by Casey, Ember
“I want to do this, Sophia.”
“But why? Why risk your life for my father? He’s always been so cruel to you. Why do this for him?”
“He’s only been hard on me because he wants to protect you,” I reply. “But anyway, I’m not doing this for him. I’m doing this for you.” I cock my head. “Though if doing this can get me out of wearing a stiff, uncomfortable suit at our wedding, I’ll take that, too. Do you think if I go through with this he’ll cut me some slack?”
She doesn’t seem impressed with my jokes at a time like this, but I don’t care. I’ve already made up my mind.
“I’m doing it,” I tell the doctor firmly. “Just tell me what to do next.”
Sophia
The doctor stares at him for a long moment, finally turning his gaze to me. “This is a dangerous operation, even if the donor isn’t in poor health.”
“I’m not in poor health,” Pax says. “I’m healthy as a horse.”
I lift a brow. “You’re in the hospital. I’d hardly say you’re healthy.”
“Only because I carried your father for—what? Fifteen or twenty miles?”
I try not to roll my eyes, but I can’t help but heave a slight sigh. “Even if you weren’t exaggerating—”
“I’m not exaggerating,” he interrupts with a grin. “Besides, I want to do it.”
The physician’s brow furrows. “The danger really has very little to do with your bout with exhaustion.” He pauses, frowning. “You sustained a grave injury only a few months ago. One that nearly killed you.”
“But it didn’t.” Pax shrugs. “And it’ll take a lot more than losing a stupid kidney to kill me now.”
“Pax…” I don’t even know what to say. I love my father, no matter how awful he’s been to my husband, and I truly don’t want to see him die. But I don’t want Pax to die, either. And just the thought of Pax giving so much for my father… I’m not sure I can live with myself either way.
“Seriously, I don’t see what the big deal is, Sophia.”
“The big deal is…” I frown—I can’t believe how nonchalant he’s being about this. “It’s your kidney, Pax.”
“And I have two, don’t I?” He looks up at the physician. “Isn’t that why you get two? To give one away?”
The doctor cocks his head. “Hardly—”
“I mean, I know that isn’t really why.” Pax straightens in his bed. “But it’s mine to give away, isn’t it?”
The physician takes the seat on the opposite side of the bed. “I have to tell you of the risks, Mr. Donovan. And I’d suggest you take this very seriously.”
He starts to list all the things that could go wrong, starting with blood loss and ending with death.
“No.” I shake my head. “You can’t.”
“Sophia…” Pax turns to me, taking my hand in his. “I can promise you, I’m not going to die.”
“You don’t know that for sure.” Tears well in my eyes. “And there’s no way you can know—”
“But I do.” He looks into my eyes, his expression turning serious. “I do. Sophia, it’s going to take so much more than this to take me away from you. I don’t know how I know, but I know. This is the right thing to do. For everyone.”
Our gaze never breaks. I don’t know how he’s doing it, but whatever it is making him so sure that this is the right thing has some way of calming every fear I have.
“I love you, Sophia. There’s nothing that can happen to me that will ever change that.”
“I love you, Pax. And I swear, if you die, I’m going to kill you.”
He stares at me for a moment longer before we both begin to laugh. “And I promise you that if I die, I’ll let you kill me any way you want.”
* * *
My father and Pax have been in surgery for hours—hours longer than they told us it would be. The family has all gathered in the private waiting room again. Nicholas and William are playing cards in the corner. Leo and Elle take turns walking about with their baby. Andrew is pretending to stay busy on the opposite side of the room, fiddling with his phone. And my mother hasn’t left my side since the procedure began.
She holds my hand, and it’s almost like we’re holding each other for dear life. I’d never understood fully what she must have gone through each time my father has fallen ill, but I do now. It seems like I don’t really even need to explain the wrenching in my chest—just the way she holds my hand tells me she’s feeling the same thing.
My mother finally tips her head to whisper into my ear. “I’m sure there’s an explanation.”
For how long this is taking, she means. I merely nod, trying not to lose it in front of my family, though I’m barely holding it together. I’m not so sure how my mother is managing, either.
“He’s a good man.” My mother smiles at me. “Your husband.” She nods a few times. “I can’t imagine many people would have given this gift so freely.”
I look at her for a few seconds, and I can’t help but wonder for the briefest of moments if my father would have done the same for Pax. I suppose it’s not really a question I need answering.
My mother gazes into my eyes. “Your husband gave mine the greatest gift another person can give. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure he’s thanked properly for it.”
I shake my head. “He wouldn’t want you to.” I squeeze her hand. “But I’m glad you know now why I fell in love with him.”
“I do.” She gives me a small smile. “Not that I ever had any doubt that the man you finally fell in love with would be the most wonderful man in the world.”
Tears fill my eyes. Pax really is the most wonderful man—and the perfect man for me.
Before I can respond, a physician walks in, still in his surgical gown. He pulls down his mask after he enters, glancing around the room before his gaze finally falls on my mother and me.
He frowns. “Your Majesty…Your Highness.” His brow furrows. “His Majesty has made it through the surgery without issue. His new kidney is perfusing, and it looks like he’s going to be fine for now.”
“That’s wonderful news.” My mother smiles, squeezing my hand. “Wonderful news.”
I shake my head. “It isn’t, though, is it?” I look up at the doctor. “Something’s happened to Pax, hasn’t it?”
His frown deepens. “Your husband is awake, Your Highness. But there’s been a…complication.”
Pax
Everything is sort of hazy. There are people around me—lots of people! Lots and lots and lots of people. I try to count them, but I can’t remember how to use numbers. And I think some of the people might be talking to me, but I can’t understand them.
“Speak English, please,” I tell them. “And don’t mumble.” They try again, but they still make no sense. They leave—I think—and other people come in. Then leave. In and out, in and out…it makes me dizzy just trying to keep track of everyone.
There’s someone next to me. A woman. I can tell because she smells good.
“You smell like sunshine,” I say to her. I blink a few times, trying to bring her into focus. She has dark hair. “Very pretty.”
Someone squeezes my hand. The pretty woman. The pretty woman is squeezing my hand. I grin.
“You’re touching me,” I say. “Where are we?”
She says something, and it takes me a few minutes to puzzle it out. The words seem all out of order, but I think she says we’re in a hospital.
“That’s no fun,” I tell her. “We should go somewhere else. Like a bar. Or a picnic! Ladies love picnics.” Will that make the pretty lady like me?
She’s more in focus now. She has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. I don’t want to look away from them. She looks vaguely familiar, but I can’t pull my thoughts away from her pretty eyes long enough to figure out why.
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her. “So beautiful. I like your eyes.”
She smiles slightly, but otherwise she looks upset. Why is the pretty w
oman so upset?
“Don’t cry,” I tell her. “I’ll protect you. You’re safe with me.”
She starts to speak, then cuts herself off. Her gaze goes to someone on the other side of me.
I turn my head, and there’s a very tall man in a white coat standing there. I don’t like him. He’s interrupting my time with this pretty lady.
“Go away,” I tell him. “This is important.”
“So is this,” he says. “You’re still anaconda anaconda anaconda.”
I laugh. Anaconda. I’m not a snake!
The pretty lady squeezes my hand. She smells so good. How do I know her?
“Where am I?” I ask. “I’m not an anaconda.”
“You’re at the hospital, Pax,” the pretty lady says.
Pax. That’s my name! I laugh again. “I told you I wasn’t an anaconda.”
The man in the white coat is talking again, but I don’t bother trying to follow. He obviously has no idea what he’s talking about. Instead, I stare up at the ceiling. It’s very white and clean.
This place doesn’t look familiar. Where am I?
I turn my head, looking and the beautiful woman again. She’s so pretty. And she’s holding my hand. I grin like an idiot as I look at her.
“Pax,” she says gently. “Did you hear any of that?”
“You should say it again,” I tell her. “I like when you talk to me.”
Why does she look so familiar? I wish I could remember. She obviously knows me. She seems to like me.
I’m so lucky.
More people are talking. I think. I just keep staring at her. I want to remember how I know her.
Little by little, it comes back—flashes of memories of her. Of her laughing. Her crying. Her kissing me. Yes, I like that memory…
“You kissed me,” I tell her. “It was nice. Will you kiss me again? If I ask nicely?”
She leans over me, her face creased with worry. “Yes, Pax, but not right now.”
“Why not?” I ask her. “Don’t you like me? I like you.”
Something tickles at the edge of my memory—her name. Soda. Sonia. Sophie—
“Sophia!” I exclaim. “Your name is Sophia! I knew I knew it.”
Her hand brushes against my face. There’s another brief smile. “Yes, that’s my name. Do you remember yours?”
I do. She just said it a short while ago. It still takes me a minute to recall it.
“Pax,” I tell her. “Patrick. Pax.”
Another smile. “Do you remember why you’re here?”
“Where’s here?” I ask, looking up at the ceiling. It’s very white. Very white and clean. Oh, that’s right… She told me. What did she say? A few seconds later, I find it. “The hospital. I’m at the hospital.”
“Do you remember why?”
That’s a much harder question. But I begin to remember. “I was shot.”
Her smile falls. “Yes,” she says softly. “You were. But after that? Do you remember? You saved my father, Pax.”
Her father. I remember him.
“He hates me,” I say.
“He doesn’t hate you,” she replies. “But he made things difficult for you, and you saved his life anyway.” She raises my hand to her lips. “I love you, Pax. Please, be okay.”
She loves me! The beautiful woman loves me! I’m so lucky.
“I love you, too,” I say. “I’ll save all of your fathers. Every one.” I try to rub my eye, but my arm is hooked up to something. “Why did the doctor call me an anaconda?”
That gets a small laugh from her. “He never did. You must have misheard him.”
“He did,” I insist.
“He said you were still coming out from the anesthesia.”
It takes me a minute to puzzle out that last word. “What’s…ana…teas…”
Oh, anesthesia!
“Why was I under anesthesia?” I ask, my tongue still tangling over the last word.
“You just gave my father a kidney,” she says.
Oh, that’s right… I’m starting to remember that, too. Fuck, why is my mind so fuzzy?
“Did it work?” I ask her. “Is he okay?”
“Yes,” she says softly. “He’s doing fine. Better than you, actually.”
“Better than me?”
Her eyes glimmer with tears. “Yes. You developed a blood clot during the surgery. For a minute they thought… I thought…” She bows her head slightly, and I see a tear fall from her lashes down onto the bed. “Damn it, Pax, you can’t do this to me again.”
“Do what?”
She looks back up at me, and the tears are steaming openly down her cheeks now. “You can’t almost die on me! This is the second time in only a few months, and I can’t go through it again. I can’t. I don’t know how I’ll survive.”
I tighten my grip on her hand. My mind is becoming clearer and clearer by the second. “I’m alive. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You better not. Or I swear to God, I’ll follow you into the afterlife and drag you down to hell.”
I grin. “That’s pretty romantic.”
In spite of her tears, she laughs. “Damn it, Pax. How can you joke at a time like this?”
“Why not? I’m alive, aren’t I? As long as I’m alive I’d rather laugh and joke than sit around worrying about ‘what ifs’. And as long as I’m with you, I’d rather spend each moment thinking about how lucky I am than thinking about what would happen if you weren’t in my life. Our time here is precious, Sophia, and I want every moment to count.”
She smiles, and the tears seemed to have stopped for now, but they still glimmer on her cheeks like diamonds.
“I can’t wait to remarry you next week,” I tell her.
“They might have to reschedule the wedding,” she says.
“Why? Everything is already planned. I’ll even put on that stiff suit without complaining.”
“We’ll see,” she tells me. “It all depends on how my father is doing. But on the other hand, I suspect he’ll want to see this ‘done properly’ sooner rather than later.”
“I can’t wait,” I tell her again. But for now, it’s enough to just be here. With her.
Sophia
The next week passes by quickly. My father is released from the hospital several days before Pax, but even in their fragile states, neither the State Dinner nor our wedding is postponed.
“Go over this with me again. One last time.” Pax fidgets with his lapel as we make our way to the grand ballroom where the State Dinner is held.
“Which part?” I can’t help but smile over at him. Since he’s come home from the hospital, he’s rededicated himself to his prince lessons, though I doubt anyone in my family expects him to any longer.
“All of it.” He pulls at his stiff collar. “And do you think they’d mind if I undid the top button? It isn’t like anyone can see it under this hideous tie.”
“Your tie is not hideous.” I stop walking, pulling him over to the side of the hallway to help him adjust his clothing. “It’s very dashing.”
“Dashing is good.” He makes a face as I retighten his tie. “It’s just that this suit is anything but dashing. Stupid. Stupid would be a much better adjective.”
“Handsome. Dapper. I daresay elegant.” I grin. “And trust me, I’ll make going to this dinner worth your while.”
“Promises, promises.” He winks. “I still can’t be trusted to do any strenuous exercise, remember?”
“Oh, I remember.” I give him my best attempt at a provocative look, glancing him up and down. “You won’t have to do any of the work.”
“Hm. I think I could be convinced to take this bribe.” He grins at me. “But please tell me one more time what I have to do tonight.”
I smooth his lapel, patting him on the chest before we turn to make our way down the corridor again. “You know enough to breeze through tonight. I have no concerns at all.”
“I’m glad one of us feels that way.” He pulls my hand int
o his, lacing his fingers through mine. “I just don’t like that we can’t sit together.”
“It’s tradition. Each member of the family is seated at a different table, and my mother tries very hard to make each table as interesting as possible.” I turn to smile up at him. “You’ll do just fine.”
“If you say so.”
“I do.” I turn to him just as we’re about to enter the room. “And if you’re lucky, perhaps we’ll get a dance together.”
“Only one?” He tilts his head, giving me his best puppy dog impression.
“Yes, only one.” I slap playfully at his chest. “You’re supposed to come out of the evening with new friends. And besides, you’ll have plenty of dances with me tomorrow.”
He grins. “Ah yes, tomorrow. The day I get to marry my wife all over again.”
“The day I get to show everyone in my country that I’m truly married to the man I love.”
His smile widens. “I like the way you say it so much better.” He lifts my hand to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of it. “But now, Your Highness, I must be off to my assigned seat.”
He makes a great show as he’s escorted to his seat on the opposite side of the room.
I have to admit, I’d much rather have him next to me than anyone else. While my mother does do exceedingly well with the seating arrangements at the State Dinner each year, it is still mostly a boring affair. I’ve been attending since I was a teen, and all my brothers have as well. It isn’t really an event I look forward to, but it’s important to my family all the same.
I make my way to my table—I vaguely know a few of the people already seated. There’s a distant cousin across from me, and I give him a polite nod as I take my chair. The woman near me isn’t familiar to me at all—a quick glance at her placard reveals she’s a Rosvalian duchess, likely a cousin of Justine’s.
I’m about to speak to her when someone slides onto the chair next to me.
Pax grins over at me as he takes his napkin from the table, folding it onto his lap.
I shake my head slowly at him, but I can’t help but smile. “This is highly inappropriate.”
