Well This Sucks

by CoraLee June

  Yeah. That was good. If selling dildos didn’t work out, I could totally be a life coach.

  “Yeah. I’m going to do all of that,” he said with a content sigh.

  “Could you wait for a moment until I get into the building?” I asked the driver. He nodded. I hopped out and hit the little button that buzzed Ryan’s apartment. There was no answer. Damnit. I hit the buzzer again and started to come up with a plan B. But this time, thankfully, Ryan answered.

  “What?” his cranky voice came through the speaker.

  “Ryan, it’s me. I escaped, let me up.”

  The door made an ungodly loud sound as the latch clicked open. I turned and waved to the cab driver and then ran up the three flights of stairs, taking them two at a time. I knocked on Ryan’s door, and he opened it to see me doubled over and out of breath. Whew. It’s been a while since I’ve done that much cardio.

  “What the fuck, Drew? Like seriously, what the actual fuck? Is it aliens? Please tell me that you somehow got hooked up with aliens and now you have mind control powers.”

  “Not quite,” I replied with a wince while straightening. The moment I was upright, Ryan wrapped me in a huge hug.

  “Mermaids? Gothic mermaids,” he asked while patting my back.

  Ryan kind of smelled good. His blood was pumping as adrenaline flooded his system. My fangs ached a bit, but I wasn’t feeling murderous. Since Diego ruined dinner with his courtship bullshit, I didn’t get a chance to finish eating. I had a lot of control, but I didn’t know if I could channel Diego’s experience and strength as a vampire from across the city. And I didn’t want to kill my best friend.

  I pulled away and flashed him my teeth. “Try vampire.”

  Ryan turned pale and clutched his chest. “Holy shit, are those real?”

  He reached up and extended his index finger as if preparing to touch my tooth. I reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. It’s the equivalent of licking my kitty.”

  Ryan shivered in disgust and pulled away. “What the actual fuck?” We both made our way into his apartment, and even though Ryan was a total slob who liked to collect superhero figurines and place them all around his six-hundred-square-foot apartment, I was happy to be in his smelly, crowded home.

  The moment I was inside, I heard a hiss and a demon-like meow. “Pussy!” I cried out as my hairless monster stormed over to me. I picked her up off the floor and nearly cried when she clawed at me. “I missed you so much.”

  She squirmed and scratched me, wordlessly demanding I put her down. Our love was one-sided, but after a week of insane changes, I was thankful for one little hint of normalcy. I held on to her for another minute before giving in and setting her on the floor. She immediately ran to Ryan and rubbed her traitorous little kitty body back and forth on his legs. Rude.

  “We have a lot to talk about,” I said, watching as Ryan picked up Pussy and cuddled on the couch with her. Of course the bitch would snuggle him.

  Drew

  Ryan had given me a T-shirt and a pair of boxers to wear. I changed into them in the tiny bathroom and then scrubbed all the makeup off my face. I really wanted a hot shower, but that could wait until after we talked. I left my slinky black party dress crumpled up on the bathroom floor and walked out to join Ryan on the couch. He passed me a mug of hot cocoa as soon as I sat down.

  “Have anything stronger?” I asked, eyeing the chocolatey drink.

  “Trust me,” he said. I took a swig, and the peppermint from the schnapps exploded on my tongue. Ryan was a good friend. “So. You’re a vampire? And some other vampires are holding you hostage and hypnotizing me and Yaz to think you are on an all-expense-paid trip to the Bahamas.”

  “Yep. Pretty much.”

  “Vampires are real,” he stated. “What about werewolves? Or zombies? Or Bigfoot?” he asked, getting more and more excited.

  “I’m pretty sure there are no zombies or Bigfeet walking around. I’m still unclear on the werewolves. Diego just kind of laughed at me when I asked.”

  “Have you bitten anyone?”

  “Eww, Ryan. No,” I told him, wrinkling up my nose. “Well, actually, I kind of bit and fed from the vampire king, and now I’m kind of his fated queen,” I admitted. “Or maybe we were fated before I fed from him? I’m not really sure about the logistics of it all.”

  “What?” he choked, as he spat out the sip of hot chocolate he had taken.

  “Um, yeah. He declared to the coven that I’m his woman, like a fucking caveman. So I ran, and now I’m here.”

  “Let me get this straight,” Ryan said before taking another sip of his drink. Well. More like a gulp. “You became a member of an ancient mythological race and are somehow their future queen, so your first instinct is to run away?”

  Of course Ryan would look at this through the eyes of a hopeful nerd. “No,” I corrected him. “I was changed without my consent into a bloodthirsty monster, then forced into an arranged marriage against my will.”

  “When you put it like that...”

  Ryan had the good sense to look slightly ashamed and majorly horrified at my predicament.

  “I got overwhelmed, and I left,” I admitted. Maybe I should be happy that I got into this elite immortality club, but honestly, I liked being free and independent.

  “And they let you?” Ryan asked.

  “I have a feeling this freedom is short-lived. Go look outside. I’ll bet you a hundred bucks that a Vin Diesel look-alike is standing outside with a scowl on his face.”

  Ryan shot up from his couch and went to go look. He peered through the blinds and let out a low whistle. “Shit. You’re right.”

  I downed the rest of my now lukewarm hot cocoa and sighed. “I’m scared, Ryan.”

  “Maybe we should call Yaz and tell her to bring the hard stuff.”

  I couldn’t tell this to Yaz. I loved her like a sister, but she wasn’t who I needed right now. I needed to cry in borrowed pajamas in a nasty loft apartment while drinking peppermint schnapps.

  “She’d probably ask to be changed. Wait. Can you do that? Would it be tacky of me to ask you... Wait...don’t answer that? But, like, blink twice if that is an option.”

  I didn’t blink. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Being powerful was great and whatnot, but it was like joining a cult.

  “Okay. Do you want to sleep? You look tired. I have a million questions, but you seem like you need to decompress.”

  He was right. See? This was exactly why I needed Ryan. “I love you. Can I have your bed? Your couch has questionable stains on it, and I know for a fact you at least keep your sheets clean.”

  Ryan laughed. “Yeah. Have at it. But in the morning, I want to ask a few things.”

  “Deal,” I promised. I got up and went to the bedroom, stopping at the window first to wave to Rocky. He didn’t look amused.

  I pulled back the comforter on Ryan’s bed and double-checked the sheets for anything I didn’t want to be spending the night with. Finding nothing, I switched off the lights and climbed in the bed, snuggling into the warm blanket. “Good night, Ryan! Don’t spend all night watching Buffy. Love you!” I called out.

  “Love you too, Fang.”

  “Not cute,” I yelled before drifting off to sleep.

  I was standing in a room I didn’t recognize. It was big. Much bigger than the dorm room I shared with Betty, maybe even bigger than my apartment. Bigger than Ryan’s, for sure. I walked toward a nearby door and pushed it open, revealing a beautiful bathroom. The floor and shower walls were a sparkling white tile with gray marbling. There was a freestanding tub with a bamboo tray that held a pale pink candle and a white orchid.

  There was another door. I went through it and found myself standing in the biggest closet I had ever seen. The plush white carpet felt incredible under my bare feet. There were white built-in drawers and shelves that lit up, holding pair after pair of heels.

  Another door appeared, and I opened it, eager to
see what was on the other side. Now I was in a combination bedroom and living room. Diego was there. He was wearing a tight black T-shirt that showed off his biceps. He was holding a paint roller, moving it up and down the walls, splashing light pink paint on his jeans and in his hair as he worked.

  Looking around the room, I saw a queen-sized bed topped with a mountain of throw pillows. On the other side of the open space was a small white couch with pink throw pillows and a velvety pink blanket. In front of the couch, a white marble coffee table with more pink candles and a vase of flowers.

  I trailed my fingers along the buttery soft couch as I walked over to Diego. I stood there staring, but he didn’t notice me.

  “I’m impressed. You work quickly,” Claire said. I hadn’t even noticed her standing behind me. I was too fixated on Diego. What on earth was he doing?

  “She left,” was all he said. I knew in my gut that this wasn’t a dream. This was really happening. Somehow. Someway.

  “Can you blame her? That little possessive display of ownership is likely to send any woman running—especially a modern, independent woman such as herself. Just because fate put you two together, doesn’t mean you don’t have to work for it.”

  Diego dropped the paint roller, making the paint splatter everywhere. He didn’t even seem to care as he ran his fingers through his hair. “She’s not what I would have picked for myself,” he admitted.

  His words stung far more than I wanted them to. My eyes watered. He wasn’t exactly who I envisioned ending up with either, but that didn’t mean I liked the rejection. Diego and I had chemistry, but I didn’t belong in his world. “You weren’t my first pick either, buddy,” I murmured.

  Diego’s head snapped up, and he looked around the room. “Did you hear that?” he asked Claire while rubbing his chest. I hadn’t realized I was doing the same. His rejection sent physical pain through me. It was embarrassing how one statement made me feel like this.

  “I didn’t hear a thing. And we aren’t always given what we think we want, Diego,” Claire said. “Sometimes we are given something even better.”

  Diego looked around the room. His dark eyes seemed vulnerable as he appraised everything. “Do you think she will like what I’ve done with the place? Maybe she’ll feel more comfortable if…” his voice trailed off as he looked around.

  He’d done all of this for me?! I was shocked.

  Claire sat on an accent chair and smiled. “I think she’ll feel more comfortable if you actually take the time to get to know her. Take her on a date. Stop treating her like she’s one of your subjects. Be patient and flexible.”

  Diego looked down at the floor. “You know my grandparents were fated. They had so much love for one another. They could even speak telepathically. It was incredible. When Papa died in the 1809 Coven War, Grandma followed right after him. My father…my father is gone too. I don’t have anyone. I guess I got ahead of myself. I haven’t had a family in so long…”

  Claire gave him a look full of pity, and I found myself wanting to reach out and hug him. This was a hard life to live alone. I was thankful he had Claire and knowing that his grandparents were fated made his crazy excitement easier to swallow. He wanted what they had. But I needed to show him that our weird connection couldn’t determine our entire lives.

  “I hate pink,” Diego said with a laugh. “But I’m debating on redecorating the entire compound in this disgusting shade so she feels more comfortable here—just so I can see her smile. I also bought her a 3D printing machine for her dildos.”

  Shit. My heart swelled. Damn him for being hopelessly thoughtful right now.

  “Why can’t you be ugly and mean?” I asked.

  “There it is again,” Diego whispered while looking around the room. “Drew? Are you here?”

  Claire grinned. “If she’s astral projecting already, then I’m impressed. It takes some couples years to perfect that.”

  “Well, duh, I would master it. I’m kind of an overachiever.”

  “Yep,” Diego said with a smile. “She’s here. How can I see her?”

  “She would have to let you in,” Claire explained. “You’re an open book right now. Drew still needs some convincing. It’s why the emotion sharing is one sided, too.” The wise, badass vampire stood up. “I’ll let you...convince her in peace. Let’s have breakfast tomorrow, Drew. And bring that friend you’re staying with.”

  Claire blew Diego a kiss, then disappeared.

  Diego looked around the room in silence as if waiting for me to appear out of thin air. “Are you still here?”

  “Yeah. I’m not sure how to leave, to be honest. I needed a break from all of this, and it seems you even invade my dreams.”

  Diego smiled and bit his lip. The move was way too sexy for my liking. “I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry.”

  “You should be. You should have asked me before going caveman at dinner. I wasn’t prepared for all of that. And I didn’t like that you expected me to move in with you. Moving in is a huge step.”

  Diego nodded. “Do you like what I did with the place?”

  “It’s nice. But I’d like my own space even better,” I snapped back.

  Diego considered my statement for a bit before responding. “If I give you your own space, will you go on a date with me?”

  I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “If you give me my own space and let me go to work…”

  Diego considered this for a moment. “Can this space be close to my apartment? This bond is...intense. Knowing you are across the city makes me anxious. I always want to be able to protect you. And you’ve proven an incredible amount of control, so you can go to work once you’ve gotten your vampire license.”

  “Vampire license?” I asked.

  “It’s like a driver’s license. You take a test to gauge your restraint,” Diego explained, like it was the most normal thing in the world. “It also establishes your membership in this coven and gets you some perks, including free rooms at all Four Seasons Hotels. It’s like…graduating from the fledgling program. Eva might even throw you a pizza party.”

  I shook my head. Weird. So sucking weird.

  “Right. Well, my apartment is only a few blocks away. You could let me live there…”

  “How about your own floor at the compound? Back to work next Monday. And I’ll let you create a mold out of my dick for your supernatural dildo line—for authenticity’s sake. You can even call it King of the Vampires.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “What makes you think I’d even want a mold of your penis?” I totally wanted it, but challenging his ego was fun.

  Without pause, Diego unbuttoned his pants and shoved them down his thick thighs. His cock immediately jerked to attention and was staring me down.

  Bloody hell.

  Diego had a superior peen. It was easily the biggest dick I’d ever seen. I knew I would have to wrap both my hands around it to fit the girth. Oh my God, the girth. It was slightly curved, veiny, cut, smooth like velvet, and simply perfection.

  “I can see you now,” Diego said while stroking his cock. His eyes were wide and locked on me. I blushed. I didn’t want to be seen. I was enjoying my anonymous peep show. “Guess I know how to get you to let me in. You look beautiful. Like a ghost. I wonder if I could feel you. Taste you…”

  I took a step closer to him because I was curious, too. This wasn’t real, right? It was all in our heads.

  That thought emboldened me.

  I reached out and stroked his cock, half expecting my hand to hit nothing but air. But no, my skin brushed along his. “Oh fuck,” Diego groaned. I stroked him again, and he jerked in my grip.

  “How is this possible?” I asked while running my thumb over the tip and smearing the precum that had beaded there.

  “I don’t care how it’s possible, but don’t fucking stop.” I stopped just to torment him. “Brat,” he hissed.

  “Oh, is it annoying when someone doesn’t listen to your wishes?” I asked, playing
innocent. “Kind of like when I told you this whole fated mate shit freaked me out, and you decided to announce some medieval courtship to the entire coven like this is the eighteen hundreds?”

  “If I say that I was wrong and you’re right, will you touch my dick again?” Diego asked, his voice completely serious and needy. At his words, he did that little dick jump thing men did when they wanted to flex their manhood and remind you that there was an erection that needed attention.

  I raised my brow. “Men admitting they’re wrong is a huge turn on for me,” I rasped. I was fucking with him but was genuinely curious how far Diego would go for a hand job.

  “I was wrong. I’ll even send out a proclamation retracting my statement if it would make you happy.”

  I dropped to my ghost knees, the sensation strange since I was not quite there. I briefly wondered if shower sex would be easier in this form. I weighed nothing and couldn’t slip. Hmm. “An entire proclamation, huh?” I asked. “I mean, that’s definitely worth a blowie.”

  I licked my lips and leaned over, playfully bumping my bottom lip with the head of his cock.

  “You beautiful, tragic tease,” he groaned.

  I wanted to stop, but watching this man completely lose his shit over me was making me hot. I liked feeling powerful and wanted. “This isn’t real, right? It’s like daydreaming. If someone were to walk in, they’d see you humping the air and moaning my name like a psychopath.”

  I sputtered and started cackling at that image. Diego rolled his eyes. “I suppose, yes. That’s right.” He threaded his hands through my hair and tugged at the long brown strands. “But no one is here right now. It’s just you and me. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to, but damn…” He stopped talking and jerked forward, bumping his cock against my mouth again. “I want to see you wrap those beautiful lips around me, little one.”

  Well, hell. That was hot.

  I thought about what I wanted to do. Knowing this was all in my head made it feel less real and made me feel more brazen. I wanted Diego, that was always true. From the moment we met, I was attracted to him. But could I take that step and still feel in control of my own life?