by Katy Kaylee
I couldn’t lie, it was a touching speech and it… it did mean something to me to hear that. It meant more than I could admit at the moment, even to myself. Certainly not out loud.
But just one heartfelt little speech didn’t necessarily mend a relationship, especially not after the shit he’d just pulled.
“I’ll consider seeing you again,” I told him, “but you have to calm down. Go home. Get some rest. I promise, I’ll call you and we’ll set up a time to talk.”
Dad sighed. “All right. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m pleased about this thing with Alex. You’re a sharp girl, Claire, you always were even as a kid. You don’t seem like the type to fall for Alex’s wiles. He’s a playboy and you deserve better.”
“I’m not dignifying that with a response.” I turned and walked back into the house, closing the door sharply behind me.
Alex was standing with his hands braced on the piano. My heart immediately began to ache. Even with him turned away from me I could tell by the stiff, curved lines of his shoulders that this wasn’t good.
“We’ll have to pack and leave soon, if we want to make it back to Boston in time,” he said. His voice was soft, but tense. He wasn’t angry at me, that much was clear, but he also wasn’t happy. I almost wished that he would throw a fit like my father so that we could hash this out, but at the same time… what was there to hash out?
I couldn’t possibly ask Alex to go against the wishes of the friend he had known since he was a teenager. He had told me, numerous times, about how his friendship with Tommy had supported him, about how Tommy’s parents had taken him in, about how sad he was that he hadn’t been there for Tommy’s divorce.
Why had I never put the puzzle pieces together? How had I been so blind that I couldn’t see it? Why hadn’t I ever gone, oh hey, my dad’s name is Thomas and he got divorced around the same time that Alex’s best friend Tommy did.
It would have felt like too crazy of a coincidence if I had thought about it then. But I guess the universe just really wanted to fuck with me lately.
My stomach tightened. “I’ll go get my things,” I said, my voice soft.
The whole trip back was quiet. Alex was tense but obviously trying hard not to take it out on me and to make sure I knew that he didn’t blame me. He was nothing but courteous to me. But he was also upset and lost in thought, and I didn’t know how to make things better. How could I possibly? I was his best friend’s daughter and literally nothing that I did could change that. Any attempt at comfort wouldn’t work, because we would be violating the wishes of his best friend, and Alex—Alex was a good and loyal man. He couldn’t stand it.
I couldn’t believe I’d been about to tell him I was pregnant. Thank God for my dad’s timing, right? If this had to blow up at least it blew up before I could drop that particular bomb on everything. Ugh.
Now things were even more screwed up than before. At least Alex didn’t know about the baby—but now I didn’t know what to do, either. I’d just figured that I would tell him, and we would figure the whole thing out together. I couldn’t possibly tell him now, though. Not when Alex was definitely going to end things. I couldn’t make him choose between myself, the woman he’d been seeing for a month, and the man he’d been friends with for decades.
I’d just have to brace myself for goodbye and then figure out the baby thing on my own. It was fine. I was strong, and smart. I could handle this.
I hoped.
29
Alex
It was Tuesday, and I hadn’t seen Claire at all since I had dropped her back off at her apartment on Saturday evening.
There wasn’t a second that went by that I didn’t miss her. But there also wasn’t a second that went by where I didn’t feel horribly conflicted. Tommy had always been there for me, and I hadn’t been there for him when he’d been struggling, and I had promised myself that if the opportunity arose I would do better—I would support him and stand by him.
It felt like a betrayal to go against his wishes, but I also wanted him to understand that it wasn’t what he thought. This wasn’t a one night stand or a quick fling. I was in love with Claire. But would Tommy even understand or appreciate that? Or would he still be upset, no matter what?
I sat with Tabitha, who was full of excitement and ready to go home. Seeing her bedroom in my home in Malibu had made me feel a little choked up inside, and I was eager for her to live in it again instead of in this same dreary drab hospital room. It was time.
The discharge orders were in place for the end of the week, and Dr. Franklin had been in charge of reaching out to Tabitha’s doctors back in LA, so that everything was ready for her arrival back home. Dr. Franklin had been the one I’d been speaking to the last few days. No sign of Claire at all. I didn’t know what excuse she’d given her boss so that he would take over for her with Tabitha’s care, or maybe he just felt that with such a high profile client as myself, he should be the one to handle the last few strings, since he was in charge of the department.
Either way, I missed Claire.
Speaking of the devil, Dr. Franklin himself walked in. He grinned at Tabitha. “Looks like someone’s ready to head home.”
“I’m gonna miss everyone,” Tabitha said solemnly. “But I’m a human kid so I can’t hang out with vampires for too long.”
Dr. Franklin and I exchanged an amused look. “Thank you again for everything,” I told him. “And let me just say that Dr. Montague was truly an excellent doctor.”
“Dr. Montague is one of the best we have,” Dr. Franklin assured me.
I took a deep breath, setting aside my jealousy. “Truly, thank you, thank both of you.”
“Tabitha’s still got a long road ahead of her.” Dr. Franklin winked at Tabitha. “But she’s strong and I fully expect her to make it through and have a full recovery.”
We shook hands for a final time, and as Dr. Franklin exited, Tabitha was already telling me all about how she was going to have to see her friends, and how she needed us to throw a big Christmas party so she could invite them all, and could we maybe see about Santa bringing gifts to the kids in the hospital here even if she wasn’t here anymore, and going on a million miles a minute.
“Remember,” I warned her, “you might be out of the hospital and we can do a lot of things, but we still have to take it easy, okay?”
“Okay.” Tabitha nodded vigorously. “Are you excited to go home, Pops?”
“Of course I am,” I lied.
Truth was, I wasn’t too excited. I just felt empty. I missed my house, and I missed Tabitha being a normal kid. And there were people out there I’d missed seeing. I did genuinely like the LA scene, and I hated the freezing winter in Boston. But I was focusing on giving up the majority of my company, and once I finished funding my various projects I was going to have an insane amount of free time on my hands. Not all of that would be devoted to Tabitha. What was I going to do with myself, if I wasn’t spending time with Claire?
Without her the world felt like it was tinged in gray. My heart wasn’t really in anything other than spending time with my little girl. I missed her.
I had to find a way to make things right with her. I just had to. And with Tommy, too, I couldn’t ignore him or leave him out of it.
“Hey, ladybug, I’m going to go down and get a snack, you want anything?”
While in the cafeteria, I called Tommy. Usually the guy answered on the first ring, but this time, it took him until the fourth. I actually thought it would go to voicemail.
“Hello.” Ah, yeah, he was still pissed at me.
“Hey.” I took a deep breath. “We need to talk about what’s happened. I’m going to send my jet to LA so you can take it back here to Boston. We should talk in person… and if nothing else, hey, I want you to be able to see Claire. Forget the business, come out here, and let’s see if we can help you renew your relationship with her.”
Tommy inhaled sharply. I knew that wasn’t what he’d been expecting me to
say. But I had told him, before I knew that his daughter was the woman I was dating, that I would do whatever he needed to help him with his daughter and I’d meant it. I meant it even more now that it was Claire. She deserved a good family relationship. Tommy was a good guy and she would be happy to have him in her life, I just knew it, if Tommy would be able to apologize to her in a way that was respectful to Claire.
“I’m willing to talk,” Tommy said, speaking in that slow, careful way he got when he was trying to be reasonable but was feeling a strong emotion, “but if I come out there, my focus will be on Claire. Not you.”
“That’s more than fine. She deserves to be your focus. I’ll send you the details so you can take the jet.”
It wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows, but as I hung up, I felt a glimmer of hope start up in my chest. Claire wasn’t going to want to talk to Tommy, she’d made her attitude towards him more than clear when they’d run into each other at my house. Hell, I doubted she even wanted to see me. She’d been avoiding me the past few days, after all. But this was the last I could do to help the two of them work something out between themselves.
I tracked down Pippa, who was doing paperwork at the nurses’ station. “I have one final favor to ask you.”
“Three strikes and you’re out, you know,” she pointed out to me. “And this is your third favor.”
“I know. But it’ll also be my last, I promise.”
Pippa frowned. “If this backfires and you hurt Claire, I will kill you. Don’t test me. I got friends in the morgue.”
“I don’t doubt it. The last thing I want to do is hurt Claire, I promise you. I love her, I just want her to be happy.”
The words were out before I could stop them. I hadn’t—I hadn’t planned on saying them to anyone else before I’d said them to Claire, but it was such a truth to me, such a fundamental part of who I was now, that it just slipped out without my thinking about it.
Pippa’s mouth fell open. “I. Okay. Was not expecting that, I won’t lie. But… but I’ll help you. Because you love her.” She paused. “And because, well, I think she cares about you. More than she wants to admit.”
I could only hope that part was true.
30
Claire
When Pippa asked me to meet her at a trendy little bistro on a Wednesday night, you could say that I was suspicious. First of all, since when did Pippa want to eat at a trendy bistro? Second of all, Wednesday night? She had an early shift the next day, usually she liked to stay at home.
But she’d insisted, and, well, I needed something to distract myself from moping around the house worrying about Alex. So I went.
Pippa was definitely going to ask about Alex. What was I going to say? What could I possibly tell her? There was no way for me to casually drop the news, oh hey so the best friend of my secret boyfriend is my father, you know, the one I haven’t talked to in ten years. And then I was pregnant on top of it all?
I felt like I was in a soap opera. I hated soap operas. But this wasn’t insane fiction, this was my life.
Dammit. It was my own fault about the pregnancy thing anyway. I should’ve kept to my schedule and remembered to up my shot, and I should’ve insisted on condoms. I was just like those sixteen-year-old idiots who had sex without thinking about the STIs and the pregnancy possibilities. I was twenty-seven, I was a doctor for crying out loud, I was supposed to be better than this.
Now I had no one to blame but myself.
I took a deep breath and entered the bistro, searching for Pippa. This was going to be fine. She was my best friend. She wouldn’t judge me. She would help me out.
Okay, somewhere… huh, I couldn’t see her, could I have gotten here before her?
Oh no.
I spotted a familiar face and my stomach jolted. It was Dad. What was he doing here? How did he even get here?
He stood up, catching sight of me, and I realized that I’d been set up. He looked worried but not surprised—like he’d been expecting me. Oh, I was so going to get Pippa back for this someday.
Dad walked up to me. “I apologize for just showing up out of the blue but I was scared that if I tried to set up a meeting that you would refuse—and I think this is something we need to talk about in person.”
“You flew all the way out here?”
“Yes. I wanted to—to make an effort for you, the way I should have when you were a child.” He gestured at the table. “Would you please join me?”
“All right.” He was here, and I had promised him we would talk. Now I could hear him out and move on.
I was angry with him—angrier than I had expected. He hadn’t been there for half of my life and not even really before that and now he was going to be the reason that I couldn’t be with Alex anymore. Alex, the one person who I had ever felt romantic feelings for, the one person that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. The father of my child.
As we sat, a waiter came up with some water, but didn’t say anything more to us. I think it was obvious to her, and to everyone else around us, that this was not going to be a typical dinner and that we might leave before we even ordered anything.
Once the waiter was gone, Dad turned to me. “I need to start by apologizing for my behavior a few days ago. I was surprised to see you again, and in such circumstances, and I… I blew up. It was inappropriate and you’re right, you’re an adult who can make your own choices. I’ve known Alex for years and I know how he operates. He’s a gentleman, he’s not a sleaze like some men out there, but he still sleeps around and he still has a lot of lovers. I wanted better for you. That and the fact that he’s my best friend… I lost control. I’m sorry.”
“I really had no idea who Alex was,” I reaffirmed. “And he didn’t know who I was. Maybe we should have, but neither of us gave the other one enough information for us to realize the connection. And honestly, Dad, I don’t know enough about you, maybe I never would’ve made the connection. Alex might have. He knows a lot more about you than I do. I… I wasn’t even sure it was you, when I first came down the stairs. I thought it might be, but I wasn’t sure. That’s how long you’ve been gone. That’s how little I saw you growing up.”
I didn’t want to lecture him. I tried to keep my voice quiet and soft so that he wouldn’t feel attacked. Because I wasn’t trying to attack him—I was just trying to explain. And those were the facts. The facts were that I hadn’t seen him much as a child and then not at all after the divorce.
Dad nodded, looking dejected. “I know. I realize that now. I’m sorry I’ve been absent from your life for so long. Your mother was just so insistent on having full custody and at that point I was tired of fighting over every damn line in the divorce contract… that’s not an excuse, it’s just…”
“Wait.” I held up a hand. “Mom fought for full custody?”
Dad stared at me. “Well, yes. She insisted. I wanted visitation. We had a lot of fights about it. In the end I thought—well what did I know about being a father anyway? I had never really been there for you. And I was thinking selfishly. I was hurt and I was tired. I just wanted to find some hole where I could lick my wounds.”
“Mom… Mom always said that you didn’t want custody. That you didn’t request visitation.” I felt sick and took a few sips of water to try and calm myself. Mom had lied?
I knew that Mom was smothering but she had always been in my corner supporting me. It had never occurred to me that she might not have been honest with me. That she might have manipulated me.
“I… I didn’t know that.” Dad sighed. “I didn’t know a lot of things. I should have been there for you growing up. I let your mother do all of the parenting and it bit me in the ass when the divorce came. I don’t blame you at all for being mad at me.”
I felt rude for just staring at him, but I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t know that there was anything to say, at least on my end. It felt like the ball was in his court.
Dad fiddled with the silverwa
re set in front of him. “Marrying your mother was a mistake. I would like to say that I don’t regret it because it got me you, because I feel that’s true, but I didn’t act on that feeling. And I’m sure you’d feel that it was… pandering, to say that. But it is true—other than you, nothing good came out of that marriage.
“We did love each other, at first. It wasn’t that we didn’t. Or at least I loved Jennifer—your mother—I flatter myself she loved me at the time. I’m not sure when we fell out of love with each other, but… Jennifer just needed constant attention. She needed to control everything. It was exhausting. She was resentful of anything that took my attention away from her. I had a lot of work I was getting done, I was trying to start up my own business, and the more that your mother resented me for paying attention to work, the more I retreated into my work out of anger.
“Maybe if we had… gone to counseling, I don’t know, maybe it could have helped. But I just couldn’t be with someone who had to control every aspect of my life. She was smothering me. And it wasn’t mature of me to retreat into work instead of confronting her but every time I tried to bring it up things just seemed to get worse, so I stopped trying. We ended up in a kind of stalemate.”
I swallowed around the lump of nerves that was forming in my throat. That sounded like Mom. I had been feeling smothered by her lately, controlled. She had been in every aspect of my life growing up. Part of that had been good. She’d been my number one cheerleader, supporting all of my endeavors. She had been loving. I couldn’t say that she was a bad mother.
But I also couldn’t deny that she had control issues. Those issues had frustrated me for a long time, and were the reason I had moved so far away, why I had only a couple friends, why I had been pulling away from her. I could only imagine that it was easier for me as her daughter—it was natural that a parent would be in control of things when you’re a kid, and I needed and appreciated her support with becoming a doctor so young. Things had worked out that it hadn’t felt as bad to me. But as her husband it must’ve been really hard on Dad. Having your spouse try to control your life isn’t good. It can easily become abusive.
