by Joni Bing
I took about an hour nap after my induction and woke up screaming. The nightmare lasted longer than usual. When I came to my senses, Lary stood in the doorway like he was waiting for me to wake up in the middle of the night at any moment.
“Reno told me about the night terrors.”
I flopped back down onto my bed and sighed. Leave it to your protector to reveal your weakness.
“I'm fine,” I replied anyway.
“You're not, and you won't be until we get rid of them.”
“It's fine, Lar. Besides, night terrors come with the New Nation lifestyle.”
As satirical as I wanted to sound, I realized, once the statement was already said, how dumb I sounded. Lary shook his head and I put my head in the palms of my hands to sulk in my ignorance.
“Was that you screaming?”
Z had taken Lary's place at the door and took another step into the room to lean on the wall while Lary stood on the other side. I looked down without a reply.
“I want you to watch her,” Lary said.
“Me? Why me?”
“Because your life depends on it.”
Lary walked out of the room and Z tried not to give him a disapproving look.
“You don't...really have to stay,” I shrugged.
“No, I do,” Z rolled his eyes. “Lary'll have my head.”
I laughed and Z didn't seem to think what he just said was very amusing. I realized then that maybe I had underestimated Lary's capabilities. Z motioned his hand for me to move over in the bed and I found myself frozen. I didn't even let Josh get this close to me, not in bed at least. Normally, we would hang out in my sitting room on the opposite ends of the couch facing the TV. I missed the days, in that moment. Z lay on top of the covers and gazed up at the ceiling with his hands intertwined behind his head for moments on end. I had to break the silence.
“I'm sorry about tonight. With the gun and stuff?”
“You thought of all that yourself?”
I decided to be honest. “Not exactly.”
He nodded and placed his hands behind his head. “Didn't think so. It was a good prank though. I thought I'd be dust right now.”
“Dust?”
“Dead. It's what you turn into when you die.”
Death wasn't really something I was familiar with. All my life, all I really had was my mother and her mom and when my grandmother died, there wasn't any body or any dust, for that matter. She was just gone. But I didn't tell Z that. Instead, I decided to test his smarts.
“How are you so sure that's what happens?”
“It's too much to get into right now. Just know I've been around enough dead bodies in my life time to know. Birth and death are the only constants I have to go on.”
“Not exactly.”
Z looked over at me like I had said the most outrageous thing he'd ever heard.
“What else is there?”
“Love, friendship.”
Z snorted. “Bleu, you've got a lot of surviving to do.”
“As do you.”
He shook his head and rolled over towards the lamp. I knew that, but out of all the things I wanted to learn about, he was top on my list. Like what Z even stood for, and if he had known his family. Instead, I decided to leave the night as it was ending. There was time to find out all that later. For that time, the only thoughts I allowed to enter my mind was motivations to prove everything Z believed in wrong. I was ready to take the world back with the Skin Nation Radicals.
