by Ivy James
Shelby picked a spot, retrieved the shovel and set to work. The rain-softened ground made it easy. The fawn was so small it didn’t need a big grave, but before she had a hole dug, her back ached, she felt blisters on her hands and every inhalation was a struggle.
She finally tossed the shovel aside and placed the fawn into the grave, her chest so tight and full she could only take shallow breaths. “There you go. Nice and snug.” Thunder rolled in the distance and the wind and rain picked up, cold where it hit her cheeks. Shelby ran her hand over the rain-slicked fur of the animal’s neck, then set to work with the shovel again, every movement quicker than the last because she couldn’t stand the sight of it, half-covered in mud.
Deer were considered stupid animals but would the mother miss it? Feel its loss? She hadn’t felt the baby move but—
Shelby shut down her thoughts but it was too late. The pain came, fast, stabbing, stealing what was left of her breath. When the last shovel of dirt was in place, she turned to go back to the house and the soothing tea she’d left behind, but along the way the light from her flashlight caught a gleam of red.
Nick had towed her car up the driveway to the house so that he could rush to the hospital. He’d put it behind the shed where it still sat. Luke had just recently told her that Nick would be by to get the vehicle and take it for scrap parts but right now, the bright red Beemer mocked her, visible from beneath the tarp.
Shelby stared, uncaring that the rain beat down and soaked her hair and coat, ignoring the thunder blooming louder, closer. Wind tore through the trees around her, but the storm was nothing compared to the one that raged within her. How could this happen? Why?
Unbidden, her shaky legs carried her toward the carport where she pulled the canvas off the hood, off the car entirely. Fifteen years old, the impact had totaled the vehicle. But as she stared at that bright red paint, a different kind of red appeared in her mind. Red on white linen, on white leather seats.
She didn’t remember dropping the flashlight or lifting the shovel, but as another big boom exploded overhead and the skies opened up, she hit the car as hard as she could. Her hands went numb when the handle vibrated from the blow but she did it again. And again. Again.
What did it matter? The car was ruined. A gift from the man who’d never wanted her enough to claim her. Zacharias Bennington’s dirty little secret. Now he was dead. But what happened to men who never cared about their children?
What happened to women who said they didn’t want them?
She moaned, the sound raw. She’d said that. She’d actually said that about her baby. Her baby.
Shelby staggered and stared over to where the fawn lay in the too-small grave. Images flashed through her head. That night in June, her wedding day, the trip to California. The bright spot of red.
The baby was gone. Luke was gone. Gone, because she hadn’t wanted it. Gone, because she’d pushed Luke away and because she was too afraid to hope and dream and trust. She stared at the car, at her ruined dreams, her father’s words echoing in her head. “What did I do?” Her chest squeezed tighter, harder. “What did I say?”
She closed her eyes, the pain too much, ripping her apart, shattering her from the inside. “Oh, God, why. Why?” She choked on the rain, the words, anger surging through her so strong, so swift, she lifted the shovel over her head again and hit the car with every ounce of strength she possessed. The side mirror cracked on the first blow, broke on the second. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t! I want my baby. I want my baby! Please, give it back. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry! Please, please, give it back!”
The mirror fell to the side of the car and hung there—like the limp head of the baby deer. Sliding in the mud, she struggled to plant her feet and lift the shovel again, her arms shaking. “I want my promises. I want all of them! I want my baby, and I want L-Luke. I want our marriage!” She hit the door, wishing and praying and hoping for the impossible. “I want my husband,” she sobbed. “Please, God, I want my promise back. I want them back, please, please, please give them back!”
Strong arms surrounded her and tried to pull the shovel from her numb hands. Shelby screamed and fought for control. “No!”
“Shelby, stop!” Her father’s voice was choked and hoarse. “Honey, please, let go. It’s all right. Shelby-girl, it’s all right. It’s going to be all right.”
Her father’s crooning voice released the remaining flood inside her. She turned in his arms, pressed her face against his chest and sobbed. “Dad. Dad, help me. I screwed up. I screwed up so bad.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got you now. Shh…”
“Why did I do it? Why did I say those things?” She gripped her father’s shirt until her fingers hurt. “I don’t want him to go. I don’t want Luke to leave.” She sobbed the words, huddled in her father’s arms.
Another arm surrounded her, and Shelby smelled her mother’s perfume.
“Oh, baby. If you don’t want Luke to leave, tell him. It’s not too late for you to tell Luke how you feel.”
Shelby choked on a laugh when she lifted her head and saw her mother standing in the mud in three-inch heels and her hair plastered to her face despite the umbrella Pat tried to hold over all three of them. Her family, there when she’d needed them most. “But…I don’t know where he is.”
Her dad kissed the top of her head. “You don’t, but I do.”
PEOPLE STARED as Shelby walked through the Old Coyote, but she didn’t care. She’d seen Luke’s dark head the moment she’d stepped through the door, her parents at her back. Finally she made it to the table where Luke sat and he glanced up, his eyes widening when he saw the state she was in, soaking wet, covered in mud and a smudge of the baby deer’s blood on her coat. She didn’t care. Some things were more important.
“Shelby? What happened?”
“Luke, is there a problem?” the man with him asked.
“I changed my mind.” Her words came out choked and thick and tears immediately filled her eyes. Now that she’d started crying it appeared she couldn’t stop the flood. Some might think she was having a breakdown but she knew she was simply discovering twenty-eight years of pent-up emotion, locked away inside of her.
Luke stiffened at the sight, stood, but for once in her life Shelby didn’t try to hide what she felt. They were tears for him, for them. Because she cared. Because she—
“About what?”
“My promise.” The words emerged raspy and low, and Luke had to bend closer to hear her. “I want it,” she continued. “You gave it to me and you have to keep it. You have to because I trust you and I—I—” She gulped. “I don’t want you to go.”
Luke’s blue gaze sharpened and burned. “Why don’t you want me to go?”
Because she loved him. Because she didn’t want to spend her life wishing she’d been brave enough to fight for what she wanted. Because he was sweet and sexy and tender and knew exactly how to push her buttons and drive her nuts, and because she needed him to keep her grounded. But how could she say all that?
“Because…I love you,” she said simply. “I couldn’t say it before because I thought I didn’t believe in it or want it but I do. I want you, I need you. Please don’t go.” She used her dirty sleeve to wipe her face, but more tears trickled down her cheeks as she waited for him to respond.
Shelby heard murmurs behind her, felt the heat of bodies crowding close behind her in an attempt to hear her words, but she kept her gaze on Luke, waiting for his reaction. Was she too late?
His expression dark, tense, Luke stepped closer. Without a word, he cradled her face in his hands and lowered his head, kissing her until her body warmed from the inside out and her toes curled in her soggy shoes. The crowd erupted around them, catcalls and whistles, applause. But then everything faded when the kiss went on and she didn’t care what they thought, didn’t care that she’d made a scene. By the time Luke let her come up for air, all she could do was hold on to him.
“I love you,” he murmure
d against her lips.
She whispered the words right back, happier than she’d ever been in her life. “You’ll say no?”
“Shelby, I already took the job.”
Then, just like that, her smile fell. “What?”
“Luke,” Nick said from somewhere behind her, “so help me I’m going to—”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Shelby blinked up at him, confused. “But—”
“You just said you took the job,” Nick reminded him grumpily.
“I did.” Luke turned her so that she saw the man he’d been sitting with when she’d arrived. “Sweetheart, this is my boss, Jimmy James. He has family in Nashville and since we both have ties here, I added a few conditions of my own to the offer. The first of which was that I get to stay in Tennessee.” His gaze returned to hers, warm with love.
“You’re staying? Here?”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of giving up on us.”
Her father, mother and Nick spoke at once, asking Luke questions. Shelby buried her head against her husband’s chest and fingered the buttons of his shirt, doing her best to ignore the stares boring into her back due to the spectacle she’d made of herself. Turned out, she was her mother’s daughter after all. Not that she’d ever admit that.
“Shelby? What were you doing before you came here?” Luke asked softly.
Her laugh was more of a groan. “Beating up my car.” She smiled at his perplexed frown. “It’s a long story.”
“Must be a good one.”
“Why do you think that?”
Luke kissed her again. “Because your hives are gone.”
* * *
DID YOU ENJOY HIS BABY PROPOSAL? KEEP READING BELOW FOR A TEASER OF THE NEXT BOOK IN THE TENNESSEE TULANES SERIES TITLED THE DOCTOR’S NANNY. ENJOY!
* * *
“So,” she said softly when he didn’t speak. “Are you sitting there trying to think of a nice way to ask me to leave?”
He glanced at her in amusement. “Quite the opposite. Megan, I need to know if you’re sincere about making up with Jenn.”
She released a rough huff of a laugh. “What’s she said now?”
“Nothing. I’m asking because families protect their own and as a Tulane, Jenn’s one of us. But if you’re sincere…”
“What? You’ll help me convince her to give me a chance?”
“Yeah, I will.”
The light from the fire shadowed half of her face when she turned toward him, clearly befuddled. “Why?”
That wasn’t as easy to answer. “Because I know what it’s like to make a wrong move and regret it. I also know how easy it is to fight with a sibling and have things get blown out of proportion because everyone involved is too close to the moment.”
Ethan turned his attention to the flames, his thoughts barreling back to a time when Nick was so estranged from the family he’d cross the street to avoid them. Being the oldest and a college freshman majoring in pre-med, Ethan had felt superior to his younger, obviously idiotic sibling, and he’d run his mouth way more than he should, ordering Nick around, spouting off. Something he’d always regretted. “As to how I’ll do it…I’ve been thinking. I’ve made a few inquiries into day care and the more I hear and see, the more I appreciate the progress you’ve made with Simon. You said the job in Chicago wasn’t guaranteed. So why not stay here and be Simon’s full-time, live-in nanny?”
He thought she’d be happy, relieved. At least show a favorable response. Instead she looked at him with blatant suspicion, her features carefully banked. A spark of life shone through, as if she liked the idea, but was leery.
“What’s the catch?”
He didn’t like the hesitation in her tone, like he was going to demand sex and she was waiting for the snarky proposal. Sex and babysitting for a roof over her head. Some guys would do it. And maybe, before Niger, he would’ve suggested it, too. But like Megan had told Jenn last week, people change. Including him. He hadn’t exactly been a choirboy, but he wouldn’t take advantage of Megan’s situation. “No catch. I need someone I can trust with my son, and you have reasons for wanting to be here, which means you’ll do your best to keep your job. In the past week, you’ve proven your patience and kindness with Simon, and I figured we could help each other out.”
Megan rose and walked to the railing where the firelight didn’t reach. A cool breeze blew, bringing with it a combination of her perfume and something uniquely Megan. Watching her, he noticed the slenderness of her body, the delicate way the firelight played over her form.
Those long hours at work are going to come in handy.
Because even though Megan drew his interest sexually, he’d do whatever it took to keep Simon laughing, including ignoring his baser needs and his attraction to his beautiful houseguest.
In the time she’d been here Megan had changed the balance of things. Now he was able to see what was missing, what Simon responded to and liked.
Reminded of the scene in Simon’s bedroom, a pained grimace pulled at his lips. “Do you know Simon’s been here five weeks now and I never once thought to give him something to sleep with?”
She stared out at the night, her shoulders lowering a little at the praise. “You’ve had a lot on your mind.”
He set the tea aside and joined her at the railing, leaning against the banister and gazing up at the blanket of darkness highlighted by the moon’s glow. The air was crisp and cool, a perfect fall night—for a confession? “Megan, I’m out of my element and over my head.” Ethan lowered his elbows to the rail and clasped his hands together, staring off at the tree house at the edge of the yard.
He glanced at Megan and found her staring at him, watchful, listening. And the urge to kiss her was so powerful he had to look away and force himself to continue. “I planned on coming home from Niger with a fresh perspective, not a child. I figured…I hoped to have a family one day but I was going to do it in order. Marriage, honeymoon, kids. I didn’t plan on having this responsibility until I’d reached a point in my life when I thought I was ready. You’ll probably think it’s a guy thing, but when I made that promise to Isa, I thought it wouldn’t be that hard. Truth is, I didn’t have a clue.”
“Most parents probably feel that way.”
How typical that everyone thinks they’re the exception to the rule. “I can see that with newborns crying all the time but Simon isn’t a baby. I assumed so long as he was fed, clothed and watched, things would go smoothly.” He lowered his head and stared at his hands. “I never considered the problems with nightmares, day care and schooling.” The words didn’t come any easier, and he was glad the night covered the heat he could feel gathering in his face. “Simon draws pictures about my lousy cooking.”
“It was a good picture,” she said with a deadpan expression.
Ethan smiled wryly, her sense of humor teasing his own to life. He didn’t remember ever smiling as much as he had since she’d arrived. “It was a good picture, but it proved how Simon and I aren’t connecting. You’re the only person Simon’s shown any interest in since he’s been here, Megan. He talks to you when I can’t get two words out of him. I know what Jenn said about you, but I also know everyone makes mistakes, and that kids are great judges of character, especially kids who have been through what Simon has.”
A flicker of regret crossed her face, quickly followed by another weak smile of thanks. “The stuffed animal wasn’t a big deal. I had one when I was his age, and Simon looked so little in that bed.”
Surely Megan wouldn’t turn the job offer down? She couldn’t, not when Simon responded to her, smiled more. Jenn would be upset with him. Hell, she’d be furious, but wasn’t Simon’s health more important than hurt feelings over a boyfriend stolen years ago? Family was family. “Then let me put it this way. I’ve called every reputable day care in the area and toured some of the not so great ones. They’re all full.”
“Ah, so this isn’t about helping me and Jenn but the fact that you’re stil
l desperate for child care?”
“It’s both. The situation would be to both our advantages. You’d have a job, a home and be in close proximity to the sister you say you want to get to know again.” Okay, so that was low, but some carrots had to be dangled.
Still, Megan was quiet so long he wondered if she was going to turn him down.
“How do I know you’re not going to come knocking on my door in the middle of the night for extra benefits to go with the babysitting?” she finally asked with a defiant lift of her chin.
He thought that over a moment, trying to find it in him to assure her that wasn’t even a thought but unable to do so. “How do I know you won’t be knocking on mine?” he asked instead, giving her a slow smile. “It’s been known to happen.”
Humor lit her eyes at his teasing, and he saw another glimpse of the spunky, flirtatious girl she’d probably been as a teen. He stared, fascinated, much more than was wise under the circumstances. She was such a combination of vulnerability and fire. And truth be told, he wouldn’t mind if she came knocking.
“Jenn will throw a fit. She won’t like it.”
“Nick can handle Jenn. My concern is Simon.” And you. He didn’t want her taking off when he knew she had nowhere to go. People disappeared that way, women especially. And if her sticking around meant keeping his hands off her, he’d resign himself to long, cold showers. It didn’t appeal, but that was a problem he could work out later. “Do you accept?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do it.”
He held out his hand and waited until Megan placed her palm in his. Small, soft, the strength of her grip was surprising, but it comforted him and erased his doubts. This was the right decision, the right nanny for Simon.
The right woman for him?
Read THE DOCTOR’S NANNY and the rest of the TENNESSEE TULANES series!
TENNESSEE TULANES SERIES
HER SNOWBOUND HERO
THE REBEL’S SECRET BARGAIN
HIS BABY PROPOSAL
THE DOCTOR’S NANNY
A HERO IN HIDING
