by Gail Haris
I nod and we fall into back into silence. He breaks the silence when we pull into the driveway.
“This was nice.” He takes my hand and kisses my knuckle.
I smile and nod as I try to as politely as possible ease my hand from his grasp. He puts the car in park, and we sit there. I try to figure out a way to get out of the car without making this awkward. I look at the house and say, “Well, I’m sure they’re waiting for me.”
I begin to slide out of his grasp, but he stops me with a firm hold. “Wait.”
I turn to look at him and he smiles. “Do you have any plans for next Saturday?”
I have an internal panic attack. I gain some control and lie, “Oh, yeah I actually do.”
He still hasn’t released his hold, so I assume he’s waiting for more details.
“I promised to help with an art project for school. It’s a group project. Saturday is the only day that we can…because some of them work…yeah…” I look back at the house and then to him. I take a deep breath and breathe out, “So, thank you. This was really great of you to pick me up and buy my food.”
I don’t even know if I made any sense just now. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I’m so awkward, and I just want this to be over.
He laughs. “I’ll be more than happy to pick you up and buy you food anytime.”
I open the door as he opens his. I hurry to the front door as I hear him coming behind me.
“You two have a nice time?” Richard opens the door scaring me half to death.
I’m relieved, though, because this saves me from worries about a goodnight kiss.
“Yes, sir. We sure did.” Luke sticks his hand out to shake Richard’s.
“Wonderful. It was good seeing you, son. Tell your parents we said hello. Probably see your dad tomorrow on the golf course. Drive safe on your way home.” Richard gives Luke a hug and then puts his arm around me.
I assume Luke will leave after Richard gave his farewell. Once again, he surprises me by leaning in for a kiss. I catch him this time at the last minute and turn my head. He catches my cheek, barely missing my lips. Richard frowns at Luke, growling, “Goodnight Luke. Off you go. Drive safe.”
Luke whispers in my ear before pulling away, “Sweet dreams.”
While laying down in my room, I go through my text messages. I reply to Rachel and Tara, telling them we’ll talk at school. Landon knocks on the door and comes in. He lays down next to me, and we discuss the night.
“Don’t fall for his shit, Sarah.” I give a small chuckle, but it only offends him, “I’m being serious. That guy is toxic.” He holds a hand up to emphasize his point, “Poison. He’s poison.”
I give a sad smile, for him and myself. Luke hurt him by bullying Marcus. Now, I’m hurt for falling for his charm. He hasn’t actually done anything to hurt me. But Landon feels so passionately about his loathing for Luke that there’s no way I could maintain a positive relationship with him if I pursue a relationship with his nemesis. At the end of the day, I’m going to choose Landon. He’s the brother that I just discovered. He’s family. He’s all I have now.
He continues, clearly unfazed by me, “He is the most untrustworthy person I have ever met in my life.” He visibly shakes, “I can’t believe he kissed you. Did you brush your teeth? Please tell me you used some strong mouthwash. Kills 99.9% of bacteria. Might want to go get checked out in the nurse’s office Monday. We can go to the hospital now.”
I hit his shoulder. “He didn’t use tongue if that’ll ease your mind.”
Landon nods. “It does. I’m glad to hear it. Are you going to go out again if he asks?”
“Of course not. He’s been super sweet, a little pushy, but I still hate to hurt anyone feelings.”
Landon waves off my last comment. “No worries there. He doesn’t have feelings. The only thing you could possibly hurt is his ego.”
I laugh and turn on my side. “Do you think I’ll ever feel like Sarah Randall?”
He turns on his side to face me. “Do you think I’ll ever feel like Landon Randall?”
I raise my eyebrows. “You are Landon Randall. You’ve always been. You know who you are.”
“Think so? I’m still chasing the white rabbit as much as you are, Alice.”
I go downstairs and find Richard in the kitchen eating some grapes at the island. I hold up my sketchpad and give a little wave. He nods and leaves the room. I go on to the den and get comfortable. Richard walks in and takes a seat next to me. We both begin sketching. I can see his work, but I’m still working on my original sketch. I make tiny curves in the center and then focus on big and little lines in a circular motion. When it starts to get late, Richard stands.
“Thanks for coming to get me. It helps me unwind before bed.”
“Me too.”
“Good night, sweetheart.”
“Good night…”
NOAH DOESN’T GET TO SCHOOL as early as he normally does on Monday. I’m a little aggravated but try to not let it show. He finally walks in, with barely a glance my way.
“How was your weekend?” I ask him as he sits down.
“Alright.”
That’s it? “Nothing more to share?”
He just nods while looking straight ahead. I feel a little hurt that he isn’t talking to me. I honestly would like to know what he did. He doesn’t ask about mine, I guess because he already knows I went on a date with Luke. A little part of me wonders if he cares that I went out with Luke because he’s concerned or…could he be jealous?
Karlie struts in with a smug smile. She winks at Noah as she sits down. I turn to watch him merely nod at her. Please no. Noah is handsome, no denying that. He’s going to have girls crushing on him. The thought of him with Karlie makes me want to vomit. Yes, she’s beautiful and the head cheerleader so she’s popular. However, he deserves better. She’s probably better than me since at least it wouldn’t be so complicated. I don’t know why I just compared myself to her. Deciding that Noah may not feel up to talking, I try a different approach. Maybe he’d be more responsive to writing. I pull out my notebook but before I can write anything, she speaks.
“If you want to know about our weekend together, go ahead and ask. I’ll be happy to tell you.”
I narrow my eyes at her and purse my lips together. Deep breaths. Don’t let her get under your skin.
She smiles at Noah, and then sneers at me, “No point in wasting trees. Be eco-friendly.”
I smile at her. “I already asked how his weekend went. He said it was just ‘alright.’ Didn’t sound like it was that exciting.”
This seems to infuriate her. Mission accomplished. Before she can begin a rant, Noah speaks, “Did anyone finish the assignment? I think I’m missing something in my notes.”
I raise my eyebrows at his feeble attempt to change the subject, but it works. Karlie is beside herself going through her backpack in search of her notes. She’s glowing when she hands him her notes. After class, I don’t bother saying anything else to Noah. Even though I went on a date with Luke, I hate that he went on a date with Karlie. I’m so confused with how I feel, but I know I can’t look at him knowing he was with her. I manage to avoid him during third period and lunch as well.
I walk into art class to find Eric and Noah already in their seats. Eric is wearing a smirk while Noah looks indifferent. That indifference is driving me insane. What’s his problem? I can’t figure out why he is treating me with such distaste. Have I in some way made him angry? I’m really annoyed with the fact he went out with Karlie this weekend. Is it because I don’t like her personally and I think he deserves better, or is it because I don’t like the idea of anyone with Noah? Am I jealous?
Not long after taking my seat, Eric begins talking. “Sweet Sarah Randall. I hear that you’re extra sweet. It’s a shame I didn’t get to find out for myself. I should have been smarter and gone to your house when Trent wasn’t around.”
I look at him confused and disgusted. “It would
n’t have mattered if he was there or not.”
I scoot my chair closer to Noah as Eric watches me. “I guess that’s because I’m not good enough for you? I’m no Luke Jamerson, but we could’ve had a good time, nonetheless.” He leans toward me with a smug smile. “We still can.”
I shake my head, cringing. Eric suddenly stops talking and looks away from me.
Noah leans over glaring at Eric but speaks to me, “Ignore him. He’s an idiot.”
He seems tense so I ask, “What’s going on?” Then I lean closer and whisper, “Why have you been so standoffish with me?”
He shrugs. “Not sure what you’re talking about.”
I give a humorless laugh. “Right. Okay, fine. If that’s how you want to behave, go ahead, but I’d rather you tell me so I can make it right.”
He raises his eyebrows and leans closer. “I don’t think you were too worried about what I thought when you went out with that douche.”
“Seriously? I told you I was going and guess what? Nothing happened. We went out to eat, and he took me home. It’s none of your business, but I don’t plan on going on anymore dates with him.”
I huff and cross my arms. His facial features soften as he scoots his chair to the point we are completely against each other. He whispers, “Why are you not going out with him again? Did he…he didn’t…did he do something he shouldn’t have?”
I love that he cares, but I’m a little unnerved that I’m secretly hoping he cares more in a jealous way. Before I allow myself to focus on that feeling, I shove it aside to examine what he might be implying about Luke. I shake my head and ask, “Nothing happened. Why are you so upset?”
He huffs, and I can tell he’s exasperated that I’m having trouble figuring this out. “I’m upset that I knocked that guy out for you, after he gave you a spiked drink, and then you were willing to go on a date alone with him. Also…”
He fidgets and looks around the room. He’s making me nervous with this dramatic pause, so I urge, “Also?”
He sighs. “Also, Luke is telling everyone that something did happen.”
I practically shout, “What? Okay, he did kiss me once on the lips, but it was by surprise. I didn’t encourage him and avoided all other kissing opportunities.” I feel myself beginning to panic, “What exactly is he saying?”
Noah shushes me and whispers, “I would rather not say. I don’t believe anything happened…now.”
I’m taken aback by his last comment. “What do you mean ‘now’? Is that why you’ve been acting this way? You think I did something with Luke over the weekend?”
He rushes in an agitated tone. “What was I supposed to think? Like I said, the guy gets you tipsy and feels on you all night in front of everyone. You turn around and go out on a date with him. He went around telling everyone you liked it so much that you wanted more, and this time, y’all weren’t interrupted.”
My heart sinks, and my face feels flushed. I’m mortified. This is why everyone has probably been obsessed with asking me for details. Noah has probably been protecting me the best he can. No wonder he’s so angry every time it gets brought up.
“Nothing happened. One kiss. No tongue. I haven’t accepted a second date.” I decide to change the subject and put the focus on Noah. “What about your weekend? Karlie indicated you had a nice time with her?”
He scoffs. “Please. A group of us all went to the movies. She happened to sit next to me.”
I’m pleased with how he doesn’t seem to reciprocate the same feelings toward her as she does him.
He gives a smirk. “Well…one little thing might’ve happened.” He pulls some hair away from my ear and whispers, “She stuck her hand down…” He pauses. My heart stops. I can’t believe he’s telling me this. I want to stop him, but I also want to know what exactly went on between them. “…my popcorn bowl.”
I chuckle and give him a sideways look. Noah mocks surprise. “What did you think I was going to say? Um, I don’t know what kind of dirty mind you have. Also, it was a PG movie, I’ll have you know.”
Trying to disguise how much I really care, I ask as casually as possible, “You two only shared popcorn?”
He mimics my response from earlier. “Nothing happened. It’s none of your business, but I don’t plan to share anymore popcorn with her.”
We both burst out laughing. The rest of the day goes back to normal between us.
I get a text from Luke after school asking me how my day went. Funny he should ask. I decide to confront him about everything over the phone so I can gauge his reactions. He answers on the second ring.
“Hey you.”
“Hey yourself. Have you been telling people that something more happened Saturday? Like—we did more than go out to eat?”
“What? That’s crazy. I wish. Ha.”
“This isn’t funny. People have been whispering about me all day.”
“That’s because you went out with me. Ignore them. I haven’t said anything. I don’t kiss and tell. People like a juicy story. If they don’t hear one, they’ll make it up.”
“Then maybe we should hold off on anymore dates. That way they won’t have anything to tell.”
“You’re going to not date just because some people are bored and exaggerate a little?”
A little? Wow. And, I’m still going to date. Just not you. I bite my tongue and wait for him to finish. “I understand though. There’s a lot of attention that goes with dating me. It’s fine.”
“Yeah. Well, bye.”
“Bye, Sarah.”
If he’s upset, he hides it well. I feel like that phone conversation went well. I find Landon to tell him about it.
He shakes his head and says, “You’re so cute. Luke isn’t going to take it well that he was turned down. Just wait.”
…Well, crap.
Dec 12
I haven’t written in here in years. I guess I felt like I needed to talk to someone about what’s been going on, but who can I talk to? Nobody would understand. Olivia is fourteen and wanting more independence. Around here it’s fine. I let her hang out with her friends, go where she wants. But I try to keep her away from anything that could leak back to the Randalls. She’s been wanting to have access to social media. All her friends have accounts. Why can’t she? Why can’t she be like everyone else? She’s so lame that she doesn’t have her own account when literally everyone at school has an account. I’m surprised with what a strain this has been between us. Even Andrea is team Luv Bug having social media. She wants to be involved in her life and goes on about how easy it would be. My sister is so annoyed with me that I won’t let Luv spend the weekend with them this summer. I can’t. I can’t take that risk. She can’t go visit. And she most certainly cannot have her face plastered all over social media.
She’d really throw a fit if she knew I had accounts. I keep mine private and under a fake name. Gotta keep an eye on those Randalls.
Even if I was strict with who she could be friends with and kept the account private—her photo could still get leaked back to them. Especially if Andrea added her! I know my sister means well, and honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed how much Olivia looks like the Randalls. Then again, she’s not close to them. They don’t run in the same circles. Probably the only reason Noah associates with them is through sports. What fate is that? Noah, friends with Olivia’s brothers! And Noah, what if he added Olivia to his friends list? Not that those two ever talk—but what if this caused them to start communicating more. That’d push all of them to want her to go visit. I can’t take her back!
It’s asking for trouble. No, begging for it. We have a good life. We’re happy. Her social media phase will pass. She just doesn’t want to be an outsider. I tried telling her that not everyone has an account. Even my own ears thought it sounded lame. But what’s a mother to do? I have to protect my daughter. The older she gets…the more I fear I’m going to lose her.
ONCE I LEARNED THE TRUTH about Cindy, I’d suspected that’s
why I was kept away from social media. Reading it from her and having confirmation doesn’t make it any easier. I remember those conversations. They were the few arguments we had. Funny, now I can have a social media account, but I don’t want it. I close the journal. It’s hard to admit, but I was raised by a crazy person. Does that make me crazy for a part of me still loving her?
And funny enough, whereas Cindy let me go everywhere alone but no social media, Melissa lets me have all the online freedom in the world just no traveling alone. I finally get my chance to go somewhere alone. I need supplies for my art project. To my surprise and delight, everyone is busy. I grab the keys and my secret phone. I text Noah that I have at least a thirty-minute window. While waiting for him to reply, I go ahead and rush through the store. I walk out within ten minutes. With perfect timing, he texts me to meet him at a general store nearby. I’m a little perplexed because I’d wanted to go to their house.
I hop out of the car, but before I enter the store, I hear Noah calling my name from a few feet down the street. I speed walk toward him, looking around the whole time.
When I reach him, he answers my thoughts. “I can’t let you go to our house. Your parents are most likely tracking your phone, so leave it in your car. Let’s go to the restaurant down the street. It’s less crowded, and none of your parents’ circle of friends go there.”
We enter a casual place that only serves sub sandwiches, Balto’s. I spot Aunt Andrea right away. She gets up out of her seat when she sees us, and I rush into her arms. We both hug and cry until the guys clear their throats. We can’t help that we’re so emotional since this is the first time since Cindy’s death that we have been alone together. I sit down next to her while Noah and his dad sit across from us. We all fall into easy conversation about anything and everything. I tell them all about the Randalls, especially how I’m developing a close relationship with Landon, and also slowly with Denise and Trent as well.
