“I hear you. And Lullu. Has she …?”
Mina smiled. “Well, she’s made a point of getting to know him. I’ve also arranged a sit-down with the three of us and Vestra. After all the years spent not knowing a peep about her missing father, she’s suddenly OCD, having to learn everything.”
Thomas chuckled. “I suppose that’s a child for you.”
“Well, Lullu’s reached Inquisitive 2.0. ‘When will Daddy leave the program? Can Daddy come and watch me at nationals? It’d be so cool if Daddy could join us for Sunday lunch when Oupa and Omie are here.’”
“She calls him Daddy?” Thomas cocked an eyebrow.
“Yup.” Mina shrugged
“You haven’t seen the man in more than a decade. Do you think it’s wise?”
“One thing I have learned is that when it comes to matters of the heart, wisdom is rarely involved. At this stage, I’m going with the flow, or trying to.” She looked away as memories of her and Ray’s tryst resurfaced. “Speaking of …” Mina decided a change of subject was in order as they both stood and walked out of the study. “Are you and Rochelle planning to expand your family?”
Thomas shrugged. “We’re trying. I guess it’ll happen when it happens. We’re not in a rush right now. But yeah, it’d be nice to give Lullu a cousin or two.”
Mina drew closed her door and twisted the bronze key in its lock. The door was a wooden frame with a lead glass centre; it’d do little to stop anyone who really wanted to gain entrance, but locking it told her house staff they were being watched.
“Well, why don’t you and Rochelle head down to the beach? The day is perfect. I have some issues to deal with.” A sit-down with Ben was in order. She had too much respect for the man not to be honest with him—that, and she wanted to look him in the eye when she made it clear for the last time that there would never be anything more than friendship and a working relationship between them.
“If it’s confronting your manager, I’d suggest you don’t,” Thomas said.
“I won’t ask him about the poaching – I just want to clear things up with him about Ray. You don’t understand the complex relationship I have with him. I’ll tread carefully, I promise.” She patted the man’s shoulder as she headed out and down to her farm manager’s office.
Clenching her fists as she strolled down the garden and steps, she revisited her demons.
Was it at all possible to work toward a future with Ray in it? As her lover and partner, and the father to their daughter? Or was she simply acting like the impulsive teen who’d gotten in over her head all those years ago?
Mina sighed, and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. There were no answers—only a plethora of raw, sticky, molasses-like emotions. Was their future filled with pain and indecision, or would she and Ray get through this and just maybe, find their happy every after? Rochelle and Thomas had.
Ugh—there was so much to consider and sort out. She wished she could simply run away with Lullu and Ray to an isolated location with only a house, wine, and the ocean.
Ben’s door was closed but his air conditioner was running. Mina walked up to the door and knocked.
“Come in,” he called.
Mina stepped inside, closing the door behind her. Ben’s office was unlike hers. He had a window looking out onto the ocean, but his wall stood bare, and only a desk, filing cabinet, and three chairs decorated the room’s innards.
His face was drawn and his gaze dark. “Sit, please. Coffee? Something stronger?”
She shook her head. “No. You know why I’ve come.”
He nodded solemnly. “Let’s get this over with.” His tone resigned, he folded his hands on his lap and looked at his feet.
“Ben. Please look at me?”
The man hesitated, then slowly raised his head until his empty, sad eyes found hers.
“I never meant for you to get hurt. I’ve always told you where you stand with me.”
“I know.” He nodded.
“You’ve always had my and Lullu’s best interests at heart, but …” She paused.
“So what happens if he completes his time here?”
Mina’s brain homed in on Ben’s use of the word if. “That’s between me and Ray.”
“And what happens to me?” Ben’s tone hardened.
“I hope you will stay. I need you. Redemption needs you …”
“Pfft.” He rose from his chair and walked over to his window, hands tucked in his pockets. “I’m not sure I want to. If anything, I deserve time to sort my own future out, Mina. But don’t expect me to go light on that man just ’cause he’s your lover.” He turned and leaned on the back of his chair. His eyes burned with pain and anger.
A thread of fear wound its way around Mina’s heart. His words caused her to second guess her fighting for him to stay. “I don’t. But I also expect more integrity from you as a manger and a leader, Ben.” She made sure her words drove home her meaning, and her tone made it clear she’d not tolerate his childish bullshit.
Ben nodded, straightened himself, and sat. “If that’s all, I have reports to complete and get to you.”
Mina stood a few more moments as silence embedded itself between them. Ben glanced at his computer screen, he was obviously done discussing the situation. Mina turned and left.
Outside, workers and inmates were busy with their duties. The sun bore down on the earth, and the waves crashed loudly as they spat driftwood and used shells on to the beach. Mina walked along the strand instead of through the warehouses on her way back to the farmhouse.
Was there a future with both Ray and Ben on the farm? She didn’t know anything right now—and that irked her.
Was Thomas right about his suspicions? This, she couldn’t even begin to conceptualise. Either way, until proven otherwise, and whether Ben wanted it or not, she had his back. As for Becky and Klein Piet, she had no idea.
14
“Sis says they’ve hit a dead end in the investigation,” Ray whispered as he traced the line of vertebrae down Mina’s bareback. The pair lay on a picnic blanket, spread over the old bed.
He’d had a hard time getting away this afternoon. Ben finding one aimless job after another for him to do when all the other inmates were on free time.
It’d been Thomas asking to chat with Ben that had eventually given him the gap to escape.
“I’m pleased to hear you and Rochelle are on speaking terms,” Mina said.
“It’s awkward, but yeah. It was Vestra’s idea.” Ray shook his head at the memory of Rochelle sitting with her legs and arms crossed, squinting at him suspiciously as Vestra suggested they try and discuss their tumultuous history.
“Mmm, coulda guessed. Vessies’s turning out to be one of my better decisions.” Mina turned her head so that her cheek rested on her hands.
Ray sucked in a breath at her words. Did she believe she was making a mistake with him?
Split seconds of wordless moments froze between them.
“I’m not sure how I feel about it all,” Mina continued. “It’s frustrating and frightening all at once. Who do I trust … Who can I trust?”
Oh, she meant the poachers. Thank goodness.
“Patience. They’ll slip up sooner or later. I’ll keep my ears close to the ground.” He wanted her to know he wasn’t the Ray from fourteen years ago and that she could trust him. He also knew that it wouldn’t be an easy task to prove. “I’ll never let you down again.”
Mina opened her eyes. Her gaze was intense, searching, uncertain. Lifting her head, she reached out and touched his cheek, her lips parted as she pulled him to her. His mouth touched hers. Her kiss soothed the awkward silence stirring between them.
Ray shifted so that his body came to lie between her legs, his chest on her back.
“We can’t go on like this either, Ray.” She twisted her head and spoke over her shoulder.
“What do you suggest?” He began trailing kisses across her shoulders and on her neck as he pushed her legs f
arther apart with his own, reaching for a foil packet at the same time.
Mina groaned as he bit and tore open the condom and slipped it on.
“Later,” he whispered as he slid inside of her.
Ray placed both his palms flat on the bed beside her as he moved, slowly, in and out.
“God, Ray. You’re killing me.” Her groan increased his hunger for her.
She tucked her head in as her hands grabbed the blanket and she pushed up on her knees, forcing her arse back and giving him deeper access.
Ray gripped her thigh and arched his neck; timing was everything. He alternated between slow and hard.
“I’m gonna come,” she mewled.
Ray slowed right down. Every inch of him wanted to take her, but his longing to have her wrapped around him for longer won.
“Not yet, baby.” He pulled out, cupping her breast, then allowing his fingers to find their way between her legs. She rose with her back against his front. Ray thrilled in cupping his free hand around the front of her neck as the other worked her.
“Just fuck me again already,” she begged.
Ray smiled. God, how he’d missed her. Pushing her onto all fours, and with a measured force, he ploughed back into her, pulled out, and slammed in again.
Soon, his own need overrode his want for taking it slow. Ray pumped in and out until he had to bury his face in her hair that lay bunched around her neck. She groaned into the blanket. They were good at reaching their climax together, and there was nothing like her hungry, wet walls clamping down on him as he came.
They lay panting on their backs.
“We need to get ready. It’s our turn with Vestra before dinner.” Mina eventually rose, grabbing her lace underwear, T-shirt, and three-quarter pants.
“Do we have to? Lullu and I are getting along nicely. I feel like all I’m doing is sitting in counselling sessions these days.” Ray reached out and pulled her to him.
“Yes. I’m not taking any chances, Ray. For her. We have to do this the right way.” She cupped his face and planted a kiss on his forehead, and Ray slipped his clothes back on.
After making sure there was no one about, Ray sprinted from their hideout and down the steps, only stopping when he reached the bottom. Footsteps behind him caused him to turn. His heart jumped into his throat as Ben sauntered toward him.
“Best get to your meeting then.” Ben’s words were cold and his eyes were dark.
Ray nodded and walked off.
Fuck!
“Come, sit.” Vestra waved him in.
Ray’s heart thumped against its cage as it always did when he got to chat with his daughter. He wiped his palms down his work uniform. He’d thought to keep them on. They looked neater than his well-worn jeans and trainers, and he wanted to make an impression.
“Hi Dad.” Lullu smiled up at him from her chair. Her words warmed that hollow spot in his chest.
“Hello Lovie.”
“Ma, can I hug him?” Lullu stepped toward Ray, who wasn’t sure if he should turn and run away, or …
“Erm, Lullupops, maybe …” Mina didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence as Lullu, stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around Ray.
Lullu’s head reached just below his chest and her arms didn’t quite make it all the way around his torso.
This child marched to the beat of her own drum. For the shortest moment, Ray felt sorry Mina had to contend with a teenage will on her own, but then he remembered that Mina was much the same.
“That feels good, and you smell just like the sea. I like that.” She spoke into his shirt.
Ray swallowed hard.
Would it be appropriate to cry in front of his daughter? Helluva impression that’d make. He allowed his arms to snake around her as he lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss on the golden crown of her hair. Everything that had ever been broken inside of him came together. Both the jagged and the sharp melded to form a whole which had lain shattered for many years.
“Thank you, Lovie. You smell like horses and spring blossoms.” He glanced at Mina, not sure if he was saying the right thing.
Mina smiled and nodded, easing the tension building in his gut. This wasn’t their first visit, but he
Lullu giggled as she let go. “Agh, it’s probably Boesman’s hay you’re smelling, but I love the smell of horses too.”
“Well, now that the ice is broken, shall we begin?” Vestra brought the emotional meeting to order with her warm, therapeutic voice.
“Oh, I think the ice has been broken for a while now.” Mina chuckled as she shook her head and sat.
“Yes, so it has. You’ve been luncheoning with your dad this last week, haven’t you? So Lullu, I guess the main reason we’re here is to find out how you’re coping with all of this new … stuff?” Vestra said.
“If you’re asking if I’m like Sara at school, nope. I’m fine, thank you.” Lullu pinched her hands between her jodhpur-clad knees, her eyes bright and warm like her mother’s.
A deafening silence descended as Ray looked first to Vestra then Mina.
“And what is happening with Sara?” Vestra leaned back in her chair, sliding one leg under her bum and creating a comfortable and informal feel to the conversation.
“Agh, she doesn’t know who her pa is, and some of the kids are meanies!” Lullu’s eyes darted to Ray, then settled on Mina.
“Have you been teased?” Mina leaned forward, the lines in her forehead creasing deeply.
“They tried to,” she confessed looking at her feet then back up.
Mina’s eyes widened as she straightened, “Why didn’t you tell me? Was that when Mr Dempsey called me in because you bliksemed that kid?”
He glanced back at Lullu, who was swallowing hard. His absence had caused his daughter pain.
“Ja, Ma. And no one’s tried to give me shit since.”
“Lullu Marie van der Westhuizen, you mind that mouth of yours, girl,” Mina chastised.
“Sorry, Ma.”
Ray bit back a smile and scraped together his courage. “Erm …” He stood, then sat again, not knowing where to look or put his hands and legs. “Lovie, I’m sorry you got teased because I am such a crap father.”
Lullu’s head snapped toward him and a large, starry smile opened up her sweet, beautiful face. “Agh, Daddy, don’t be silly. We tease each other all the time at school, and sometimes when it gets too much, we sort it out—or some of us do.” She glanced at Mina who sat eyes wide, staring at their daughter.
* * *
“So why do you think it no longer upsets you? The teasing, that is,” Vestra said.
“It never really did. Well, not after Oupa told me that people usually get ugly when they are jealous, so I figured it was because I have my mommy, live on this farm and have a horse—that’s why they were mean. I invited them over to visit, you know, so I could share some of my happiness with them. But they just got uglier so I figured they could do with a small attitude adjustment.”
Ray cupped his mouth in his hand to hide his grin.
“I always knew you would come back. Mommy never told me where you went, but I knew if Oupa was around, you would come home one day.”
Vestra glanced down at her notepad as she scribbled, trying to hide her smile, and Mina beamed through her tears.
“Lullu …” Mina said.
“I also found a photo of you and Dad when you were younger,” Lullu confessed.
Both Ray and Mina looked at each other, then to Lullu.
“I knew you were my dad. I have your hair.” She tugged on her ponytail. “And Ma looks happy now, like she did in the photo.”
Lullu’s words nearly brought Ray to his knees. Out of the mouths of babes.
“I prayed every night that Mommy would find you again. She needed to be loved. She was always loving everyone else and protecting everyone else. She needs you to do that for her now. You’re not a bad dad; you were just acting up, like I do sometimes too.” A cheeky grin was proffered to
Mina, who simply chuckled through her tears.
Ray leaned across and wiped them away with his thumb. “And I promise you that is what I’ll do.” His voice broke.
“So, will Daddy move in to your room now?”
They left Ray to return to the now repaired mess hall for dinner with the remaining inmates. She’d only six of them left, but the good news was this looked to be the largest graduating success in the history of her rehab centre.
Lullu’s final question still rippled through Mina like a lost electrical current searching for its earth, as they approached her home.
“Thank you.” Mina wrapped an arm around her friend’s shoulders as she and Vestra watched Lullu bolt up the steps toward the farmhouse.
“It’s only a pleasure, but Mina …”
They stopped and Mina sighed. “I know. I’ll be careful.”
Vestra smiled. “You’ve changed many people’s lives here at Redemption, but just because you love him, don’t allow it to blind you.”
“Is there something I need to know?” Mina’s stomach lurched.
“No. From the work I’ve been doing with Ray, I can honestly say he is giving it his best shot, and fuck me, I wish I had someone who looked at me the way he does at you. But there’s always that chance. He’ll always be an addict. There will always be a darkness waiting to pounce.”
Mina nodded as they continued their way up the steps. “I know. But I also know that no one person is perfect, and this time, he won’t face that darkness alone.”
15
Ray stood beside Lullu the next morning, as Mina walked out with Rochelle and Thomas. She was sad to see them go. She was really getting to know Rochelle on a different level and found that she enjoyed having family, because after everything that had happened, that was what they’d become.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t much help. But please remember I’m on the case,” Thomas said as he walked toward his double cab bakkie, placing his and Rochelle’s suitcase on the back seat.
“It’s fine. I just hope you guys get them before they pounce again.” Mina opened her arms when Rochelle walked towards her, and wrapped her arms around her.
Road to Redemption Page 12
