by Tee, Marian
Thank...God?
“I clearly expected more from you,” Vassi hissed at her. “The way you pander to Rockford is fucking disgusting—-”
Anger flared inside her at how unfair he was. “Oh please. Like you weren’t doing the same thing with your Daniela—-” Unable to help it, she mimicked the way Vassi and the other girl talked. “I’m nervous, Grachyov. Man up, D.”
“And I suppose you calling your lover something as asinine as babylicious is better?”
“At least it’s true,” she snapped. “Because Rockford is a delicious babe—-”
Outraged at her ability to say such words to him, Vassi did the only thing he could think of to shut her up.
If he was honest, it was also what he had planned all along the moment he decided to follow her.
Grabbing a fistful of her hair, he pulled her towards him and slammed his mouth down on hers.
Seri froze.
Oh God, the feel of his lips—-
But she managed to recover her senses a moment later, and she tried to struggle, opening her mouth to scream—-
Big mistake.
The moment her lips parted, Vassi’s tongue slipped inside her mouth, and the kiss turned carnal.
Her fists stopped thumping his chest.
He kissed her harder, deeper, every stroke of his tongue weakening her defenses.
Her eyes squeezed shut.
Oh God.
Where would she find the strength to refuse the one thing she always dreamt about?
Alarm bells were ringing loudly in Vassi’s head, warning him incessantly that what he was doing was wrong. Seri was still the same avaricious bitch, and letting this madness continue would only make it harder for him to forget her for good.
Even so—-
He couldn’t help it.
He had missed her so damn much.
“L-let go.” Her protest was weak, but even so, the flimsy show of loyalty to Rockford outraged him to the point of blinding him to reason.
Let her go back to Maximilian Rockford untouched?
He sucked on her tongue, causing her to buckle against him with a whimper.
Never.
Before she left this building, her body would know whom it truly belonged to.
Reaching down, he pushed her skirt out of the way until he found the scrap of lace protecting her mound.
Shuddering at his touch, Seri tried harder to get away, pleading against his lips, “Please, Vassi—-”
He responded by ripping her panties off.
Oh God!
But before she could react, his fingers were already there, stroking—-
His mouth left her, moving to her ear as he whispered, “So damn wet.”
Another shudder went through her as he proved his words by lifting his hand—-
She whimpered at seeing his wet fingers—-
He licked them clean, taking every creamy drop.
A low moan escaped her. “Noooooo.” But she no longer knew what she was protesting against.
His fingers went back down again, but this time Vassi thrust them inside her.
“Oh God.” Seri jerked against him, the movement inadvertently causing his fingers to sink deeper inside of her, and again she gasped, “Oh God.”
The pleasure was too much, and as his fingers began to move, thrusting in and out, she could feel her senses swimming further and further away from her reach.
Vassi suddenly lifted her up with one arm, and she instinctively balanced herself, hands clutching his shoulders and legs wrapping around his waist—-
Oh my God, what was she doing?
“Vassi, no—-”
His gaze ensnared hers as he brought Seri up against the wall. “You still want me.”
Knowing it was useless to lie, she stammered, “It d-doesn’t matter if I do.” His fingers pulled out of her and she bit back a moan of protest. “I’m with Max now—-”
His mouth slammed over hers again, cutting her off. This time, his kiss was punishingly hard, but even so she welcomed the pain of it.
Everything Vassi did, she thought helplessly, would always be beautiful for her.
When he lifted his head, he gritted out, “Never talk about him again in my presence.” She started to speak, but he didn’t let her, growling, “If you don’t want me to fuck Daniela in front of you, you will do what I asked.”
They stared at each other.
And in the end, there was just one answer.
She choked out, “Yes.” She saw his eyes glitter at her surrender, and Seri whispered brokenly, “But it won’t change a thing. I’m not – will never be – yours.”
Vassi’s smile was cold. “I don’t need you to be. Right now, I just need a pussy for my dick.”
Seri whitened.
But there was no time to feel hurt.
Because a moment later, Vassi had freed his cock from his jeans and then his rigid, throbbing erection was plunging into her.
Oh God.
It had been so long, and it felt so good—-
Vassi’s hand clamped over her mouth just in time to keep her scream in.
He thrust hard into her, and as her eyes rolled back, she heard him say, “Don’t make any noise, dammit, or I won’t be able to make you cum.”
Releasing her mouth, he pushed her head down his shoulder, and understanding his silent command, she tightened her hold around him as she bit into his shoulder.
He began fucking her, hard and fast, and she cried and cried against his skin, her teeth digging into the muscles of his shoulder.
The sounds of their slapping bodies should have sickened her, knowing that it was just sex between them and not lovemaking.
But it didn’t.
Because she still loved him, and for as long as he was in her heart, even something like this felt good.
His hips began to pump faster against her, stirring her body, and she dug her nails deep into the tight panes of his back, knowing that she was near.
The way Seri’s inner muscles clenched tightly around his dick made Vassi shudder, and feeling the pleasure start to climb, he reached between their bodies to make sure that they would reach the peak together.
He found her clitoris and pinched it.
“V-Vassi!” Her body pushed hard against his as she came with a soft, keening cry, and the movement triggered his own release, causing Vassi to clutch the soft round cheeks of her bottom as he began shooting his cum into her.
On and on it went, almost like there was no end, and all they could do was hold on to each other as their orgasm swept them away.
When it was over, Vassi wordlessly pulled away, and this time she couldn’t help blanching at the sound of his cock slipping out of her.
Oh God.
What had she done?
As soon as she was settled on her feet, Seri scrambled to pick the torn scraps of her panties from the floor and shoved it inside her bag.
Behind her, she heard Vassi zip himself.
Now was the time to talk – but what was there to say?
Vassi watched Seri, who was visibly trembling, stumble towards the door.
He knew he could stop her if he wanted to.
But he didn’t...because nothing had changed
The door closed behind her, but not before he heard the faintest sound of her sob.
His fists clenched.
Damn you, Seri.
The sound tore at him, and God, how he wanted to go to her and tell her everything could go back the way it was.
But he couldn’t.
She had ruined both their lives, and even so, he could forgive her for that.
But she had also ruined his father’s—-
And that...
That would always be between them.
Chapter Four
It was almost eleven in the evening when Davey arrived at the hotel bar, and he came rushing to Seri’s table, saying, “I’m terribly sorry for making you wait so long—-whoa.” Seri’s friend made a doubl
e take the moment he saw her face up close.
She said shakily, “Great news. I can finally cry again,” and promptly choked back a sob.
Davey answered in a pained voice, “I can see that for myself.” Throwing his bag on one of the vacant chairs, he took a seat next to his friend on the couch with a shake of his head. “Seri, Seri, Seri.” Snatching a piece of tissue from the dispenser, he started wiping her face—-
“Is it that bad?”
“Your mascara’s running,” he sighed. “It’s made your face look like prison bars’ been planted on it.”
“Oh.” But her tone was uninterested. “So that’s why people keep looking at me.”
His gaze narrowed as he noticed Seri’s slightly jittery movements as she reached for her coffee. “You’re shaking.”
She managed a smile. “Probably because this is my seventh cup—-hey!” Her smile turned into a scowl as Davey took her coffee away.
“Are you crazy?” he hissed. “You’re making yourself drunk on caffeine?”
“Technically that’s not possible.” Seri paused. Was it her imagination, or did she sound a little breathless there? She touched her heart, which seemed to be beating too fast. She mentally shook her head. What was it about today that she seemed to be imagining so many—-
“Seri.” Davey’s snapping fingers got her to look at her friend. “Drink this.” An uncapped bottle of cold water was shoved in her face, and she automatically took a sip.
“Drink it all.”
Too tired to argue, she did as Davey asked. When she put the empty bottle down, she saw Davey staring at her with worry and concern.
“Are you feeling saner now?”
She said honestly, “Not really.” She touched her heart, which seemed to be beating less erratically. “But I think I’m okay.”
“Are you? Really?”
An empty smile touched her lips at the question.
How to answer that, really?
Seri stared unseeingly at the late night crowd around them, which mostly consisted of dating couples and foreign-looking businessmen. All of them were minding their own business, had done so from the start, and it was the main reason why she had chosen to meet Davey here.
“I didn’t know you could get drunk on pain, Davey,” she whispered unevenly. “But I think that’s exactly how I’m feeling now.”
Davey watched Seri close her eyes as if she wanted to sleep forever. “I’m sorry, Ser.” He wished he could think of something else to say, but he knew there really weren’t any words to take her pain away.
The most he could do – and it was what he had always ended up doing over the years they had been friends – was help her forget.
Clearing his throat, he said briskly, “Seri.” When she looked up, he told her, “I’m going to give you five more minutes to be emo, but after that – no more moping around, ‘kay?”
Seri smiled despite herself. “You make it sound easy.”
“4 minutes 50 seconds left,” he said.
She laughed and cried at the same time. “Oh, Davey.”
“4 minutes 45 seconds left, so make the most out of it. If I were you, I’d start crying,” he said helpfully. After calling for a waiter and asking for a menu, he looked at Seri in amazement. “Why aren’t you still crying?”
And just like that, a bubble of laughter escaped her the same time her pain started to fade. She could only shake her head as Davey ordered himself a T-bone and wine, and when he caught her looking, he said defensively, “I’m hungry, okay? We had tests all day, and then I had to work on a stupid report until ten.”
“I didn’t say anything,” she pointed out helplessly.
“Hmph. I can feel you judging me with your I’m-so-good-at-managing-my-time look.” When she opened her mouth, he raised his hand to stop her from speaking. “You only have three minutes left, miss. Get on with your crying.”
But the more he told her to cry, she thought in relief, the less she felt like it.
When the five-minute time limit was up, he took a careful look on Seri’s face before asking, “Better now?”
“Surprisingly, yes.” Her tone was wry but grateful.
“Good.” He looked at her expectantly. “Now, tell me about Japan.”
She did, starting with an apology for being missing in action during those two months she had been away. “I stayed at a retreat in Kawaguchiko and went completely off the grid. No cellphone, no Internet, no TV – nothing modern.”
Davey wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Why? Did you suddenly realize your calling’s to be a—-” He paused. “I’m not even sure they have nuns there. Do they?”
Seri rolled her eyes. “Yes, Davey. Catholics also live in Japan, but actually that wasn’t it at all.” Biting her lip, she slowly confessed, “The truth is, I was a coward. After what happened with Vassi and—-” She almost said ‘Papa’ but caught herself in time.
Seeing his friend pale and easily guessing the reason behind it, Davey said hastily, “I get it.”
She swallowed. “I know they’ll never talk to me again, after what I said and did. But Sergei and Misha...”
When she didn’t say anything anymore, Davey asked hesitantly, “Has either of them tried contacting you since then?”
Her lips twisted. “That’s where the cowardice comes in, and that’s why I have a new number and email.”
He blinked. A moment later, it hit him, and Davey said slowly, “Oh.”
She hadn’t wanted to know if her brothers had cared enough to ask what was wrong.
Seri smiled painfully. “Like I said, I’m a coward.”
But at least cowards still lived and breathed.
If she had been braver and she had found out that Sergei and Misha also believed the worst of her—-
She closed her eyes, and old and cherished images danced before her.
A twelve-year-old, tough-looking Sergei patiently waiting for a seven-year-old Seri to finish with her ballet lessons even when his friends had teased him about being gay for spending so much time with tutu-wearing kids.
A fourteen-year-old Misha forgiving her on the spot when a ten-year-old Seri had accidentally poured orange juice on his science fair entry and effectively destroyed it.
There were so many good memories, Seri thought numbly. And they were all she had left.
It was almost one in the morning when she made it back at Max’s condo. Darkness shrouded most of the living room, with only the desk lamp switched on, and beside it was Max, dressed in shirt and jeans, holding a book in his hands.
“M-Max?” She was surprised but uneasy to find him still up.
“Good evening, Seri.” His tone was flat.
“G-good evening.” Almost feeling like she was about to be chastised, she slowly lowered herself beside him on the couch. When he didn’t say anything else, she said tentatively, “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“There is. I should have texted you that I’m coming home late—-”
“I would appreciate that next time, not to keep tabs on you, but so I at least know you’re alive.”
She nodded.
He stood up. “Then that’s enough for me. Misha—-”
She said sharply, “I don’t want to hear anything about him.”
Seeing the terror in her gaze, he said carefully, “Seri, it’s not—-”
“I know y-you mean well, okay?” A ghost of a smile formed on her lips. “But I just don’t want to hear anything about my family right now. I can’t. I just c-can’t.”
Max’s chest tightened in pain at how fragile Seri looked. “I understand. I’m sorry. I won’t talk about them again.”
“T-thank you.”
He nodded. “You should go to sleep soon.”
“I will.”
“Good night.”
“N-night.” But when Max was about to walk past her, she found herself clutching the hem of his shirt.
He stilled.
Staring fixedly at the fabric twisted between her fingers, she heard herself whisper brokenly, “Why?”
She remembered the first night she had come knocking on his door, not knowing at all if he would choose to help her.
But he had.
He had let her in, no questions asked, and the memory made her eyes start to burn. “Why are you so good to me?” When he didn’t answer, she said haltingly, “B-besides Davey, you’re the only one who knows everything. How I lied, why I lied, what I’m lying for. Y-you know the kind of person I am, so why...why are you still helping me?”
“You’re not a bad person, Seri.”
“But I’m not a good person either.” She smiled bitterly. “If I had just been less selfish, none of this would have happened.” She shook her head, whispering, “And I’m being selfish again, aren’t I? I shouldn’t even be here.” For all she knew, her being here might have even caused problems between Max and Misha. He had told her it hadn’t, but she knew Max well enough now to know that he could only be lying for her sake.
Looking up at him, she asked guiltily, “I’m just complicating your life, aren’t I?”
“Seri, it was my choice to help you, and I’m glad I did.”
“I don’t even understand why—-”
“Enough.” Max gently pried her fingers from his shirt, and she let him. She felt him move, and a moment later, his lips were brushing against her forehead in a feather-soft kiss. “The reasons don’t matter, Seri.” His voice was so very gentle. “But for both our sakes – please...please stop asking questions neither of us is ready to hear the answers to.”
Ah.
He straightened, and their gazes met. A crooked smile touched his lips. “Deal?”
She used all her strength to smile back at him. “D-deal.” As she watched him turn away, her tears started to fall, quickly, endlessly, like they had only needed to break past her defenses once—-
And then there was no stopping it.
****
Mealtimes were no longer the affairs they used to be in Vassi’s home. The sound of gaiety and banter had long disappeared, and none of them lingered around for coffee. Even the table had been replaced with a smaller one, with just room for four.
Vassi, Misha, Sergei, and Fyodor.
It was as if they had always been the only ones in their family and no one else.
