by Joni Bing
****
Getting up the next morning wasn't the hardest thing to do, especially with Josh next door and all. What I found hard was realizing how awkward everything would be now. I didn't even want to think about the details. I walked out of my room to find all of the boys minus Lary standing in the middle of the room, and talking low amongst themselves. When I entered, they all looked over at me.
“Where's Lary?” I asked.
“Not here,” Z answered.
They talked amongst each other again and when I looked back, I caught Josh's eyes. His real eyes. I couldn't believe it was really him. I looked away and sat at the dining table near the entrance of the commune. I sat in the same seat I had the day after Lary found me. It was weird to sit where I was worrying about Josh before and see him in the same room now.
Another part of me felt trampled on. I had finally gotten on their good side! I was finally being respected and accepted by them! I had the 990 tat to prove it. And now I was back to square one. I was right back where I started. Being rejected and ignored. Finally, Lary came back through the gated entrance of our commune and I'd never felt so thankful to see him.
“Bleu,” I looked up from where I sat alone at the side table and he waved me to his room. “Come with me.”
I looked around for a moment as if he had called someone else then finally found the strength to get up. I could feel their eyes on me. I hated that. When I entered the room, Lary told me to close the door. Something in me panicked and I started worrying that I was in trouble, that I had done something wrong. I thought about my passionate decision to leave the car to catch a glimpse of Mar's unexpected death. I looked around the room and realized that this was the first time I had ever been this far inside. It was a bittersweet discovery that I wasn't missing much.
“Bleu,” Lary said. I jerked my head back at Lary who sat down on the bed in the center of the room. “So, what do you think?”
I wrapped a hand around my free arm and leaned my back against the door behind me. “Um, about what?”
“Captain outside,” he shrugged coolly.
“Oh, I...” Had no idea what to say. I kept wondering if this was a test.
“Just speak your mind, Bleu. It won't kill you, ya know?”
Yeah, this was a test. This had to be a test! “I, uh, think that he's good for us.”
“Good for us—?”
“Temporarily. He's good for us temporarily. Like, someone we can use and—”
“Get rid of after?” he finished for me.
I didn't say a word. I just shrugged and stood there. I knew it was for the best because I was stuck between how I felt and what I thought. My mind and heart were a continuous WWIV.
Lary continued, “Listen, there's something important I need to tell you.”
I prepared myself for the worst. If it was about my mother, I had prepared myself months ago. I waited every day for the news in dread of it.
“The boys and I have a plan.”
I scrunched my eyebrows, too confused and frightened to look any other way.
“It's gonna take you to pull it off.”
I knew where this was going all too well. I folded my arms. “This is where my second name comes into play, isn't it?”
“Smart girl. Now, listen. I don't trust this guy. He seems to be on our side, but I don't want him getting too comfortable yet. There's still a lot he needs to prove.”
“And, that's where I come in,” I pitched in.
Lary gave me that look that I feared yet loved to see. There was an urge inside of me that constantly wanted to annoy him.
“Tonight, I need you to go with him to the NR center.”
“What?! You want me to go back to that deathtrap?!”
He hushed me and stood, placing his hands on my shoulder. “It won't be with him leading you in. Look, it's gonna take some acting on your part, but if you do this right we can get more than what he's promised us done tonight.”
“What exactly did he promise?” I asked suspiciously.
“To exterminate all of 990.”
“What?!”
“In the System!” Lary replied in a tone like I should get it.
“Oh. Right...well, what should I do?”
“That's not for me to decide anymore, Bleu. You're apart of 990 now and when you're rollin' with us, you're an individual protected by a group ready to take out anyone standing in the way of our independence. We choose our own path.”
It sounded good and the words were comforting, but a part of me was still unconvinced and not ready to choose my own path. Lary sighed and shut his eyes.
He must've sensed it, I thought.
“When I first came to OYZ Stats from Borealia trying to escape my first capture, it was Briggs who found me. He took me in—treated me a lot better than I've treated you—”
I laughed to myself and listened as he continued.
“He was like a father to me. He still is, of course. But then when I felt closest to him, he kicked me out. He said, 'It's time you start your own troupe.'”
“And that's when you met Mar.”
He nodded. “Here,” he smirked. Lary released his grip on my shoulders and untied the red headband around the top of his forehead. He tied the headband around my forehead, knotting it in place in the back of my head, and we laughed when it slipped into my eyelashes. He tightened the headband around my forehead with a big toothless smile on his face and said, “I want you to keep this. You're ready.”
I held back my tears as he straightened the headband on my forehead and slapped my cheek. And suddenly, as always, Lary was right. I knew just what to do.
