How was this possible? How could I have been born into such a screwed-up family?
“Come on,” he said as he marched me to his truck.
Why was he there, at the theater? I wondered with a sickness. Had he actually come to check up on me? Why? What had I done to give myself away? What mistake had I made? These and a thousand other questions flashed through my brain.
But the biggest one, the question that kept repeating itself. Over and over. How much would Buck hate me when I told him I couldn’t see him again? And how long before he found someone else?
Chapter Twelve
Buck
I slammed the front door and stomped to my room. How was this possible? How could a man be so ancient in his thinking? It was the twenty-first century for God’s sake.
As I flopped onto my bed, I couldn’t get the sight of Rebecca’s face out of my mind when her dad called out her name.
The fear and shame she obviously felt ate at me. She should never be made to feel that way. It was wrong on so many levels. The girl was perfect. We hadn’t done anything more than kiss. And heaven knew It took every part of my will power to keep things slow. But I knew her, I understood the turmoil she was going through about her family.
He didn’t have any right to think she was anything less than perfect.
A soft knock at my door pulled me out of my racing mind.
“What?” I yelled.
Mom cracked the door and stuck her head in. “Is everything okay? Or do I need to step out onto the front lawn so you can tear the house down?”
I could see the concern in her eyes. She wasn’t used to me acting like this. I had learned long ago to control my emotions. A guy my size had to be careful. But this was different. This I couldn’t pretend didn’t matter.
“Rebecca’s dad caught us at the movies,” I grumbled. “He pulled her out of there like we lived in the middle ages or something. The man is an idiot.’
Mom’s forehead creased. “You went on a date with Rebecca without her family’s permission?”
“Mom, it was the movies. It’s not like we were shacked up at the Motel Six for the weekend.”
She frowned and shook her head. “That is not the point. I told you not to get her in trouble with her family.”
I swung off my bed and stood up, it was taking every bit of will power not to blow a gasket. “Get her in trouble with her family?” I said through gritted teeth. “You don’t get it.”
She smiled softly, “I know Buck. But family has to come first, you know that.”
I tilted my head slightly and studied her for a moment. “Really? Was Jake thinking that when he and Karla were sneaking around behind your back? What about Jade and her family? They walked away from her. Practically abandoned her. Should she have put them before Parker?”
My mom’s brow furrowed as she tried to come up with an answer then fell back to that typical excuse. “It doesn’t matter. That was them. This is Rebecca and her family.”
I groaned and flopped back down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Eventually, she got the message and left me there. The soft click of the door closing made me grunt in pain. She couldn’t fix this. No one could fix this.
I argued with myself about whether I should call Rebecca or not. But I came down on the side of waiting to talk to her at school the next day. If I called tonight, it just might make things worse.
Waiting for school was a killer. Two days of misery. Finally, when I got to school, I parked myself on the sidewalk where the busses dropped off. My insides were turning over and over. Kids said things to me but I ignored them. Tom Parcel punched me in the shoulder and said something about Basketball.
I spun and glared at him so hard he flinched like I was going to hit him with a two by four. He raised his hands in mock surrender and backed off. I ignored him and turned to watch her bus pull to a stop right in front of me.
Holding my breath, I clenched my hands into fists and waited. When Hanna stepped off all alone, my guts squeezed into a tight ball. Her face was pinched with concern.
“Where’s Rebecca?” I demanded.
Hanna gave me a pitying look. “She’s not coming,” she said.
“What, Why?” I yelled. A freshman following Hanna off the bus cringed and shot off in the other direction. “Is she okay? What happened? Did you talk to her?”
Hanna put her hand on my arm trying to calm me down. “She called me last night. I guess her father doesn’t hold me responsible because I’m just a girl and I’m not smart enough to know what boys are like.”
I rolled my eyes. God, what a cretin. “What did she say? What did they do? Ground her? For what, a month?”
Hanna swallowed hard and shook her head. I could see the fear in her eyes. She didn’t want to tell me. Swallowing hard again, she forced herself to say, “She’s not coming back to school.”
“WHAT?”
A sad look passed over her eyes reminding me that this was her friend also. That she was hurting almost as much as me.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I forced myself to calm down. The last thing I wanted was to get Hanna upset at me. She was my only link with Rebecca. “What did she say?”
Hanna took a deep breath and said, “She said that they are going to make her finish High School by doing her work at home. I believe her mother is coming by later to pick up her work. Sort of like she’s got Mono or something.”
I let the information seep into me. No Rebecca. I wouldn’t be able to make her laugh. No more stolen kisses and walking through the halls holding hands.
No more sharing lunches or her helping me with my homework.
Hanna bit her lip and then looked at me. There was more I realized as my insides froze.
“She told me to tell you,” Hanna began hesitantly, “to not contact her. No calls. No coming over. She said, … She said that she couldn’t see you anymore.”
The world dropped out from beneath me. How was this possible? How could she care what her father said? She was seventeen years-old. This was ridiculous.
Then it hit me. She was saying I wasn’t worth the pain I caused. That was it. Even if she did care about me. It wasn’t enough to disobey her father.
Hanna looked at me like I was a puppy kicked to the side of the road.
“I’m sorry Buck,” she said. “But she was serious. You are not to contact her. It would only make things worse. She said…” Hanna paused for a moment. “She said that you were to go on with your life. That she would always remember you, but it was over. The two of you.”
I’d been hit in my life. Sucker punched, blindsided by the best. But nothing ever hurt like the words Hanna spoke that day. Rebecca’s words.
My world disappeared. Kids, buildings, even the distant bell, everything disappeared as I tried to organize my new perspective. How had this happened? How had I screwed up so bad that I had lost the only person who ever really mattered to me?
Jake, Parker, even my mom, they were a given in my life. There because I had been born into their family. Rebecca had chosen to be with me. It was different.
Of course, there had been other girls in my life. But no one like Rebecca. She was my other half. The part of the universe that made sense.
“I’m sorry Buck,” Hanna said as she patted my arm then started for her class. All I could do was stand there, frozen, unsure what I should do next. Go to her? Push past her father and take her away? Or should I accept her decision? Accept the fact that she had chosen family over me?
I fought to understand. This was such new territory. Not knowing the right course of action.
Somehow, I forced myself to turn and go to my class. I don’t remember anything that was discussed. I don’t remember if I ate lunch or not. I walked through the world in a cloud. A fog of confusion and pain.
There was no fix. I couldn’t bash things back together. I couldn’t plead or beg. I had to accept things. I had to respect her wishes. She had chosen family over me and I had to accept it. That
didn’t make the gut-wrenching pain any easier. But it was my only choice.
Chapter Thirteen
Rebecca
My world was ruined. My life was over. All because I went to the movies with a boy.
I turned over and punched my pillow as I tried to find some way to get comfortable. Some way to make this hurt go away.
What was he doing? What was he thinking? Had Hanna talked to him already? Was he mad? Did he hate me?
But it was the only way. I couldn’t have my dad and him getting into a fight. One of them would end up hurt, the other in jail.
My stomach churned as I thought about how bad things could get. No, this was the only way. Besides, I was now a princess locked in a tower. They’d banned me to my room. Taking my phone after I called Hanna. Everything was gone. Buck. college. No way would I get that letter of recommendation now. I … we hadn’t finished the job.
Without that letter. That meant no scholarships, no university. Instead, I’d be lucky if they let me go to the local community college. And even then. I’d be kept under a microscope. My every movement monitored.
That was how I spent the first day. Curled up on my bed, crying, moaning with pain, worried about Buck, and hating my family.
I was still racked with a dozen bad emotions when my mom knocked at my door and came in holding out my phone. My heart jumped, hoping it was Buck. But I had told Hanna to tell him not to call. Still, my insides jumped with hope.
“It’s Hanna,” my mom said. “Bring it back when you’re done.”
My heart stopped with the loss of hope. My mom studied me for a moment as a sad look crossed her face. She understood that this wasn’t right, but she wouldn’t stand up for me against my Dad. Why?
I had seen them argue about other things over the years. Mom was not a cowed woman. But she let my dad set the rules about this. Why?
“Hey Rebecca,” Hanna said with concern.
“Did you see him?” I blurted. “What did he say?”
There was a long pause on the other end. I could hear Hanna taking a deep breath.
“Don’t ever make me do that again,” she said. “It is disconcerting to see a guy like Buck hurt like that. It’s like seeing a mountain collapsing. You know.”
My insides clenched up in pain. I hurt for him. I hurt for me hurting him. It was so unfair.
“Did your mom talk to the teachers?” Hanna asked.
“Tomorrow,” I said absently. What was Buck feeling? My heart went out to him. Every part of me cried with anguish at the thought of him being sad. No, it wasn’t right.
Again, there was a long silence as we both tried to figure out what to say. Everything was screwed up. Nothing made sense and neither of us had a point of reference to start with.
“Was there much talk about the whole movie thing? You know, the other kids. My dad pulling me out of there.”
Hanna didn’t say anything and I knew that I had been the main topic of conversation.
“A little,” she said and I knew she was lying. “But they don’t know about you and Buck breaking up.”
The words were like a knife to my gut. Tearing into my soft underbelly. I groaned. She was right, that was what had happened. He was now my Ex-boyfriend. What would he do? I mean it wasn’t like there weren’t a dozen plus girls waiting in line to take my place. Each of them prettier than the next. Each of them willing to fall at his feet.
Oh, he’d probably mope about for a while, maybe a week or so. Then he’d move on. A man of action. I couldn’t see Buck letting this ruin his life. Not like it was ruining mine. There was no doubt in my mind that I would never feel this way about someone again. I would never again feel that flutter in the pit of my stomach at his smile.
Groaning under my breath, I thanked Hanna, turned over and began to cry again.
That became my life. Numbness intermixed with long bouts of crying my eyes out. Time did not heal my wounds. Nothing would ever heal them.
Mom talked with school and worked out some kind of deal where I would do the work at home. I just glared at her with hate and refused to do the work.
They could lock me up. They could ruin my life. But they couldn’t force me to pretend it was okay.
Instead, I became cold and spiteful. My brothers learned to leave me alone. My father would just glare back at me. He didn’t care that I was in pain. He didn’t care what I thought. All that mattered to him was that I followed his stupid rules.
The dinner table became a silent battlefield. No one talked. A silent bomb sat in the middle of the table ready to explode at the slightest touch.
Mom tried a few times to break the tension but gave up after three or four failures. On the weekend, she tried to get me out working in the yard. I simply turned over, giving her my back. No way was I helping them maintain the yard. It wasn’t my yard.
And of course, my mind continued to tumble with thoughts about Buck. What was he doing? How much did he hate me? Was he keeping his grades up? If he didn’t get into college, I would feel even worse. If that was possible.
For days on end, I lay in bed and thought about him. Reliving every moment together. The way he smiled. The sound of his laugh. That smoky leather scent of his. My insides curled inside themselves just remembering it all.
Pictures of him danced in my mind. His wide shoulders. His arm around me, holding me. Keeping me safe.
I was in pure anguish. And I didn’t understand why. Why was my father like this? It was driving me crazy and I had enough. Bouncing up off my bed, I stormed into the kitchen to confront my mother. I knew Dad was working at the sawmill so there was no chance of running into him.
“Mom,” I said when I found her cutting carrots for a stew. “Why?” I begged. “Why is he like this?
Her eyes softened for a moment as she put the knife down and looked off into the distance.
“He has his reasons.”
“Mom! Please.”
She sighed then turned to focus on me. Her eyes were filled with fear and doubt. As if she was fighting with herself. She sighed heavily then said, “You know that your father and I were childhood sweethearts.”
I nodded. I had heard the stories. They’d been friends since kindergarten, a couple from sixth grade on, then married just after high school.
“Your dad was a really good football player,” Mom continued. I hadn’t known that. They never really talked about their high school years. “I mean really good. He was going to get scholarship offers.” She paused for a second and took a deep breath. “Then he got hurt. His knee. And his dreams ended in a flash.”
I was too angry to feel sorry for him. But I frowned as I tried to figure out what this had to do with his idiotic attitude towards me dating.
“He became depressed. Angry at the world,” she went on while she looked over my shoulder as if she were peering into the past.
I held my words, waiting.
“We broke up,” she said with a sad look. “So, believe me, you aren’t the first person to feel her world dissolve into nothingness.”
I almost smiled. She was so accurate. Only a person who had been there could know what it felt like.
Mom paused for a long moment then took another deep breath. “I was so angry. So hurt. … I decided to make your father jealous. Teach him a lesson.”
I nodded, encouraging her to continue. I could see in her eyes that she didn’t want to go on.
“So,” she said. “I talked one of my brother’s friends into taking me to the movies. He was a couple of years older. I knew word would get back to your dad.”
My brow furrowed as I tried to understand. I could totally see my mom doing that. Any girl would have.
She looked me square in the eye and said, “The boy raped me.”
I gasped, how was this possible? My heart lurched as I saw the pain in her eyes. What must it be like to relive that moment and have to tell your daughter?
She sighed heavily and stared down at the floor. I couldn’t begin to under
stand what she was thinking. What she was remembering.
“Somehow, your dad found out,” she stopped again and sighed. “I don’t know what happened to the boy. He disappeared.”
My hand went to my mouth as I imagined my dad killing the boy and burying him in some unmarked grave.
Mom saw the thoughts flashing through my mind and shook her head. “I don’t think your father ever got the chance to confront him. He got out of town before he could get killed. But I know it changed your father. Made him quicker to anger and less willing to take any risks when it came to his only daughter.”
My mind reeled as I tried to process all this information.
“But Mom, Buck isn’t like that. I promise.”
She smiled slightly and nodded but then shrugged her shoulders.
“What about Bobby, or Brian,” I asked. “Are they evil? No of course not. They might be dumber than a bag of rocks at times. But they aren’t evil. Not all boys are bad.”
Mom nodded, the one thing no one was allowed to do was criticize her children.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Your father cares too much about you to ever let anything threaten you.”
“Buck isn’t a threat,” I said as I stomped my foot. Why wouldn’t these people understand?
She simply shrugged again then returned to cutting carrots. As if none of this mattered. All I could do was leave her to her memories and go back to my room. I had more information but that didn’t change the fact that my life sucked.
The second week was no better. I was dying inside. No word from Buck. But then how could he. Maybe he had called a thousand times, but I had no idea. My dad had grounded me from the computer, also. So I couldn’t check anything. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat. It was like I was in the ancient world of the nineties.
Cut off and all alone.
The third week was only slightly worse. Maybe deciding to do my school work made the time go by a little faster. Of course, what normally took six hours every day in school could be done in two at home.
Deception (The Benson Brothers Book 3) Page 8
