Christmastime 1945

by Linda Mahkovec

  “One more cup and then I need to get moving,” said Eugene. “I’m going to give Burly a hand with a set of shelves he’s making.”

  Ursula rested her hand on Eugene’s shoulder as she topped his cup. An unspoken truce had come about for which Kate was grateful. She smiled at her two dark-haired children, her mother’s heart full of love. She glanced at Jessica, wondering why she was so quiet this morning.

  “More water for your tea, Jessica?” Kate asked. “The kettle’s still hot.”

  “No thanks, Mom.” Jessica reviewed the program for the school Christmas show, jotting down a few notes.

  “Are you nervous?” asked Ursula, sitting down beside her.

  “Not at all. I’m looking forward to it.”

  “You have stronger nerves than I do,” said Kate, jumping up to take two loaves of bread out of the oven.

  “Ahh.” Eugene caught the aroma and inhaled. “Nothing like fresh baked bread.”

  “Especially on a snowy day like this,” said Ursula, cupping her hands around her coffee.

  Kate spun around and faced the table. “Let’s cut into one of these loaves right now. How about it – with butter and apricot jam?” She was already reaching for the plates. “Or perhaps a little honey.”

  Eugene exchanged a smile with Ursula and Jessica. “You know we can’t say no to that, Mom. Burly and Joe are going to wonder what’s taking me so long.”

  They began spreading butter, jam, and honey onto slices of warm bread, enjoying the second breakfast.

  “And Clem?” asked Kate. “Is he joining you as well?”

  “No. He’s busy or something. Been real quiet lately.” Eugene gave it some thought and then cocked his head towards Jessica. “What’d you say to Clem the other day in town? Ever since then, I can’t get him to go out. Neither can Burly.”

  Jessica gathered her notes and spoke in a matter-of-fact manner. “I told him I was going to marry him.” She took a sip of tea.

  The kitchen filled with silence. Kate, Ursula, and Eugene stared wide-eyed at Jessica.

  “You’re joking,” said Eugene.

  Jessica stacked the program and notes. “Nope.”

  Eugene set his coffee cup down. “Now why’d you have to go and scare a guy like that? Chances are he’ll never come around again.”

  No sooner had he spoken than they heard a truck pull up outside. Kate went to the window, looked out, and turned around. “It’s Clem.”

  Jessica placed her papers on the hutch, lifted her jacket from the coat hook, and walked outside to meet him.

  Ursula and Eugene stood next to Kate at the window, baffled by Jessica’s calm confidence.

  Clem got out of his truck, shoved his hands in his pockets, and looked at Jessica. “I know it’s cold out, but can you walk with me a bit?”

  “Let’s go out to the pasture. It’s so pretty in the snow.” Jessica led the way, with Clem walking just a step behind, eyeing her with a wistful sadness.

  When they reached the fence, Jessica faced him, waiting for him to make the next move.

  Clem looked out at the pasture, and the white-limbed trees along the creek, and then down at the snowy ground before him. “Jessica, there’s something I have to tell you. You’re too nice a girl to deserve anything but the truth.”

  Her eyebrows lifted slightly, but inside her heart pounded.

  “I can’t marry you.”

  “Why?” Tears stung her eyes at his decisive words.

  Clem turned away from her questioning eyes. “If things were different, I’d be the happiest man on earth to be married to you.”

  “But?”

  He opened and closed his hands and started to speak. He swallowed and took a breath – but the words wouldn’t come.

  “What is it, Clem?”

  He looked at her, and then away. After a few moments, he slowly nodded, as if convincing himself to go through with it. “You know I was in the hospital. You know I was injured.”

  Worry flooded Jessica’s face. “Are you still ill? Are you not well?”

  “I am well. I’m fine now. But – ”

  “But what? Tell me, Clem.”

  “I don’t think – the doctors say – the thing is, Jessica” – he faced her directly. “Most likely, I can’t have children.” He looked down, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes.

  She scanned his face, his eyes, his mouth, making sense of his words. “You mean – it’s not about me?”

  He raised his face in surprise. “Of course, not! How can you think that? You’re the loveliest thing I’ve ever known. It’s because – I can’t give you the life you deserve.”

  Jessica threw her arms around him. “Oh, Clem. I’m so relieved! I thought you didn’t like me or had someone else or something.”

  He pulled her arms off and took a step back. “Jessica. I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.”

  “Of course, I do. But it’s you I care about, Clem. It’s you I want.”

  He leaned his arms on the snowy fence and fixed his eyes on the pasture. “No, Jessica. I would never do that to you. You – you would be the perfect mother, kind and gentle, happy. I can see you with children all around you – ”

  “I already have that! I’ll be a teacher soon and will have kids coming out of my ears! I don’t need any of my own. Not as long as I have you.” She put her hand on his cheek and turned his face to her.

  “Jessica, you’re young and so beautiful. I just couldn’t take that away from you. It wouldn’t be right.”

  Jessica again embraced him and looked into his eyes. “Listen to me, Clem. If we don’t have any children, that will be all right. Maybe we will, maybe we won’t – that’s something that’s true for all couples. Look at Ed and Opal. Look how happy they’ve been all these years together.” She took his hands and pressed them to her heart. “But we’ll have each other.”

  Clem tried to read her face, wanting to give in to the fullness of his heart.

  She caressed his cheek. “You would still kiss me, wouldn’t you? And hold me close at night?”

  “Of course, I would.” He looped his arms around her, indulging in her nearness, her warmth, the silkiness of her hair against his cheek.

  Jessica rested her head on his chest and smiled when his embrace tightened. She raised her face to him. “So, you’ll marry me?”

  He had to smile at her determination. “We’ll wait. If you still want to marry me in a few years – ”

  “No! I’m not waiting for a few years.”

  “We’ll give it some time.”

  “You can give it some time if you want. For me, it’s official. We’re courting as of now! Within a year, we’ll be married.” Jessica kissed him on the mouth, and he pressed her close in a deep embrace.

  Clem buried his face in her hair, kissed her neck, and almost choked on his words. “I never thought I’d ever be this happy.”

  Jessica squeezed him tight. “This is just the beginning, Clem. Just you wait and see how happy we’re going to be!”

  Kate, Ursula, and Eugene waited at the window, craning their necks towards the pasture. They had seen Clem and Jessica walk in that direction, both with their hands in their pockets, looking straight ahead. Now they were returning, arms and hands linked, eyes on each other, smiling and talking. They stopped to kiss – twice – and squeezed each other tight, as they walked towards the farmhouse.

  Eugene dropped his hands to his sides. “I’ll be damned.”

  *

  Later in the day, the kitchen was once more the center of homey happiness. Kate was making fried chicken and mashed potatoes, a favorite of all her children. She hummed, her hands covered in flour, as she coated the pieces of chicken.

  Ursula had peeled the potatoes and now added them to a large pan of water. She dried her hands on the dish towel and smiled at the laughter coming from Frankie upstairs. Jessica was giving him his bath, letting him splash all he wanted, no doubt.

  Jessica had already taken
her bath, dried her hair, applied a touch of lavender oil to her wrists, and laid out her pale pink dress. Clem was coming to dinner, and she wanted to look her best.

  Eugene had just arrived from Burly’s and was stomping the snow off his boots on the porch. He walked into the kitchen.

  “How are the roads, son?”

  “Clear, for the most part.” He watched Kate place the chicken into the pan, the oil popping like a small applause. “Promise me you’ll make this meal for Edna. No one makes fried chicken as good as you.”

  “Of course, I will. I can’t wait to have her try some of my recipes.”

  The telephone began to ring. Kate held up her flour-dusted hands. “Can you answer it?”

  Eugene went to the hallway. “Hello, Ed, I missed you earlier – ” His voice was cut off as he listened. He walked with the receiver to the entrance of the kitchen, eyes fixed on Kate and Ursula, his eyebrows pinched tight.

  Bad news. They stood rigid, waiting for him to speak.

  “We’re on our way. Thanks, Ed.”

  Kate placed her hand to her heart. “What? What happened?”

  Eugene looked at Ursula. Her hand gripped the back of a chair.

  “It’s Friedrich. He’s leaving – now. They’re boarding buses that will take them to Chicago. Then by train out east – to ship out.”

  “No!” Ursula’s voice came out in a whisper. “Not like this! I have to see him. I must see him!”

  “Get your coat,” said Eugene. “I’ll bring the truck around.”

  Ursula ran upstairs to get the letter she had written, grabbed her coat, and dashed out the door just as Eugene pulled up.

  He sped down the lane and turned onto the country road, stepping on the gas. He honked at and passed the car ahead of him, then cursed when a tractor pulled out onto the road. He lay on the horn, managing to swerve around it, skidding as he straightened the wheels.

  They drove in silence. Eugene looked over now and then at Ursula. He tried to quell her fears with fragmented conversation.

  “Thank God, the roads are clear. Don’t worry, Ursula. We’ll chase the bus down if we have to. Hopefully, Otto will be there to help us. We’ll get there…”

  When they pulled up to the camp, they came to a halt, and Eugene cursed. There at the gate stood Mr. Creight.

  Eugene pounded his hands on the steering wheel. “Creight! Of all the rotten luck! Let me try to find Otto.”

  Ursula opened her door.

  “Ursula! Creight’s the last person – ”

  But Ursula had already jumped out of the truck and was running towards Mr. Creight. He took her arm and hurried her off to where the buses were being boarded.

  When Eugene tried to follow, he was stopped by one of the guards and began arguing with him.

  Mr. Creight went up to the last bus, spoke to the driver, and waited.

  After a moment, Friedrich stepped off the bus, his face drawn with sadness. Until he saw Ursula standing before him.

  “Ursula!” He embraced her and held her tight. “I feared I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye.” He squeezed her again, and noticed Mr. Creight, who was motioning down the line.

  The camp commander was checking off the first bus, and its door closed. He moved to the next bus.

  “Friedrich – ” Her words broke, and she pressed the letter into his hands.

  He took it gratefully and pulled a note from his pocket and gave it to her. “I didn’t have time to write all I wanted to. It happened so suddenly. All it says is that I love you.” He kissed her. “And that I will do everything in my power to come back to you as soon as possible.” He kissed her again.

  Ursula wrapped her arms around his neck and spoke into his ear. “I love you, my darling.”

  Eugene now ran up and put a hand on Friedrich’s shoulder. “You take care of yourself and stay strong. We’ll get you back here. We’ll take good care of Ursula and Frankie. Don’t you worry.”

  Friedrich’s eyes glistened with gratitude. “Thank you.”

  The camp commander blew his whistle and motioned for Friedrich to board the bus.

  Ursula stood mute, taking in every last detail of him. He stood strong and tried to appear hopeful, though his eyes filled with anguish. “I’ll write. As soon as I can.” Then he broke. His eyes welled with tears and he whispered in her ear, “I love you.”

  They clung to each other and kissed passionately one last time. Then Friedrich released Ursula’s hands from him, took a step back, and boarded the bus.

  Eugene put his arm around Ursula. He saw tears stream down her cheeks, and her body trembled, but she didn’t make a sound.

  They watched the convoy of buses pull out of the camp and turn onto the road.

  Mr. Creight took a step forward and stood next to Ursula. She took his hand and squeezed it. “Thank you.” She tried to give him a brave smile and saw that tears stood in his eyes.

  He patted her hand. “You let me know if there’s anything I can ever do for you.”

  Ursula reached up and kissed his cheek.

  Eugene extended his hand. “Abe.”

  Mr. Creight shook it, and then walked away.

  Eugene and Ursula slowly walked back to the truck and drove home. Once again, Eugene tried to provide comfort with whatever words came to mind. “We’ll get him back. We’ll find out where he is. He’ll be fine, Ursula. He’ll be fine.”

  “Thank God, you acted quickly, Eugene. Thank you for that.”

  “I want you to know that I’ll do everything I can for you and Frankie. We all will. And we’ll get Friedrich back. We will.”

  Eugene kept looking over at Ursula sitting straight-backed and stoic. “Mom told me that you and Jessica had changed. Had grown up and were strong and capable. I don’t think I realized it until today.”

  Ursula stared out at the snowy fields all around and the long black road ahead of her. The sun sank into the horizon without any fanfare. Instead, the day grew dimmer, darker, almost imperceptibly. Nightfall blanketed the earth, hiding its sorrow.

  *

  The chicken was warming in the oven and the potatoes had been mashed. But there was none of the happiness that usually accompanied the comforting meal. Kate was setting the table, muttering to herself. “Finding out in a call like that! Not even giving us a chance to say goodbye.”

  Jessica stood at the window. “Poor Ursula. I hope they were able to get there in time. I hope she had a chance to say goodbye.” She saw the truck turn into the lane. “Here they are, Mom.”

  Eugene hurried over to Ursula as she stepped out of the truck. He had his arm ready for support in case she should need it. But she walked straight and tall and strong.

  Kate and Jessica went out to greet her on the porch and walked with her into the kitchen. They closely watched her face.

  “Did you reach him in time?”

  “Were you able to see him?” asked Kate, enfolding Ursula.

  Only then, safe in her mother’s arms, did Ursula break down sobbing.

  Eugene placed a hand on Ursula’s back. “We did. She had a few minutes before he had to board the bus. Abe Creight was there. Helped her to see him in time.” Eugene shook his head. “Surprising the hell out of me.”

  “That’s how we knew,” said Kate. “I called Ed back and he explained that Abe was at the camp and saw what was happening. Tried to call us but couldn’t get through, so he called Ed.”

  Ursula raised her face. “If it hadn’t been for him – and Eugene – I would have missed him.”

  Kate pulled out a chair for Ursula to sit. “Let me fix you a cup of tea.”

  Ursula wiped her eyes. “I’ll be all right, Mom. I’ve known this day was coming for a long time.”

  The telephone rang, and Eugene answered it. “Ed. Yes. We’re back. We caught him just in time. Abe helped us…”

  Jessica sat next to Ursula and hugged her. “I’m so sorry, Ursula. I feel so bad that Mom and I couldn’t say goodbye to him. But at least you did.”

&
nbsp; Kate stood next to Ursula and stroked her hair. Ursula raise her tear-stained face. “I gave him my letter. And he gave me one.” She lifted it out of her pocket, and pressed it to her heart. The tears started to her eyes again.

  “Oh, Ursula,” said Jessica. “He’ll be back. Hopefully, soon.”

  Ursula knew it would not be soon. But she nodded and gave a hint of a smile, to ease their hearts.

  “Ursula, Clem’s coming to dinner. Is that all right? I was going to call and tell him not to but Mom said it might help for him to be here.”

  “Of course. It will be good to have him here with us.”

  Kate lit the burner on the stove and filled the tea kettle. Eugene had just gotten off the telephone with Ed when it rang again. He answered it and handed the receiver to Jessica. She spoke briefly and then sat next to Ursula.

  “That was Sue Ellen. She just heard about Friedrich. Opal called Mrs. Bloomfield earlier to see if she knew anything more. I told her we’d call back later when we have more information.”

  Ursula sat drained, staring out at the table.

  The phone rang a third time, and Jessica jumped up to answer it, speaking in low tones. She came back into the kitchen. “That was Shirley. I guess Sue Ellen just told her.”

  Kate huffed at the intrusion and steeped the tea. “Jessica, get some honey from the pantry. A little sweetness always helps.” She looked over at Eugene. “Do we know where they’re going?”

  “The guard said they’re taking the bus to Chicago. Then straight to Camp Shanks in New York for processing. Then a ship to – well, we don’t know where.”

  “But we’ll find out,” said Kate. “We’ll write to him as soon as we can.” She placed the tea in front of Ursula and sat next to her. “Have a few sips. I made it strong and sweet.”

  When the telephone rang again, Kate exploded out of her chair. “If that damn phone rings one more time!” She picked it up, and stood in the kitchen doorway, her fist on her hip, scowling at the phone. “Hello! What? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. Who – ” She shook her head in disgust and waved Eugene over. “This must be for you. Sounds like a couple of drunken sailors!”