by E. H. Lyon
“Those were the days,” I shrug my shoulders and pat myself on the back for the accomplishment.
There is a moment as everyone’s laughter dies down. Several conversations take place and we just ordered another bottle of wine.
My finger slides along Leo’s forearm. His eyes glance to my finger then at me.
“I’m going to get some air, come with me?” I request, and a warm smile immediately forms on his face.
He follows me outside to the restaurant patio.
"You didn't have to do this," I say happily as I lean against the rail. There is a stream below giving off soft tones of nature.
"I wasn't going to let you miss your big 3-0," Leo tells me as he joins me along the railing.
I grab the edges of his buttoned shirt near his collar because I know what I want to do. But before I can do anything, he gently pushes my hands away, giving me a damaging look to warn me. Because when he pulls a small box from his pocket, the inside of me feels a flutter of butterflies floating around in my stomach.
"Here." He walks behind me, lifts my hair to the side so gently and wraps a chain around my neck. Letting his lips graze my neck knowing it makes my center warm. Looking down to my chest, I grab the necklace and look at the silver charm.
It’s simple, it’s beautiful, it’s me. And I am oozing with happiness as he is in front of me again.
"An eighth music note. Exactly like my tattoo.”
He gives me a slow nod as his eyes look at me, mesmerized.
"It's too much," I add.
He shakes his head slowly no and puts a strand of my hair behind my ear. “It’s for everything. Your birthday, deciding to have Sam, giving birth for those long hours, taking care of him, being an amazing mom… for letting whatever happens happen,” he explains stroking my hair with a small grin forming, and I laugh because someone must have told him about the push present theory. “How is that going for you? The new plan?” he enquires, wrapping some of my hair around his finger.
“Good. And I was thinking about something—a decision. I had already reached a verdict. But then I was bribed and persuaded with dinner and a gift… it just confirms my decision,” I muse.
Our eyes are locked.
“What would that be?”
“I want us to try,” I whisper.
He is struggling to keep his grin respectable. “As in all in?”
I nod.
“I should have bought you expensive gifts sooner,” he jokes which makes me smile.
There is only one thing I want to do, and something tells me he is waiting for me. My fingers grab the edges of his shirt, and he pulls me to him as I equally pull his shirt to me. Our bodies fitting perfectly together. His hand finding my lower spine that sends a shiver through me and his other hand cupping my face.
With no hesitation or thought, I lean in. Our lips meet and start slowly kissing before moving into a long deep kiss. It’s toe-curling, swoon-worthy, and every cliché I hate.
We pull apart to breathe in some air and his thumb rubs my lower lip as our eyes don't break our gaze.
Laughter from inside brings us back to where we are. Leo indicates his head towards inside and I nod to follow.
The moment we get inside, our friends are sitting there in silence and staring at us with inquisitive looks.
“So, keeping each other busy?” Lucas asks with a grin.
“Yeah, just checking on the sitter, teething baby and all,” Leo gives Lucas a warning glare.
Everyone stares at us with entertained expressions as we go to sit.
“We knew it!” Harper bounces in excitement. “You two are sleeping together again.”
“Not sure the kitchen staff heard you in the back, want to say that louder?” Leo challenges, placing an arm behind me and taking a sip of his drink.
Max has a phone to his ear. “Damn it, Nate, you won.”
Leo and I look at each other, confused.
“Tell me you guys didn’t,” Leo utters, half amused as he lets his hand rub his temple.
“Of course we did. Harper and Abby joined too. Nate got in on it when he saw you two at Matchbox the other week. Jake was even going to join but said it would have been unethical as your attorney,” Lucas explains too easily.
“You had a bet on us?” I ask, far more entertained than I should be.
“Yeah, after that BBQ episode, we all placed bets the moment you two left,” Abby explains in delight.
Leo and I look at each other and shake our heads in disbelief but do see the fun in this.
Leo mutters under his breath, “We will get them back one day, Jess.” His mouth cracks with satisfaction at that inside joke. We always tell each other that we would get revenge on the group one day. Every time they did something to Leo and me—because today’s shenanigans are not the first time they’ve pulled something like that.
“Guys, for the sanity of all of us, I hope you both know what you’re doing,” Lucas says, half serious and half sarcastically. We both look at him, because in truth we hope so too.
Chapter Twenty
Jess
Leo’s been away a few days for business. We keep our FaceTime calls about Sam with the occasional dirty reference thrown in. He may have asked me for a photo, and while I gave a hard no at first, I decided to throw him a bone and I sent him one. And when he gets back later today, then I have every intention to give him the live version of that photo.
The past few weeks since Leo returned have been a whirlwind, but it’s a ride that I am beginning to enjoy… a lot.
Looking at the computer screen, I view the profile for a new listing. When I hear Max coming into the office, I glance up and notice he has a confused look on his face.
“I thought you were at the Pine Lane viewing?” he raises his voice, perplexed.
“They re-scheduled. Why? What’s the problem?”
“It’s just… well… I have a client coming in for a viewing on Mulberry,” he explains awkwardly, letting his hands run through his hair.
Now I’m puzzled as this shouldn’t be a big deal. Looking at him, I cross my arms and lean back in my chair.
“That’s strange. It wasn’t in the calendar. Also, since when do we have clients the other doesn’t know about? Plus, Mulberry is a great house, the house of people’s dreams. Why wouldn’t you mention this to me?” It’s the house that few can afford, but many people would want.
Max bites his lip then runs his hands through his hair.
“Shit. You two really need to do hashtag communication. I don’t want to be in the middle of—” Max can’t finish his sentence as Leo comes strutting in.
Leo looks at Max and then me. Everyone looks disordered. I connect the dots too quickly—Leo is the client.
“Jess had an appointment change,” Max says, scratching his head and looking for any place he could possibly hide.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Leo speaks, tapping his car key on Max’s desk. Far more relaxed than he should be.
“So, you are the client?” I ask, widening my eyes and crossing my arms even tighter.
Something in me just bursts. This is news to me, and for some reason I don’t like it. It could mean so many things. Maybe he sees a life with him and Sam without me. Or he really doesn’t see any chance with me. Maybe I have it all wrong. Or maybe he should just have told me what living arrangement plans he has as we do share a son together. A firework in me goes off.
“Why are you looking for a house?” I ask, giving Leo a murderous gaze. I thought we were finally on the path to somewhere and then he pulls this move to send me back a few steps.
“I asked Max to look for a house as soon as I got back and learned I had a son.” His tone is casual like it’s no big deal.
“Oh, so plan B if we can’t figure this out?” I point my finger between us. Because I thought we were heading into something more long-standing. Not only that, but I have given him glimmers of what my head and heart want. We have mind-blowing sex t
hat even if we said would be forgotten—can’t be. Because it is earth-shatteringly good.
“No. You have it all wrong. There is plenty of space for all of us,” he tries to explain, stepping closer to me.
I step back, fuming because he really should have looped me in on that detail. He’s a little controlling yet sexy, caring, and committed that he thinks he can just buy a dream house for us. Take care of us. Exasperating.
“You didn’t think to mention it at breakfast the other day. ‘Oh, by the way, honey, I’m going to buy a house, can you pass the cereal?’” I mock.
That smug smirk of his comes back. “Didn’t realize you like when I call you honey.”
I groan. “Really? You thought you could get a place for all three of us even though you never communicated this fact to me?” I say, laying it out how I see it. Because pretty sure I should have a say in that decision.
He lets out a sigh of frustration as Max heads to the corner and pretends to read something on his phone. He isn’t reading.
“Jess. You are taking this all wrong,” Leo explains, and his fingers pinch the bridge of his nose in irritation.
After the Felix McGee episode and now this, I am fumed. “The way I see it, we can’t even communicate.”
He now seems annoyed with me. “Really, because your communication is great. Like the time you told me you were pregnant. Oh wait, that happened 18 months later,” Leo angerly says, trying to defend himself.
I am so livid.
“Here I was thinking we were over that,” I say softy with hurt in my voice. Walking past him to grab my phone and bag from my desk.
He scrubs a hand across his jaw as he seems to regret his words, but really it is too late.
“I’m sorry. That came out wrong. All I am saying is you are not reading the situation right. There is an epic miscommunication here,” Leo steps out of the way as I walk past him and open the door.
“Right, miscommunication. A reason we should just focus on co-parenting, okay.”
I look at him up and down then slam the door behind me. Positive I heard him hitting my desk or wall out of frustration.
Only Leo and I could literally go in a fucking circle of moving forward and back to square one in the course of days.
Grabbing a water from the fridge, I hear Leo coming down the stairs and I feel my barriers trying to hang on.
He leans against the doorframe and seems far too relaxed considering what happened earlier.
I throw the bottle cap into the sink. “I think we should just focus on co-parenting. And fine, get your own place. Soon we will be ready to split time with Sam anyhow. We said three months, right?”
I decide now is the time to get some air again, but he stops me from getting through the door by grabbing my wrist as I try to walk past him, and he reels me back to him, so I land into his hard chest.
“Uh uh. Nope. You don’t get to make that decision. Not when I know what I want, and I am just waiting for you to catch up and stop pretending that this—” he motions between us, “is something to just give up on. You really send me in circles, you know that?”
His gaze is too intense for me to not be affected.
I look up at him and a wave of emotions go through me.
Something in me ignites and I pull away.
“I send you in circles?” I raise my voice. “All I’ve been doing is spinning in circles since the moment I met you. You never leave my mind, even when I do my best to ignore you. You make it impossible for me to escape you, always have.” I’m speaking with rage and laying the truth out in the process.
“I make it impossible?” he spits out. “Are you kidding me? Because having you breathe the same air as me and not having you is unbearable. You always keep me at a distance, yet you always draw me in.” His voice is firm and seething with honesty.
The space between us is getting smaller. We can feel each other’s breath and the rhythm of our chests going up and down is visible.
“Why couldn’t you just tell me about the house?” I nearly plead because I wish we were not having this argument.
“Really, Jess, before we even met in my office to discuss Sam—I had asked Max. I didn’t think much about it when I moved in here, and when he mentioned the other day about the house—the house I heard you once mention was a dream—I said I wanted to see it.”
My hands find my hips. “You could have asked me. But when it comes to work I guess you don’t trust me, right?” I cock my head to the side.
He grumbles, “Jess, that’s not it at all.”
“It feels that way.”
He grabs my arm. “It isn’t, I swear. Hell, I let you handle the sale of my mother’s house, and that was a big deal to me.”
Our eyes meet and I know that part is true.
“Then I had this idea that maybe I could surprise you,” he says softly.
I scoff, “Yeah, that backfired. Plus, what do you mean surprise me? We’re just beginning and already you’re buying houses for us?” I’m taken aback.
He laughs slightly as his hand finds my face. “We aren’t just beginning, and you know that. We were chasing each other for years,” he states firmly.
“Why can’t you just communicate, Leo? Don’t you see I am already scared of getting hurt?” I feel my lip tremble and my eyes well. Honesty and me normally keep it to internal conversations, this confrontation is new. “I’ve already been hurt enough.”
“Why? What have I done that is so bad that I hurt you?” It comes out bitter, and he is fuming just as much as me as he backs me up against the wall.
“You disappeared.” It’s barely audible.
He scoffs gently to himself. “So, you were mad. Are you still angry at me for leaving? You told me to forget about that night.”
“I know. But do you have any idea what it was like to find out you’re pregnant and the guy isn’t even around, you don’t even know where he is? I knew you were going away, but 18 months! Why did you have to disappear for 18 months!” I’m heated as I gently shove his chest as his face comes closer to me.
The words came out of my mouth and feel vile, but it’s the first time those words finally left my mind, they were my secret words. He looks hurt that I said that, and it hurt saying it.
“We’ve gone over this, and trust me, if I had known then I would have been back the moment I heard. For every second. You and me, we would have already happened,” he boils.
My voice cracks, “Please don’t say that. Thinking about what could have been… it’s painful,” I beg. “Every day, I was reminded of you, of that night. That one night of us.” I am now near the point of having tears reach the surface, but I hold it back as his hands glide up my neck.
“But it’s more than that night, always has been and always will be,” he says. “And you can have it all now. Just say what you want and it’s yours. I’m crazy about you.” His voice is calm as he moves his fingers to my chin tenderly, and with a finger, he tips my chin up so my lips are within reach and my eyes meet his.
We have a moment looking at each other with panting breaths. Leo is completely right; it isn’t just that night.
I feel weak and overwhelmed in this moment. “Leo.” It drags out slowly as our lips trail in a featherlight touch, my own lips barely resisting. Trying not to let our pull connect at our mouths.
We have always wanted each other, that I am sure of. But having Leo isn’t easy. Maybe he has changed. But he thinks with the snap of his fingers that we can have a happily ever after. But our try has to go right. We don’t get the in-between. Not when we have a child involved. Going all in means we are certain it won’t go wrong for our son. Communication is key.
Yet, I know he and I were there before, and something tells me that we have a future too.
I try to turn away. But his hand drags my face back, inches from his lips.
That control he has over me is overbearing. Our tension is intoxicating. And I want to drown in both.
I manage to
get my mouth to escape the static pull. Just enough to say, “I need air.” I need to breathe. My own head is spinning in a circle. I was supposed to come home and make up, not argue more and realize how right he is. I manage to break free and get out of his grasp just enough to walk outside, leaving him frustrated behind.
Chapter Twenty-One
Leo
It’s been 10 minutes since Jess walked out the front door. I want to barge out to follow her and grab Jess so she listens. But there is a tiny human upstairs sleeping that I can’t leave. Sleeping could be an option for me too, but in truth I want to see Jess when she returns. If she returns.
That fight was intense, and we have a lot to talk about. Jess just always makes it more difficult, one of the reasons maybe we didn’t get together from the start. But every day that I am with her, I want her more. I can have her if only she will continue to try for an us. Maybe that fight needed to happen, but now my mind will always marvel how it would be if she didn’t escape my hold and leave.
Since I am currently put in the co-parent-only zone again, I go to the fridge and grab a bottle of beer then pop off the cap with my keychain. Setting music on the Bluetooth, I head to the sofa.
The playlist is really killing me tonight with the music selection somehow reading my mind. It’s playing a mixture of emotional angst and background music for screwing against a wall. Was this what she was listening to earlier?
I consider that in this moment I want to reach out to someone who can remind me of how communication is one of my points that I need to fine-tune. It makes me take a sip from my beer bottle as I sigh over the situation I’m burying myself in. The one person who may understand my predicament is someone I still haven’t told Jess about. Typing a text and hitting send, I remind myself that there is a whole other issue that I still need to discuss with Jess.
I let my mind recap that fight. I need to find a way to turn this around. Tomorrow I will get back to the drawing board of how to prove to her that she is just being too damn difficult, and it can be easy.
