Though she didn’t know it at the time, John gave her those things and renewed her sense of security.
Another piece of her resentment fell away. He cared, even if he took the coward’s way out and didn’t acknowledge her or take her away from this place and Candy because he didn’t want to ruin his perfect life in Montana.
He didn’t want people to know his dirty little secret.
“Stop being so dramatic. We were poor and I did what I had to do for us to survive. Now look at us.”
“We were poor because for a good long time the only thing you remembered how to do was drink and drug and whore. I put you to bed, made sure you ate, and took care of you when you couldn’t even stand, let alone walk straight. Do you have any idea how scary it was for me when you overdosed? Twice. To watch some guy pounding on your chest to make your heart beat again. To see you dumped into a cold shower to wake you up as you threw up all over yourself. To worry that you might die and leave me there all alone.” Roxy’s voice shook with emotion.
For a split second, Candy’s eyes filled with understanding and remorse. “Those days are long behind us.” Of course Candy wanted to move on from the past, leave it behind them, and never look back. Candy could do that because, let’s face it, she couldn’t remember most of that time.
Roxy remembered it all, right down to the echo of fear.
“Since we moved here, we’ve been living the good life, sweetie. I always wanted to be rich, have men and champagne and everything I ever wanted at my fingertips.” Candy’s priorities were men, booze, drugs, money, and extravagance in any and all combinations possible. And to excess. Once in a great long while Roxy made the list. Not always. Certainly not often enough.
Candy had a knack for forgetting the unpleasant and focusing on the shiny, sparkly parts of her life she loved so much. “This life has kept you here with your horses. Lord knows, they’re the only things you love.”
“John gave us this life.”
Her mother’s head cocked and one perfectly arched eyebrow shot up. “What do you mean?”
Since the reading of the will and learning she inherited the Wild Rose Ranch, Roxy had put a lot of thought into figuring out what her father had done for her over the years. She played out the timeline of her life, filling in the pieces where John fit and then disappeared.
“When I was very little, John came around three or four times a year. He discovered you beat me. You and John fought.”
Candy’s lips pressed together, but she didn’t comment about how volatile she used to get when she was high.
“He said goodbye and never came back. Several months later, we moved here.”
“So,” her mother said, getting that petulant tone that reminded Roxy of a grumpy child. “Don’t think I didn’t know he came to see you once in a while.”
Roxy sucked it up and revealed John’s secret. “Did you know he owned this place?”
That got Candy’s attention. “What? No he didn’t. Big Mama owns and runs this place.”
She’d regret this, but she wanted to put Candy in her place for once. “Big Mama owns a small portion, but John bought the bulk of the business and the twenty acres surrounding us to put you someplace he could keep an eye on you and me.”
Candy clasped her hands together at her chest, bounced up and down from her knees, and squealed, “And now we own it!” The exuberant smile spread across her beautiful face.
Sometimes, it was hard to look at her mother, see how beautiful she was, and know how rotten she was at the core.
“Not we. Me! I’m the Madam of a brothel.” The pain threatened to overwhelm her. How could this happen? She’d studied hard, made good grades, went to college, earned her degree, and found a good, honest job.
Now this.
Dragged back into the muck of her mother’s life.
“Big Mama runs this place.”
“That doesn’t make it any better.” Rage filled every word.
Candy rolled her eyes. “How did I raise such a prude for a daughter?”
“I raised myself,” Roxy snapped. “I want an answer. Why did he leave?”
“How should I know? He was rich, lived in another state. He was a good honest man who didn’t want anyone to know he’d fucked a whore and knocked her up.” Candy shrugged the whole thing off with a pouty frown. “He didn’t want us.”
The instant sting of those words hurt, but not as much as the thoughts she’d harbored for so many years. But maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe the truth was closer to: he didn’t want anyone back home to know about them, but he did love Roxy and wanted to take care of her and keep her safe. He did so the best he could, even though keeping his secret meant more to him than giving her the life he gave Noah and Annabelle.
“What did you do?” Roxy backed her mother into the stall door, using her body to block Candy’s escape.
“Back off,” Candy demanded.
Roxy didn’t back down. “What. Did. You. Do?”
“He threatened to take you away from me.”
“You didn’t want me. You’ve made that clear more times than I can count.”
Candy twirled another lock of hair, looking all innocent. “You were mine.”
“I was a paycheck. Back then, you needed his money for your next bottle and fix.”
“That’s not fair.” But the truth. The pouty frown returned.
“I’m the first one to say, no, it’s not fair. It sucks to know your own mother took away a good and decent childhood, so she could keep cashing in.”
“You don’t understand. I was desperate then. It wasn’t like it is now.”
“No. It’s not. John knew you’d never be anything but what you are, so he found a place for you.”
“You got your cottage and ranch, so don’t think he didn’t give you something, too.” Candy took a breath. “You’re right. All that moving around was rough. A few times, we moved so he couldn’t take you from me.”
“You hid me from him!”
“He always found us again. Sometimes using a PI and other times I came up short and needed money.”
“You’re a real piece of work.”
“You know, not everything is my fault.”
“Really? That’s hard to believe.”
“Fine. You want to know. When he saw the bruises on you . . .” Her mother frowned. “You know I didn’t mean it. It was the drugs that made me do it.” Of course Candy blamed the drugs instead of taking responsibility for abusing Roxy. “You’re my girl. I couldn’t let him take you.”
There was some sentiment in Candy’s convoluted thinking, but Roxy wouldn’t be swayed from getting the answers she wanted.
“For once, tell me the truth, not your version of prettying up the mess you made.”
The pout on her mother’s lips made many men jump to please her and tease that hurt look off her face. It never worked on Roxy. She saw right through the false emotion. To this day, she wasn’t sure her mother actually felt anything, but walked through her life numb, trying desperately to find anything—booze, drugs, men—that made her feel something.
“I used his life against him. He had a pregnant wife at home. How was he going to explain a little girl he didn’t tell her or anyone about? How was he going to tell her he’d been coming to visit you and fucking me at the same time?”
Lisa had been having affairs, too. Annabelle had been proof of that.
“He didn’t want to lose his wife. He thought that baby was going to give him the happy little family he always wanted. Do you think that woman would have wanted to take a hooker’s child and raise you along with her little girl?”
Lisa didn’t even want Annabelle.
“When I pointed out what he had to lose, he left.”
“Not good enough. John wanted to keep you from hurting me. His relationship with Lisa was rocky at best. There had to be more.”
Candy planted her hands on her hips. “You really think I’m low.”
“Spill it!”
>
“You can be a real bitch. Fine. I told him to go ahead and take you home. I’d love to visit you, maybe move there and start over. There had to be a lot of lonely men looking for a warm woman to see them through the long winter nights. Maybe I’d find a job at a bar and do what I do best.”
Oh God, John would have had two women in town sleeping around. One for fun. One for profit. No wonder her father abandoned all hope of bringing her to the ranch.
“John knew I’d do it. I would never let you go. The checks kept coming. I guess, yeah, he sent Big Mama to make me the offer to work here and separate you from me.” Candy shrugged. “We were both happier.”
The sad reality of their relationship.
“He left angry. I figured we’d go back to the way things had always been. I don’t know why he stopped coming. I guess he was happy with his family.” This time her mother wasn’t trying to be callous. She really didn’t know what happened to her father.
Roxy shook her head. “That baby he thought would change everything turned out not to be his. Lisa is a royal bitch. John divorced her. I’m not sure what happened with Noah’s mother, but I think it wore on him.”
“A man can only take so much.”
“You and Lisa gave him a run for his money. Literally. That’s all you wanted from him when he had so much more to give. He poured everything into trying to keep Lisa happy those first three years of Annabelle’s life. Which left little time for him to sneak away and see me. I think he wanted to give Annabelle everything he never had the chance to give me. But it fell apart anyway. Time passed. My resentment built and we grew apart. So he did everything he could to make Noah and Annabelle happy and build his ranch. He needed those things to work in his life. Maybe, like me, he thought there’d come a time when we could lay it all out in the open and forgive our shortcomings. Maybe he thought when Annabelle was grown, he’d tell them about me. As adults, we could find a way to be, if not family, then friends.”
“What difference does it make now? Because of me, you’re rich. You’ve got a lucrative horse ranch and own the best brothel in the state.” Pride lit Candy’s eyes.
“Because of you, I lost touch with my father. If you’d let me go with him, I could have grown up loved like Noah and Annabelle.”
“That bitch of a wife of his probably would have sent you back.”
Probably. “Or maybe John would have divorced her sooner and still raised his kids on his own.”
“He could have come back for you after he divorced Lisa. He didn’t. He made his choice and left you here with me.”
“You threatened to prostitute yourself out in the community where everyone knew him and would know I was your daughter.”
John couldn’t live with that. Not that John deserved the benefit of the doubt, but by that time, Roxy was living with her sisters, doing well in school, competing with her horses, and generally happy in her new life. Maybe he didn’t want to take her away from the one place she’d finally settled into and found a normal life. Well as normal as possible with a mother like Candy.
“What will you do with the brothel?” Of course her mother cared more about that than what Roxy was going through.
“Burn it to the ground,” she suggested.
“With the money it makes, you’ll never have to work a day in your life ever again.” Her mother’s eyes lit up. She was surprised the blue didn’t turn to money-green.
Roxy had enough. “Go back to the mansion. We’re done.”
“You should thank me for what I did for you.”
“You used who you are to keep John away and hurt me. So remember you have a roof over your head because he put one there, and I allow you to stay. The money spilling out your bra and thong every night is because of the job I allow you to keep. So behave, because I won’t be here to pick your drunk ass up off the floor anymore.”
Candy huffed out her anger. “Careful, little girl. What would people think back in Whitefall if they knew you owned this place? This little town knows everyone who works here, or like you and the girls, who’s associated with it. The brothel brings money into this dinky town but that doesn’t mean people accept us.”
“Like you care.”
“I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.”
Too many times people she thought were friends had turned on her. In high school, a couple of boys she liked pretended to like her. When it became clear they only wanted one thing and were willing to pay for it, she stopped giving boys the benefit of the doubt that they actually wanted her. A very hard lesson to learn at such a young age.
“You better make sure Noah never finds out. You’ll lose your piece of the ranch. He won’t want you raising his kid sister.”
“No one but the lawyer knows I own the ranch.”
“You better hope it stays that way. All the lawyers I’ve met . . . not a decent man among them. They’re all out for themselves. The only person you can rely on is yourself.”
“You’ve taught me that well,” she countered. “I don’t need anyone else to show me what I already know. Now get out. I have work to do.”
Roxy waited for her mother to leave before she let the tears fall. She didn’t know why she cried. For the little girl who could have had a father if only his life hadn’t been so heartbreaking and complicated? If only he’d cared more about her than his reputation.
No. For the first time, she really let herself feel the loss of her father.
He loved her.
She held on to that and forgave him for letting time, distance, and pride keep them apart.
Chapter Sixteen
Roxy sucked in a deep breath, stared up at the red lights beside the front door of the Wild Rose Ranch, and wondered what the hell she was doing going in this way, instead of through the back.
Tonight, she wanted to see this place with new eyes.
As a guest would.
As the owner.
Roxy knew the brothel’s basic routine and inner workings, but she’d never paid close attention to how the business side ran. Her mind always went right to the scantily clad women, the men who came to fulfill their fantasies, or whatever debauched itch they wanted to scratch, and the exchange of money for something she thought should include more than greed and lust.
She rang the buzzer and waited for Big Mama or security to buzz her in after checking her out on the surveillance cameras. The huge glass-paned wood doors with the carved vine of wild roses opened. Big Mama stood before her, arms outstretched, one hand on each door. Framed in the light, her red hair glowed like fire. The black bustier lifted her ample bosom. With a red rose in her hair, a black velvet choker with a blood-red ruby at her neck, and a full black skirt encasing her wide and round bottom, she looked the picture of an old-time Madam. Seeing Big Mama dressed for the night always made her think of dance hall girls, gunslingers, poker, and some guy at the piano playing a bawdy tune.
“Big Mama.”
“Miss Cordero. Welcome.”
Leave it to Big Mama to know exactly why she was here and coming through the front door. She’d made it her business to know exactly what everyone coming through her door wanted.
Most repeat clients made appointments. Many even left special instructions. Big Mama kept track of client’s preferences and ensured that when they arrived the girls catered to their every need without them having to ask.
“Thank you for understanding.”
Big Mama smiled and closed the doors behind her. Roxy stood in the huge white marble foyer and surveyed the lovely red velvet sofas, subdued lighting, and erotic art displayed in ornate gilded frames. These paintings were suggestive, but not lewd. Inside the main house, the art was much more graphic, but exceptionally well-done and expensive.
“It’s different to walk in as the boss. Shines a whole new light on things.”
“I think I’ve seen things clear enough for years.”
“Now, honey, you know you’ve only seen this place as your mother’s vile playground and
the reason she deserted you. For a second there, you looked around and thought of it as a business. You’re not a child anymore. John left you this place, knowing how much you hated it, but also knowing you’d do right by these women and me. The way he tried to do right by you.”
“It doesn’t change the fact I can’t keep this place, Big Mama. This isn’t the life I wanted, and I worked damn hard to become something different.”
“Different, you said—not better. Some of these women are your friends. You’d never turn your back on a friend. Besides, John made it clear you can’t sell this place for five years. He may not have raised you, but to his dying day, he provided for you. This place will do that now that he’s gone.”
Roxy’s education about her father just kept coming. “You fed him information about me. That’s how he knew when I got my driver’s license, that I got accepted to college, so many other things, I can’t even think of them right now.”
Big Mama held her hands together in front of her. “He loved you, honey. He knew he did you wrong and tried in his own way to make things good for you. Your mother made that difficult at every turn.”
“She makes everything difficult,” Roxy confirmed.
“Let’s take the tour and I’ll buy you a drink, honey. Looks like you need one.”
“I certainly will after this.”
“Put your boss’s hat back on. We run a clean, honest, and lucrative business. The men who come here expect a certain standard—privacy, class, and elegance. When they enter the house, it’s part of the fantasy. Old and elegant—even the furnishings play a role as the men meet the girls.”
Big Mama opened the next set of doors and they entered another large area, the grand staircase leading up to the girls’ rooms. The ground floor had a few specially appointed rooms for more diverse tastes. Some men wanted to be dominated. Others wanted to be treated like babies. Literally, in some cases. Whatever the fantasy or need, Wild Rose Ranch accommodated its clients, be they men or women. It wasn’t unheard of to have women visit alone, or with their spouse or lover.
Dirty Little Secret Page 9
