by Morgan James
Ash accepted. He wrapped his arm more securely around Remy’s shoulder and flipped him onto his back. Using his greater body mass, he pressed Remy into the couch and murmured, “I’ll show you good.”
“Hmm,” Remy hummed in agreement. “I sure hope so.”
ASH had missed working with Adele.
Thursday felt like old times. She arrived on set, larger than life, and proceeded to dazzle everyone with good looks and charm. “No one can resist this golden face,” she said cheekily when Ash teased her. At lunch she held court, gathered everyone around and told stories, especially embarrassing ones about Ash.
The plot for the episode was much like she’d said—Niall’s ex comes to town and stirs things up. Janet said it would bear fruit in the finale, as she wanted to have minor emotional cliffhangers for all the characters, and there was really only one thing to focus on for Hamish and Niall.
The two days filming with Adele flew past, and soon he and Adele were headed out for dinner on Friday.
Dinner tonight? Remy had texted around four.
Ash replied, Sorry. :( Dinner with Addy. Then he got back to work.
He didn’t see the response until much later, when Adele headed to the bathroom midmeal.
K. See you tomorrow.
He smiled at the assumption that they would see each other soon and was contemplating his reply when Adele landed back in her seat with an oof. He slid the phone into his pocket and asked, “You alright?”
“Peachy. I’m not that drunk. But I am getting old.” She sighed. “Can you believe I turned thirty-two?”
He shook his head. It was hard to believe they’d met for the first time seven years earlier. God, they’d been babies then. “We met a lifetime ago.”
“Yes. Those were the days, when I was young and naïve, convinced this Hollywood gig was easy.” Restraint was not only her first big paid role but also one of the first auditions she’d done for TV.
He shook his head. “Tell me about it.”
“Here’s to us—older, wiser, and better.” She held up her pint glass, and they knocked them together.
“Don’t let this be our last visit together this trip,” she said after calling for a taxi. She tilted her head. “Tell me you’re free for brunch. I’m going to need greasy bacon and carbs tomorrow.”
He smiled. He’d probably want the same. “Come over for eleven, and I’ll serve you a spread, show off my new cooking skills.”
“Damn. You’re on. See you tomorrow.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, and then she was in the car and gone.
SHE got to his place at half eleven, which he should have expected. On the upside, it meant everything was prepped and waiting for him to cook and she missed the minor catastrophe at five after when he almost cut off his finger and broke a glass.
She watched him over her coffee, still beautiful despite her obvious hangover. Even her copper skin and green eyes weren’t dimmed by the somewhat pallid undertones from last night. She eyed him suspiciously and made judgmental sounds at his toaster. “It doesn’t ‘pop.’”
“It beeps instead.”
“It’s unnatural.”
He rolled his eyes, threw the toast on the plates, and served her. “Don’t look a gift breakfast in the mouth. Now drink your coffee and eat.”
“Bossy,” she mumbled and then dug in.
They were giggling over cleaned plates and munching on the last of the bacon when a knock came at the door.
Frowning, Ash answered it.
Why is Remy—oh. Shit. Ash glanced at the clock and guilt burned in his belly. Remy had promised to come over for lunch and show him how to make risotto because Ash had mentioned how much he liked it. Bugger.
“Hey,” Remy said, smiling and carrying grocery bags. Buggering shite. He stepped in close, and Ash shuffled back into the flat.
“You remember Adele?” They’d met briefly on set, but Remy hadn’t been able to join them for lunches.
“Huh? Oh.” Remy blinked several times as he took in the scene. Then, after ages, he smiled again. It looked… weird. “How nice to see you.”
He brought his groceries to the kitchen and set them down. “Catching up?”
“Before I fly out. It’s Ray, right?”
The smile dimmed a fraction. “Remy.”
“Right, of course! I’m sorry, not my strong suit, names.”
“No problem.”
“So, what brings you here?” Adele asked, looking at the bags.
“Oh, cooking class.”
“Remy’s been teaching me,” Ash blurted.
“O-ho. He discovered your Jamie Oliver obsession, did he?”
Remy kept smiling that weird smile. “Maybe.”
“He’s a fantastic cook.” Ash shifted his weight. “I helped him get to know the city, he offered lessons in return.”
“Well, brunch this morning was delicious. Good job, kid,” she said and patted her stomach.
There was a flicker in Remy’s eyes, but it quickly disappeared. He shrugged. “Oh, you know. I gotta eat.” The smile was nothing like the one he always gave Ash—heat curled in his belly at the distracting realization. Remy had an “Ash” smile.
“Well, I’m glad you’re so generous. I’m well fed, and I guess you’re to thank.” She looked at the clock and groaned. “And it’s about time I got ready to hit the road. Flight’s outbound in three hours, and I still have to make it to the airport.” She stood and sighed. “I’m gonna hit the head and then say goodbye.” She ambled off.
Ash began to tidy up the dishes.
“She seems nice.”
“She is.” Ash bit his lip, then decided it better to confess sooner than later. “I’m sorry. I forgot about lunch today. I guess the excitement of seeing her made me a bit of a dunderheid, huh?”
Remy scanned his face, then said, “Okay. Understandable I guess. Forgive you.” He tipped up and pressed a kiss to Ash’s cheek.
“Thanks.” The bathroom door opened, and Ash stepped away. He put the dishes in the dishwasher.
“Well, it’s been fabulous to see you, darling.” Adele held out her arms and they embraced. “It was too long. Let’s not do that again, okay?”
“Nope.”
“Remy, it was good to meet you again.” She gave him a hug, which surprised Remy, judging by the awkward stiffness of his motions.
“You too.”
She patted his chest and then found her purse and slung it over her shoulder. “One more hug for the road, boo.” She hugged him tight and he did likewise. Then she pressed a kiss to his lips. “Tickles,” she said, stroking his beard. “Still the hottest, though.”
Shaking his head and laughing, he said by rote, “You’re still hotter.”
“Damn right I am.” She smacked her butt, smacked his, and then left with one last “Toodles!”
Ash shook his head again and closed the door.
“Well. She’s… interesting,” Remy said dryly.
“That’s one word for it.”
“You had a good visit?”
“Really good. Didn’t realize how much I missed her. We were in each other’s pockets for about ten months of the year for six years.”
“Yeah. She knows you pretty well, I guess.”
Ash nodded.
Remy looked at him, chewing his lip, then apparently came to a decision. “But she doesn’t know you’re gay.”
Ash froze in the middle of emptying one of the grocery bags. “No.” He cleared his throat. “No one knows that.”
“Right.” Remy licked his lips and thought for a moment. Then he looked up at Ash and smiled—and there was the good smile back again. “So I’m guessing you’re not up for lunch.” He looked at the dirty dishes and smirked. Ash knew where this was going. “Wanna cuddle on the couch with a movie?”
All right, not the bed suggestion he predicted, but almost as good. “Definitely.”
ASH slept in the next morning, and when he finally pulled out of sleep, he found the bed half-e
mpty.
Etta’s bedroom door was shut tight—not surprising considering her long day at a competition yesterday—and Remy was sat at the window between the built-ins, arms wrapped around his knees as he stared out at the city.
“Mornin’,” Ash said and made for the kettle. Remy didn’t move. Frowning, Ash changed course and headed for him. “Morning.”
“Hmm?” Remy turned and blinked at him.
“Good morning.” Ash swiped a thumb along Remy’s cheekbone. “Deep thoughts?”
Remy shrugged. The usual animation in his body slowly returned, and he offered a smile. “Maybe. Woke up too early this morning.” He shook himself. Ash sat at his feet, taking the rest of the bench.
“Something the matter?”
Remy’s eyes flickered, but he shook his head. “Nope.”
Uncertain if that was the truth but figuring he could do little about it until Remy opted to tell him, Ash nodded and pressed a kiss to Remy’s forehead. “Well. I’m here if you want to chat. Until then, shall we make some breakfast?”
“Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that.”
They worked well in the kitchen, and with each meal, they only got better at sharing the space, divvying up work. That morning they made it through the whole process without once colliding.
Etta found them some time later sitting at the breakfast bar and reading.
“Well,” she said, after she’d made herself tea. “Aren’t you two disgustingly cute.”
“Yeah. Cute, that’s us,” Remy agreed, but his tone had a flatness…. Surely being cute wasn’t a bad thing?
“Cutest.” Ash kissed his temple.
Remy gave a wee smile, then turned off his phone and said, “It’s getting late. I should go if I want to run all my errands.” Remy hadn’t said anything about having errands today, and certainly not so much as to consider half nine as “late.”
“Okay.”
Remy squeezed his hand and left to get ready.
Ash watched him go, a frown tugging at his brow. When he turned back, Etta was staring at him.
“He okay?”
Ash shook his head. “He says yes.”
She hummed somewhat doubtfully and took a long drink of her tea. Then she also left to clean up.
Ash rose and tidied the kitchen, but worry niggled in the back of his mind.
Yesterday hadn’t exactly gone smoothly, what with Ash screwing up his schedule and the strained meeting between Remy and Adele. Ash didn’t think Remy held a grudge over a bit of forgetfulness. After all, Remy had forgotten a date or two himself. But he couldn’t deny Remy had been bothered by the meeting.
Probably because you introduced him as a friend, said a very reasonable part of his brain.
Ash shied away from the idea. Remy had always known how things would be.
But he asked you—
Ash turned away. He rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
They hadn’t done much at all after Adele left. Remy had been quieter than usual, but not especially so.
He put the ketchup in the fridge and thought about the lack of sex. Again, not unusual.
He was washing the frying pans when Remy came out of the bedroom, clean and dressed. He wore last night’s skinny jeans, a fresh long-sleeve tee, and a scarf with… Wonder Woman on it. Ash smiled.
Remy pushed his sleeves up and gathered all his belongings. He threw his notebook into his already-stuffed messenger bag holding yesterday’s outfit, and slung it over his shoulder. “Right.”
Ash dried off his hands and met Remy at the door. “Have a good day.”
“You too.”
Ash leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his mouth. To his surprise, Remy leaned up and returned it with fervor, snogging Ash with passion, as if they’d never snogged before. Or maybe, like they never would again. When Remy pulled back, they were panting and Remy’s lips were wet and shining.
“Well, I guess I better….”
“Okay.” Ash blinked several times. “See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Tomorrow.” Remy smiled and left.
Ash hoped whatever was bothering Remy sorted itself out soon.
ON Monday, Ash could barely contain the nervous butterflies in his stomach as he settled in for the table read. Still on edge from the uncertain way he and Remy had left things the day before, he could hardly believe he was readying himself for this finale.
“Are you nervous about it?” Remy had asked Saturday night.
“Why would I be?”
“You’re going to be kissing a man in public for the first time.”
Ash considered it and then shrugged. “Yeah, but it’s not real. It’s pretend.” No one was going to draw any conclusions. Besides, the kiss would be short. They’d do several takes, but the script called for a short, closed-mouthed thing.
“Right.” Remy frowned thoughtfully.
Then a thought struck Ash. “You’re not worried about it, are you? Me snogging someone else.”
“No,” Remy said. “I’m not worried about you ‘snogging someone else.’ I know it’s not really you and Michael kissing. I told you I’m not jealous of him.”
“Good. Because I’d never pick snogging Michael over you.” He leaned in and kissed the tip of Remy’s nose.
“Dork,” Remy said and smiled. Ash thought he saw a shadow in his eyes—had he not been truthful?—but he hoped it was his imagination.
Ash pushed the memory away. He had a table read to get through.
When they reached The Moment, Michael leaned over and smacked a very loud and wet kiss to Ash’s cheek. The rest of the cast jeered and catcalled.
And even though it was fake and platonic, Ash’s heart beat double time at the ruse—hiding his gay in plain sight.
“Thank you, darling,” he said lightly and wiped his cheek, unable to repress a grin.
The grin didn’t last.
Once they finished the read, he headed off in search of Remy and found him sat by himself in the writers’ office with his headphones in and staring, once again, out a window.
Ash lifted a hand to knock just as Remy said, “Yeah, I don’t know. I’m not sure what to think or say.”
Oh, the phone.
Feeling awkward, he resumed his knock. Remy jerked and turned.
“Hey. What? Sorry, Nisha. Ash walked in. Talk to you later? … Okay, love you too. Bye.”
When Remy pulled the buds from his ears, Ash said, “Hello.” He didn’t know what else to say, and he felt awkward like he hadn’t been since Remy moved here.
“What’s up?” Remy asked, faux casual.
Ash cringed. He’d never heard that tone before Saturday, but he was already sick of it. “I came to check on you.”
For a long time, Remy stared out the window, and Ash waited for him. At last Remy sighed and turned back to him. “We should have a chat.”
“Right.” Ash swallowed. “I’m done for the day, if you want…?”
“Sure. I should finish up here, but….”
“Dinner? I’ll cook?”
Remy smiled, a small but genuine thing. “I’d like that.”
“Good.”
“Yeah.”
“Well. I guess I better—” Ash motioned toward the doorway.
“Yeah. I’ll, uh, see you later.”
“Later,” Ash said and headed out.
The dread still sat heavy in his stomach and grew worse at the soft sound of Remy’s quiet “Bye.”
ETTA brought Ash home, asked if he’d be all right by himself, and left for her afternoon class.
Ash took a look through the kitchen and settled on making the chicken pasta thing Remy had taught him. But he wouldn’t need to start for some time yet.
So he sat in the bay window with a cup of tea, sipped slowly at it, and fretted.
At four he forced himself out of his seat and prepared dinner. Remy didn’t buzz at the door until almost half six, late even by Remy’s standards.
He smiled and greeted Ash with a
sweet hello and a lingering snog, but there was a somberness to his expression and a desperateness to the kiss. Alarm spread in Ash’s belly.
“Hi. Are you hungry?” Ash asked, hoping to put off whatever conversation Remy thought they needed to have. Suddenly he desperately didn’t want to know.
“Sure. I can always eat. You know that.”
Dinner was awful, their easy manner gone.
“Did you have a good day?” Ash tried in desperation.
“Hmm? Oh, yes. Fine.”
“Good… good….”
By the time dinner ended, Ash figured maybe he did want to force the conversation after all. Anything had to be better than this parody of intimacy.
He opened his mouth just as Remy asked, “Are you happy?”
“What?”
Remy shook his head. “No, that’s not… I mean—” He sighed. “Do you think you’ll ever come out?”
Ash stared. “Come out?”
“Yeah. Let strangers know you’re gay.”
Ash thought of Sam, a career dead in the water. “No.”
“Right.” Remy looked down at his mostly empty plate and pushed the remnants around with his fork. “I got an email from my thesis advisor. He got a grant and is setting up a program at McGill—in Montreal. He’ll need an assistant, and he’s offered me the job.”
Ice filled Ash’s veins. “What?” he croaked.
“I mean, it’s not something I went looking for, okay? But I got it the other day and—I mean, it’s the first job offer for something approaching stable that I’ve had, and maybe it’s a sign, you know?”
Ash didn’t know. In fact, he was totally at sea. “Of what?”
Remy sighed, and his eyes filled with that damnable shadow. “That we’re not meant to be.”
Ash clutched at the counter. He didn’t understand what was happening. He thought they were good together, excellent even, and—didn’t Remy think likewise?
Remy sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. “Look, I like you, Ash. I like you really a lot and I like being with you but… I’ve been kidding myself thinking it didn’t matter if you weren’t out or that we didn’t need to worry about it, but it does and we do.” He sighed, and the coldness reached Ash’s stomach. “When it was just not holding hands in public, it didn’t seem like a big deal, you know? And running around to find secluded corners was fun.” He gave a tiny smile. “It was kind of thrilling to make out in my office.” His smile died. “But avoiding PDAs is one thing. Not telling our friends… I can’t do that. I can’t meet one of your oldest friends and have you sit there and tell her nothing, to lie about who I am. I need—need to be important to someone.”
