Christmastime 1945

by Linda Mahkovec

  She saw Eugene walking towards the truck and calling to him. “Hey, Clem! Come on inside.”

  Clem stepped out of his truck. Jessica watched them speak for a few minutes, then she went up the back-porch steps and carried the egg basket into the kitchen.

  “Clem’s here,” Ursula said from the living room. She sat at the piano, picking out a melody. “Did you see him?”

  “Yes.” Jessica set the eggs in the pantry. “Eugene is out talking to him.”

  Just then Eugene came in the door. “Where’s Jessica?”

  She poked her head around the pantry door. “I’m here. Do you need something?”

  Eugene pointed his chin to the open door. “Clem’s here. Wants to see you.”

  Jessica stared at him a moment. “Me?”

  “Go on.” Eugene hung up his coat and went into the living room, taking the newspaper with him.

  Ursula went into the pantry and took the egg basket. “I’ll put these away.” She smiled at Jessica’s hesitation. “Don’t keep him waiting. See if he wants to come inside.”

  Jessica went to the door, without straightening her hair or giving a thought to her dungarees and heavy shoes. She walked outside to where he was leaning against his truck.

  “Hello, Clem,” she said.

  He straightened and put his hands in his coat pocket. “How are you doing, Jessica?”

  Her heart gave a little flutter to hear her name on his lips. She looked at his mouth, his eyes, then away. “I’m fine. And you?”

  “Fine.” He turned his eyes to the expanse of snowy corn stubble on the other side of the lane where a few crows hopped around and cawed. The birds suddenly lifted and flew up to the sky.

  Jessica watched them blend into a group of bare trees, hopping and fluttering until they settled. She turned back to Clem and waited.

  He held her gaze. “I just wanted to apologize for the other evening.”

  Jessica started to shake her head, but he wanted to speak.

  “I should have told you why I didn’t want to stay for dinner. I’m sorry that happened.”

  Jessica took a step towards him. “You don’t have to apologize for that. I’m sorry I was so rude. I should have been more sensitive or aware or something.” Her face twisted as she tried to put her feelings into words. “Clem, you – guys like you, you’re our heroes. You don’t have to apologize for anything, ever!”

  He gave a wry smile at the word ‘hero.’ “You sound like the doctors. That’s what they told us, you know, in the hospital. That we had no reason to be ashamed.”

  “Ashamed?” Jessica leaned back in disbelief. “How can you possibly think that? It will take time, Clem, that’s all. That’s what Eugene said. That it takes a while to get used to being back home. I’m sorry I didn’t understand that. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, Clem. That’s the last thing I would ever want.” She placed her hand on his arm.

  Clem watched her closely as she spoke. “I know that.” For a moment, she thought he might take her hand, or even give her a hug. But the moment passed, and he looked back out over the snowy fields, the bare hedgerows. “Well, that’s all I wanted to say.” He opened his truck door.

  “Clem – I know I’m being rash and unladylike and all sorts of things, and I know this is improper of me to ask, but – ” She bit her lip and then pressed ahead. “Do you have someone? A girlfriend? Or a fiancé or something?”

  He gave a light laugh. “No, Jessica. I don’t have anyone.”

  Her face brightened. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

  Clem pulled back in surprise.

  “Then can’t we – spend some time together and get to know one another? Now that you’re home?”

  His eyes hardened and he stared out at the cold and barren fields. “You’re a real sweet girl, Jessica. But no. We can’t.” He got into the truck and was about to close the door, but Jessica held onto it.

  “But why?” her voice trembled.

  He started the truck. “You’re going to make some lucky guy very happy.”

  Jessica folded her arms. “But not you.” She grew angry that he didn’t deny it and wouldn’t look at her.

  “Goodbye, Jessica.” He closed the door, started the engine, and turned onto the farm lane.

  She followed him a few steps, then watched him drive away.

  *

  After dinner, Kate sat in the living room patching a few clothes while she listened to the radio. Her sewing basket sat next to her. She had plugged in the Christmas tree lights and now took a moment to admire the tall pine tree decorated with shiny ornaments and a tinsel garland. A few days ago, Eugene, Ed, and Jessica had gone out to the woods to find a Christmas tree. It had been a happy day for them all, setting up the tree and decorating it.

  The scent of pine filled the air, and the colored lights gave a festive and cozy cast to the room. A cup of hot cider sat on the side table next to Kate, along with a slice of the pineapple cake, which she thought had turned out rather well. She showed some surprise when Eugene came in and sat down next to her.

  “I thought you were going out tonight.”

  “Nah. Think I’ll turn in early.”

  “How about a slice of cake and something hot?”

  He shook his head.

  Kate lowered her sewing. “What’s wrong with all of you? I sliced the up-side-down pineapple cake, thinking it would be a nice evening for us to sit together – and you all turned it down. Ursula went up early with Frankie – probably to stay out of your way.” She looked at Eugene over her glasses. “Jessica’s gone upstairs to do her schoolwork. She didn’t say a word at dinner. And now you? Where’s the Christmas spirit in this house? I’ll be happy when my two rabble-rousing sons are home.”

  “So will I, Mom. So will I.” Eugene reached over and lifted the shirt next to Kate. “Wasn’t that Francy’s?”

  “You remember?” she asked, pleased. “Yes, it was. I tightened the buttons and patched the elbows. For the Red Cross drive. And I’ve decided we can part with this.” She lifted a woolen quilt and chose a spool of brown thread to make a few repairs.

  They sat in silence for a few moments.

  Kate looked over at the tree. “I still feel Francis with me all the time. It’s strange – sometimes I know he’s gone and I accept it. Other times, I feel him right here with me – bringing me comfort and a smile just like he always did.” Not getting any response from Eugene, she glanced over and saw him staring fixedly at the floor.

  “Something on your mind, son?” She watched to see how he would respond and noted the tightening of his eyebrows.

  Eugene leaned forward and linked his hands, then opened them.

  “No. It’s just – now that I’m officially discharged, I need to start thinking about the rest of my life. What to do with it.”

  “Good gracious, you’re finally home from four years of fighting and you’re already thinking about what to do next. And you don’t sound too happy about your prospects.”

  “It’s tough, Mom. A lot of guys have come home and they find their girls have married someone else. A good many can’t find work. Jobs are scarce.”

  “But those things don’t apply to you. You’ve always loved the farm. I assumed you’d want to carry it on, with your brothers.”

  “I don’t know what I want.” He leaned back and his linked his hands behind his head, then dropped them to his side.

  He appeared lost and it broke Kate’s heart. Her eldest had always been the strongest, inside, but now he looked utterly vulnerable.

  “Sue Ellen said all the girls are asking about you. There’s a dance coming up. Why don’t you invite Ginny? or Doris? You used to like to spend time with her.” Kate made a few stitches and looked up to see how he was reacting to her suggestions – and was shocked to see tears brimming in his eyes. “Eugene!” She reached over and pressed his arm. “What is it?”

  He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I just can’t stand it anymore. I don�
��t know why she hasn’t written. I’m so afraid something’s happened to her. Or maybe she’s moved on and has forgotten me. I don’t know what to think.”

  “Who, Eugene? Who?”

  His shoulders dropped and he spoke in a tender voice. “Edna.” A sob escaped him on saying her name. He took a deep breath. “Edna Kinnan. A nurse from Iowa I met – over there. I should have heard from her by now.”

  Kate set her sewing down and leaned closer to Eugene. “Tell me.”

  He let out a groan and took another deep breath to steady himself. “I met her when I was in the hospital – last year. She was with the Red Cross. She was there for D-Day. She’s strong, Mom. My God, she’s strong. In the middle of all the carnage and turmoil, she’d patiently take care of us. Make us laugh. Yet she’s also soft, gentle. Kind. At first, I thought she felt sorry for me. When I was shot down she took good care of me, of all of us. I think we were all in love with her. Or maybe I couldn’t imagine anyone not feeling like I did.”

  Kate watched him. He seemed to be far away, a look of hope in his eyes. Then it left.

  “Anyway, I got released from the hospital. We promised to keep in touch, to write. I thought she probably said that to all the guys. We exchanged a few letters. Then we lost touch – and that’s when I knew. I loved her.” He looked up, as if surprised to have discovered such a thing. “I was so afraid something happened to her.”

  His face brightened somewhat as his memory shifted. “Then, in the summer, by a miracle chance, I saw her when I was in Paris – and she saw me – and we ran to each other. There was no mistaking the look in her eyes. I kissed her and I held her tight. We had a few days together. I wanted to marry her right then and there. She said she would come visit, and meet you and everyone, and see the farm. Then she was whisked off to some emergency. We barely had a chance to say goodbye. Again, we promised to write. I’ve written and written to her through the Red Cross. And I sent a letter to her home, but…”

  “Good heavens! No wonder you’ve been so tense. I wish you would have told me sooner. Listen Eugene, it could be a simple mail delay, or lost mail, or who knows what.”

  “I know. I keep telling myself that.” He put his hand over his mouth and stared hard at the floor.

  “Don’t give up hope, Eugene. Given the situation, with so many men returning, it’s delaying everything. The newspapers are full of all the interruptions, trains and flights canceled, traffic jams all over the country. I’m sure I read something about all the mail delays, too. That’s all it is.”

  Eugene turned to look at his mother and slowly nodded. “I’m sure you’re right.” But his face remained shadowed by concern.

  “Be patient, son. There could be so many reasons. You don’t even know if she’s home, or if your letters have gotten through. You’ve only been back a month yourself. Give it some time.”

  He gave a small smile. “You’re right. It’s only been a month. It just feels like so much longer.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “I think I’ll turn in.”

  Kate rested her hand on his. “Get some rest, son. Things will look brighter in the morning.”

  She listened to him as he went up the stairs, each slow step pressing on her heart.

  Chapter 11

  Lillian kept glancing at the clock. The table was set, the meatloaf was ready, even the milk was poured. As she set the salad on the table, she spoke aloud in frustration. “He’s getting later and later. I don’t know what to make of it.”

  Tommy was in the living room, playing with Charlotte, glad that his back was to the kitchen. He too kept checking the clock. Then he breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Gabriel’s running steps on the stairs.

  Gabriel burst into the apartment. “Sorry I’m late! What smells so good?” He tossed his coat on the hall tree and stepped out of his shoes.

  “You’re an hour late, Gabriel! Hurry and wash up. We’ve been waiting for you.”

  Gabriel hollered as he washed his hands in the bathroom. “I didn’t know it was so late. All of a sudden I saw the time and I ran home as fast as I could.”

  Tommy put Charlotte in her bassinette and took his seat at the table.

  Gabriel stopped to see Charlotte. “Hello, Charlotte! Did you miss me?” He rubbed noses with her and laughed when she smiled at him. He pulled out his chair, sat, and scooted it up to the table. “Smells good, Mom.”

  Lillian studied Gabriel’s face. His behavior had slightly changed, but try as she might, she saw no signs of him looking as if he were being neglected. If anything, he appeared happier than usual. Still, she would make sure that nothing was troubling him. As they dished out salad and meatloaf onto their plates, she broached the subject.

  “You know, boys, we’ve never talked about it before, but a new baby brings about a lot of changes in a family.”

  Both boys nodded enthusiastically.

  “It sure does,” said Gabriel. “It’s hard to imagine how it was before Charlotte.”

  “Yes, well,” continued Lillian, “roles change, duties shift. Sometimes it seems like there’s less time for everyone.”

  Tommy raised his face to her, concerned. “Is there anything you need, Mom? Anything we’re not doing?”

  “Just ask us,” added Gabriel. “We can help with anything.”

  “No, no – you’ve both been such a big help. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  They both smiled at her, Gabriel chewing, Tommy taking a drink of milk.

  She tried again. “They say it’s normal for siblings to feel a little pushed aside with a new baby.”

  Gabriel looked at Tommy and shrugged. “We don’t feel that way, do we Tommy?”

  “Not at all. We love having a baby sister.”

  “And I love being an older brother,” said Gabriel. “I think it suits me.”

  Lillian had to smile. “It certainly does. So, it doesn’t bother you that so much of my time is spent with Charlotte?”

  “Heck no, Mom,” said Gabriel. “It’s not like we’re five years old.”

  “I thought maybe that’s why you’ve been staying away so much.”

  A flash of guilt filled Gabriel’s eyes. “Gosh no! I didn’t know that’s what you were thinking. It’s just that – I have Scouts one night a week, the hospital another night, and –”

  “And your school project. You’ve yet to tell me what it’s about. You used to like to discuss your school work with me.”

  “Well, this is different. It’s a different kind of – project.” Gabriel played with the food on his plate.

  Lillian began to eat her salad, observing Gabriel closely. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re not telling me everything?”

  Gabriel kept his head down but raised his eyes to Tommy as if for guidance.

  Lillian looked from Gabriel to Tommy and back to Gabriel. “Gabriel? Is there something you’re hiding? Gabriel!”

  He threw up his hands in defense. “Nothing nefarious, Mom, I promise.”

  “Nefarious?” she asked, surprised by the word.

  “That means – ”

  “Gabriel, I know what it means. But I’ve never heard you use – oh, never mind. What is it you’re not telling me?”

  Gabriel heard the edge to her voice and winced.

  “Are you and Billy up to something? You’re not playing that crazy daring game again, are you? Or smoking cigarettes?”

  “No. Nothing like that! It’s nothing wrong.”

  Lillian pressed her lips together, waiting.

  Tommy had also stopped eating. “You better tell her, Gabe.”

  Lillian’s head snapped to Tommy now. “You’re in on it?”

  Gabriel jumped in. “He only just found out. And he told me he wouldn’t lie for me.”

  Lillian set her fork down. “That’s it. You’re going to tell me this instant.”

  Gabriel took a deep breath, held it, and exhaled his response. “I have a job.”

  Lillian sat back in her chair, her mo
uth open in surprise. “A job? Where?”

  “At The Red Strong Curio Store.”

  “The – ” Lillian looked out at the room, wondering how she could have missed it. She fixed a stern eye on Gabriel. “For how long?”

  Gabriel raised his eyes to the ceiling, calculating. “Two and a half months.”

  “You mean all this time I thought you were at Scouts or with Billy, you were at The Red String Curio Store – working?”

  “Yes and no. I mean, I still go to Scouts. And I still see Billy. He likes to come into the store. He’s a regular. So is Henry.”

  Lillian opened her mouth to say something, then changed her mind. She pressed her fingers to her temples. “So the ‘general knowledge’ project doesn’t even exist, does it? That was just a ruse to fool me.”

  “No, Mom. I didn’t fool you. I would never do that.” Gabriel jumped up, and ran to his room.

  Lillian’s gaze fell on Tommy.

  He fidgeted with his fork. “I know what you’re thinking Mom, but – ”

  Gabriel came back to the table with his notebook. “This is my project. You saw my notebook. I wasn’t hiding it.” He pointed to the titled and read: “General Knowledge. See? I’ve added two pages since you saw it.”

  “But it’s not a school project.”

  “No. But learning is learning, isn’t it? You’d be surprised at all the things I’m learning at my job.”

  Lillian raised her eyebrows in skepticism. “Such as?”

  Gabriel sat down at his seat again. “Well, Junior and his poems, for one thing. He writes them out in calligraphy. That’s fancy handwriting – ”

  “I know what calligra – oh, go on.”

  “Then there’s Dusty. He was a professor of archeology. He’s always talking about Egyptian artifacts, Chinese dynasties – and art!” Gabriel hoped the last word would score him a nod of approval, but Lillian’s face still registered anger.

  “And then there’s Mr. G himself. Henry says he’s the most knowledgeable man he’s ever met. That the slightest bump to him sends information spilling out of him. About the Napoleonic Wars, or opals, geography, the history of ship building. He knows all the big rivers and mountains of the world. And he knows lots of foreign words. Like Auf Weidersehen! And donde esta el mercado? And prego, signora.” With each pronunciation, Gabriel mimicked the accent.