No One to Trust

by Iris Johansen

  He shook his head. “I have to practice. I forget.…” He frowned. “It seems like a long time since we left Tomaco, doesn’t it?”

  She nodded. “A lot of things have happened.” She headed for the shower. “I’ll be out in ten minutes and you can show me that keyboard.”

  “Okay.” His reply was abstracted. “If it’s a scary game, why do you play it?”

  “It only seems scary.”

  “Then let me come and watch.”

  Good heavens, he was being stubborn. Or maybe it wasn’t stubbornness, she thought suddenly. “Are you worried about me, Barry?”

  “You shouldn’t do stuff that could hurt you.”

  “And you’re trying to protect me?”

  “I just want to go with you.”

  She strode across the room and cupped his face in her hands. “Nothing is going to happen to me, love. There’s no monster that could hurt me in that barn. There’s only me and Judd and a haystack.”

  “You had a cut on your arm yesterday.”

  She hadn’t thought he’d noticed. “It was a scratch. You get scratches all the time.”

  His eyes were glittering with unshed tears. “But I don’t want you to get them. Ever.”

  She hugged him close. “I can’t promise you I won’t be hurt, just like you can’t promise me you won’t fall off that corral fence you were climbing this morning.” She paused, searching for words. “We try to take care of ourselves, but things happen. Then we have to get up and dust ourselves off and try again. Otherwise we’d never know what it is to get to the top of the fence. Didn’t it make you feel good when you did that?”

  He nodded. “I could see clear to the mountains.”

  “I didn’t stop you from climbing that fence, did I?”

  “No.”

  “Because I didn’t want you to be scared of it.”

  A sudden smile illuminated his face. “You wanted me to look under the bed.”

  She smiled in return. “You’ve got it. And you didn’t find any monsters ready to knock you off that fence, did you? Well, I have fences of my own to climb, and I can’t be scared or I’ll never get to the top.”

  He was silent a moment. “You stood by the fence while I climbed it. Maybe I could go along in case you needed help.”

  “Maybe.” She laughed. “I’m pretty good at climbing fences these days, but I can always use a little help.” She gently pushed him away from her. “We’ll see, Barry. Now go and find Dominic. I have to shower.”

  He ran toward the door and looked over his shoulder with an impish grin. “Yes, you do.” He wrinkled his nose. “Phew.”

  She was still smiling as she turned on the shower. He was changing, growing more independent and responsible every day. Galen’s influence? Possibly. Or maybe it was the result of the events of the last few weeks. She was just lucky that they had not made him timid as she’d first been afraid they would. Fear could be a terrible thing.

  But you told me I had to face scary stuff, and most of the time that made it go away.

  Her smile faded. Easy words to say, not easy words to live by. Yet she believed those words or she wouldn’t have spoken them.

  I have fences of my own to climb, and I can’t be scared or I’ll never get to the top.

  She was scared. Chavez had damaged her confidence and ripped and scarred her.

  Time hadn’t healed her yet.

  It had already been six years. How much longer would she have to wait for some miraculous transformation to take place? It wasn’t her nature to sit back and take no action once she realized a problem existed.

  She closed her eyes and let the warm water pour over her. She didn’t want to take action. Not this time.

  Not this way.

  Galen was sitting on the couch in the living room, reading, when she came into the room. He glanced up from his book. “I thought you’d gone to bed. Something wrong?”

  “Yes. Can we go out on the porch?”

  “Sure.” He rose to his feet. “The kid okay?”

  “Barry’s fine.” She moved toward the front door. The moon was shining, but it was better than the bright lights in here. What a coward she was being, she thought in disgust. It wasn’t as if—

  “What do you want?” Galen said from behind her.

  “You’re a problem-solver.” She moistened her lips. “I have a problem.”

  “So?”

  “I want you to screw me.”

  There was no sound for a full minute. “I beg your pardon?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Turn around. I want to see something apart from the back of your head.”

  She took a deep breath, braced herself, and turned around. “Then look at me. What do you see?”

  His eyes were narrowed on her face. “Beats me to hell.”

  “This … is difficult. I never thought I’d—Will you do it?”

  “Why?”

  “I haven’t been with a man willingly since Chavez took me. I’ve just realized that’s a victory for him. I won’t let him have it. I won’t let him scar me like that.”

  “Wonderful.” Galen’s lips tightened. “Makes a man feel really wanted.”

  “I can’t help it. I have to be honest with you.”

  “Why me? Why not go knocking on Judd’s door?”

  “There’s been something … You know it. I thought it would be easier with you.”

  “Not the greatest compliment I’ve received.”

  “I didn’t mean to make you angry.” Her voice was shaking. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”

  “Oh, don’t back out now. It’s just getting interesting.”

  “Stop it. Just say yes or no.” Her chin lifted. “I’d actually rather you said no. This … scares me.”

  “Oh, shit.” The anger disappeared from his expression. “Just when I’d managed to whip up some authentic resentment for this insult to my ego.” He took a step closer but didn’t touch her. “You always manage to disarm me, dammit.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt your ego.” She looked away from him. “I didn’t think you’d mind. It wouldn’t be unpleasant. I’d do anything you want. Just ask—”

  “Shut up.” His hand covered her lips, then moved down to her throat. “You are scared. Your heart is beating like crazy.”

  It wasn’t entirely fear that was causing that response. “I told you I was. I want to be honest.” She looked back at him and met his gaze. “I have to do this. I taught Barry that you have to look under the bed if you think a monster is there.”

  “I’m not sure what that makes me.” He smiled. “But I’m not going to be under the bed. Your pulse just jumped under my thumb.”

  “You’re going to do it?”

  “There wasn’t any question about our coming together from the minute I first put my hands on you.” His thumbs rubbed up and down the sides of her neck. “I’m just a poor male unable to quench my lust.”

  “Thank you.” She was having trouble breathing. “Where? The hammock?”

  “God, no.” He grinned. “I’m lousy in hammocks. I’ve never mastered the knack.” He was leading her inside and up the stairs. “Bed. My bed. It will make me feel less insecure.”

  “Bull.”

  “You think I’m not insecure? You tell me I have to solve your problem and then call me a monster.” He opened his bedroom door and drew her inside. “It’s enough to make Casanova quake. I’ll have to overcome the sheer—”

  She stiffened as she saw the bed.

  “It’s going to be fine,” Galen said quietly. “Nothing to it. Piece of cake.”

  “No.”

  “Maybe not.” His grasp tightened. “But we’ll get through it together. You set the pace.”

  “That’s going to be difficult for you.” She tried to smile. “You always say you like to run the show.”

  “In a situation like this, the woman is always in command.”

  “I never found that to be true.”

  “Because
you’ve never been in a situation like this.” He lifted her palm to his lips. “Or have you?”

  She could feel heat spread from her palm up her inner arm. “I wasn’t a virgin when Chavez took me. When I was sixteen, there was a man. No, he was more of a boy. I … enjoyed it.”

  “Bless him. Then we have something to build on.” He released her hand, and his fingers went to the buttons of her shirt. “No sex since Chavez?”

  “No. The guards at the prison—I broke their necks.”

  “Good.” He undid a button. “Then I won’t feel obliged to go back and do it for you.”

  “Why should you want to do that?”

  “I’m feeling amazingly protective of you.” He undid another button. “I want to fight your dragons.”

  She inhaled sharply as his fingers brushed against the top of her breast. “You are.”

  “All your dragons.”

  “So much for my being in control.”

  “You’re in control.” He took her hand and put it on his heart. “Feel it? You did this to me. You have power. You make me feel weak and strong and everything in between.”

  His heart was beating hard against her palm, sending a ripple of vibration through her. “You’re being … very kind to me.”

  “The hell I am.” He opened her shirt. “We both know I’ve been wanting this.”

  “But I’m not … You may not like it.”

  “I’ll like it.” His eyes were glinting with sudden humor as he raised them to look at her. “If you don’t break my neck.”

  Incredibly, she found herself smiling. Replace bad memories with good.

  She knew that the memory of the guards would never be quite as bitter after tonight. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Good.” He dropped down on the bed. “Then let the play begin.”

  “I don’t want you to … I’m … damaged. I want you to get something out of this, and I’m not sure how to make sure of that. It’s not fair to you.” She moistened her lips and said unevenly, “I could pretend. I’m good at pretending.”

  He drew her down beside him, leaned over her, and slowly, carefully spread her short hair on the pillow. She had never realized what an intimate gesture that could be. Suddenly she was aware only of the darkness and the heat and his eyes glittering down at her. He whispered, “Don’t you dare.”

  8

  “It wasn’t good for you, was it?” Elena stared into the darkness. “I cheated you.”

  “It was good.” He pulled her closer. “And it will get better.”

  “I told you that I should pretend.”

  “I’ve never been fond of fakes. I like the real McCoy.” He kissed her temple. “My ego again. When we finally make it, I don’t want there to be any doubt about it.”

  “You were … very good. I think.”

  “Thank you. I value your opinion.” He chuckled. “Even though you have only a sadistic son of a bitch and a young kid to compare me to.”

  “Do you want to do it again?”

  “Definitely. But not right now. I’m enjoying holding you too much.”

  “You are?”

  “Yes. I like touching, and I’ve wanted to have my hands on you for a long time.” He stroked her back, from her shoulders to her buttocks. “You have wonderful muscles, strong and smooth.…”

  She lifted her head to look at him. “That’s a weird compliment.”

  “I like strength. I think it’s sexy.”

  “I wasn’t very strong tonight.”

  “Sure you were. You had the strength of your convictions and determination.” The tips of his fingers grazed lightly up and down her spine. “You were bloody wonderful.”

  “And you’re lying.”

  “No, it doesn’t all have to be about frantic urgency. There’s truth and trust, and you gave me both of those. I feel honored.” He playfully pinched her butt. “Of course, frantic urgency can be nice too. We’ll work on that.”

  She stiffened. “You’re acting as if this is a long-term project.”

  “Am I? I sometimes have difficulty letting go even after I’ve solved a problem. But I’m sure you’ll make sure I don’t get too possessive.”

  “I will. I have to do that.”

  “But that’s down the road a bit.” His smile faded. “I think it’s time I had a progress report. How was it for you?”

  “Scary. At first, I wanted to fight you.”

  “I know. I felt your muscles tense.”

  “But when I managed to relax, it was better.”

  “Did you think about him?”

  “Yes, of course.” She swallowed and blocked out the memory. “Not toward the end. He was gone then.”

  “Why?”

  “I was distracted.”

  “Hallelujah.” He chuckled. “Distracted is good. Though I never thought I’d be grateful for that description of my sexual expertise.” He gave her a quick hard kiss. “Now all I have to do is worry about distracting you from step one.”

  “It may never be good for you.”

  “Don’t be a pessimist.” He paused. “If it was never any better than it was tonight, it would still be worth it. Remember, you told me that men just think of women as vessels. Do you still believe that?”

  Not Galen. She’d learned a good deal about him tonight. His patience and humor and the protectiveness that had enveloped her like a velvet cloak. He had taken a long time to arouse her and a longer time to try to keep her from being frightened when he’d entered her. “Maybe not all men.”

  “Maybe?”

  “Okay, not you.”

  “Because I’m truly exceptional,” he prompted.

  She suddenly smiled. “Because you’re truly too egotistical to let any woman pigeonhole you that way.”

  He sighed. “Cut to the quick. Now you have to say something nice about me to soothe the wound. Do you like my body?”

  She studied him. “Yes, I like it.” He looked hard, totally masculine. He was without an ounce of fat and far more muscular than she’d dreamed. A patch of dark hair thatched his chest. “You have nice muscles too.”

  “Touch me.”

  She didn’t move.

  “Touch me,” he repeated. “I’m going to touch you. Everywhere. Every place. Tonight. Tomorrow.” He took her hand and put it on his chest. “Every time I get the chance. Not around Barry, but whenever else the opportunity presents itself. I’m going to pet you and nuzzle you and enjoy the hell out of it.” He rubbed her palm up and down on his chest. “And hope that you’ll enjoy it too.”

  “I’m not used to being fondled.”

  “All the more reason. So you’ll have to bloody my nose to keep me from doing it.” He guided her hand down to the tight muscles of his stomach. “And even then I’d still be thinking about how it would be to do it, and you’d know exactly what was on my mind. Do you like the feel of me?”

  Her hand was tingling as he rubbed it against him, and her breathing was becoming shallow. She closed her eyes. “Yes.”

  “Yes,” he repeated softly as he moved her hand again. “How I love that word.…”

  Galen waited until the screen door closed behind Elena before he went into the barn.

  Judd was without a shirt, dousing his head under the water running from a pump. He scowled as he looked up. “No more favors.”

  “How is she doing?”

  “Too good.” He toweled off his hair. “Better than me. She could have downed me twice today but didn’t. Do you realize how humiliating that is?”

  “You’ll survive. She’s sharp?”

  Judd nodded. “She’s ready. I’ll give her one more session and cut her loose.” He paused. “But can she take Chavez?”

  “That’s the question. I called Manero and had him do a little in-depth questioning of a few of the survivors of Chavez’s little games. There weren’t many, and they survived only because Chavez grew bored with them. He’s very, very good.”

  “She’s waiting for him. You could go after hi
m yourself.”

  “I’ve been thinking about it.”

  “Not too hard.” He grinned. “You’ve been a little busy for the last week.”

  “Shut up.”

  “Whatever you say.” He reached for his shirt. “Hey, I’m glad you got lucky.”

  Galen ignored the comment. “Don’t cut her loose yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “I want you to keep her occupied for as long as possible. She’s thinking, planning, and I’d bet she’s trying to get a scenario together that would protect Barry and Dominic and still give her the result she needs.”

  “Has she talked about it?”

  “No.”

  Judd’s eyes twinkled. “Not even in the wee, intimate hours of the night?”

  “That’s not what we talk about.”

  “Astronomy, great literature, cloning?”

  “Don’t cut her loose, okay?”

  “I’m taking some punishment.”

  “Four more days.”

  “She may decide herself to cut the sessions off.” He started buttoning his shirt. “Or maybe not. I’ve noticed she’s pretty distracted around you these days.”

  Distracted. Funny that Judd had used that word. No, not funny at all. “She won’t cut short any preparation available to her. Not when it concerns Barry.”

  “Then I’m in the driver’s seat.” He pretended to think. “Now, what prize can I ask in return …?”

  “Judd.”

  “Okay. Four more days.” Judd tucked his shirt into his jeans. “But I’m going to be far too exhausted to do any of the cleanup around here.”

  “Thanks, Judd.” Galen left the barn and headed for the house. He had bought a little time, but he didn’t know how much. Elena was definitely not predictable.

  Hell, and nothing about his relationship with her was predictable. He felt as if he were trying to walk on water and at any moment he could plunge in over his head.

  But, God, it was worth it.

  “We’re getting close,” Gomez said. “We’ve uncovered the paperwork on a house Galen owns in New Orleans. We checked it out and he wasn’t there, but we were able to pinpoint the man who buried the paperwork. Samuel Destin, an attorney. If he did the work on that property, then he may have done the same on another. If he didn’t, he may know who did.”