She watched him walk, so poised and handsome, and she reflected on what a strong man she believed he was. “No problem Bradford, and good luck,” she yelled as he made his way through the lobby and outside.
Outside he lit the Camel and stared up at the street light that was casting a blush of illumination over the sitting area outside. The rain had stopped and the air smelled fresh. He knew this was going to be hard, but deep down inside he thought it was worth it. He hit send on his cell phone and listened to the ringing sound. “Too late now,” his heart hammering with each ring, letting him know it would never be the same.
“Hello, thank you for calling Frank’s Steak House, this is Alisha speaking, how may I help you?”
“Yes, Alisha, I need to talk to one of your employee’s please, Benjamin Stewart.”
“Sure sir, one moment.”
He heard a clicking sound and then music playing softly, ‘Tiny Bubbles in the Wine.’ And then he heard a voice that would transform him, “Hello, this is Benjamin.”
“Benjamin, hello,” his voice was cracking and he was trying to stay strong. “I am the man who was waiting for you in the restaurant, the man at the table. I am not out to get you and this has nothing to do with any trouble you’ve been in, you have to believe me. Benjamin, I am your father.”
Benjamin didn’t know how to react. He had always said if he ever met his real father, he’d kick his ass for leaving him with Larry Stewart.
“Hello? I know this must be a shock for you, Benjamin.” Bradford waited for what seemed like minutes to hear a response.
“What do you want with me?” His voice was cool, hard, and unemotional.
“Benjamin, I know this must be very difficult for you as it is for me, but I really want to be a part of your life. I never wanted to give you up. You have to believe me.”
“Yeah, well you didn’t want to be a part of my life when my Dad, Larry was beaten the crap outta me, did ya?”
Bradford felt horrible; he didn’t know what to say. “Benjamin, I can only imagine how hard life was for you. I met Larry today and he’s the first man I’ve ever gotten into a physical fight with, think I broke his nose, actually.”
There was another long pause. “Well, it’s a little too late Dad . . .” He said the words sarcastically but wondered if the guy had really punched Larry.
“Benjamin, I want to know you. I’m late, but I was hoping not too late.”
“Oh, you want to know me, poor pitiful Benjamin. Get over yourself mister. You’re nobody to me.”
“Come on Ben, let’s just give this a go. I met your girlfriend, Marcie. She’s a lovely girl, very articulate and charming. I want to try and make up for the pain and heartache I’ve caused you. I want to make things right. Won’t you give me a chance?”
“What chance did you give me, Dad?” His voice was heated now.
“Okay, okay, I know, I made mistakes but your mother was the one carrying you, and it was her, not me that wanted to put you up for adoption. I tried to marry her and she kept saying she wasn’t ready for a family. You have to trust me on this one, Benjamin. Please, I’m begging you!”
Benjamin wondered if this was true, and he wished he could just say okay and walk out there and look in the eyes of his real father, but how could he? He felt like such a jerk now and he had never thought that his mother was the one who didn’t want him, but now he didn’t know what to believe. “What’s in it for you? Do you need a kidney or something?” Benjamin laughed halfheartedly.
“Benjamin, I think we can have a good life getting to know each other. I think I can help you. I want to pay for your college and I’m an attorney. I can help you with any problems you’ve gotten yourself into, as long as you promise to get help if you need it. Whatta ya say man? We got one go at this life and I don’t want to miss another moment without you in mine. You’re my son and I love you, I have never stopped thinking about you. I have looked into the eyes of a million faces searching for my son. Don’t throw this chance away when it’s so close.”
Benjamin heard something in his voice that sounded real, more real than anyone he’d ever heard a promise from. He guessed since he was here he’d take a look at him. He had always been curious what his real father looked like. He’d always felt like he didn’t belong, and he had always felt invisible. Maybe Bradford was the missing piece to his new life. This could help him work out his issues with Marcie. Maybe he could actually come clean and tell her the truth. “You still at the restaurant?”
“Yes, Benjamin, I’m outside having a smoke.” Bradford was trying to get on his level, make him relate somehow.
“Okay, I’ll be out in a second.”
Bradford started to say thanks, but then he heard the dial tone. Benjamin had hung up. He didn’t know whether to go back to the table or wait outside. He decided to wait it out. Somehow it didn’t seem so cold. He had sweated so much the breeze was hitting his sweat and cooling him off. In a soft voice he audibly mouthed some words to a deity he wasn’t sure existed. “God if you are up there, give me the right words to speak to my son. Heal us please.” Bradford looked up at the stars and wondered if his plea had been heard. He sat down in an iron chair and wished he’d brought his drink; he needed a stiff one, and his leg was bouncing up and down anxiously. The door swung open and he practically jumped out of his seat, to look directly into the eyes of his son. He desired so desperately to hug him, but he was unsure of how Benjamin would take it. It hurt so much to not put his arms around his son and give him all the love he had been storing up inside all these years.
Benjamin looked in his eyes and then looked him up and down. His eyes shifted back and forth and then he stuck out his hand and said, “Hello, I’m Benjamin.”
“I’m Bradford,” Bradford could smell the scent of grilled steaks and pleasing aromas that came from his son’s clothing. He went to reach for his hand and couldn’t contain himself, he grabbed Benjamin and embraced him tightly. “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life!” Bradford said those words in between choking sounds and moans that couldn’t be stopped.
Benjamin felt an emotion and a stirring inside himself that he could never remember feeling before. He stood back and looked at his father. “We have the same chin,” he said rubbing the cleft in his and smiling crookedly.
“We sure do,” said Bradford, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “How bout I buy us some dinner and we catch up on our past.”
Benjamin felt uncomfortable in his presence, and yet he was eager to get to know him. If Bradford really was an attorney, maybe he could help him, at least, he had money. Benjamin could see that and he could always use some cash. But Benjamin noticed another thing about Bradford, he was genuinely crying over their embrace. He thought maybe that’s what real love feels like, but then real love would have never given him up for adoption. He followed Bradford through the double doors, wondering what the night would bring.
They came in and sat at the table together. Marcie ran over and congratulated them both. She told Ben she was going to have one more drink and call it a night. She didn’t want to interrupt their time together. Marcie winked at Bradford and came around the table to give him a hug. “So very nice to meet you, Bradford.” He stood up and pushed his chair back and patted her on the back.
“Any friend of my son’s is a friend of mine.”
“Hold up, you ain't met all my friends,” Benjamin said, his eyes a little too huge. It kinda perturbed him that he was already referring to him as “son.” I mean, come on, the guy just showed himself and all the sudden he was acting like they were best buds. Benjamin was trying to figure out how to play this.
They both watched Marcie walk off and nervously eyed one another. Bradford picked up his menu and said, “So, Benjamin what do they have good to eat here?”
“Well, what do you like? I mean it is Frank’s Steak House, hence the word steak.”
“Ahh ha, gotta sarcastic one here,” said Bradford, smiling from ear to ear.
“I can’t believe I am sitting here with my son, I cannot believe this is real, somebody wake me up!”
Benjamin nodded, “Yeah, it is pretty crazy!” He still didn’t know what to make of Bradford.
“So Benjamin, tell me what’s been going on in your life. I‘m guessing you like to cook?”
“It’s pretty cool I guess. I haven’t thought about it much.”
“So, do you have a career you’re interested in pursuing?”
“Like I said, I haven’t really thought about it lately.”
“Well, what have you always dreamed of doing?”
Benjamin lowered his head and thought about how he had only dreamed of survival. “I don’t know, not much I guess,” he shrugged his shoulders. The conversation was making him really uncomfortable. “You met Larry, my pops today, huh?” He chuckled and looked up knowingly.
Bradford shook his head. It felt like somebody had stabbed him with a knife. “Yes, Benjamin, I did and I’m sorry that you had to be raised by him. I never dreamed your life was going like that. You have to believe me.”
Benjamin studied his face and he seemed sincere, but that didn’t erase all the pain. He couldn’t just walk in here and say, “sorry” and think that everything was just grand all the sudden. There was a few minutes of awkward silence, and then Bradford tried to bring the focus again to his son.
“So, back to a career, what do you enjoy doing in your spare time?”
Get a load of this crap thought Benjamin, spare time? What kind of world was he living in? Only rich lawyers had spare time, and the only spare time he had was when he was sitting in a jail cell rotting. “I don’t know, can’t say I really ever had too many hobbies or dreams about my life.”
“Well, that’s all going to change. Now think back to when you were really small and you just started school. Did you ever want to be a policeman or a dentist, doctor?”
Benjamin thought back, but he couldn’t remember anyone asking him this. His friend Clark had always wanted to be a scientist, but Benjamin never thought about it seriously. Of course, like most teenagers he wanted to become a rock star and play guitar, but that was different. He remembered writing a fiction piece in his English class; the teacher said it was really good, even said he had potential. He remembered how it made him feel first-class.
“I dunno, maybe a writer?”
“A writer, that’s incredible. My son the writer, the next Hemingway, the next Capote!” Bradford beamed with pride, and Benjamin was so caught off guard he didn’t know how to react.
Benjamin had never read any Hemingway novels. In fact, he hadn’t picked up a book since he was in jail and then it was mostly science fiction or murder mysteries. But he could see that his father actually wanted good for him, no strings attached and this scared the hell out of Benjamin. He could handle the Marcie lust slash love thing, but a real person who was interested in him and his future? This was more than he could imagine. And yet why would he allow him to help now? Part of him wanted to make him pay miserably for leaving him in the clutches of Larry. Why did everything always have a dark side? Why did all his anger seem to want to erupt at that moment on a man he had only met, a man who made a mistake when he was young? Yes, he had been that mistake. A mistake was all he’d ever been.
Bradford kept talking and Benjamin tried to listen, his thoughts racing. “I know this is all a shock Benjamin, but I want to pay for you to go to college. How does that sound? And you don’t even have to work while you’re in school unless you want to? And I want to help you get a car and even an apartment if you need one. You probably have an apartment?” Bradford looked at Benjamin, who seemed dumbfounded and decided he needed to slow down a bit.
“Ah yeah, I got a place. It's just a small loft, but I’m trying to get a nicer place.”
“Does Marcie live with you?” Bradford knew that most the college kids today just lived together instead of marriage.
“Nah, we only been dating awhile. I don’t want to be too quick you know?” Not wanting to, he smiled at his father and studied his facial features. The resemblance was uncanny. The only difference was Benjamin wasn’t muscular; he was thin and Benjamin had long hair. Apparently he had his mother to thank for his small teeth because his father had a mouth full of normal size teeth.
“So, you married, Bradford? Any brothers or sisters I need to know about?”
“No, son you’re it.”
That seemed too good to be true, thought Benjamin. “Too good to be true,” he said again to himself. Benjamin looked up at the bar to see Marcie and Clark sitting and talking together. She must have felt his eyes on her and she turned around and smiled. “So you’re an attorney at a big law firm, huh?”
“Well, it’s not the biggest, but yes, Benjamin, I am. When you feel like confiding in me as to what happened, just know I’m here for you. I know you had to do community service work, but that’s about it.”
Benjamin lowered his head and wished he never had to tell him, but he guessed this is one relationship he should start out with honesty. God knows he hadn’t been with anyone else. At this point, he figured, why not? Maybe if Bradford knew he was a murderer, he’d know for sure if he was the real deal.
They ordered steaks, loaded baked potatoes, and Caesar salads to start off. Bradford had suddenly worked up an appetite. The night seemed to be improving, and before they knew it, they were both more at ease smiling and joking back and forth. Bradford thought Benjamin was still holding back and sizing him up, but every now and then he seemed to want to open up. “What do you have planned for tomorrow, Benjamin?”
Benjamin knew he was hinting that he wanted to spend more time with him, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to jump in so quickly. Then there was another part of him that wanted to make this man, who sat across from him, pay for every rotten thing that had come into his life. “I don’t have any plans and as a matter of fact I’m off work too. What are you thinking about?”
“Well Ben, I met a lovely lady who has become a big part of my life, and I thought maybe you and Marcie, the four of us, could go out, say to one of my favorite restaurants and then maybe a blues bar? What do you say?” Bradford punched him lightly on the shoulder.
“I’m not sure we can get in a blues bar at our age.”
“Well, I know a place that’s like a pizza pub and you can be under age because they serve so much food. I assumed Marcie was twenty-one by the drinks she ordered.” Benjamin looked funny and shrugged his shoulders. “So you on?”
“Yeah, I may be able to swing it. I’ll ask Marcie, we’ll kick it around a bit, see what happens.”
“Well, I meant what I said Benjamin. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know you and spending time with you. I hope you believe that.” He stopped eating and looked Benjamin in the eye.
Benjamin wanted to scream, “Then why the hell weren’t you there for me! Look at the mess you left me to deal with.” He wanted to shake him, and yet he so needed a father and it was such a good feeling inside to know he didn’t come from Larry Stewart’s blood. He might have been raised by that jerk, but he wasn’t a part of him. No, his father was an attorney, his father had made something of his life, and Benjamin knew that even though he had been told since before he could walk that he was useless, garbage, good for nothing a worthless piece of crap, deep down, he knew he was more. He was somebody! He looked at his father and wondered what his real name was.
“What’s your last name, Bradford?”
“It’s Stiltz, Benjamin, Bradford Stiltz.”
He was somebody, he was Bradford Stiltz’s son!
Copper Top
Chapter 41
It was four days before the anniversary of Ruthie’s death, and Brenda and Daniel wanted to go to the cemetery and place flowers on their mother’s grave. They decided to go to the home place and see if there were any signs that Walter had been around. Daniel had picked up Brenda that morning, and after breakfast, they set out to investigate. The house had become somew
hat of a nuisance and had kept both Burt and Daniel busy on their off days. They took turns mowing the lawn and mulching the leaves, but neither had been over there for quite some time now. The electricity had been turned off by choice, but they had decided to keep the water on because it was so cheap, and they never knew when their father might turn up again.
They had boxed up their mother’s clothing but had left her keepsakes and trinket boxes out. She loved things that Brenda always said just sat and served no purpose, except to collect dust. She missed her mother terribly, though. She missed her kind spirit and the fact that she never met a stranger. She missed her soft voice and her capability to listen without interrupting, really listen. Brenda knew their lives would never be the same without Mom. Sometimes she snuck over to the house and went through old photo albums of her and Daniel when they were small. She looked out the window at her mother’s iris gardens that were overgrown and dead from the cold. It saddened her that something she took so much pride in was left to choke with the weeds. Brenda had tried to get over there and prune shrubs and weed the gardens, but it had become more difficult as time went on. She plopped down on the couch and grabbed a photo book. Leaving Daniel to his snooping, she was digging into memories that had escaped her.
The photo album was bright blue and green with a cushion cover with raised gold letters that said, “Photo album.” She opened the cover and peered into the eyes of a little red-headed girl wearing a toboggan and a striped scarf, her cheeks kissed from the cold, standing next to their beagle puppy, Willie. Her brother Daniel was pulling their sled up the hill in the park. She wondered where time had gone and who that little girl really was and who she had become. She turned the page and was instantly taken back by a black and white photo that didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the colored pictures. It was her mother and father. Her father was wearing a sports coat and his hair was greased back, in the typical fifties duck tail. His shirt was high collared and his smile was just as high. Her mother was wearing a long pencil skirt, her hair was swept up, and her eyes were sparkling for the camera, but her father’s eyes were mesmerizing, like a kaleidoscope into Ruthie’s. Brenda could tell he was all but oblivious that anyone else was even in the room. Brenda knew that she and Burt had a good relationship, she knew he loved her and vice versa, but she never knew a man more lovesick than Walter.
Walter The Homeless Man Page 17
