I looked up when the door opened and Skyler came barreling into the room, his jaw set tight and his face red. He didn’t acknowledge me; he didn’t even look at me. The sight of so much anger in someone who’d always been gentle with me was frightening.
“You got something you want to say to me, Rush?” Skyler stalked to his bass player, getting up in his face. “If you got something to say, I suggest you do it to me. Don’t be a goddamn pussy and go running to Camille because guess who she works for, Rush? Me! I’m the boss here, shithead.”
Rush stepped back and took off his guitar, placing it gently on the stand before turning back to the raging bull in the room.
“Yeah, I’ve got something to say to you. No, I actually have a question. You fuckin’ Elsie?” Rush’s voice was uncharacteristically calm.
My face turned beet red at his question. Did he just ask if Skyler and I were fucking? In front of West and Rhys? And he told Skyler’s manager? Panic had set in, my breath coming in erratic bursts.
How would he think such a thing? My mind went back to the first night Skyler kissed me on the balcony. Rush made himself known, but how long had he been standing there? Had he witnessed Skyler touching me?
“That is none of your damn business and you have no right to go squealing to Camille about something that doesn’t involve you!” Skyler poked his finger into Rush’s chest.
“Doesn’t involve me?” Rush’s voice went up three decibels. Now he was reacting. “Your fucking songwriter is the label owner’s daughter. How does that not involve me? Do you have any idea how this could blow up in your face and affect your career? Our careers?”
Rush swept his hand back to West and Rhys who stood quietly behind him. There was no surprise on their faces. Rush had clearly told them what he saw. They seemed more embarrassed, with flushed cheeks, unable to meet anyone’s eyes.
Standing up from the piano, I clutched my shirt tightly, feeling its fabric slightly soothing me. Embarrassment riddled my body, and it infuriated me. Talking to Camille about me being intimate with her client? How many people knew? Even though I was not ashamed of what was happening with Skyler, I wasn’t ready to tell the whole world.
I didn’t understand how what happened between us would put their careers in jeopardy. My father was protective of me, sure, but he’d never punish someone for my choices.
“You should have come to me,” Skyler backed away, his chest heaving. He looked at Rhys and West. “Whatever happens between me and Elsie is our business. It’s not band business. Do you understand me?”
Rhys and West both nodded and looked away. But Rush wasn’t done.
“Really? And when we go back to the real world and you leave her ass behind, what’s she gonna do? Run to daddy. And what’s daddy gonna do?” Rush’s voice dripped with vitriol. “She isn’t worth the trouble, you fucking idiot. No gash is worth risking your and our careers. We should’ve brought groupies with us if you needed to get laid, man.”
I stared at Rush in horror.
Rush took our silence as a concession. “What kinda recording session doesn’t have chicks tagging along? This is the longest I’ve gone without pussy in years.”
Is that what I was to Skyler? A chance to get laid while away at a remote recording location? The thought left a hole in the pit of my stomach. I had no experience with men; this situation was totally out of my wheelhouse.
I wanted to stand up for myself, call them out for their crude words, defend myself and all of womankind. But I could only stand still and watch everything unfold, my body frozen.
“I’m not a fucking teenager, Rush. I don’t need to ‘get laid’ every chance I get. If you’d asked me about it, I would have told you. Instead, you run to mommy. How do you think this is going to make Elsie feel if she finds out?” He screamed at Rush.
“Dude. Skyler…” Rhys finally spoke, his eyes meeting mine, full of sympathy.
Pity.
There it was. The emotion I hated so much. Pity. A feeling of sorrow and compassion caused for the suffering and misfortune of others according to Webster. Rhys recognized the situation for what it was.
Skyler didn’t want me to find out that Rush talked to Camille. He wanted us to be kept a secret. What if Rush was right? What if all this between Skyler and I was just about convenience? What if he only found me attractive because I was the only woman around? There was no other woman around to tempt him. With no competition, I must look really good.
It was humiliating.
Suddenly, all the emotions locked me up. The feelings were there, needing an outlet. I covered my mouth with my hand and sobbed.
I had to get out of here. I needed my piano.
Grabbing my music, I ran from the room.
As I slammed the door shut, I heard Skyler scream, “Fuck!”
Piano Feelings
Skyler
I stormed through Elsie’s giant house, looking for her. I hadn’t meant for El to hear me arguing with Rush. How did I not see her? I’d been so focused on reaming him out for running to Camille. As if Cam would send him some damn groupies because he thought I was using Elsie for sex. Fucking idiot.
These guys were new to the lifestyle, but that didn’t excuse Rush’s behavior. If he wants to be treated like a professional, he had to act like a professional.
I had every intention of giving Camille the green light on a new bass player, hoping it would set an expectation for Rhys and West. I’ve been lucky so far that Rush hasn’t completely corrupted the other two, but who knows what could happen if this continued. Involving myself in choosing the new bass player would solve this problem. I should ask Cam to find someone more mature who’d be a beneficial influence. It’d cost more money, but it’d be worth every dollar.
Music was drifting from the second floor. I took the stairs two at a time, following the melody. That was her. She was playing because I upset her; to work through her feelings. She says it’s how her autism is expressed. Truth be told, it wasn’t a bad idea for anyone. Music was powerful that way.
Coming to her door, I heard the piano, her voice as clear as a bell. She was singing Lana Del Rey’s Young and Beautiful, about whether love can last the test of time. The song always tore at my heart. Based on my parent’s marriage, the answer was no. My father stayed around for a year or two, then ditched us to go on a permanent tour. The music called him, he said. Music was his true love. I wanted to believe there was a love that could last the test of time, that I would choose that over the music. I could see that with Elsie; with her, it would be an easy choice.
Elsie’s voice shook with misery; I rubbed my chest, trying to ease the ache there. I hated that she hurt so much. That words tortured her so heavily.
I’d give anything to sing to her from a stage. To peel a song from my lungs, to reach her with my lyrics. I want to make her feel like the most beautiful person in the crowd; I knew that’s how I would see her. Her dark hair and bright eyes would shoot right through me; I knew it as clearly as I knew the sun rose in the west.
I turned the knob and quietly opened her door. Her back was to me, but her voice was so big it filled the room. Letting her play to the last note, I watched her, let her work through her emotions. When she stopped, she bowed her head and wiped her face.
“Elsie…” I whispered.
Her body whipped around in surprise, her eyes huge.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” I stuttered, not knowing what else to say.
Elsie sighed and turned around, her hands folded gently in her lap. “Why is it you’re always apologizing to me, Skyler?”
To my relief, she seemed calmer than when she ran out of the studio.
“He had no right to go to Camille about us. I know how much your privacy means to you.”
“Is that what’s upsetting you?” She tilted her head, her lips tightening. “That someone might find out about you and Ellis Clarke’s burned daughter?”
“You can’t be serious?” I stepped back in surp
rise.
“Don’t worry. We’ll get your album made. It’ll hit platinum. You’ll win another Grammy or two—they always do. Then you can take the hottest new supermodel with her perfect face down the red carpet. That way, no one will think twice if what we did together leaks out.”
I turned my head, unable to look her in the eyes. Her words dug right into my chest. Did she really think so little of me?
This thing between us was so new. I didn’t want my feelings for her spread across the tabloids and whispered about. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every song I wanted to sing for her. I didn’t want to share it with anyone else. Not a bit of me was ashamed to be with her. If she asked me, I’d walk naked with her down Rodeo Drive this second.
Seeing her hurting killed me. I knew she was afraid of being seen. If she were with me, she’d be right out there for the world to see and judge. There was no way around that for me; it was how his world was.
I’d seen it before with other women in the industry. The business was so much harder on them than men. I’d heard it all. Keep the weight down; never look disheveled, makeup always perfect; can’t wear anything not made especially for them by the newest designer.
Would Elsie be willing to face that? Was it something she could face?
I was fourteen years older than her and had more experience with the bastards running this show. What business did I have chasing after a woman so much younger than me, asking her to walk the gauntlet of fame? Knowing this made no difference; I couldn’t stop myself from wanting her. She made me feel like I was alive for the first time in years.
“Is that what you want, Elsie? To just make the album and move on?” I whispered.
“It’s the way it has to be, Skyler,” her voice was so certain, so resolute.
It was clear she was unsure about parts of relationships, but that she would give up so easily on us? Was she so shallow? Maybe this was one-sided, and she was just using me to have some fun.
Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair.
“Bullshit,” I said, my voice ragged. “If you don’t have feelings for me, Elsie, I get it. If you decide that’s the way it has to be, it’s you making this decision. But for me? You are not a convenience fuck. This is the most real I’ve felt about a woman in my life, El. But if you want to live your life holed away in the desert, alone, wasting your talent writing songs for the next up-and-coming boy band, then that’s on you!”
She was the person who had to be brave and put herself out there–I couldn’t do it for her, as much as I would in a heartbeat. I lived the last eighteen years of my life under the lights. Managing the scrutiny of the world was second nature to me. It takes practice; I could help her, but she’d have to let me.
Elsie’s face contorted with anger.
“You think it’s that easy? How would you know what it’s like to be brave, Skyler? You walk out there with your perfect body and your perfect face and the world just melts to get close to you. People don’t give you a berth when you’re at the goddamn grocery store!” She was breathing hard, her voice reaching a pitch.
Her distress tore at me. Striding toward her, I lowered myself in front of her, putting my hands on her knees. “I won’t argue that it’s harder for you than me, El. I get that. But it’s on you to change it. No one else is going to fix this for you. They can’t. The world is a cruel place; we can’t change the world, baby, just ourselves. We have to bring our own beauty to life. No one gives it to us.”
The anger fell from Elsie’s face. She took a deep breath and nodded. I stared at her, hoping she would say something to open the door for us. Hoping she would give me some sign my words got through to her.
“Baby, I’ll walk out there with you in front of the world if that’s what you want. But it has to be what you want.”
Elsie swallowed hard and closed her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. I gently wiped them away.
“Tell me what to do, El,” I told her, begging her.
She nodded and squeezed my hands.
“I need time, Skyler. Just give me some space, okay?”
My heart dropped. I don’t know what I’d been hoping for. That she’d hug me, take my hand, and walk out the door with me? That she’d hold a press conference and announce her feelings to the world? I stood up and nodded.
“Take all the time you need, El. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to.”
She wasn’t able to meet my eyes. Instead, she turned around and sat behind her piano, her fingers moving across the keys. When her voice sang Papa Roach’s Scars I knew she wasn’t ready and there was nothing I could do.
I stood listening for a moment, then turned around and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind me.
Don’t Think!
Elsie
I stayed in my room for two days, only sneaking out in the middle of the night to pilfer food from the kitchen like a thief. My clothes smelled and my hair was greasy. Depression weighed on me like a heavy cloak. I refused to leave my room and face my fears, preferring to hide away with the music.
Skyler knocked several times a day, trying to speak to me through the door. His words reverberated in my mind.
‘We can’t change the world, just ourselves. We have to bring our own beauty to life. No one’s going to give it to us.’
It pissed me off how right he was. The world wasn’t going to change, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I banged the keys on my keyboard like a child. Righteous indignation fueled me.
It wasn’t fair!
How was I supposed to bring beauty into my life? I wasn’t Harry Potter with his magic wand conjuring shit from thin air. What I needed was Pollyjuice Potion.
My phone started ringing from on top of the piano. It was Amelia. She’d called me six times already today. I knew if I didn’t answer her, she’d be on my doorstep by tomorrow morning.
Grabbing the phone, I clicked on the FaceTime icon.
“Sister mine, you live!” Amelia’s face filled the screen. Her big smile quickly turned into an angry frown. “How long have you locked yourself away in your room, El? What the fuck happened? What did he do?”
“No one did anything, Amelia.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. “Well, Skyler didn’t, anyway.”
“Oh, it was that little shit, Rush, huh? Douche-canoe called me the other day thinking he had some juicy gossip about you and Skyler getting close and cuddly. I didn’t tell him I was rooting for you. It was none of his business. He’s just pissed at Skyler because the last album didn’t get him the clout he was looking for.”
“Yeah, he’s trouble. A little too into the ‘lifestyle’, as Skyler likes to call it. You should review his contracts.”
“Already am, dear. Anyone who breathes about you in the wrong direction is going to be sitting on the butcher’s block.”
I shook my head, frustrated.
“That’s just it, Amelia. You shouldn’t be playing favorites for me. If Rush has a legitimate concern, we should address it. You shouldn’t just go firing anyone. I have a problem with Rush because he showed up at my house drunk and high, not because he was an asshole to me.”
“El, you’re my sister. Of course I’m going to take your side.”
“Yeah? Well, let me play out a little scenario for you. Skyler and I fooled around…”
Amelia’s hands went up in a touchdown score. “Yessss!”
“Listen to me! We fooled around, though we didn’t ‘do the deed.’ But what if we did? What if we did, and it got around and everyone knew? How would that look for me and the label, huh?”
“It’ll look like you slept with the hottest motherfucker we have signed?” Amelia shrugged her shoulders.
“How about that the label is giving him favors because he slept with Ellis Clarke’s daughter? Especially after his last album bombed. And… what are you going to do if things don’t work out between us?” My eyebrows rose in question.
Am
elia frowned. “I don’t like where you’re going with this, El. People meet at work all the time and end up having sex. This is the music business, for crying out loud. Do you really think I’d give Skyler shit if you didn’t want to be in a relationship with him?”
“Amelia, get your head out of your ass. What if he doesn’t want to be with me? That’s a lot more likely of a scenario, don’t you think?” Amelia was a mama bear, especially since our mother died and I was in the hospital for so long. When I was just out of the hospital, we went to the mall, and she beat the crap out of some kid who pointed and laughed at me. I did not underestimate her. She looked away, not meeting my eyes, and took a deep breath.
“El, Skyler isn’t a complete dick. You two may not end up together in the long run, but he won’t come back to LA and spread shit about you. If he decides he’s not down with something long-term, then we get you right back up on the horse and under another man!”
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed.
“So, now that you’ve opened the can of worms, give me the dirt! What happened between you and Mr. Sexypants?” Amelia wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
There she was–my sister–ever focused on the sex talk. She was a loon, but I loved her.
“Well, I didn’t sleep with him… technically,” I said, blushing furiously.
“Huzzah!” Another touchdown. “And?”
“And he touched me down there…” Could my face get any hotter?
“Oh, god, El. You’re so fuckin’ adorable. He touched your pussy?” She lifted one eyebrow.
I leaned forward and whispered into the phone, “And he kissed me… on my pussy, too!”
“Did he make you come like a gentleman?”
“Oh, yes,” I leaned back and sighed dreamily. “And then I did the same thing to him, which I was so nervous doing, but oh my god, Amelia, wow.”
Scarred Melody: A Rockstar Romance: Bold Melodies Book One Page 13
