by Gail Haris
I wink. “Your popcorn bowl.”
“Oh yeah, you reach right on in there. Get a handful. But be careful, it can get messy.”
We burst into the theater laughing. We have the room to ourselves, thankfully. Through the whole movie, we make jokes and enjoy sharing the bowl of popcorn.
On the way home, I confide in Noah again about how I don’t really like the name Sarah or Olivia now.
He nods and declares, “Then I won’t call you either one. I can just go around saying Honey, Sugar Pie, Baby Doll.”
I give him a mock look of horror and beg, “Please don’t.”
He pats my knee. “Nah, but how about Olah?”
I stare at him and he clarifies, “It’s a combination of the names. Just like you’re a combination of both the women that helped mold you…”
He stops and glances over at me. I hold up my hand, “Stop. I get that you’re trying to go deep with this but no.”
I’m worried I might have actually hurt his feelings, but once again, his eyes give him away. We start laughing at the same time. He continues to throw out the most ridiculous name combinations.
“You always call me ‘Liv.’ Maybe we should stick with that,” I suggest.
He waves it off. “That’s a nickname from your old name, though. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s weird to think I’m dating Olivia. What if someone asks, ‘Hey, seems I remember Andrea mentioning you have a cousin named Olivia,’ and I’ll be like, ‘Yup! That’s the one!’ Referring to you as ‘Liv’ helped ease my mind, sorta. I do think Landon’s nickname for you is fitting. The whole Alice in Wonderland bit.”
I want to tell him I like the nickname and for him to keep calling me ‘Liv.’ However, I decide to drop the subject. I don’t want to revisit last night and everything that has happened this year again. I lay my head back against the seat and enjoy the ride.
Noah begins scanning radio stations when I hear one of my all-time favorite songs come on. I quickly stop him and turn back until I hear “Hold Me Now” by the Thompson Twins. I can’t help myself as I begin belting out, “Hold me now, warm my heart, stay with me.”
He laughs and gives me a knowing smile. “I take it Aunt Cindy was always jamming to the music of her youth? Mom’s always blasting the 80s.”
I nod and continue singing freely. He licks his lip and bites his bottom lip. I’m caught off guard when he sings at the top of his voice. I burst out laughing and then join him. “Hold me now, whoa warm my heart, stay with me!” It’s like we’re having a contest to see who can sing more theatrically. When the song ends, we laugh and poke fun at each other’s singing.
I begin to sing a little of the next song but stop when he asks, “I take it you know a lot of 80s tunes?”
I nod my head and clarify. “And a lot of 80s movies. Cindy was always listening to music while she drove, cleaned, whatever she was doing. Then every time we’d have a movie night and it was her turn to pick she’d pick an 80s movie.”
We pull into the school parking lot. He parks right next to my car but still gets out to stand next to me as I put my bag in the car. I’m unsure if I should just get in the car or stand there.
I choose to stand there grinning at him. “I really had fun. Thank you for today. I really, really needed that.”
He responds with a sweet and gentle kiss on the lips. He pulls away. “I had fun, too. I’ll get here early tomorrow. Hopefully, you’ll have a better night than last night.”
He rolls the window down in his truck blasting, “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds.
I start my car, but before I leave, I send a quick text to him.
Me: Today was great. Thanks again. Also you have great taste in music. ;)
Noah: See you tomorrow. And “don’t you forget about me”
Me: Smooth. You made fun of Eric for cheesy lines.
Noah: Did Eric’s line work?
Me: No.
Noah: Did mine?
Me: Maybe
Melissa is waiting for me at the kitchen table when I walk into the house. She raises her head when she hears me enter the room.
“We need to talk, Sarah.”
Her eyes are puffy and filled with sadness. I sit down and wait for her to continue. I have no idea what to say, so I’ll let her carry this conversation.
“Would you like something to drink? I think I need another cup of coffee.” She gets up and goes to the coffee pot.
I have learned that when she’s nervous, she always wants something to eat or drink. I think she does this mostly to have something to do, especially with her hands. I have the same habit, so I accept a cup of coffee as well. We both play with our cups for a moment.
Finally, Melissa speaks to me with a defeated and worn tone. “Sarah,” she takes a deep breath, “I’m so sorry for last night. I know you skipped school because of last night. I know you went out of town. I don’t know who you went with, but I have a pretty good idea.”
I interrupt her, “What, you can’t track everyone’s phone?”
She narrows her eyes at me and retorts, “No. I can’t. But I can call the school and find out if Noah Wallace was absent as well.”
She holds a hand up as to stop herself and regains control of her temper. We both take a sip of our coffee.
“I’m sorry for last night. You’ve no idea how sorry I am. I lost my temper. I should have never behaved that way. I love you so much.” Her voice cracks as though she’s about to cry. She stops and takes another sip of coffee. “I know you’re upset and confused, but you cannot skip school. You can’t take off without us knowing. I was so worried. I didn’t know…” She sniffles and takes another sip of coffee. “I didn’t know…I didn’t know if you were going to come home.”
She breaks down now and sobs, so I walk around the table and hold her.
“I’m sorry I skipped school. And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I figured you’d track my phone anyways…but that’s no excuse. I’m sorry too,” I tell her as she cries on my shoulder.
She finally pulls away and grabs a napkin to wipe her eyes. I go back to my seat since I’m not sure what to do. I play with my coffee cup again, waiting for her to speak.
“I think we’re both at fault here. You shouldn’t have skipped school. However, I realize how I’ve been behaving has just made things harder for you. I really am trying, Sarah. I’m so sorry. I just want you to be safe. I want you to be safe and happy.”
I shrug and lamely murmur, “I am safe and happy.”
She shakes her head. “You’re safe, but I don’t believe you’re truly happy. If having a relationship with the Wallace family would make things easier for you…”
She sucks in a deep breath. This is very difficult for her, I can tell.
“As long as you will communicate with me, you can have a relationship with them. I can’t stand the idea of you sneaking around. I also realize they had no involvement in what happened. They love you too… and if this will help our relationship…” she lets the last sentence hang in the air.
I’m so excited that I’m about to cry. I go around the table again and hug her tightly.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
During my now monthly therapy session with Rita, I finally confess about the journal and that’s its now burned.
“How did that make you feel, that she burned something of Cindy’s that you’d kept?”
“I was hurt. Angry. But I told her. I let out a lot of those pent-up feelings. Then I ran away. Richard got me and we shared a moment. I think a lot of good actually came out of it.”
“Good.”
“I also found out that the girl that has been bullying me is Cindy’s ex-husband’s daughter.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Just when you didn’t think this couldn’t get more messed up, huh?”
“Well, this isn’t a very big place.” Rita smiles.
“Did you just make a joke?”
“I’m capable of it from t
ime to time.”
“I like this side of you, Rita.”
“So, once again Noah was there for you. Offering you comfort.”
“Yes, yes he was. Actually, Melissa gave her blessing for me to have a relationship with the Wallace family. We’re kind of a thing now, I think. Noah and I.”
“You think?” Rita raises a brow and smirks at me. I can’t stop the corner of my lips from turning up as I give her a shrug.
“I don’t know how serious this is going to be, but I’m excited to see where it goes. Still a little weird to call my boyfriend’s mom my aunt.”
“And—”
“It was a joke!” I burst out laughing. “I’m really starting to feel more a part of the Randall family. I’m happy being a part of their family. I feel like my life is coming together.”
EVEN THOUGH MELISSA GAVE PERMISSION for me to have a relationship with the Wallace family, I knew better than to push my luck. Noah and I keep our relationship mostly at school. I text Andrea every day from the private phone still.
I appreciate the effort Melissa is putting forth and felt it best to take baby steps. Which is why I’m so surprised that at the end of our Thanksgiving meal, Melissa announces for my eighteenth birthday, everyone is invited—including the Wallace family. The Randalls are throwing an extravagant party for me next week. Again, I appreciate the effort Melissa is making by allowing them to attend.
After I clean up in the kitchen, I grab my sketch pad and head to the den. Richard is watching television but when he sees me, he smiles and turns it off. He reaches over and grabs his sketch pad off the end table.
“I was wondering when you’d be back.”
“You could’ve gotten me.”
“Nah, I can wait.” His eyes hold mine. “I can wait for whenever you’re ready.”
We watch each other as we flip the page. I take my pencil and hold it up. He grabs his and tips it toward mine. Then we begin. We sketch in complete and total silence until my neck is stiff and my eyes feel heavy. I yawn and he chuckles. “I think it’s time to call it a night.”
“Yeah.”
We flip our sketch pads closed.
“Good night, sweetheart.”
“Good night…Dad.”
The house has been transformed into a winter wonderland theme with lights everywhere, and there’s enough food to feed a small country. Outside, there’s a huge tent and a stage has been set up. There’s a live band playing a mix between Christmas tunes and contemporary hits.
I’m having a wonderful time. I visit openly with Andrea and Brad. I dance with Landon, Denise, and Trent. Tara and a few girls from the soccer team are here, and I dance and hang out with them. Most of my attention, however, goes to Noah.
Trent brought Maggie, and they look like a royal couple together as they dance. However, at one point, I spot him and Rachel off together chatting.
He leaves her side and comes to stand with Landon and me. “Having a nice time, birthday girl?”
“This is amazing, how could I not?” I make a show of looking around.
“Mom can get carried away with parties,” he nods, “but she’ll be thrilled to know you’ve enjoyed it.”
I look over and find Rachel watching us with longing in her eyes.
Landon must see it as well. “Hey man, can you do me a favor?”
Trent nods and pats Landon’s shoulder. “Anything for you, man.”
He nods toward Rachel and asks, “Have one dance with her. Tell Maggie she’s just your kid brother’s best friend or Sarah’s best friend.”
Trent sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Don’t you think that’s leading her on a bit?”
Frustration clear in his voice, Landon hisses, “I don’t get it. What’s the problem? You like her, but you reel her in only to throw her back out again, like you’re freaking fishing. She’s a great catch.” Landon sticks his nose up with a huff, then points toward Maggie with his chin. “Is Rachel not sophisticated enough?”
Trent chuckles and shakes his head. “You know that’s not it. And I’m trying not to keep ‘reeling’ her in, as you put it. She’s young, and it’s only a puppy crush. She’s been fixated on me since we were all little kids. Wait until she goes to college and expands her horizon from this small town. Then, I bet she won’t even give me a second glance.”
Landon nods. “Good. I hope she doesn’t, because you don’t deserve her.” He still presses, “It sounds like you should go get that dance while she’s willing to give you the time of day. You better come to your senses before she does.”
Trent turns on his heels and strolls over to Rachel, and we watch as her face lights up. She eagerly steps into his embrace. We watch as they dance, but alarm bells go off as we see Maggie heading toward them. Not wasting any time to see how it will play out, Landon rushes to her. He doesn’t even give Maggie a chance to decline. He plasters a huge grin on his face as he swoops her off her feet and twirls her around the dance floor. Once the song ends, Trent unwinds from Rachel with a smile and goes back to find Maggie. He stays with her for the remainder of the night.
As the party is winding down, Noah tells me he has a gift for me. He asks if it would be possible for me to leave. I go find Melissa and Richard to let them know I’m leaving for a little bit.
“I hope it’s okay, but Noah wanted to take me out for a little bit. He said he has a birthday surprise.”
Melissa brings her hands in front of her and entwines them together. “Are you two a couple now?”
“Yeah. We are. He’s really nice and he gets me.”
She starts to speak again, but Richard gently places a hand on her shoulder. “As long as you’re being careful.”
I nod but I can see the worry in Melissa’s eyes. She smiles. “Okay. Promise you’ll check in with me?”
I hug her. “Of course.”
Richard squeezes my arm. “Have fun sweetheart. Be home before it gets too late.”
“This has been the best birthday ever.”
Melissa’s eyes brighten. “Ever?”
I almost want to laugh at how hopeful she sounds. “Ever.”
Noah takes me back to the stream at the reservation. I refer to it now as our spot. He starts a small fire. We unfold some blankets, and we cuddle under them. I giggle when he turns “Hold Me Now” on his iPod. I take it from his hands to find he created our own playlist.
“Best birthday present.” I cuddle into him more.
“There’s one more.” He hands me a beautifully wrapped, flat square box.
I open it, and inside is some kind of form. I read it, and my eyes fill with unshed tears. I look at Noah and search his face, trying to understand what he’s given me.
He fidgets for a moment but then clears his throat. “You said you didn’t know who you are, but I think you do know who you are. The problem is that you identify a part of yourself with the name Olivia and what that name means. The same with the name Sarah. Maybe you’d feel more you if you chose a new name to identify yourself. Cindy chose Olivia and molded you into who she thought Olivia should be. Melissa has been trying to change and mold you into who she thinks Sarah should be. I figured that since you’re eighteen now and graduating, it’s time for you to decide who you are. Who do you want to be? Maybe a new name will help you with that identity crisis you seem to be suffering with.”
I make an ugly choking sound as I try to swallow a cry. I read over the court form that is to legally change my name.
Noah quickly tells me, “But you don’t have to change your name. You can remain Sarah Randall. I thought you should know that you have the option. I didn’t know if this had even crossed your mind.”
I throw my arms around Noah and cry into his neck. He pets my hair as he holds me and rocks back and forth. I pull back and kiss him, trying to convey my gratitude in that one simple kiss.
I sit back and grin. “I love this. Thank you so much.”
He shrugs. “I didn’t do anything. It’s all up to you, real
ly.”
I kiss him and then sigh into his arms. We sit there, warm, cuddled under the blankets, and stare out at the stars while listening to the sound of water lapping from the stream and cheesy 80s music.
CHRISTMAS MORNING IS LIKE A dream in the Randall’s mansion. I wake up to the smell of fresh baked cookies. At first, I thought I was dreaming but nope, Melissa is baking cookies. The house is beautifully decorated. Landon said she does it every year because Christmas is her favorite time of year. He informed me she goes a little overboard on everything Christmas related. I love her enthusiasm. I think when I have children, I’ll want to bake cookies on Christmas morning, too.
Like my mom. I smile to myself and continue walking through the house. I notice there are new frames in the hallway.
Me.
There are several new photos blended in with the others. There are a few professional photos we’ve had done since my arrival. A few are moments I didn’t realize anyone was capturing. I’m laughing and my eyes are sparkling while I’m eating frozen yogurt. I remember that day. Homecoming dress shopping. We’d stopped for a snack. There’s one of me with all of them laughing on the soccer field. We look…like a family. There’s one I remember taking right before Trent left back for school. Seeing all four of us standing side by side, the resemblance. There’s no question that we’re related. I gently run my finger down the smooth printed canvas. Our smiles are genuine. My smile now is genuine. A sense of peace washes over me. I love my family. I’m happy to be here. And seeing these photos on the walls, brings me more peace and joy than I could imagine they would. It’s like an acceptance here. A feeling of belonging. They really do see me as part of the family. My face is worth printing and taking the time to hang up next to theirs. It may sound silly, but it means the world to me. I take another moment to let the emotions wash over me. Then I smile and follow the sound of laughter and Christmas music further into the house.
There are stockings with our names on them over the fireplace and beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree. It doesn’t seem real.
