I didn’t wait for a reply; I shifted her body so she was sitting up. She rose and walked toward the hall. I darted into the kitchen and made two PB&J sandwiches and filled up a large cup of water. It took her a few minutes to return, as she must have made a pit stop. I was just topping off the thirty-two-ounce cartoon character cup she’d probably had since she was a kid, when she stepped around the corner.
I took her hand and led her out the back door. I set down our lunch and character cup and shook out the blanket over the grass.
She slid slowly, gracefully to the blanket. I handed her a sandwich and she took it numbly. I then offered her the cup after I took a swig myself.
“Wanna hear something ridiculous?” I gazed into her eyes, momentarily stunned by their brilliance in the bright light. Despite all the crying that made her face puffy and red, she’d always be the most beautiful woman to me. “The day I took you to Juniper …” She exhaled lightly. “When I brought the water jug, I purposely only brought one.” She looked at me as though she were thinking, What in the world is he rambling on about? “It was a stupid test, among so many stupid things I did those first few days. I wanted to see if you’d drink after me.”
She raised an eyebrow, and her lips were still in a straight line, but I saw one side curve up at the edge. “Why?” she finally asked when I didn’t continue. “Would you’ve given up asking questions and getting to know me if I was grossed out by drinking after you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Though you probably wouldn’t have let me.”
“Probably not,” she admitted, releasing a short puff of air.
It was probably as close as I was going to get to a laugh. She was always so cheerful and energetic. I missed that part of her, I realized. She always encouraged me; it was strange that I was trying to make her feel better when she’d always done that for me.
“By the way, we haven’t really talked, but I want you to know the house looks great. I wasn’t as optimistic as you were about it. I’d envisioned a much nicer house, but I was wrong. This one has character, and even better, it has property. How many acres do we own?”
“Five total, but that includes the trees all the way down to the creek.”
“The creek?” I asked. “You didn’t tell me there was a creek.”
“It was supposed to be a surprise.” Her voice was still distressed, but at least she was speaking in full sentences.
“Do you want to walk down there?” I asked hopefully.
“In a little bit. The sun feels nice.”
I took the cup from her and set it on the lawn, then pulled her down beside me, supporting her head on my arm. The sun did feel good, especially when lying down out of the breeze. “There’s enough room for horses, right?”
I felt her nod.
“I’m going to build you a barn, so you can bring Sugar, Snickers, and Chocolate home.”
She lifted her head to look at me. “You can do that?”
“I can do anything I set my mind to. I may need help with the roof, but I’m sure one of the maintenance people has an idea. If not, I’ll call a roofer. There might even be a pre-fab kit I can purchase at the lumber yard.”
I was happy with her acceptance of the idea; it was what we needed to do, but I also wanted to make sure she wanted to stay here in our house, and in North Carolina. I’d thought that maybe we should move back to Florida but hadn’t brought it up, not wanting to upset her, when I thought of the horses as a perfect way to broach the subject. Obviously, if she wanted me to build a barn and bring the horses here, that meant she wanted to live here, which kind of surprised me. I knew she wouldn’t want to live with constant reminders of her father every day, but his house was superb compared to ours, and she had been accustomed to living in luxury her entire life.
I didn’t want to push my luck, but the talking seemed to be keeping her mind occupied, even if only for a few minutes. “I was also thinking that maybe we could close in half the deck at the rear of the house off the kitchen, make it a family room that opens up to the kitchen and the eat-in area. The front room is really more the size of a parlor. The room could start at the end,” I said, using my hands to describe, “with French doors that open out to the remainder of the deck. What do you think?”
“I think you’re trying to distract me. Can you really do all of that?”
“Do you doubt my construction skills, young lady? Do you think your grandmother kept hiring me for my looks and pleasant conversation?”
“No.” And praise God, she actually chuckled on the word. “So you can really do all that?”
“For you, Kayla, I’ll do anything. Are there any bears around? I’ll wrestle bears as well as gators.” I received a small huff and barely a smile. She’d reached her max for the moment. I wouldn’t push her; we would work through this one step at a time.
The sun started to make its descent behind the western end of the property, and with its decline, the temperature dropped too. The high temperature today hadn’t been much different from Florida, maybe ten degrees, but the difference was substantial after the sun went down. Many nights I’d be on the beach in my kayak watching the sunset, and the temperature difference once the sun set was minimal. Here, I suddenly needed a jacket.
“Would you like a fire tonight? It feels kind of chilly. I thought I could scavenge some wood, and we could gather as many blankets as possible and make a bed in the parlor.” I emphasized the word I’d used earlier to describe our handkerchief-sized living room.
“That’d be nice,” she said softly.
“We can even order a pizza,” I said with a half-hopeful smile.
“Let’s walk down to the creek. We can gather wood and bring it back.” She was trying; I had to give her that. She hadn’t pulled entirely into her shell, and I struggled with how far I should try to pull her out.
Mornings were worse, I remembered. When my mother left, it seemed my mind protected itself when I slept, but the moment I opened my eyes, the realization and the anguish would set in. Since she’d left in the summer time, I didn’t even get out of bed other than to eat cereal and go to the bathroom, and then I’d crawl right back into bed. When my father finally told me I had to get out of bed, I’d spent hours just trying to walk upright. I’d been used to my dad leaving early to go to work, but my mom had always been there, making me breakfast, asking me what I wanted for lunch, and then making it. I’d get to school and she would have put all types of treats in my Spiderman lunchbox. Kids always tried to swap me for my food, but I always liked what she packed; no need to trade. After she left, I was lucky to find peanut butter inside the pantry. Usually, I stuffed cold pizza slices or leftover Chinese food that my dad brought home after work into a paper bag.
Kayla held my hand while we walked to the creek, and I was in heaven. For a second, I almost forgot there was something wrong; it just felt right being here with her. When I saw the creek, my heart jumped. It wasn’t just a creek, it was a river, a small one, but clearly large enough for a kayak, right off my backyard.
“It’s magnificent!” The tears I’d been holding back stung my eyes, but I blinked them away. I couldn’t cry.
A small smile played on her lips. She knew what she’d been doing when she picked out this house. She’d chosen it for the water. I’d told her of my dream to have water in my backyard where I could just drop in my kayak whenever I wanted to paddle.
“You did this for me, didn’t you? You could have gotten a larger house, but you chose one with a river in the backyard. For me.” Tears started pouring down her cheeks, and I wasn’t sure if they were from joy over my happiness, or guilt because she was feeling something other than pain for her father. My eyes filled as I watched her, so I strode forward and took her in my arms before the tears could fall in front of her. I couldn’t control myself in the moment, though. I found her lips. I breathed her in, tasted her, the tears falling unrestrained. I wanted to hold my wife. I needed her to love me and hold me. She wrapped her arms arou
nd me and pulled herself to me. “Kayla,” I whispered under her passionate kiss, “I love you. Just hold me, please.” I folded my arms around her. “I love you. God, how I’ve missed you. It’s like I can’t breathe without you.”
We stayed there for a while until I felt her shudder. “Come on, let’s get some wood and head home. Thank you, Kayla. For everything.”
Chapter 36 - Jesse
Kayla sat across from me, cross-legged on the floor, taking, as my mother used to call them, Stuart-Little-sized bites of her pizza.
When she finished eating, I took the pizza box and drinks into the kitchen before she could dispute my actions.
I came back and sat next to her on the floor, taking her hand in mine. She rested her head on my shoulder. It was like we were at the campground again, only this time, not young and carefree.
“What do we do now?” she asked, breaking the silence.
“I’ll handle everything, Kayla. I already called the hospital and expect a call tomorrow to make all of the arrangements. I called Gram, and she called your aunt and uncle. I’ll follow up with them when I have a better idea of the date. I told Gram that it’d be better for her to wait a few days to come. Is that right, or would you rather she fly up immediately?”
“No, you’re right,” she said, exhaling softly. “I’d rather just you be here with me. But what about afterward?”
My stomach plunged. This was the question I’d been waiting for, the one I didn’t want to know the answer to, but I asked anyway, “You want to stay here in North Carolina … in this house … with me, right?”
Her eyes widened. “Of course I want to be with you, Jesse! Why would you even ask such a thing?”
I dropped my head, ashamed. I shouldn’t have asked that ridiculous question, but I wanted to do the right thing for Kayla. If the right thing was moving her near her grandmother, I’d do it. “I just want to make sure. I know you love me, but I thought that maybe this was too much. This is a lot to handle.”
Tears poured from her eyes. “Without you, though, Jesse? How could I handle any of this without you? Is it … too much for you?” Her voice cracked on her words.
What an idiot you are! I screamed inside my head. Why must you always doubt yourself — worse, doubt Kayla? “Oh, God, no, Kayla! I’m sorry. I’m so stupid! I’ll be here for you always, through everything, I promise.” How many times would I keep doing this? Of all the times I needed to chill, it was now. I needed to be a man.
“But my original question,” she pressed. “What are we going to do here, with the house, the business?”
“None of that has changed. I’m going to do what your dad asked me to do. I’m going to run the business, and I’m going to take care of you. Most importantly, though, I’m going to love you and cherish you like he ordered. Trust me, Kayla, you don’t have to worry about anything; your only concern is to heal yourself. Although you and your father said you managed the books, so you may have to give me a crash course in bookkeeping.”
“I’ll still take care of the accounting. But you think you can do it? Without my father there?”
“Your lack of faith in me is disturbing.” I chuckled to lessen the severity of my statement. “I’ve been running my father’s business for years. Enough of that stuff, then. Let’s just relax tonight.”
I pulled her back into the safety of my arms, and before I knew it, it was morning.
“Jesse!” Kayla’s shrill scream broke the air, and I nearly dropped the glass coffee carafe. “Jesse!” she screamed again before I could assure her I was just in the kitchen.
I ran into the bedroom. “I’m right here, Kayla. I was just making coffee.” Tears already stained her cheeks. I sat down on the bed beside her and wrapped an arm around her waist. “I’m here, baby.” Her chest heaved with violent sobs. After a few minutes, her breathing returned to normal, with the exception of a few short gasps.
Her eyes darted to the clock. “It’s seven o’clock?” She wrestled with the blanket and sheets twisted around her. “How did I get to bed?”
“I carried you in this morning. And it’s okay, I already took care of the horses. You needed to catch up on sleep.”
“Oh! Thank you! And, Jesse,” she said.
I could hear the defiance in her voice. Was she upset because I’d taken care of the horses? Would she tell me to mind my business again? “Yes?” I pressed when she didn’t continue.
“I’m not going to school.”
I attempted to keep a laugh from popping out at her determined look. One minute she was screaming, then she was worried about the horses, then she made a stance. “No one expects you to go to school this week, Kayla.”
“I mean, I’m finished. I don’t care about finishing with my class. I don’t care about graduating with the other students. I’ll get my GED when I’m ready, but there’s no way that I could possibly go back and finish now.”
She looked fierce and determined. Her resolute attitude was great, something I had missed. But I didn’t like the idea of her quitting school. Knowing Kayla, though, if I pushed her, she’d only fight more. She just needed time, and the school would give her time. “If you want to quit school, quit. But you don’t have to make that decision this week. You don’t have to make any life-altering decisions this week. I’ll stand behind whatever decision you make, though.”
A bewildered look crossed her face, as if she expected me to argue with her, but then she nodded somberly.
I spent a lot of the day outside on the phone, completing a crash course on accidents involving a death, and arranging John’s funeral.
The one thing I was adamant about was that the medical examiner needed to complete a tox screen. I’d do more research later, but I wanted to make sure I had information to back up my hypothesis.
The other thing I needed to do was see if John had a will or any other paperwork that would direct me on how to proceed. I hated to bring up the subject, but there wasn’t another way. I called the office and broke the news to Jan as delicately as possible; she was devastated, of course. She’d worked for John for eight years.
I asked if John had a safe or safety deposit box that might house his will and personal papers; she said he had both.
“I need to gather up all of Dad’s paperwork from the house and office. Will you be okay here, or would you like to come?” I didn’t want to leave her, but I didn’t think she would want to see his office or home either.
She released a long breath, then lowered her head back to the pillow. “As long as I know where you are, I’ll be fine, Jesse, but please hurry back.”
I kissed her, then rushed out the door.
John’s office and files were in perfect order. Inside the safe was a packet marked Personal. No surprise, his will stated that everything he owned went to his daughter, which would make everything run smoothly, from what I read online. I found a life insurance policy and instructions for his funeral proceedings, one of the items I had been hoping to find. I didn’t want to ask Kayla if her father wanted to be buried or cremated. John, thankfully, had thought of everything. Since his wife had passed away at a young age, he had probably realized what Kayla would have to go through if something happened to him.
As I sorted through the files on his desk, I found an envelope that amazed me. John had already added me to the incorporation papers and the company bank accounts. He had a signature card sitting in the file for me to sign. I was instantly overcome; it was like John had known something bad was going to happen to him. I fell back into the chair, exhausted. This was all the paperwork I needed. I had to get home to Kayla. I locked up and left, still dumbfounded by my findings. John had trusted me completely.
On the way home, I picked up Chinese food.
When I walked in the door, it was quiet. Kayla wasn’t in the front room, and I was instantly tense. “Kayla?” I said a fraction above my normal volume as I headed to our bedroom. When I didn’t see her in bed or in the bathroom, I called louder, stumbling through
the house, looking in each bedroom, bathrooms, and every closet. I ran back through the house and out the back door. “Kayla!” I screamed frantically, hoping the neighbors wouldn’t hear and freak out. Houses weren’t on top of each other like in Florida, but we were definitely within screaming distance. I took the stairs in one leap and darted across the yard and down the hill to the river. I was halfway down when I saw her, sitting on the ground, her arms clutched around her waist, her body pitching back and forth.
“Kayla!” I darted down the hill and slid on the clay, landing beside her. “You almost gave me a heart attack!” I pulled her to me and exhaled deeply. “Don’t scare me like that!”
Her entire body trembled as I pulled her up. I supported as much of her as I could against my side. I would have carried her, but I didn’t think I could climb the hill without slipping on the clay. She walked, but barely. Her actions seemed automatic, like a zombie.
“I won’t leave again until you’re ready. I’m sorry.” I ran my other hand through my hair, exhaling again. I was mentally exhausted.
When we reached the house, I helped her remove her shoes. Mud covered her from head to toe; it looked like she’d slipped as I had. I walked her through the house, into the master bathroom, and removed her muddy shirt. She was like a doll, moving only when I directed her. Unbuttoning her jeans, I pulled them down and off, one leg at a time. I started the shower and waited while it warmed up.
“Do you need more help, Kayla, or can you manage?”
She said nothing in response, so I slid off the rest of her clothes and helped her step in, but she just let the water run over her head. I gathered up her muddy clothes, took them to the laundry room, and then removed mine and went to the spare bath.
After I finished, I wrapped myself in a towel and darted into the master bath to make sure she was okay. The hot water had to be running out, but she was still standing there, the water running over her face. I didn’t understand. She’d seemed better last night and this morning. It was as if she was going backward. I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around her.
Love Like Crazy (Crazy Love Book 1) Page 22
