by Penn Cassidy
My eyes were growing heavy now that the tonic had worked its magic, so I settled back on the bed and let my eyes fall shut. I replayed the night over again, wondering what the hell that voice had been before the scarecrows showed up. Who was it? Who hated me enough to try and seriously hurt me like that?
It wasn’t the scarecrows, their mouths were sewed shut, so who? As far as I knew, I didn’t have any enemies. Also, I wondered where the hell Jessica had run off to. She’d left me there alone without a word, and I wasn’t sure if it was just some spidery thing she did, disappearing now and then, but something about her absence made me feel nervous. I’d grown a little attached to the beastie.
I must have dozed off for a while, because when my eyes flew open again, the music box was no longer playing and several of the candles had burned all the way down. The room was still flickering with a hazy orange light, but it was darker than before. Before I fully came to, I realized I was no longer alone in the room.
“Jason,” I sat up in bed, heart racing, staring across my room to where a small, plum purple wingback chair sat in the corner. Jason was asleep, sitting in the chair as if he’d been there for a while, but his eyes popped open the moment I breathed his name.
Grey eyes met mine across the room, and we simply stared at each other for a few tense minutes. “How long have you been here?” I asked as I brushed a few wayward strands of hair from my face, ignoring the lone white piece of hair that stuck out like a sore thumb.
Jason stretched, yawning a little, before smirking slightly. “Long enough.” He leaned forward, hands clasped in front of him. “Do you know you talk in your sleep?”
I felt my cheeks heat, but I knew he was full of shit. He was trying to embarass me, and it wouldn’t work. I was beyond embarrassment these days. After the hell they put me through senior year, there was nothing he could say to me that I hadn’t already heard.
“Why are you here, Jason?” I asked.
His face sobered, and he met my eyes dead on. “I was worried about you.”
“Well, don’t be. I’m fine.”
“That tonic really did the trick, huh?” he asked, standing up from the chair. I tensed as he approached the bed.
“So it would seem,” I mumbled, too focused on the sight of his towering frame. When had Jason gotten so fucking handsome?
I mean…I’d always thought he was handsome, but tonight, there was something about him that seemed different. Alluring, in a way. His grey eyes flickered in the candle light, and the warm tones of his olive skin looked hard and yet soft. Wide lips stretched into a barely there smile that only really tilted up on one side. I tried to keep an eye out for those yellow eyes I knew were lurking behind his familiar stare, but there were no signs of Damon right now. Just Jason.
“Glad to hear it,” he said. He sounded genuine, and it confused me.
Shaking my head, I said, “I don’t get you.”
He stopped short. “What don’t you get?” Cocking his head to the side, it seemed like he’d been expecting this conversation.
Scooting up the bed, I hooked my arms over my bent knees. “Why are you acting so weird? Why do you care if I’m feeling better? You despise me, remember?”
Jason was silent for a moment, just staring at me. I wanted to shift uncomfortably under that steely stare, but I stayed put until he finally made his way around the side of the bed, where he sat on the edge of the mattress. Having him this close with just the two of us in this room had a whole different vibe than a few hours ago. This was private, personal.
“Why’d you do it, October?” Jason deadpanned. I stilled my hands that had been tracing the stitching on the duvet, freezing as I looked up.
“Excuse me?” I was stalling. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I just didn’t want to face it. The memories were painful, and sometimes, it felt so much easier to pretend they weren’t there.
His eyes were hard, and his face was stony serious. “Stop bullshitting me and tell me why.”
“Stop acting like you care. None of you ever really cared. You made that perfectly clear over and fucking over again for a year. Just because you’re acting all chivalrous now doesn't erase the things you’ve said to me.”
He laughed bitterly. “So we’re just going to pretend like you didn’t drop everyone who ever cared about you when David and Mari died?”
“Dont!” I snapped, glaring daggers. “Don’t say their names.”
“And why not?” he asked. “Why can’t I say their names? They practically raised all of us. When they died, we were all grieving with you, don’t you get that? But you didn’t let us, did you? No, you just had to be the sad, misunderstood goth girl…”
The second it was out of his mouth, I could immediately tell he wanted to take it back, but I just shook my head. I really couldn’t be mad at him, because everything he just said was exactly what happened and I’d known it this whole time. It was my fault that we’d stopped speaking, it was me who’d cut contact, and it was my mistake to think they’d just let things go and forget I ever existed.
“Jason…” I breathed a heavy sigh. “There are things about that night that I never told anyone.” Okay, so we’re doing this tonight. I could do it. I could let someone else in on what had been tormenting me for a year now.
He scooted closer, his eyes growing more grave and even more serious. “You can tell me,” he promised. “That’s all I ever fucking wanted from you. We were best friends once…”
Reaching out, I took a chance and gripped his hand, squeezing it tight. He turned his palm in mine and laced our fingers together, just like old times. “You can’t tell anyone.”
“I miss her touch…always…mine…” I tried not to let the jumbled thoughts distract me, but trying to piece together what he was thinking was something I’d have to look back on later when my heart was breaking all over again.
“I’m not keeping secrets from the guys,” he said with finality. “Not anymore. We’ve all been keeping too many secrets, and right now, we can’t afford to add any more to our plate. Just tell me what happened. And then tell the guys…or I will. I’m not messing around, Tobs.”
The nickname rolled off his lips so easily, and it had me sucking in a quick breath. Warmth bloomed inside me, warring with the stark coldness of the memories I was about to dredge up. I looked at Jason without all the rage, hate, anger, and fear. I looked at him right now, the way that I used to—like someone I could confide in.
“I don’t really remember what was said about the accident. The news just said they lost control, I guess.” Jason nodded, his eyes glossing over in memory. “That night, there was someone in the road, right before we crashed.”
Jason’s eyes widened. “Who?”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t see his face, but he was wearing some kind of long jacket and a hat. He just stood there, staring at the car. It all happened so fast, and my dad tried to swerve. He must have overcorrected, because we went flying down the embankment and into that tree.” My eyes were glossy, and my nose stung as I fought back tears.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” he asked. “If it wasn’t an accident—”
“Because I don’t know! I don’t know what I saw. When I crawled out of the wreck, I went looking for help by the side of the road, and there were no signs of the man… We were in the middle of nowhere, on our way back from some stupid restraunt I begged them to take me to. I didn’t see a man. I didn’t see anyone…”
“Shhh,” Jason cooed at me as I started to cry harder. “Come here.” Wrapping his arms around my heaving shoulders, Jason drew me into his embrace and held me there, whispering, “Why did you keep this to yourself, October? At the very least, you could’ve told me and the guys.”
“Because the one person I did tell was a police officer. I told him exactly what I saw. I told him the accident wasn’t really an accident, that some man had tried to make us crash, but he didn’t believe me. He told me to keep it to myself and not to spread r
umors. He told me I was just seeing things and that I let the fact that it was Halloween get to my head.”
Jason pulled back, searching my eyes carefully. “We would have believed you.”
“Would you, though? Because I don’t even know if I would have believed myself. I don’t know anymore. That night’s just a blur now,” I choked out.
“So why push us away?” he asked. “Why did you change so much? We tried to be there for you but you just—it was like we lost you, too.”
“Because I didn’t want anyone else I loved getting hurt… I couldn’t lose you guys. My parents were killed on purpose. I know it. Somehow, I just know that man was there on that exact road, at that exact time, for that reason. I think I was meant to die with them, and if you guys were around me, you’d all be in danger.”
He shook his head, his eyes wide as my truth finally sank in. I could tell this was the last explanation he’d expected. “So why didn’t you do the same to Maddie? What about her life?”
I laughed humorlessly and stared at Jason. “Have you ever tried to get that girl to do anything she didn’t want to do?”
His lips curled, and he shrugged. “You’ve got a point.” He sobered again. “All of this—the black clothes, the makeup, the hair—was just to get us to stay away from you?”
Pushing him lightly on the shoulder, I laughed. “Not everything is about you. No, I realized I was pretending to be this peppy cheerleader when it just wasn’t who I am. I was pretending for my parents’ sake, but I was done pretending. I didn’t know you guys would hate it so much, but if it got you away from me, I didn’t regret it.”
Jason groaned, leaning forward until his forehead hit my shoulder. His shoulders were shaking with laughter. “You’re such an idiot…” I was about to pull back and give him a piece of my mind, but he looked back up with a wide smile. “You actually thought a bit of black lipstick and orange hair was the reason we made your life miserable?”
I stared at him blankly. They’d given me shit for an entire year about my new look and my new clothes. They’d called me every name they could think of and let me know every single day exactly how they felt about the change.
“It was never the hair or makeup, October. Don’t you get that by now? God, I can’t believe you thought we actually meant any of that shit… You’re fucking gorgeous no matter what color your hair is. And those dresses you wear, the stockings and boots and shit… Fuck.” His eyes were glossing over, so I nudged him and he snapped out of it. “My point is, all the shit we put you through was calculated. We were trying to snap you out of the fog you were in. I know we were assholes. I know we made your year hell, but it was on purpose. You were so far gone, it was the only way we could reach you.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. My heart was racing with the implications.
“None of the jabs were real. None of the names or the insults were genuine. But every time we called you out or embarrassed you, it was like a little bit of the old October showed up, climbing out of the depression you were in, and we figured out that it was the only way we’d be able to see her again. We’ve been trying to snap you out of this for a year. It was painful seeing you walk the halls but not really be there. You were just gone.”
I took a moment to let the words sink in, but it was like my brain refused to compute. Was he being serious right now? They were just fucking with me to…snap me out of my own grief? I mean, I guessed I could understand it in some screwed up way, but holy shit.
“Are you messing with me right now?” I asked, needing to be sure. “Because if you are, this is a new low, even for you.”
Jason stood from the bed, and for a second, I thought he was going to leave or say something snarky like he always did. Instead, he bent slightly, hooked his hands beneath my thighs, and pulled me towards the edge of the bed. I yelped and tried to brace my hands on the mattress, but I made no move to stop him.
He was between my thighs, and I was acutely aware of the fact that I didn’t have anything on under this shirt. His hands slid over my exposed skin, and chills sprouted all over. His eyes were molten as his gaze roved my face, settling at last on my lips.
“I’ve said a lot of dumbass shit this last year, and every single word was a lie. But I swear to you,” he lowered his face to mine slowly, “I’d never joke about something like this. I never stopped loving you, not once. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t hate myself for the things I said and did to you, but I needed you to come back. I needed you to snap out of it and show some fucking emotion.”
I had no words, but my eyes were on his lips now as his face came closer. I wanted nothing more than to kiss the shit out of him. It had been so long since I let myself imagine what it would be like to have him.
“Tell me you feel something right now,” he said in a whisper. “Tell me you want me to make you feel something, and I’ll do it. I swear to god, October, just tell me you’re back with me right here and now and—”
I met him the rest of the way, grasping the sides of his face to pull him in tighter. He groaned into my mouth and pushed me backwards, crawling on top of me with a sinful as hell gleam in his eyes. His hands were braced on the mattress on either side of my head as he devoured my lips. He tasted like spiced cider and chocolate, and had my eyes practically rolling backwards. Touching him felt so good, I thought I might explode from the inside, and fire slid through my body as the pleasure consumed me.
I pulled his lips from mine and looked into his eyes as I said, “I never meant to hurt you…”
“I know,” he whispered, peppering me with a few quick kisses. “And I never meant to hurt you, not really. I just wanted you back so bad. I never told you when I had the chance, but I’ve loved you since we were eight years old and I’ve never stopped loving you since. I don’t care if you’re with the guys, too. We’ve all been obsessed with you since we first met but were too afraid to make a move. I don’t care as long as you know I never stopped for a fucking second.”
“I love you too, you asshole,” I giggled, biting my lip. “I’ve been obsessed with you since I knew what boys were. I wish I’d known sooner. I wish—”
“There’s no changing what happened. I wouldn’t even if I could. Something tells me we were meant to end up here, and I, for one…” tilting his head, he placed a gentle kiss on the side of my neck, “am really liking where this is going…” Another sensuous kiss lingered on my collarbone.
“Say it again…”
“I’m liking where—”
“Not that,” I said through a chuckle. “Say it again…”
A few more light kisses had me squirming as he smiled slowly against my throat. “I love you,” he whispered, and the chill those words gave me licked up my spine. I shivered. “I fucking love you,” he said again, just for good measure.
Now that the ice had been broken, I decided I’d never get tired of hearing those words. I’d wished for them for so long, fantasized about what it would be like to hear them from his lips.
He scooted us up my mattress with an arm around my waist, and I grasped onto his wide shoulders, fingers digging into his shirt. His mouth met mine again as his hands smoothed up my thighs. “Tell me you want this,” he said as his fingers went higher. “If you want me to stop, I will, but you have to tell me it’s okay. After what happened tonight…” He grew tense the moment he said it, as if he were reliving the moment they found me out on the street, crawling for my life.
“You know I do,” I said. “I—”
“That’s all I needed to hear,” he growled as the tips of his fingers reached my pussy, lightly sliding around my wet lips.
I must have made some kind of noise as he spread me open, but I didn’t know. My head tipped backwards, eyes rolling as his fingers grazed my swollen clit. My body was ready for anything he had in store, and my thighs parted even further. I was suddenly more thankful than ever that I slept without pants on.
My legs were shaking as he stroked me. His mov
ements got faster, little by little, building up just the right amount of pressure to have me grinding against his fingers. I was trying to stay silent, knowing the others were just on the other side of my bedroom walls, not to mention the fact that my aunties were puttering somewhere around the house.
I felt one of his palms press down on my abdomen, holding my hips down as he made his way down my body, until he was peppering soft little kisses up my inner thigh. I was breathing in short bursts now as his mouth got higher and closer to where I needed him most. I’d never had a guy go down on me before. Norman had been my first and only, so I was completely out of my league when it came to anything sexual. In the year that followed my parents’ death, sex hadn’t even been on my radar, save for the odd lonely nights remembering the good days.
But right now, I had a need building inside me that was ready to explode. I ran my fingers through his dark hair, feeling the silky strands sliding between my knuckles as I gripped tight. His plump lips hit my pussy softly at first, and I sucked in a sharp breath. The sensation was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. It was incredibly soft, wet, and warm. It was comforting, yet it set me on edge, and I couldn’t help but rock my hips.
I felt his breath on me as he huffed a small, amused laugh, but he never stopped what he was doing with that wicked tongue of his. I would have screamed if he had. His tongue licked me in one swoop, flattening over my clit and pressing slightly, until I felt a buzzing sensation roll over me. I felt hot and on edge, and I suddenly knew I was going to come hard if he didn’t stop. He must have known this, because his palm pressed me to the mattress more firmly and he began licking much faster with small, erratic flicks of his long tongue. He licked in shorter bursts that had me seeing stars.
My back arched off the mattress, and my fingers left his hair in favor of slapping over my own lips to suppress an embarrassingly loud moan. It was getting more and more difficult to keep quiet, and somehow, I knew Jason was getting a kick out of it. My legs began to shake as he sucked on my clit, and I looked down in shock at the spike of overwhelming pleasure.
