by RJ Blain
“I’m going to agree with you on this one.”
The devil stomped a hoof, and the sands steamed. “Why are you two talking about children when we’re trying to plan mass murder?”
“No means no. There’ll be no indiscriminate mass murders. Don’t be such a child. Discriminate murders of responsible demons, devils, and vessels only. Am I understood?”
If the archangels had faces, I was certain they’d be pouting. Michael’s shoulders slumped. “But you wanted us to help. We’re helping.”
I needed a stiff drink and a break from reality. “Malcolm?”
He hugged me closer. “Yes?”
“The next time I think about asking angels for help, distract me.”
“And how would you like me to distract you?”
“Another marathon session might work. If I still think I need an angel’s help after, discuss it with me.”
“Please think about asking angels for help often.”
I truly was surrounded by idiots, and I had married one of them. Wonderful. “All right, Michael, Gabriel. How can you help without reducing Savannah, Atlanta, and Augusta to smoldering piles of rubble?”
The archangels took their time thinking about it, and right when I was ready to start kicking them, Gabriel sighed. “If we declare you adjudicates in this matter, we can grant you our favor.”
Michael snorted. “The city might end up reduced to rubble anyway.”
“Do I want to know what it means to be an adjudicate?” I probably didn’t, and my worries were confirmed when the archangels snickered. “Belay that. Satin? How about you?”
“What about me?”
I pointed at myself and Malcolm. “If I’m working with two archangels to put an end to this situation, I may as well make you do your fair share of the work, especially if it takes both of them to match you. That way, everything’s all nice and balanced, just like you sticklers like. That’s what this is about, right? No new life and no one dying equals no more Earth. Therefore, you should help.”
“I should help? Me?”
“I’m already paying for it by putting up with your shit, Satin. I’ll consider us even for making me watch you turn a minotaur inside out.”
Gabriel laughed. “You truly picked a ruthless child as your heir.”
“And since I’m a sentimental old idiot, I promised to keep their souls together. Don’t tell the man upstairs. He’ll never let me live this down.”
Michael snorted. “I’m sure He already knows.” Stepping towards me and reaching out, the archangel pressed his finger to my nose. “I’ll make you my representative in this matter. Remember this, my little niece. I’m the one who trumpets in the end of days, and for however long you’re burdened with my power, it is your responsibility as well. With one hand, I heal and bring life. With the other, I destroy. Choose wisely.”
“Am I the only one here who finds it ironic I’m not even Christian?” I complained.
The archangel laughed, then Michael’s finger pressed to my nose flared with heat and seared away my thoughts until nothing but light remained.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Water flowed around me, and I jolted to full awareness. I had no memory of entering the ocean, but I spit out water along with vehement curses. I liked baths. I liked looking at ponds. I enjoyed listening to the surf on the sand.
Under no circumstances did I want anything to do with water deep enough to drown me.
I couldn’t swim.
All things considered, I thought my scream was a completely justified reaction.
Unfortunately, the blue-gray beast with a mouth full of pointy teeth didn’t agree with my assessment of the situation. I got a good look down its throat and added a check to my brand new ‘oh hell no!’ list.
A wave slammed into me from behind, and I collided with a muscular chest and a pair of spindly, knobby legs. My arms ignored my brain’s insistence pointy teeth equaled a messy death. I clutched for anything I could grab to keep from drowning. My fingers closed around silky hairs, and I fisted my hands as tightly as I could.
It took a shameful length of time to realize I could just stand. While I remembered I had legs, the beast with pointy teeth stood still and waited. My second embarrassment followed quickly on the heels of the first.
I clung to a horse’s proudly arched neck. I could deal with a horse, but why did the horse have pointy teeth? Since when did horses eat meat? I didn’t want to be eaten by a horse or drown. If I had my way, I’d never get anywhere near the water ever again.
Cats and water just didn’t mix.
I was certain of one thing. Nothing made sense anymore, and I mourned for the loss of my quiet, sane life.
“Stupid demon!” the melodic voice of an archangel called from the safety of shore.
Coward archangel, hiding where it was safe.
I whimpered, closed my eyes, and hoped the nightmare would end sooner than later.
“Your species lures people into the water to drown them, not to play bodyguard. You’re doing this all wrong,” the archangel complained.
If I made it to shore alive, I’d make it my life’s mission to kill the archangel for giving the pointy-teethed horse ideas about eating me.
Satin cackled, a rather unpleasant, grating sound. “No, he’s doing it quite right, actually. They breed in the water, too. Once we go away, he’ll shift and seduce her to make little baby demons. We should leave them alone so he can get to the seducing in peace. We didn’t hurt her, Malcolm. She’s mortal, so the influx of divinity stunned her. There’s no need to be a mule over this. It didn’t hurt you, either.”
The horse snorted and flattened his ears.
“Malcolm?” I squeaked, cracking open an eye. “You’re a demon horse?”
The demon horse’s eyes glowed sea green, and he squealed a protest.
“He’s a kelpie, Kanika,” the devil corrected. “Thanks to you fainting, he abandoned his humanity and dragged you into the water. It’s a typical kelpie response when threatened, as they’re stronger in the water. Sea water is his prime element, so he’s quite at home there. He’s much weaker in fresh water—keep that to yourself, cupcake. The rest of his clan is attuned to fresh water.”
Well, that explained a few things, including why Caitlin would have her tryst near the ocean—and Bubba Eugene’s insistence I leave Malcolm in fresh water. Had he been a fresh water demon horse like the rest of his clan, he would’ve liked being tossed into a lake. I still had my doubts about Bubba Eugene’s sincerity, but if he believed Malcolm preferred fresh water, the contract made sense.
“Were you going to eat me, Malcolm?” I hissed.
The demon horse with pointy teeth whipped his head side to side.
Some things had to be addressed above all others, and my inability to swim took the top prize. “I can’t swim, so there will be no sea nookie in our near future, sir. Do we have an understanding?”
He shook his head again with equal enthusiasm.
“I said no!”
The devil cackled. “He’ll literally trap you in the surf until he gets what he wants. He can’t help his nature. Don’t worry too much, cupcake. He’ll come back to his senses soon. Just think about it this way: he’s cursed, so all you two will get is some exercise.”
I really need to kill the devil very soon. “Malcolm, so help me, I will shift and castrate you if you even think about sea surf nookie before I learn how to swim. Let me out of the water. Now.”
Malcolm hung his head and his ears drooped.
“I might consider letting you teach me how to swim after we deal with Wishing Well,” I offered as a compromise.
My very own woman-eating demon horse flicked an ear forward and pawed at the water with a hoof.
“Seduction is on the list after lunch and work. We already missed breakfast. Please don’t be a stupid idiot today.”
Sighing, Malcolm chomped on my hair, turned, and dragged me out of the ocean.
The devil lashed his
tail and snorted flame. “I underestimated his control it seems. I question his choice of biting her hair, however.”
Gabriel’s laughter chimed. “Well, she isn’t going to escape him like that. Do you need help finding your humanity? It’s always difficult for demons in their element. There’s no shame in it if you do.”
Once I stood on the shore without any help, Malcolm shifted from stallion to man, and unlike my magic, he returned to his human form fully nude. Water dripped off him, and I licked my lips, reconsidering my original refusal.
I needed to find him some clothes before I pounced him. “Where are his clothes?”
“They had an accident,” the devil replied.
Malcolm staggered a step, sighed, and slumped to the sand. I blinked. “Was he supposed to do that?”
The devil snorted. “Most call that a faint. That’s what you did, which triggered his shift. I suspect adrenaline alone kept him conscious.” Crouching beside Malcolm, Satin chuckled and checked my husband’s pulse. “He’ll be fine. Gabriel? You’re better at taking someone with you without injuring your passenger. Can you take him to his hotel room?”
“I can, yes.”
No one moved, and the devil scowled, twitching his tail. “Will you?”
“Maybe. Say the magic word.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
Angels were assholes, although I found the devil’s brothers amusing.
“We try,” they replied.
I laughed.
“What’s the magic word?”
“Fine. Will you please take my demon to his hotel room?”
“Of course. I’m glad to help. Michael, please escort our lovely niece to their room. Remember, don’t discriminately murder the whole city. She’ll get mad at us.”
“How about a part of it?”
“No,” I snapped, glaring at the archangels.
Gabriel knelt beside Malcolm, grabbing hold of his wrist. “Take your time, little niece. He’ll be a while waking up. Lucifer and I will tend to him as needed, never fear.”
I worried anyway, but I nodded and replied, “Thank you.”
The devil, archangel, and Malcolm vanished in a flash of golden light, and I really hoped Malcolm would be all right in the custody of two of Earth’s most dangerous troublemakers.
Michael fluttered his banded wings and stretched. “Now we can attend to business. First, you must eat. Then, we hunt.”
“Why do I have a bad feeling about this?”
“That’s because you’ve been paying attention. Time’s wasting, and I have a lot more of it than you do.”
“Michael, Archangel of Burn.”
“Indeed.”
If I made a list of my recent mistakes, I would begin with leaving Malcolm in the care of the devil and an archangel. Two against one wasn’t fair to begin with, and I doubted my new husband and partner-in-crime could keep the pair out of trouble. Leaving several potential enemies alive took second place. Third went to exploring the dead-infested city of Savannah. It took less than an hour for me to realize the brutal truth.
Few living remained.
“Where have they gone?” I whispered, swallowing so I wouldn’t throw up again.
“The wise moved while they still could, those who couldn’t afford to move bargained. The rest just haven’t been killed yet.”
“Are you seriously implying I’m the only run of the mill mortal here who hasn’t bargained their soul away to Wishing Well yet?”
“Your husband hasn’t, but in a word, yes.” Michael pointed at a decaying apartment building down the street. “Tonight, they’ll be burned in their sleep. The arsonist has already set a small explosive to rupture a gas pipe. If all goes to Wishing Well’s plan, they’ll be killed from the resulting fumes. Should that not work, they’ll set the building on fire. It won’t go well. The arsonist set the charges too close to faulty wiring. It’ll spark.”
“It’s not cheating if it’s the past?”
“Correct. You could find this out for yourself, too, if you thought to look. As you were wise enough to ask for our help, I am helping. So, knowing what you know now, what will you do?”
“Can we remove the devices?”
“We could, but it would only change the time of their deaths.”
“And everyone in the building bargained?”
“They signed and updated their leases. The bargain was made within their lease. Unintentional bargaining, but they signed, so it’s technically valid. Always read the fine print.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“It’s binding. They signed.”
“And they can’t revoke their agreement?”
“They could cancel their leases and lose their homes.”
My eyes widened. “Satin wanted Malcolm to buy real estate here.”
“My brother is as cunning as he is secretly altruistic. A new lease would invalidate the old one, if signed in time.”
“But these people will die before Malcolm can make any property purchases.” Dread cramped my stomach. “What can we do? If they die now…”
“They’ll become new undead like most of this city. If I were to destroy the three cities now, the deaths would only number in the low thousands. Those behind Wishing Well would die with them.”
Damn it. The low thousands were still too many innocent lives lost. “What would happen if I killed those behind Wishing Well?”
“You would become the owner of the bargained souls, and you would be responsible for them.” Michael shrugged and stretched his wings. “For a time, you would on equal footing with your fathers.”
“Fathers. Both of them.”
“Your birth father is old, and old things have power. His is a subtle power, much like yours, but his has the strength yours lacks. Your father’s father was the child of a god when gods openly walked the Earth to forge their myths. Your father’s father was, in all ways, a mortal man. Your father is burdened with his heritage. Yours is a different path.”
“Could you possibly be more vague?”
“It would be a challenge.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re an asshole?”
“From time to time.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“I find your honesty refreshing, but your foolish desire to save those paying the price for their wickedness is obnoxious.”
“Poor inconvenienced uncle archangel, he can’t just blow up three cities currently vexing him. Isn’t your father all about forgiving sins?”
“Kanika, the Sphinx of Stubbornness.”
“I didn’t say we couldn’t kill people, Michael. I just said we couldn’t kill everyone.” I wrinkled my nose. “And looking for a place to live and not reading the fine print is hardly worth losing their soul over. Do you know, for a fact, the fine print wasn’t hidden? I’ve seen that trick before.”
“You mean with magic.”
“Yes, just like you hid the fine print when I got adopted by the damned devil!”
“It hadn’t occurred to me to check. That would be a direct violation of the most holy of rules.”
“Check with mortal eyes, as they would have seen the lease.”
“I can do this. Don’t wander.” Michael vanished in a flash of silver light.
Me, wander? Did the apartment building right down the street count? I sure hoped not. I giggled and not wandered to the last place a sane woman would go, a building with a bomb primed to blow a gas line.
If I died, it’d be my own damned fault.
On the outside, the apartment building deserved condemnation, and I could easily imagine a scumbag landlord selling the souls of the tenants for a chance to raze the damned thing to the ground. I expected the cost to restore the structure to a habitable state to be astronomical.
If I were to buy it, my first act would be to move everyone to a better place and level it. I suspected that was the landlord’s goal, but to do so in such a way he wouldn’t lose money on the job. How
would Malcolm handle the situation? I’d have to ask him once I finished poking my nose where it didn’t belong. After a quick check over my shoulder to be certain I was alone, I hoped for my tiny but fierce warrior form and shifted.
Luck was with me, and I stretched, swishing my tufted tail before stalking around the building. If anyone spotted me, I’d draw attention, but my sleek feline body, small size, and dark fur would hide me from most. I prowled around the foundation, peeking into holes in the brick, mortar, and concrete. Bars covered most of the windows, too many cracked and broken for my liking.
Most of the ground floor apartments were empty, which supported my theory about a scumbag landlord looking to ditch a losing proposition. Around the back, weeds engulfed the yard and strangled the hedges, hiding the windows from casual observers.
Tucked behind the thickest mess of undergrowth, a broken window and bent bars offered me the perfect way inside. Unable to resist the urge, I jumped inside, landing on rotting floorboards several feet below.
Dust clung to my fur, and I hissed over the decrepit state of the interior. Worse, I understood why someone would choose to live in squalor. Before the devil’s interference, I might’ve been a tenant in a similar building, struggling to survive, discounted and looked down on for barely scraping by.
I could put every person in the building in a hotel for months and not miss the money. The thought halted me in my tracks. If I wrote a contract stating I became their landlord, would it release their souls?
Reality bit me in the ass. It wouldn’t matter if they died before I could do anything about their situation. Why did I always seem to get into shitty situations without easy, ethical answers? Things would be far less annoying if I just let the archangels have their way.
Oh well.
Like the window, the apartment’s interior had seen better days; holes in the walls revealed moldy studs and a noticeable lack of insulation. Dust caked everything, and the floor was littered with the evidence animals found the place inviting.
Gross.
I poked my head into every hole I could, shifting several times to access the higher places. I did the majority of my search as a human. Hands helped, especially when I needed to open doors. While someone had broken into the apartment, they hadn’t left the bomb in the walls. I cracked open the hallway door, and the stench of decay hit hard, souring my stomach.
