The Holy One! Yes, Walter knew him well. Oh, how could he stand before the most Holy One? Walter wanted to feel sad inside, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even cry. This place was too magnificent. He searched for words to describe it and perceive it and grasp it, but none could be found. It grabbed his soul and filled it with good things, tangible, liquid love and a freshness that he had never experienced.
“Does it involve our dear children, Ruthie?”
“Walter, all the earth is filled with God’s children. You will be back in no time. As you may know, there is no time here, no sickness, no tears. Walter, it’s everything and more than you could ever imagine!”
Again there came a brightness and then a creature walked into the mist and knelt before them. It was a little lamb that appeared to have been slain, and the lamb’s eyes pierced Walter. Walter fell to his knees before the Lamb and cried out, “You are holy, oh so holy,” before he even knew the words would come upon his lips.
Then as quickly as the lamb appeared, he swiftly vanished, leaving Walter in awe of His glory. Ruthie reached up and touched his heart with her hand and imparted a strength Walter had not known. “I love you, Walter. Finish the race strong!” Her eyes twinkled and Walter mouthed the same I love you to her, his hand upon hers.
Suddenly Walter was traveling as fast through that tunnel as he had come. Abruptly he was coming to a place where everything he had felt left him and noise and beeping and voices filled his senses. Someone shouted in the distance, “We’ve got a heartbeat!” Then Walter heard clapping and cheering and a pain in his chest that knocked the breath out of him. Another hand held his instead of Ruthie’s, and then a voice ever so softly that he recognized. It was his carrot top.
“Daddy, we love you, it’s going to be okay; hold on Daddy, don’t leave us again. I have so much to tell you, Daddy.” Then Walter felt a wet substance dripping on his hand and realized it was Brenda’s tears. She has forgiven me, he thought and so has the Lamb. Walter tried to open his eyes, but he was so exhausted he could not. Peace washed over him and he slept with the assurance that Brenda’s hand was entwined with his, so was Ruthie’s and so was His Lord’s!
One Year Later
Benjamin hung the last of his shirts in the closet and studied the room. It was the nicest room Benjamin had ever known, from the king size bed adorned with a plush comforter, to the big screen television mounted on the opposite wall. Not only did he have his own computer but a full bathroom. Living with Bradford certainly had its benefits. He looked out the window at the fountain and garden area and wondered how he ever survived life up to this point. He could still hear the shrill of Larry’s voice sometimes, but it had become much quieter in the past few months, so had the nightmares and the memory of that horrible night that had changed his life forever. Sometimes he still felt horrendous guilt over what he had done to Desiree and her family, but he had come to a place of moving forward.
Benjamin had finished a 28-day program, and his mind had never been clearer. Sure, he was still puffing on cigarettes, but everything else had diminished with the past. He was going to college and working on an autobiography. Write what you know, that’s what Mark Twain had said after all. He picked up the notebook from his end table where he had been jotting down titles for his manuscript. One seemed to stand out above the rest. Some of the Greatest Men were Murderers. Benjamin wouldn’t have known this if he hadn’t picked up a Bible that year. Moses and King David had renewed his hope that maybe, just maybe, he could start over and get that second chance he needed.
Benjamin would never have dreamed he would be so level headed or so free. He wasn’t sure why God had given him a second chance, but he was thankful that he had. His counselor had enlightened him on some spiritual beliefs that he’d never forgotten. Sure, his old friends had drifted away with the booze, drugs and deceit, but he’d made some new ones that seemed to be just fine for him. Bradford had taught him things regarding becoming a man that he’d not known. But then again, he’d never been around a real man. He’d learned words like honor, respect, integrity, and trust, the last one being the hardest.
Benjamin picked up the ink dot drawing that he’d framed and positioned on his desk. He missed Marcie, but he had a feeling their paths would cross again. Sometimes at night, he could hear her laughter and remember the apricot scent of her hair. Every so often when he closed his eyes, he could remember their bodies entangled together, trying to hold each other’s pain and sometimes when the birds were singing in the morning, he could still hear his mother’s voice. And for the first time in his life, he could hear his own voice and it felt jubilating. He put down the drawing and walked to the door taking one last look around, and he sighed and pulled his shoulders back. Benjamin not only had a new home and a new start, he had a new name. Benjamin Stiltz, son of Bradford. He stood with a sense of confidence and vision and a new mindset. Closing the door behind him, he made his way down the hall to his father’s room.
Marcie
Marcie held her sides and laughed from a deep place. Her ribs ached and she was squeezing her bladder, trying to not pee herself. Her grandmother, Lilly was dancing around the room singing and mimicking Lucille Ball. She’d made a whole tray of fudge and was shoving it into her mouth and replaying the classic chocolate episode. Her mouth was so full Marcie couldn’t understand what she was saying, but they had the giggles that day. It started early that morning with their hair that seemed to stick up and Marcie’s mascara that had left black smudges under her eyes. Marcie had pointed at Lilly’s hair and shrieked, “Gram’s, go look in the mirror!” But of course, her grandmother’s wit came shining through. She had pranced out of the bathroom with it sticking up worse and her eyes crossed. “Go look in the mirror yourself, missy,” she squealed, “you look like a linebacker!”
Marcie was so happy here, this place she’d found inside Lilly’s home and inside her soul. She thought about how far she had come, and in the midst of the laughter, she wanted to cry. She’d cry for the little girl, Marcie who needed saving. It had been a year since she’d even been with a guy and she felt her spirit healing. Yes, one full year since she’d shown up at Lilly’s door with her demons and her essence that needed restoring. She glanced back on the evening in the bathtub and her hands trying to scrub off the fingerprints of men and miles of pain and she hardly recognized herself. She’d reached a place where she wasn’t so starved for attention from men, not even approval and most surely not from her father.
She had been holding paint brushes and chalk and charcoal and things made of clay, things that had therapeutic qualities, and she’d been holding the earth. Lilly had her planting herbs, vegetables and flower beds, and she loved every minute of it. Watching the seeds grow and become something so beautiful, something she could feel and touch and even eat. At the first of the year, her artwork would be on display at a local gallery. It was clearly a dream come true. Sometimes at night, she could hear the whippoorwills, the katydids and a sound coming from a place where the little girl inside her was becoming whole. Her heart was mending, and most all the leaks and gaps that had once oozed were covered in a balm of anointed oil.
Her grandmother took a drink of tea, grabbed her hands, and began dancing her around the room. Dizzy Gillespie’s scat hailed in the background and Marcie shuffled her feet to the beat. How did I end up here in this place, she thought, looking deep into the eyes of this incredible woman, who she hoped to be half as great as. She felt freedom and peace and also a sense of knowing who she was and what she wanted from this life, this life that had battered her and left her scarred and frightened to trust anyone.
Sometimes at night, she remembered the man with the dark hair and small teeth who held her in his arms and wanted to love her but didn’t know how, and sometimes she wondered if she would ever see him again. She wondered if his soul had healed and his demons had vanished, and she silently prayed, “God, help Benjamin become this free.” She crossed her feet and twirled under her grandmother’s
arm, her feet dancing to a whole new tempo! She reached for a piece of fresh fudge. It melted under her tongue and savored her taste buds. Life is good, she thought, life is good.
Walter
Walter sat in the brown easy chair and held the newest arrival, Annabella. She was delicate and soft, with puffs of carroty red hair, but her smile is what caught Walter’s attention. He would recognize that smile anywhere, for his Ruthie had one just like it. The twins played at his feet, and laughter and bustle fell all around the kitchen, as his children and their spouses set the table. It was just four days until Christmas, and the tree lit up almost as brightly as Walter’s brown eyes that day. He studied the lights and reminisced about flowers and trees with colors he had no words to describe. Ruthie, are you watching me from above? He pondered his experience and had dared not tell anyone for fear of them thinking him mental. But still he could not shake how real it all had seemed.
The doorbell rang and Brenda’s German Shepherd let out a bark from the other room. Walter put Annabella down in her carrier seat and opened the door. The lovely woman who greeted him, he’d not seen since he was wearing the clothes of her deceased husband and there beside her stood his little Josh. His eyes were smiling and his legs running to Walter. He grabbed him and held on. “Walter, Walter!”
“Well, well Josh, my how you’ve grown, come in, come in. Everyone welcome!” Walter had barely got their coats and introduced everyone when he heard the doorbell ring again.
Bradford came in next, the man who had gone to court for him and managed to clear him of all his charges while he recovered from open-heart surgery. The handwritten note from Josh and the fact that Desiree had refused to press charges made it quite simple it seemed. Yes, he owed them so much. Desiree greeted Bradford and then hurried past them, back outside to retrieve the last member of her family. She carried in a cage and there inside cooed one of Walter’s greatest friends, Jackie, who had kept him company on many a cold night and listened intently as he cried over his loss.
“Oh Jackie, my friend, how have you been?” Jackie bounced up and down and seemed to coo only for Walter. Walter felt as if he might burst inside from joy.
Tabitha rushed past the scene and stared down at Annabella. “Hi, lil baby,” she said as she patted her hand. “You are a good baby, aren’t you?”
“Welcome, welcome,” Walter said, his eyes tearing up at how God had worked everything out so smoothly. He had taken him from sleeping in the elements and being hunted by the police, to a place of comfort and peace. Under the Christmas tree, Walter eyed the gift he’d wrapped earlier that morning, inside held a gift Walter had hand carved for Josh. He pondered why he was still here and felt the scar that ran across his breast where the doctors had sawed his chest in half for bypass surgery. He had been dead when they got him to the ER for a total of six minutes.
“How you been, Josh?” Walter patted his head. “Have you been taking good care of Jackie?”
Josh began talking a mile a minute, filling him in on all his endeavors. He even told him of the morning Jackie crossed the sky and came back home to him from the cemetery that day Walter had collapsed. Desiree placed their gifts under the tree. Daniel and Brenda welcomed them in and offered them drinks and embraced these new found friends that had become a part of their lives.
Walter thought about the phone call he’d received from Josh, and how he told him all about the angel who demanded he must release the bird and how scared he was that Jackie would not return. Walter knew that bird should have flown straight to his old home and not the cemetery that day, but then again God could change anyone’s direction, hadn’t he surely changed his?
A brisk knock on the door amongst the bustle got Walter’s heart beating in his chest. Out of all the people he wanted to see on this special occasion, this one meant so much. He opened the door and there stood Buddy, pulling on his beard and that eye tooth glistening in the sunlight.
“Buddy, come in, come in!”
“Hey old timer, it’s been too long!” Soon they were embracing and hands were patting backs and their eyes held the love and the tears they each tried to stop from flowing.
Walter wondered how he’d gotten his life back and how along with it he’d gotten a whole new family. He could still see Ruthie by the crystal river and he could still feel her soft hand, but he was content and happy for the first time in a long time. He wasn’t sure why he’d arrived early that day, but that was better than late, he thought with a chuckle. He felt good inside. Walter reached under the tree and picked up the gift for Josh.
“I want to let Josh go ahead and open one of his gifts if that’s okay with everyone?” Walter reached down and held it out towards Josh. “Here Josh, this is for you, a special reward for saving my life!”
Josh’s eyes lit up and everyone gathered around the room waiting for the unleashing of Walter’s special gift. Josh knelt down and began to tear the paper, his little hands pulling off ribbon and pieces of tape. In the distance, he heard a faint voice that tinkled like china, “You must release her, Josh. Once you complete the mission you will be rewarded!” Josh guessed his time had come, but he had already been rewarded with getting Jackie back and Walter making it through his surgery and not dying and going away like Daddy did. Josh tore the last of the paper and then opened the box. A faint gasp could be heard as he reached inside. The workmanship was impeccable. The hand carved replica of Belinda with her flowing hair and delicate wings were breathtaking. And if one were to look ever so closely, they would see in her hand a clutch bag purse and nestled inside lay a bird, a bird that had brought hope and healing and even life, Jackie.
“It’s Belinda! How did you know she carried a purse?”
Walter winked at Desiree, who smiled at this warm man she had once wanted dead and wondered how everything had turned out so incredibly perfect. But then she knew that the same God who wanted her to forgive Benjamin had a sense of humor and his own way of doing things. Who would have thought that a bird and an angel and a homeless man could change so much of their lives?
Walter and the others gathered around the table and looked at all the fixings. Each person had come so far in just one year. Each life had held another, and each person had healed more of his heart by forgiving. After all the plates were passed and each one was filled with turkey and stuffing and all the trimmings, they soon were transfixed by an old man with gray hair and a beard that was just coming back in. He tapped his glass with a knife and cleared his voice.
“I just want to thank each and everyone here. I am so filled with joy on this day, and so blessed to sit here with each one of you. First, I’d like to thank my children and their spouses for forgiving me for leaving you at a time when you needed me the most.” He looked in the eyes of Daniel, Brenda, Sandra and Burt. Then he scanned the table his eyes falling on Buddy, “Buddy, my dear ole friend, how could I ever repay you, for all you gave me? Food and shelter and rest from the cold, a listening ear and a heart as big as Texas. I cherish you, my friend.” Walter then directed his attention towards Desiree, “I want to thank you for feeding me and sheltering me as well, even though you had no idea you were and for believing in me and trusting me that I would never hurt your son, whom I love.” Walters’s eyes were glistening with tears and his throat had grown scratchy. “Bradford, my friend what can I say? If it wasn’t for you I’d probably be rotting away in a prison cell somewhere eating a miserable turkey dinner.” He grinned through the tears. Walter paused for a moment and then looked at Josh intently, “Josh my boy, I like to think we come from the same stock. You and I lost people we loved dearly. And you Josh, listened to an angel and took a risk on something you loved and let it go, having faith that it would return to you. As bad as you didn’t want to release Jackie and set her free, you obeyed that still small voice and because of that, I am alive today. But most of all, I have to thank my God, my Lord, who gave his only Son Jesus, for my soul and died for me and for each of you. He became a living sacrifice and because of
His great sacrifices, one day I will see my Ruthie again and Josh you will see your father as well. Merry Christmas everyone!” The table cheered and laughter filled the house and somewhere far above the clouds Ruthie Kendal clapped her hands with glee. “Well done, Walter! Well done!”
Notes
Parker, Dorothy. “Resume.” Portable Dorothy Parker. Copyright 1954.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174101
“Fallen Leaves” as recorded by Primitive Quartet. Author unknown.
As recorded by Primitive Quartet
Primitive Quartet does not own the copyright to FALLEN LEAVES. They recorded it many years ago, but they put on their recording, "Author Unknown".
“Homing Pigeons.” Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. June 2009. Web.
Walter The Homeless Man Page 28
