strings to avoid it, anyway. I didn’t
want to see him locked up. But
more, I didn’t want to testify.
Didn’t want the world to hear all
the dirty details. Daddy checked
himself into a pricey rehab,
promised to get his head fixed.
Not sure that’s possible.
When he gets out, he’ll move
into an apartment in Santa Barbara.
Thirty miles away. Not far enough.
But it is what it is. I have not
forgiven him. Not sure I ever will.
Ian Still Doesn’t Know
About Daddy. I just can’t bring
myself to tell him. He thinks
the stuff that happened is because
of the accident. Childhood trauma.
Oh yes, one of many. But he doesn’t
need to know the worst of them.
Maybe one day I’ll be able to let
him that far in. But not yet.
For now, it’s enough to have him
in my life, to see him every day.
Grandma lets him come over,
is good with us dating. Maybe
she knows we still don’t have sex.
Not ready yet. And he knows it.
We’ve come close. Lots of times.
Can’t help but get turned on by him.
I’m not a frigging saint. But when
we do, I want it to be for all the right
reasons, and I won’t know it’s right
until I get beyond all the wrongs.
I’d Like to Say
I’m over my addictions.
Not sure I ever will be completely.
It’s good that Grandma
is in the twelve-step program.
She doesn’t keep alcohol in the house.
And, of course, the Oxy is gone.
I’ll never do that stuff again.
The withdrawal is killer. Never again.
But I have to admit, I’ve smoked
a little bud. Not that much.
I’d probably do more, but it’s expensive.
And now it’s cash-and-carry.
I still use food for comfort.
I still purge when I get too comfortable.
And once in a while, when
memory intrudes, I still
enjoy a good, deep shave. Oh, come on.
I never said I was perfect.
When I Do Those Things
When I use or purge or cut,
I’m still not myself. Maybe
I just use her as an excuse
to do them, but I feel as if
she
takes over then. The only
difference is, I’m aware
of her. I never used to be.
I’m not sure if I
will
remember everything I did
as Raeanne. I’m not sure
I want to, though Carol thinks
I need to try. And hey, I could
always
blame Daddy. He’s my forever
scapegoat, really. Okay, that’s not
so healthy. But totally healthy
is something I might not ever
be.
One thing for sure. I will break
the abuse cycle. It stops with me.
My children will not live in fear.
I will create a home of nurture
and love, and raise them safely
there.
Raeanne
And I’ll Be Watching
Watching her. Watching out
for her. And if the time comes
she needs complete escape,
I
will walk for her. Talk for her.
Take punishment in her place.
Some things don’t need to be
remembered. And I
will
hold on to those things for her.
Carol believes she can make
me go away, and I’ll pretend
to let her do her job. But I will
always
be the strongest part of Kaeleigh,
so I can’t let her dispose of me.
I’ll stay quiet, no more than a dark
shadow inside. That’s what I’ll
be.
A silhouette, rarely seen, and yet
believed in. Kaeleigh wants to
believe in me. I am her twin,
forever alive inside her. And
when she needs me, I am always
here.
A Reading Group Guide to Identical by Ellen Hopkins
ABOUT THE BOOK
Kaeleigh and Raeanne Gardella, identical twins, live in a posh California neighborhood. Their father is a well-known district court judge and their mother a politician. On the surface they are the perfect American family, but beneath the façade lies a damaged family. Raeanne is the aggressive twin, the one who is sexually promiscuous—giving sex in return for drugs; she craves sexual attention from anyone, including her father. Kaeleigh is the quiet one, the one most like her mother, and the victim of her father’s sexual advances. Haunted by this, Kaeleigh has difficulty letting any boy close and deals with her pain by cutting. Torn apart by a tragic event, the twins’ parents hardly speak. Their mother spends her time on the campaign trail; their father lives at home where he drinks, abuses Oxycontin, and controls his daughters’ every move—from the clothes they wear to the places they go. Both girls have an eating disorder, and as they spiral into more dangerous depths, the story takes a surprising twist. One twin will need to step up. But who?
PREREADING ACTIVITY
What would it feel like to harbor a secret that could hurt another person should it be revealed?
How might you support a friend who had a family secret that would send one of his/her family members to jail?
What responsibility do we have to friends who may be abused by other friends or family members?
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
In what ways are Raeanne and Kaeleigh similar? How are they different?
Raeanne and Kaeleigh are drawn to different kinds of boys. How are the boys different, and why do the girls connect with them?
Who is Greta Sorenson, and what role does she play in Kaeleigh’s life?
Raeanne and Kaeleigh have different reactions to their mother’s absence. Explain.
Raeanne tells herself that having sex makes her powerful. Would you agree?
The twin’s father is a district judge. On the surface he appears to be a strong person; however, underneath he is weak. What accounts for his fear and insecurity?
Characterize the twin’s mother. How has she changed since the accident?
Raeanne and Kaeleigh do not seem close. In fact, communication between them is virtually nonexistent. Explain how this lack of dialogue makes sense at the end of the story. Is it more difficult for readers to keep the girls “separate” toward the end of the story? If so, why might that be?
Ian saves Raeanne and Kaeleigh from further sexual abuse by Ty. How might he have known where Ty lived and that the twins might be there?
Raeanne seems to thrive off sexual encounters, and Kaeleigh is afraid of sexual intimacy. Given what you know about their relationship with their father, what might account for their opposite reactions?
How does Raeanne meet her grandfather, and what does she learn from him? If there were a sequel to the story, what might Raeanne’s or Kaeleigh’s relationship with him be like?
Why does the girls’ grandmother call, and why is their father so angry with his own mother?
Both girls are confused by the meaning of love. Kaeleigh comments, “But how do I give what has always been taken”, and later she says, “love is always defined by ulterior motive”. How do these comments illustrate her confusion? What experiences will the girls need in order to understand healthy relationships?
Hopkins places clues to a family tragedy throughout the story
. By story’s end, the reader knows about an accident that has driven the family apart and understands events in the father’s childhood that accounts for his sexual advances on his own daughter. Explain the family tragedy and the emotional and psychological damage that is passed down from generation to generation.
Hopkins moves the story forward with the use of flashback. Through flashback, readers learn about the father’s attraction to Kaeleigh and Raeanne’s disappointment as a child that her father didn’t choose her. Flashback is also used to inform the reader about another family tragedy. If Hopkins had not used flashback, how else might she have conveyed the horror of the girls’ childhood? Would another technique have been as effective? Explain.
What can readers learn about the cycle of abuse that runs through three generations, beginning with the grandmother’s alcoholism, the father’s childhood abuse, his treatment of his daughters, and their emotional state? Without treatment, what kind of relationships might each girl maintain later in life?
ACTIVITIES
Research the abuse of prescription drugs. What prescription drugs are most commonly abused and why? Identify popular prescription drug and alcohol combinations that are potentially lethal. Develop a podcast on the dangers of mixing drugs and alcohol.
Choose one of the twins and develop an argument that she has better coping skills than her sister.
Research the characteristics and causes of eating disorders, as well as their treatments, and present your findings using any appropriate media (PowerPoint, wiki, website, blog, etc).
Personal tragedy can strain family relationships. Research resources for dealing with a family tragedy and develop a brochure or website on resources available to families who experience a family crisis.
Guide prepared by Pam B. Cole, Professor of English Education & Literacy, Kennesaw State University, Kennesaw, GA.
This guide has been provided by Simon & Schuster for classroom, library, and reading group use. It may be reproduced in its entirety or excerpted for these purposes.
Be sure to read
Ellen Hopkins’s
PERFECT
Perfect is the story of four high school seniors, all of whom have friends, siblings, and a drive to attain “perfection.” They each have very different goals, and very different ways of achieving them. Meet Cara, whose parents’ unrealistic expectations have already sent her twin brother spiraling toward suicide; Kendra, a pageant girl who stops at nothing in her pursuit of runway modeling; Sean, who uses whatever means necessary to win a baseball scholarship; and Andre, whose real talent seems destined to languish. Just how far does someone have to go to be perfect?
Cara Sierra Sykes
Perfect?
How
do you define a word without
concrete meaning? To each
his own, the saying goes, so
why
push to attain an ideal
state of being that no two
random people will agree is
where
you want to be? Faultless.
Finished. Incomparable. People
can never be these, and anyway
when
did creating a flawless facade
become a more vital goal
than learning to love the person
who
lives inside your skin?
The outside belongs to others.
Only you should decide for you—
what
is perfect.
Perfection
I’ve lived with the pretense
of perfection for seventeen
years. Give my room a cursory
inspection, you’d think I have OCD.
But it’s only habit and not
obsession that keeps it all orderly.
Of course, I don’t want to give
the impression that it’s all up to me.
Most of the heavy labor is done by
our housekeeper, Gwen. She’s an
imposing woman, not at all the type
that most men would find attractive.
Not even Conner, which is the point.
My twin has a taste for older
women. Before he got himself
locked away, he chased after more
than one. I should have told sooner
about the one he caught, the one
I happened to overhear him with,
having a little afternoon fun.
Okay, I know a psychologist
would say, strictly speaking,
he was prey, not predator.
And, in a way, I can’t really
blame him. Emily is simply
stunning. Conner wasn’t the only
one who used to watch her go
running by our house every
morning. But, hello, she was
his teacher. That fact alone
should have been enough warning
that things would not turn out well.
I never would have expected
Conner to attempt the coward’s way
out, though. Some consider suicide
an act of honor. I seriously don’t agree.
But even if it were, you’d have to
get it right. All Conner did was
stain Mom’s new white Berber
carpet. They’re replacing it now.
Kendra Melody Mathieson
Pretty
That’s what I am, I guess.
I mean, people have been telling
me that’s what I am since
I was two. Maybe younger.
Pretty
as a picture. (Who wants
to be a cliché?) Pretty as
an angel. (Can you see them?)
Pretty as a butterfly. (But
isn’t
that really just a glam bug?)
Cliché, invisible, or insectlike,
I grew up knowing I was
pretty and believing everything
good
about me had to do with how
I looked. The mirror was my best
friend. Until it started telling
me I wasn’t really pretty
enough.
Pale Beauty
That’s what my mom calls the gift
she gave me, through genetics.
We are Scandinavian willows,
with vanilla hair and glacier blue
eyes and bone china skin. Two
hours in the sun turns me the color
of ripe watermelon. When I lead
cheers at football games, it is wearing
SPF 60 sunblock. Gross. Basketball
season is better, but I’ll be glad
when it’s over. Between dance lessons
and vocal training and helping out
at the food bank (all grooming for Miss
Teen Nevada), I barely have time for
homework, let alone fun. At least
staying busy mostly keeps my mind
off Conner. I wish I could forget
about him, but that’s not possible.
I tumbled hard for that guy. Gave him
all of me. I thought we had something
special. He even let me see the scared
little boy inside him, the one not many
other people ever catch a glimpse of.
I wonder if he showed that boy to
the ambulance drivers who took him to
the hospital, or to the doctors and nurses
who dug the bullet out of his chest. Sewed
him up. Saved his life. I want to see him, but
Cara says he can’t have visitors. Bet he doesn’t
want them—scared he might look helpless.
Sean Terrence O’Connell
Buff
Don’t like that word.
Not tough enough to describe
a weight-sculpted body.
“Built”
is better. Like a builder
constructing its skeleton
two-by-four
by
two-by-four, a real
athlete shapes himself
muscle group by muscle
group, ignoring the
pain.
Focused completely on
the gain. It can’t happen
overnight. It takes hours
every single day
and
no one can force you to
do it. Becoming the best
takes a shitload of inborn
drive.
Drive
That’s what it takes to reach
the top, and that is where
I’ve set my sights. Second
best means you lose. Period.
I will be the best damn first
baseman ever in the league.
My dad was a total baseball
freak (weird, considering
he coached football), and
when I was a kid, he went
on and on about McGwire
being the first base king.
I grew up wanting to be
first base royalty. T-ball,
then years of Little League,
gave me the skills I need.
But earning that crown
demands more than skill.
What it requires are arms
like Mark McGwire’s.
I Play Football, Too
Kind of a tribute to Dad.
But, while I’m an okay
safety, my real talent
is at the bat. I’ll use
it to get into Stanford.
The school’s got a great
program. But even if
it didn’t, it would be
at the top of my university
wish list because Cara will
go there, I’m sure. She says
it isn’t a lock, but that’s bull.
Her parents are both alumni,
and her father has plenty of
pull. Money. And connections.
Uncle Jeff has connections, too,
and there will be Stanford
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