Brenda kept looking at him like, spit it out already. “My wife, Sandra was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis during Mom’s last months with us.” He began to choke up, and he fought back tears. He remembered the first time he had heard those words, those words that had changed his life forever. “Sandra was actually in the hospital for several days on steroids during some of mother’s worst days and I’m so sorry. She became numb from the waist down and lost the ability to walk at one point.” He looked up at Brenda who had placed her hand over her mouth in shock and then turned towards Burt. “I am really sorry I wasn’t there for you guys. It was so hard to pick and choose. I had to choose my wife, but I know you all went through hell.”
Burt shifted in his chair agitatedly. “Daniel I don’t know much about MS, but I do know we are all family here and you should have been upfront with us. I hate that your wife is suffering, but my wife was suffering in other ways. She felt like she was abandoned by those she loved the most.”
Brenda put her hand up as to stop Burt from continuing. “It’s going to be alright now,” she said. We’ll all move forward. I am glad you are finally opening up to us Daniel. Now things make more sense.”
Daniel’s eyes were filling up with tears and in a scratchy voice he looked at Burt and his sister and asked the question that seemed to register with Brenda and pierce her heart. “I hope you both can forgive me?”
“It’s okay Dan, we understand now. We just wish you would have opened up to us sooner,” Burt said looking compassionately at Daniel. “Why didn’t you tell us? We would have understood.”
Brenda felt sick inside. She felt like the worst sinner in the world. All this time, she had been condemning Sandra, judging her and even calling her an unfit mother and her so sick.
“I would have confided in you both sooner, but Sandra made me promise not to. She said that, well, she thought Brenda, that you just had so much on your plate already, and she knew you would break your back trying to care for the twins and Mom. She has always respected you so much and prays all the time that you and Burt will be able to have children.” He looked down and felt bad that he had brought it up. “She always says it’s unfair that we have two and she’s not even able to take care of them all the time, and here you both have energy. Well, you know what I mean. Now, we have all these problems arising with Dad, seems like it never ends.”
Brenda looked at her brother and saw a tiredness in him she’d never seen before.
“How is she now, Dan?” Burt asked, remembering the last time he’d seen her at the funeral she had looked fine.
Brenda chimed in, “Yes Daniel, how is she,” with a look of concern on her face. She knew MS was a serious illness, but she really didn’t know that much about it.
“She’s better I think. The truth is I never know from day to day. She has a lot of balance problems and while Mom was so bad, Sandra’s legs would just buckle under her. She has so many neurological difficulties, bladder issues, and cognitive issues, and severe pain, you name it. I had to hire a housekeeper and put the twins in daycare while I’m at work because we never know when she’s going to have a bad day.”
He felt like he was living in a nightmare, in somebody else’s world. He tried not to think about how energetic Sandra used to be, hell, she had enough energy for the both of them. The saddest part of this disease was Sandra still looked the same. You really couldn’t tell much was wrong with her unless you lived with her and witnessed the slurring and the fatigue.
“What can we do Daniel, how can we help?” They both looked at him with such compassion that it was breaking him. He had been strong for so long, but now he was just tired. He didn’t know how anyone could help him, save a miracle healing from God or a magic wand.
“I’m fine now and Sandra started treatment. She’s getting her shots and trying to adjust to this new life. I just wanted to explain my actions and get this off my chest.” He sat the salt shaker down feeling a little awkward now.
“You know I’m here if you need me, Daniel? You know for that matter, Burt and I are both here and we are going to get through this. We are going to get through all of this,” she said as she eyed the patrol car pulling down a side street. “Well, whatta ya say we go in the living room and sit and chat in front of the fire. I’ll make some coffee and you and Burt can talk.”
The men headed to the living room, and Brenda opened the coffee container and began to measure out grounds. She felt so ashamed of herself for the way she had acted towards Sandra at the funeral. She was probably in excruciating pain the whole time she was there.
Brenda walked into the living room, sat down next to Daniel, and she patted him on the leg. She looked up at her big brother and in a rather serious tone, said, “What are we going to do about Dad?” She had been horribly wrong about Sandra, what if she was wrong about her father? And then far in the distance, she heard a voice. “Collect call from Walter Kendal, will you accept the charges?” and then a vision of her finger pushing the “end” button.
Reminiscing
Chapter 37
Desiree had tried to call Bradford when she got out of class but only got his voicemail. She hoped he had found his son’s adopted family and was able to set up a meeting. She just couldn’t imagine the emotional strain he must be under. She creased her brow and said an unspoken prayer that everything would work out.
The children had been remarkably well behaved of late. Jackie had been a great addition she thought, as the bird sat on the living room rug with his short stout legs and gray plumage. Even though she knew Jackie was only a bird, she could tell she was rather fond of Josh and had even begun climbing on top of his tennis shoes. Tabitha found it terribly funny and would roll on the floor holding her stomach. She had gotten used to cleaning up the bird poo and had begun to time how long Jackie could stay out of her cage without making a mess.
Josh would try and stand up and take a few steps without Jackie falling off, but his feet were not as big as Walter’s. Josh smiled to himself when he thought of Walter but in a sad sort of way.
Desiree had decided to take care of some unfinished business. Since she was almost finished with the semester and her life seemed to be falling into place, it was finally time to remove the painful reminders of the past. She went to the garage and grabbed a stack of empty boxes that she had kept just for this moment. She dragged them through the hallway into the bedroom and went right to work. She went to the mirrored closet and pulled open John’s side of the door. “It’s time,” she said aloud and sighed, feeling guilt begin to rise up in her stomach. She wasn’t even sure which one she felt like she was cheating on, Bradford or John? But if she was going to do this, she knew she needed to do this fast. Even if nothing came of the relationship with Bradford, Desiree realized she had to get on with her life. She began to take the articles of clothing off the hanger, fold them robotically, and place them in the boxes.
Each shirt carried a memory, an occasion, a date, or a perfect ball game. She decided to make this a cheat night. As bad as she hated drunk drivers and irresponsible parents, she needed a drink. Of course, she would never get behind the wheel of a car, and she just needed something to help her heavy heart.
Desiree walked down the hall and peeked in on Tabitha and Josh in the TV room. Josh and Tabitha were watching cartoons, lying on their bellies with knees bent and feet waving. One petite homing pigeon was sitting on top of Josh’s back like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. Desiree smiled and went to the china cabinet, reached in the back cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of cabernet sauvignon and a wine key. She poured a hefty glass, took a rather large sip, and headed back to the bedroom. She remembered when she and John had started dating she had loved her wine. That was before the children were born and she had to give up her cigarettes too. She thought she’d drive John mad before the baby ever came, hiding them in places no one would find. Sometimes she hid them so well that she forgot herself. There was the top of the medicine cabinet, a pock
et of any given coat hanging on the rack, but her favorite place was in John’s tackle box. He’d smell it on her and say, “I know you’re smoking Des, and I know it’s not good for the baby, so fess up sweetheart.” She told him every secret hiding place except that one. She figured one smoke a day wouldn’t kill her. She knew she shouldn’t, but she knew women that smoked the entire time and their babies were big as a horse. She heard footsteps coming down the hall and then Josh was standing at the door watching her. “Whatcha doing with all Daddy’s stuff, Mommy?”
Desiree frowned, thinking that maybe she should have waited until the children were in bed or at her grandmom’s house. “I’m putting Dad’s things away,” she said in a voice that was broken.
“But why Mommy, where are you taking them?”
“Well, Josh, Mommy’s going to give some things to poor people who need clothes.”
“Oh, you mean like Walter, right Mommy?” His eyes looked so concerned when he said it. She had so many mixed feelings about Walter. A part of her thought he might have been just a helpless old man, but another part of her thought he may be a dangerous criminal. She was keeping with the case and checking in with the detective. They felt sure he would go back home. “Right, Mommy?”
“Sure Josh, like Walter.”
“Did you put the bird up?”
“Yes, Mommy!”
“Can I help, Mommy?”
“No, Josh, I think I’ve got this, but if you want, you can empty Daddy’s sock drawer.” Josh hopped like a rabbit over to the chest of drawers and began to place the socks in a box. Desiree was finished with the closet and had started on the top drawers of the chest. “You are such a big helper tonight Josh. I am really proud of what a nice young man you are becoming lately.” Desiree reached over and took another sip of her wine and then grabbed Josh and started tickling him under his arms. “You have been so, so good for Mommy,” she said, rubbing the top of his head.
“I have to be good,” Josh said. “The angel wants me to obey you.” He looked down and then continued to talk. “She said that I am very important and she has a very special assignment for me.” His eyes lit up so bright and his facial expression had taken on the excitement of Christmas Eve.
Desiree’s mind instantly thought about Josh and his history of tall tales. He’d been telling them since he learned to talk. But then Walter had been the truth and she had not believed him. “An angel, huh? Well does this angel of yours have a name?” She stopped putting the clothes away and looked at Josh, who had made his way to the bottom of John’s closet and was pulling all the shoes out.
“Her name is Belinda and she is beautiful Mommy.” His eyes were very large, as he spread the length of his arms out. “She’s ten foot tall, as tall as a building,” he said animatedly. He quickly grabbed his hands and put them over his mouth. He did not want to mess up his mission.
Desiree looked puzzled, but for whatever reason in her heart, she felt like Josh really had seen something. She snapped out of her daze and went to check on Tabitha, who had crawled up on the sofa and was fast asleep.
“Josh, help me drag these boxes out to the garage, please.” Josh pulled on his, but it was too heavy and Desiree had to point to a lighter box in the corner. She had gone back once more, this time alone, and began to stack the boxes in a corner. Gazing around the garage at the rest of John’s things, she sighed even louder, wishing she’d brought her wine glass with her. There were so many tools, big red shiny toolboxes that took up whole walls. There were motorized airplanes, model car kits, and a canoe were hanging above her head.
“I miss you, John,” she said in the silence. Then she came across a shelf filled with mixed matched items and objects that needed repairs. There was a jewelry box, solid cherry, hand carved by John. Desiree loved the box, but it had gotten knocked off her vanity table and the glass mirror inside had shattered, along with a secret compartment designed to hide her valuable rings. She remembered when John had given it to her and the witty remark he had made. “That’s for the huge stones I will buy you one day.” She smiled crookedly at the memory.
Then she picked it up and examined the outside, it was perfect. She didn’t remember John fixing it, and if he did why didn’t he bring it into her. Perhaps a surprise, she thought as she opened the box to find the compartment completely intact and instead of the mirror that had been there, now there was a carving of flowers. They looked like daisies and were so lovely, the workmanship was impeccable. She opened the compartment to see if there were any more surprises and found a folded note. “Oh, John, you can’t do this to me!” She said it rather loudly and her eyes began to well up. Then she turned and walked back inside and grabbed another glass of wine.
“Well Bradford, I guess you are not the only one on an expedition tonight.” She held up her wine glass and said “cheers” in the silence. Her heart was pounding, and she could not believe that this had been in there the whole time and that she was digging up pieces of her heart that had healed. Maybe I should save this for Tabitha and one day pass it to her she thought. “No, this will drive me nuts, I have to read it!”
She took another swig of wine and felt a little woozy, but not drunk. Picking up the box, her fingers delicately traced the flowers and the small drawer that held the note and she sat down on the step. She took out the note, took another swig of wine for good measure and then told herself to breathe. As she unfolded the note once and then once again, what she saw made no sense. It was a checklist. Desiree was confused at first. There was a list of grocery items and a list with a heading that said “water” that had a list of numbers underneath. The second roll had a list that was labeled “Payments.” Desiree read the first item and wasn’t sure what to make of it:
1. Fixed sagging gutter – $10.00
2. Unclogged sink $20.00
3. glued rocking chair $5.00
Desiree’s heart sank, this was not a letter from John, but a letter from that man, Walter, who had apparently tried to repay her. He was the secret angel, she thought. She just couldn’t believe what she was reading. Had he really fixed her gutters? She sprung forward a little too fast and felt her head spin. Then she walked carefully out back to the patio and looked at the gutter that now stood proudly. Glancing back down at the note, she then flipped it over.
Dear Desiree,
My name is Walter and if you are reading this, there is a chance you know about me. I am so sorry for what I have done. I promise to pay you back if I can. I have never stolen anything from you except water and some eggs and toast and juice. I have kept track and even tried to repay you by helping out around here. I only stayed a couple hours a day to get out of the elements.
I lost my wife and I know you lost your husband. I wish I could escape the pain that fills my heart.
Please forgive me?
Sincerely, Walter
Desiree sighed again loudly, slowly letting the air escape her lungs. She knew she had to make things right, but how? She walked back inside the house with the jewelry box in hand and sat it down on her vanity table, slipping the note back inside the compartment.
“Mommy?” She heard Josh’s voice, but she didn’t see him until he peeped his head from around the closet door. There was a pile of John’s shoes strung from one end of the room to the other. “Close your eyes, Mommy.”
“Okay Josh,” she said, thinking this was not a night that needed any more surprises.
“Are they shut tight?”
“Yes, Josh.”
“Okay open your eyes, Mommy, open your eyes!” Desiree looked up to see Josh standing with his feet planted inside John’s leather, Justin cowboy boots. They were western style and so big on him they swallowed his legs, clear up to his thighs. He had taken off his pants and was only clad in red Spiderman underwear and the boots. Desiree couldn’t help but giggle at him. His ruffled hair and big brilliant eyes only made Desiree admire him more. “Mommy, can I keep these?”
“Sure, Josh.”
“One day M
ommy, I am going to get bigger and walk around in my daddy’s shoes!”
Desiree’s glee went to tears in an instant. She quickly photographed the image to store forever in her memory bank. A perfect picture of her little boy, growing someday into a man like John, she hoped.
Blood is thicker than Water
Chapter 38
Bradford was on a mission, and now that he had gotten this far he thought why not go all the way. He had just left the school for the blind and was less than eight miles from Frank’s. Boy did he feel like having a drink! He had no idea what to say to his son. For years, he had rehearsed it over and over in his mind, and he had thought of everything he would tell him. How he would explain Patti and the decision, how he wanted to keep him. He had replayed his words like a tape recorder, but now after meeting the scum he had allowed to raise his son, he was silenced. No words could ever make everything right. He always hated the words “I’m sorry.” They seemed like such a cop out to him. But he knew that he would say them because no matter how hard he tried to come up with something better, he just couldn’t. How could any words describe the sorrow he felt?
He parked and made his way to the entrance. The sky had grown dark and it had begun to rain. Bradford wished it could wash away his pain. There was a heavy oak door with a brass handle. Above was an etched glass with the word “Frank’s.” He walked in and made his way down to the bar area and wondered if the bartender who greeted him was his own flesh and blood. He peered into his eyes and then read the name tag attached to his black shirt that said “Scott.”
Bradford sighed heavily and thought about the day he’d had and how thankful he was now that Desiree had not been able to come along for the journey. He knew how she felt about drinking, and he knew that tonight, more than any night, he needed a drink.
“What can I get for you, sir?”
Walter The Homeless Man Page 15
