they’d moved on to their table.
Palma hadn’t heard the surname in years and now she’d heard it twice in three days.
‘He looks hard,’ said Palma.
‘He is. I wouldn’t like to be on the wrong side of him and his lot but he loves our Neil and he’s boxing mad. And he loves me, of course. But then again, how could you not?’ He grinned a Tommy grin and Palma had to agree with him. It would be very hard not to love Tommy Tanner.
‘He takes a lot of ’roids,’ Tommy went on, smile closing. ‘He’s doubled in size since last time I saw him and it weren’t that long ago.’ He shook his head. ‘Fool’s game.’
Palma reached for a piece of bread. Her appetite had just switched up a notch having seen Dion Webb. She could understand why Clint wasn’t likely to come sniffing around trying to find her with him in the area.
Tommy liked to talk in bed. He liked to lie on his back with his arm around Palma and converse in the dark. Palma savoured the feel of him holding her; she loved the smell of him and the smoothness of his skin taut over his muscles. But that night he fell to sleep more or less as soon as his head touched the pillow. Palma lay still, listening to his breathing, her own in tune with it. The baby had brought them together, in a mad way. She might never have bumped into him again had she not been cutting through the park that night after being at the Stephenson’s house. Christian and Tabitha and that episode of her life felt like a million light years away.
The baby twitched inside her, making her presence known and Palma pressed her hand against her stomach. She was there and alive, warm and safe and her little heart was beating. Everything would be all right, she told herself. She knew it would. She was worrying over nothing.
Chapter 45
Palma had a letter to say that she had to attend the hospital on Tuesday, 15 August at 2.30 p.m., the day before the fifth Christmas Pudding Club meeting. She was less concerned than she had been, though. She’d noticed as she lay in the bath that her stomach was definitely standing a little more proud. The baby liked to move around when Palma’s body was submerged in the water. Palma had a vision in her head of her baby, like a tiny mermaid, swirling and twirling inside her.
The Aqua Mama classes were now a weekly event. They did try and take it seriously but their ‘naughty corner’ of the pool contained too many gigglers. Fil was the worst of them all. She had nearly drowned during the ‘frog legs’ stretches. On land, she was elegance personified, gliding from the changing rooms to the poolside in a variety of fabulous swimming costumes, but in water, she was like a submarine with holes in it.
Life was better than Palma could ever have expected it to be. She had broken her rule about shopping for some baby clothes because there was a sale on in Baby Palace in town. It sold seconds from chain stores like Marks and Spencer and Gap, though it might only be a thread that needed cutting off or a mark that could be dabbed away. She bought some white babygros and socks and cute white satin shoes and a yellow cardigan with duck-shaped buttons. She cleared her bedside cabinet to store the baby things and sat the big yellow teddy that Tommy had bought on top as if he were guarding them.
The day of the scan eventually arrived. She had only told Joe and Annie that she was having blood tests up the hospital as the midwife thought she might be anaemic. She hadn’t told Tommy anything because he would have insisted on coming with her, making sure she was okay. He certainly wouldn’t have allowed her to go on the bus to the hospital with a bladder full of water.
Palma lay on the couch, her stomach covered in gel, ready to see her baby again.
‘So you’re nineteen weeks,’ said the sonographer. Not the same as the last one. This one was called Lesley and gave off a cooler vibe. ‘Now, relax.’
Palma tried to do as she said and stared up at the ceiling, keeping her eyes away from Lesley in case she saw something in her expression that disturbed her. The room was full of silence and anticipation broken only by finger-taps and clicks on the keyboard below the screen. Eventually Lesley spoke.
‘I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to drink some more water and take a little walk,’ she said, giving Palma’s stomach a deft wipe with a sheet of tissue from a roll. ‘I can’t see the baby properly and hopefully it’ll move position if you do that. Okay? I’ll see the next mum and then we’ll have another go. There’s a water machine outside to the right. Take two cups and then walk up and down the corridor for me.’
‘Is that normal?’ asked Palma.
‘It usually does the trick, yes,’ answered Lesley.
Palma felt fit to burst when she was called in again. She passed the couple who had just exited the room holding their scan pictures. The woman was half-laughing, half-crying and the man had his arm around her shoulder.
‘Come in, love,’ said Lesley to her and smiled and Palma tried not to think that Lesley didn’t look like the sort of person who would call someone ‘love’ and so if she did, there would have to be a reason for it.
Once again she lay back on the couch with her trousers pulled down below her small fundus, her T-shirt pulled up and her anxiety levels in orbit.
Lesley moved the transducer through the gel. ‘That’s better. That’s much better.’
‘Can you see if it’s a boy or a girl?’ asked Palma. ‘I’d
like to know.’
Lesley was concentrating. Palma wasn’t sure if she’d heard her then Lesley said, ‘It’s a girl.’
She’d known it. Her little mermaid swimming around inside her. Her little girl, her daughter who was going to wear the white babygros and the cutesy shoes and be photographed with the giant yellow teddy.
‘Is she all right?’
Again that silence punctuated with the odd click, click, click. Please tell me everything is all right.
‘I’m . . . making sure,’ said Lesley, her eyes not leaving the screen. Until they did and she smiled and Palma burst into tears.
Chapter 46
The fifth Christmas Pudding Club was taken up with the subject of equipment.
‘Walk into Baby World or Mothercare or anywhere like that and you will be absolutely overawed with everything, so we thought what might make a good session would be to discuss stuff that you might find really useful and worth the outlay and things that are non-essential luxuries,’ said Chloe.
Sharon was trying to open some windows. There were so many of them, all south-facing, that the room was like a greenhouse from the mid-August sun. Everyone, without exception, was fanning themselves with the help sheets that Chloe had given out earlier. Di was the size of a house and sweat was running down her face. Even her breasts seemed to be leaking because there were two large circles on her light grey dress. She’d made a joke about it when she’d first walked in. That and the fact that she couldn’t lean over and shave her legs anymore and that Daniel had two choices: shave them for her or share a bed with a mountain gorilla.
‘A lot of equipment you can buy second hand as well,’ said Sharon, giving up the ghost on the window-opening front and closing the curtains instead.
‘I wish I’d have kept hold of all my stuff,’ said Raychel. ‘We were only going to have one child and then . . . da dah!’
‘Dr Gilhooley is trying to set up a shop to buy and sell good quality baby things,’ said Chloe.
‘Dr Gilhooley is chasing a sainthood,’ laughed Fil.
The Mother of All Christmases Page 24
