by Ella James
Chapter Twenty
Luca
Elise is all I care about, so the look of horror on her face as she sees her dad hits me right in the gut. I get a shot of adrenaline, which leaves me gritting my teeth. Elise is standing in front of me—like she’s protecting me. I hear her voice, but I can’t process. He says something, and she sits on the edge of the bed.
He murmurs something that’s not louder than the whooshing sound in my head.
“No,” she says.
“I’m not going to hurt him, Elise. What happened?”
“He got hurt, and he came here. Now he needs to see a doctor and I’m not throwing him out.”
Elise’s father puts his hand on her shoulder. He pulls her to her feet, and they step out of the room.
Fuck, I’m such a selfish, stupid asshole. I get up as fast as I can, blinking a few times before I pull open the door. They’re standing just outside it. Both of them turn to me. Elise’s eyes are wide; she’s clearly upset. I can’t read her father.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m gonna get going. I’ve got a few things I need to—”
“No,” her father interrupts. “You’re going to come into my office.”
I’m too out of it to read his tone. I look at Elise, and she’s biting her lip, looking on the verge of tears.
“I’m sorry. I think I should go.” Before my legs give out, because they’re feeling weird and shaky.
“Son, I want to check on you and make sure you’re okay. That’s all.”
“I am.” I try to steady my voice. “I just need to get home.”
A big tear drips down Elise’s cheek. Her father sees, too. He puts a hand on my unhurt shoulder and looks into my eyes.
“It won’t take long,” he says, and I can read what his brown eyes are saying: right now, motherfucker. I don’t want to get Elise in trouble, so I nod.
“Bye, E. Thank you.”
I feel weird and sweaty as I follow her dad down two long halls that I can’t track, into a dark room that’s not dark when he turns on a lamp. It’s a library.
“Have a seat.” He points to a leather chair.
I look at it, thinking about getting out of it with no hands. I think I can do it, so I sit.
“I’m sorry I came here,” I say, and I try to keep my voice steady. Mr. O’Hara leans on his desk, crosses his arms, and frowns at me.
I’m kind of worried I’ll puke on the nice rug, but I tilt my head back and make myself meet his eyes, and when he holds my gaze, I hold his back—because that’s what men do.
Then he turns around and grabs another arm chair, pulling it closer to my chair, so when he sits in it, we’re maybe three feet apart.
“I’m not good enough for her, but I love her.” I say it in a rush, surprising myself.
Elise’s father leans forward in his chair, his brows drawn together pensively. I feel nauseated as he looks me over, his gaze lingering on my face and shoulder.
Then he sighs. He sits back in his chair and says, “I’m the product of a married man’s affair with his mistress. My mother was Elaine O’Hara. She was raised by her grandmother, who worked long hours in a clothing factory. So Elaine made her own way. She met my father, and he took care of her. Even part-time was enough to please her. She could have chosen to end her pregnancy. My father offered to pay. But she wanted to have me. By then, her grandmother had passed on, and she was lonely, I think. But I don’t know, because she died while giving birth to me.”
My stomach lurches.
“I went to foster families.” His jaw tics as his eyes hold mine, but when he speaks again, his voice is smooth and easy. “There were twenty-seven. Homes,” he clarifies. “Some families are good. They take kids because they want to help. I knew two families like that. One of them, I still keep up with.” He smiles, but it’s tense, like he’s forcing it. “Most people took in an orphan because they wanted the extra income from the state of New York.” He stands from the chair and holds a finger up. “I’m going to get you some water.”
He walks to a marble-topped bar, giving me his back.
“Many of them had no problem hitting a child. I had never known a steady home or the same caretakers for longer than a few months. I was not a pleasant child. I met Elise’s mother when I was eighteen and didn’t speak to her until we both were twenty.” He walks over to me, sits back down, and hands me a glass of water.
“I’ve got a flashlight,” he says, half a second before he shines one in my eyes.
“Fuck.”
“That hurts, doesn’t it?” He does it again on my left eye, and I grit my teeth.
“Anyway—” The flashlight goes away. “Elise’s mother was a beauty. Still is. She came from money, and she had brains, too. She was studying to be a chemist. I was a student of mere rhetoric.” He smiles fondly. “I knew from day one I wasn’t good enough for her. But I couldn’t keep myself away.” His mouth presses into a frown. “In the years since, it’s been difficult for me to stay…available to her at times. Sometimes things happen, and I want to shut myself away. Sometimes I do that.”
I swallow as my heart pounds harder again.
“When someone hits you, even someone you don’t know well, something changes inside. It makes you a victim, even if you don’t want to be. The way you see yourself changes—more so than the way you see them. I imagine it’s a lot worse when it’s someone close to you.”
I inhale.
“Your father is a weak, pathetic excuse for a man. No self-control or accountability. And somehow, you seem to have both. Some of both,” he amends. “You stood outside for more than an hour before calling my daughter tonight.”
My throat tightens. How does he know? “You came here because you wanted comfort and some kindness, but you almost backed out. Right?”
Tears well in my eyes, so unexpected that my inner recoil sends another wave of cold sweat through me.
“Luca, I think you need to see a doctor. Get some imaging done, to be sure nothing’s wrong. I have someone who can take you there, and I can pick the bill up. For my daughter. I know she would want that.”
I start taking bigger breaths, because my lungs feel too tight.
“Here’s what I’m asking for in return.” He hands me a bag of ice, and I grip the Ziploc bag as pain sears my shoulder. “I want you to go away from Red Hook. As soon as you can, you find yourself a place near the university and start the work of splitting from your family. I’ll provide a stipend for your mom and brother. You cut your contact with Anthony Diamond and anyone who is in contact with him. Stop doing those things he asks you. Focus on your studies. Keep your honor, Luca. Get your degree, and if you love my daughter and she loves you, I’ll pay for a big wedding and help you find a foothold.”
I can’t breathe. “Why?” I manage.
His hand clasps my unhurt shoulder. “I think you’re a good kid, but I don’t want my daughter near a man who’s beholden to the Tony Diamonds of this world. If you can’t look into your own eyes in the mirror, stay away from Elise. I’ve got ways of knowing. Do you understand?”
I nod.
“And treat her well. You don’t have to be her boyfriend. I’ll still pay your mother’s rent and you’ll pursue your education. But you have to treat her kindly at all times. Even if the nature of your relationship changes. Do we have an understanding?”
I nod as my eyes sting.
“You’re going to go and say goodbye to her and I’ll have someone drive you to an ER. Elise needs her sleep.”
I nod again.
Chapter Twenty-One
Elise
My dad has Mercer bring Luca back to our house when they finish at the ER. Unbeknownst to me, he sleeps in one of the guest rooms from four-thirty till a little after nine, when my dad’s doctor checks on him and then my mother leads him to the kitchen to surprise me at the breakfast table.
He looks sleepy, with his hair mussed and his left arm in a black sling. As he comes closer, I see a thin strip of what lo
oks like white tape to the left of his eye, ringed by a bruise.
“Hi…” I stand up, coming to stop right in front of him.
My mom leans around him. “We didn’t want you sneaking in on him. He needed rest.”
Last night, my dad came into my room after Mercer and Luca left, and we had a long talk—so I knew my parents had made a U-turn on my relationship, and this morning, Mom had told me he was out of the ER and doing well. But I didn’t realize he was at our house.
“How do you feel?”
His eyes look slightly glassy. I see his Adam’s apple bob before he murmurs, “Better.”
“I’ll leave you two to breakfast,” my mom says.
“Thank you,” Luca tells her.
She waves and smiles as she leaves.
I pull a chair out for him and watch as he sits carefully. About ten feet away, behind the counter, Raya is whipping up my favorite breakfast.
I run my socked foot up Luca’s leg—which I notice is bare; he came into the kitchen wearing one of my dad’s undershirts and a pair of his gym shorts—and his foot rubs mine in return.
“Are you really okay?” I ask softly.
He smiles. “Better than okay.”
He looks tired, though, heavy-lidded.
“What did they tell you at the hospital?”
“Just the collar bone. It’ll be fine.”
“How long will it take to heal?”
“It should be fast.”
“What about your—” I gesture to his head.
His fingertip traces the thin strip of tape. “Butterfly bandage.” He gives me a little smirk.
“Does anything hurt?”
His free hand toys with the sling’s strap, and I feel like he’s avoiding my eyes as he says, “Your family’s doctor made me take a pain pill.”
“That’s good. Really good.”
His free hand reaches for mine, and I thread my fingers through his.
He squeezes my hand as Raya serves us homemade waffles topped by fruit and her special whipped cream, plus a heaping plate of vegan sausage. Every time Luca’s eyes meet mine, his lips twist into this tentative smile, which makes my heart ache.
All these months, I doubted both my parents, but it turns out they both want me to be happy. My mom told me this morning she and Dad will let me see Luca some this summer, if he treats me well and stays away from “trouble”—which made me want to roll my eyes.
He’s like the best guy. I can’t even think of what kind of trouble he would get in.
I rub his foot with mine again, and he smiles. He doesn’t eat a lot, and I can see some strain around his eyes, but after breakfast, before he goes to get a shower and put on some clean clothes my mom had delivered, he pulls me against him in the hall and kisses my hair.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
He kisses me again and leans his forehead against mine. I’m surprised when he asks to see my sister.
“Of course. If you’re sure.”
We spend almost an hour with Becca. Luca wants to play charades. For a long time, he mimes different animals, I make guesses, and Becca giggles. Finally I realize I should probably swap roles with him, so I jump in. Toward the end, even Bec’s nurse takes a turn. When Luca leaves, he runs his hand over my little sister’s hair again and gives her a big smile.
“See ya later, stellina.”
“What does that mean?” I ask as we step out into the hallway.
He winks. “Look it up.”
We go to my bedroom’s balcony, where Luca sits in one of the wicker rocking chairs and beckons me into his lap. He wraps his unhurt arm around me and rests his head against the top of my hair.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“Love you more.”
He’s so warm and solid.
“I love when you hug me.”
He kisses my hair. A minute later, I feel his muscles twitch and realize he’s nodding off. My stomach clenches thinking of the night he had.
I tell myself that starting with our graduation tonight, things are going to get better for him. I wish I knew what happened with his dad, but I know I can’t pry. Still, I can’t imagine how I’m going to feel if he—
“I need to go home.”
I blink at him. Up just a few minutes after falling asleep. “You do?”
He nods, all blue eyes.
“Can I come with you?”
He laughs, looking beautiful and tired and like the whole world in one person. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I offer Mercer’s services and he accepts, promising he’ll go into his house quickly to get his robe and cap, and then Mercer will bring him to the stadium. I don’t ask about his family attending, but I’m surprised he doesn’t mention them. My heart aches thinking about it as I get ready myself.
Everything seems okay when I see him grinning at the football field, looking upbeat and relaxed as he chats with Arnie Gallway beside him. I see Arnie point toward the podium and watch with amusement at Luca’s wide eyes as he processes the news that as salutatorian, he’ll be sitting near the front.
He messed up his own grade in physics this semester so he wouldn’t be the one to give a speech, but only I know that. In a weird way, it makes me love him more—how unassuming he can be, how modest. There’s a part of me that wants him to just be mine, like a secret that I want to keep forever. But I’m happy he’ll be everyone’s one day. He’s going to Columbia, and he’s going to study economic policy and political science, and I know he’s going to do amazing things.
I know it’s probably crazy to think about marriage, but if we did get married, helping people would be our household’s focus. I’m going to be a lawyer—yes, like Dad—but I think I might be more interested in advocacy and policy.
When Luca gets his diploma and I hear my dad’s low hoot, I can barely hold back my tears.
After graduation, we have dinner at my house with Ree, Dani, and their dates. Then the six of us head to a party on Lorenzo’s family yacht. It’s supposed to be the party to end all parties. I’ve heard there are staterooms filled with liquor, but Luca and I don’t drink. We find a nook on the deck and stay with each other all night.
When we can’t keep our hands off one another, we find a stateroom. After, Luca falls asleep, I lie there beside him, kissing his cheek and breathing our shared air, and loving how hard his body is against mine. I love everything about him, and I don’t care what people say about first love. Luca Galante is my forever. I can feel it in my bones.
Luca
I wake up in darkness, confused until I feel her beside me. Her hand strokes my forehead, fingers careful for my little bandage, and it feels so good that my eyes slip back shut.
“Are we sleeping through the greatest party of all time?” I ask, smiling.
Her lips brush mine. “Yes. And one of us is only wearing underwear.”
I laugh—or almost laugh before I realize that will hurt my shoulder.
“Left me naked,” I murmur.
“Half naked. So I could enjoy you.”
“Enjoy me?” I peek one eye open.
“Yes,” she whispers.
We go for round two, and she blows my mind and makes me see stars—in a good way and also in a bad way.
“Did that hurt? I’m so sorry.”
I laugh. “Worth it. I’d do anything to feel that hot mouth of yours.” I fumble with my boxers, and she pulls them back up.
“Guess you men are all the same.”
“How many men do you know about?” I murmur, teasing.
“Only one. Only ever one.”
I pull her up against me, and I keep her there a long time. I know that I need to go home. This whole day has been me avoiding what I know is waiting for me. This fucking perfect day has been the calm before the storm. I know it in my gut—this shit with my dad is not going to end well. So I stay exactly where I am.
We lock the stateroom door and lock the bathroom door a
nd get into the tub. Elise giggles the whole time and turns bright red when she steps into the bubbles.
“If someone comes in, I will die,” she tells me.
“I’ll distract them,” I tell her, smirking down at myself.
“Hard to miss.” She lifts her brows.
We don’t stay in the water long, but it feels so damn good to have her arms around me. Then we’re kissing again, we’re back on the bed. I run my hand down her soft belly, but she moves it away.
“You’re still infirm. You need to take it easy, mister. Maybe even one more nap.”
I shake my head, kissing her before I get up. “Let’s go to the deck. I think it’s actually almost time to dock again.”
I don’t say it because it sounds stupid, but I want to stand up there with her in the warm breeze and look out at the lights. I need to hold her for a little longer. She’s done so much for me, and I know what I have to do for her. I have to make it to Columbia. I have to stay the hell away from Tony—even though I’ve promised him I’ll work for him all summer. Even as my family is at risk because Dad did something—he didn’t bother to tell me what, before or after he jumped me.
I’ve got to find out what went wrong before I can extricate myself from Red Hook. Why did Roberto Arnoldi threaten Dad at his store? How is it my fault—as Dad claimed while he was kicking my ass. And what can I do to fix it?
Then I have to move Mom and Soren out. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts. I simply have to. Then I leave.
“You’re doing the thing again,” Elise whispers.
I blink to find her dressed and standing by the stateroom’s door.
“Sorry. My brain sucks.”
She steps closer to me. “Your brain is perfect. Treat it nicely tonight if you go home. Are you going home?” I can hear the worry in her voice.
“I have to, but don’t worry. I’ll be careful.”
“Careful for your father?”
I try not to answer questions like that. I don’t want to make her worry. “He won’t be around. Last night he told me he was leaving.”
