by Jen Talty
She rubbed the side of her neck. “I’m accepting my parents are total strangers to me, but my father is a control freak. If he’s not in charge of his surroundings, he finds a way to flip that in his favor. He doesn’t sit in the passenger seat, ever.”
“Are you talking literally?”
She nodded. “He either drives, or has his diver take him, or he gets a limo. So, letting Dustin drive him out here doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s starting to pull together for me,” Clayton said.
“How so?”
“He needed to know where you were, and we weren’t about to give him the address because Dustin thinks your dad is behind your kidnapping, and I’m starting to agree with Dustin.”
Her heart dropped to her gut. “I’m no longer surprised.”
Chapter 7
“I’m sorry about your folks.”
Sage rested her head on Clayton’s chest, enjoying his fingers gliding through her hair as he held her close. She felt horrible about how she’d first treated him, but she’d done so out of fear and anger. When Clayton had contacted her about the fundraiser, she almost said no, but something in the back of her mind told her this event would be the one that put her on the map.
“None of this is your fault,” she said, tilting her head. “Is this really your home?”
He nodded.
“Ever live with anyone in here?”
He shook his head. “I have a difficult time sharing space with anyone.”
“Well, that makes sense. This place is tiny.”
“I could be in a mansion, and I wouldn’t want to live with anyone.”
Pressing her lips against the center of his chest, she inhaled his musky scent. “Do you want to hear something crazy?”
“Sure.”
“Last night was the first night I stayed all night in the same bed with a man. Normally, I sneak out in the middle of the night because it feels vulnerable to sleep next to someone.”
He lifted her chin and stared deeply into her eyes. “I’m a loner. Have been my entire life and even I don’t have a problem doing that. But I don’t stay for breakfast, and I make sure they leave first thing. The morning after is often awkward.”
“This wasn’t awkward. Well, except for my dad showing up.” Butterflies filled her stomach, and a warmth spread over her skin like hot fudge on ice cream.
He dropped his forehead to hers and let out a short breath. “Don’t ever think badly of yourself because of your father.”
“Easier said than done.”
“You’re a good woman,” he whispered.
“I mistreated you from the second we met. I’m sorry about that.”
“I judged you pretty harshly as well.”
“You only thought I was younger than I am,” she said. “And I’m well aware I look more like I’m in my late teens than my mid-twenties.”
“Well, I all but called you incompetent.”
“That is true.” She looped her arms around his shoulders. “But I wanted nothing to do with you based on who your mother was. That’s cold.”
“I get that a lot.”
“It’s not fair.” She raised on tiptoe and pressed her lips against his neck just under his earlobe. “Tell me something.”
“Tell you what?” He bent over and curled his fingers around her thighs, then hoisted her off the ground.
She wrapped her legs around his waist. “Why don’t you want a family?”
His right brow arched. “I’ll answer that, but you’ve also stated that marriage and kids are out of the question, so I want to know why.”
“Age before beauty.”
He groaned as he laid her down on the bed. His fingers fumbled with the buttons on her shirt. “I don’t think I’d make for a good father.”
“Why not?” She batted his hands away. “You're so kind and caring.”
He let out a chuckle. “You’ve never seen me around kids. They terrify me.”
She fanned her thumbs across his cheekbones. “I bet you turn to mush around kids. So, tell me the real reason.”
He flopped onto his back, resting his head on his hand. “You’re right. I do go gaga over children, but I’m not cut out to raise them. I get too restless and need the freedom to be able to get up and go anytime I want.”
“How long were you a Navy SEAL?”
“About ten years.”
“That takes commitment and drive.” She found herself wanting to know about all the things he shoved into a dark corner somewhere in his mind. He did his best to hide his true self, but she knew once she peeled the layers back, the real Porter Clayton would shine through.
“But it changes all the time. Different places. Different ops. Every day is different. It’s the same old same old that gets to me.”
She thrived on routine and procedure, but she certainly understood his point. A little excitement was a good thing. “And how long have you lived in Montana working for the Brotherhood Protectors?” She rolled to her side and propped her head up on her hand. No man had ever made her feel as though she could be herself, especially when lying in bed half naked, but Clayton made her want to get real about everything in her life.
“Ten years.”
“What do you do when you don’t have an assignment?” When she’d been in college, one of her professors told her that the key to getting someone to invest in anything was to spend a few moments asking probing questions. The narrative that Clayton followed didn’t allow him to invest in himself fully. He hid behind his talents and his honor much like she hid from facing the fact that it wasn’t his mother, or women like her, that upset Sage.
It was men like her father, and if she didn’t go to the shelters and educational facilities, then she wouldn’t have to admit her father wasn’t a very good man.
And her mother wasn’t much better.
“My buddy Taz’s wife is a physical therapist. She has a ranch close by and does a lot of work with veterans who were injured. I help her out wherever I can.”
“Do you hear yourself? You have the sweetest, kindest heart of any man I’ve ever met.”
“I have my moments,” he said with a smile.
“You might think you’re a nomad, but you gave these wheels roots. What else do you think is keeping you from falling in love and having kids?”
“Every job I’ve ever had is dangerous and takes me away, like right now, often for days or weeks. I’m not giving that up, and that’s not fair of a wife or kid to have me gone all the time.” He ran his hand up and down his bare chest while staring at the ceiling. “What about you? What are your reasons?”
He looked relaxed, but there was a somber look to his face. She understood his position, and she felt the same way. Why bring a kid into this world when you know you’re going to be too busy to spend any time raising them.
“I’m afraid that I’m more like my parents than I care to admit.” She rested her chin on his biceps. Growing up, she had very few close friends. She spent her time thinking of ways to make her parents proud. To make them want to spend time with her. She’d done everything from trying to get expelled to receiving straight As. “I’m afraid that I will look at my husband and be bored and then cheat on him. I’ve already done that once.”
“You’ve been married?” he asked with a playful smile.
She laughed. “God, no. But I was in a serious relationship while in college, and I found his roommate a little more exciting.”
“Ouch.”
“I know. I felt so guilty. I didn’t love him, but he didn’t deserve what I did to him.”
Clayton reached out and brushed her hair from her face. “So, you believe you’re destined to be a cheater and not love your child.”
“Something like that,” she said.
“You’re young. You have plenty of time to chase your dreams and have a husband you adore and a child to love if you want.”
“Have you chased your dreams?”
“I’m not sure I have d
reams,” he said. “I once watched Maxwell hit my mother.”
She opened her mouth, but he hushed her with a short, but powerful kiss.
“I was so scared, but I wanted to protect my mother, so I tried to stop him.” Clayton rolled to his side and rested his hand over the words tattooed on his body. “I covered up the scars that he created when he took a knife to my side to teach me a lesson.”
“Clayton, I’m so sorry.”
His thumb traced her lower lip. “When we took Maxwell down a few months ago, he told me he knew he was my father. That my mother had done a paternity test but never shared with me the results.”
“Do you believe him?”
Clayton nodded. “Not at first, but I saw the results when I cleaned out my mother’s house after she died. While I know that fundamentally, I’m a good person, I know all too well that even the best people can do horrible things.”
“I can’t imagine you’ve done anything horrible.”
“I’ve killed people.”
“In combat?” she asked.
He nodded. “That doesn’t change the fact I’m capable of taking a life. My mother was a whore, and she never stopped. My father is a gangster, and even from behind bars, he’s tugging at my strings. Not only am I a damaged man, but my genetics suck. I wouldn’t want to pass that on to any child.”
Tears stung her eyes like sandpaper. Listening to his reasoning made her realize that she’d used her parents as an excuse to be less than a whole woman. She wasn’t just the product of her parents’ genetics. No. She was so much more, and she deserved to dream. She deserved to go after anything and everything.
And so did he.
“I know you’d make for a great husband and an even better father.”
“Well, it’s never going to happen. But for the record, you will be the best mother ever, and any man who didn’t appreciate the kind of woman you are as well as understanding your needs is a total moron.” He slipped his tongue between her lips and rolled over on top of her. His touch was tender and needy, but not desperate. He kissed her mouth, her neck, and her collarbone. His hands roamed across her body, carefully removing the rest of her clothes, leaving her naked on the bed.
“You take my breath away,” he said as he ran his fingers up her arm, across her chest, and down her stomach. “You make me want to re-think my entire life.”
Her lashes fluttered, and her vision blurred. With every deep breath, her lungs burned.
He removed his clothing and settled between her legs, entering her slowly.
“I have a confession to make,” he whispered in her ear.
“You want to do that right now?”
She locked her legs around his waist and raised her hips.
A deep, throaty growl filled the room.
“I had no intention of coming to the fundraising event until I saw an interview that a local news show had done on you, and I had to come to meet you.”
Deliberately and leisurely, he rolled his hips, gently stroking her insides.
“You don’t need to flatter me; we’re already in bed and already—”
“Whenever an event like this happens, I usually just cut the ribbon or show up at the shelter to volunteer. I don’t put on a suit and go to dinner with people I have nothing in common with. But I wanted to know you. I went out of my way to be in the same room with you.”
Her chest rose and fell as she struggled to catch her breath. She dug her heels into the mattress and gripped his shoulders. She feared she might pass out from the pure pleasure he gave her body. It made her brain fuzzy as if she’d been drinking mimosas for breakfast.
His gaze held her captive. She couldn’t turn away even if she wanted to. A slight tremble started in her toes and continued up her legs to her core. A warm shiver glided across her skin. Orgasms had never come easy to her during sex. She had to concentrate so intently to get close, but either it faded into the background or stopped altogether, leaving her utterly unsatisfied.
Something told her that Clayton never disappointed anyone.
He bent over and took one of her nipples into his mouth. He scraped the sensitive nub with his teeth.
She hissed and arched her back, pushing harder against his hips. Desperation took over her mind and soul. Wiggling underneath his weight, she closed her eyes and increased the friction between their bodies.
“Look at me,” he commanded.
She blinked her eyes open and gasped. Reaching up, she cupped his face. Soft moans filled the room like music trickling from an overhead speaker. It was quiet and subtle but so powerful. The sound sent her over the edge. A crushing sensation gripped her heart. Her pulse raced in her ears. She flexed her toes and prepared herself for the onslaught of the unknown. Tossing her head back and forth, she moaned. “Clayton,” she whispered.
Effortlessly, he lifted her from the bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I want you to see what I see.” He set her down in front of the dresser and turned her toward the mirror.
She swallowed, hard, while she stared at her reflection. Her breasts heaved up and down with each ragged breath.
He pressed one hand against her quivering stomach and kissed her neck as he bent her slightly over the dresser. “You’re an amazing woman. Not only are you gorgeous, but you’re smart and kind and as sweet as a cherry pie.”
Her lips drew into a huge smile.
“Cherry pie was over the top, wasn’t it?”
“Just a little.” She gripped the dresser, arching her back and pressing firmly against him, making sure he buried himself deep inside her. She kept her gaze locked with his in the mirror. He nibbled on her ear while his fingers touched her intimately. Her eyelids grew heavy, and her toes curled. She shuddered.
His nostrils flared as he slammed inside her over and over again. It wasn’t rough, but it wasn’t gentle either. He groaned with each thrust. His face tightened, but he never stopped gazing into her eyes.
“Oh, my God,” she managed as she convulsed against him. Her legs went weak, and she had to brace herself.
He grabbed her hips and squeezed tightly, pushing himself deep one last time. “Sage…beautiful Sage.” He dotted her neck with tender kisses and smiled at her in the mirror.
At twenty-five, she hadn’t expected to find a man that completely satisfied her physically, emotionally, and intellectually.
But everything she could want in a man came in the form of Porter Clayton.
Long moments ticked past as they stared at each other. His smile faded, and his face drained of color.
“What’s the matter?” Fear gripped her throat and squeezed.
“Please tell me you’re taking birth control pills.”
“Every day except the last three because they are at home on my nightstand.”
“Shit,” he mumbled, taking a step back. “For as long as I’ve been having sex, I’ve never once gone without a condom.”
“Seriously? You’ve never had a relationship where she was the pill, and you didn’t have to?”
“I wear one regardless, and for the record, I know I’m clean. Are you?” He dug in his drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers and a t-shirt and handed them to her.
She took the clothes with a trembling hand. Quickly, she turned away and got dressed. Her mind filled with thoughts she didn’t welcome, and her heart ached with a stabbing pain so sharp she wasn’t sure she’d be able to fill her lungs. She didn’t expect he’d want to have a relationship with her. That was ludicrous. He lived in Montana. In a trailer.
He didn’t want a wife, much less a girlfriend.
And she didn’t want to be…crap. She wanted it all.
But she’d never have it with him.
“Hey.” He curled his fingers around her wrist and tugged her against his chest. “I didn’t handle that very well.”
“It’s okay.”
“No. It’s not. You deserve better than me focusing on something I’m not concerned about. I k
now you’re not the type of woman who sleeps around or would put someone else at risk. I am, however, utterly terrified that you could be pregnant and the fact that with you, I never want to wear a condom again. I had no idea how good that could be.” He kissed her nose. “You’ve turned my world upside down, and I’ll never be the same.”
She jumped when his phone rang. “Saved by the bell,” she said, slipping from his embrace. “If we can get someone to stop by my place and get me some things, they can also bring my pills, and I can double up.”
“But if you’re pregnant, that could hurt the baby, right?”
“You do realize that your sperm probably hasn’t made it to my egg, so there is no baby.”
His dropped his gaze, and the right side of his mouth twitched. “I feel like I’m back in junior high school getting an erection during the sex education class.”
Chapter 8
Clayton stretched out on the sofa and stared at the muted television while Sage finished up doing the dishes. Typically, he wouldn’t want anyone in his kitchen, but since he cooked, she insisted, and hell, he couldn’t say no to that woman if he tried.
The day had gone by quickly, which was good because it didn’t give Clayton too much time to ponder Sage and whether or not he could have gotten her pregnant. He’d thought about having a vasectomy years ago, but since he’d always been so careful, why put himself through the torture.
In all his sexual years, he not once ever considered going without protection. He’d rather not have sex than take that risk, but he’d do it again with Sage. It wasn’t just how his bare skin felt inside her, but what she did to his soul. She touched him in places he didn’t know existed. He laughed. Kick told him that when he’d fallen in love, it happened so fast that even if he wanted to stop and run, he couldn’t.
This wasn’t love.
It couldn’t be.
Heavy like? Sure.
Animal attraction? Absolutely.
Love? Good grief, he’d lost his mind.
The sound of an engine coming to a stop at the campsite across from his trailer caught his attention. He sat up and looked out the window. “My buddies are here.”
