“Her dad isn’t to blame, Nico.”
Hypocrite much?
“I know. I just want to thank him for not giving up on her when he so easily could have.”
Walking back into the clubhouse, I’m desperate to see Daria to make sure she’s okay. I don’t have to step foot in the door to know that she’s anything but fine. I look at Nico and he at me when we hear Daria’s livid voice screaming. We both run in to see Daria storming out of the room, followed by Lauren begging her to stop.
I watch as she spins around and points in Lauren’s face.
Shit’s about to hit the fan. Massively.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Daria
“Don't you fucking dare blame this on my dad!” I shout, walking out of the room we were just in. How dare she blame Dad for her giving me up?
“Please, Daria, sweetheart. I didn't mean it the way it came out.” She grabs my arm to stop me. Spinning around, I look this woman in the eye. The woman I literally just found out is my mom.
“No, you do not get to call me sweetheart! You haven't earned the right to call me that. My dad has been there my whole life. Yeah, he chose Denise over me, threw me out when I was pregnant, but he has been there for the most part of my life. He could have so easily gave me up when I was a baby just like you did. But he didn't because he loved me from the moment he laid his eyes on me!” I shout, tears falling from my eyes. Not upset tears, but angry ones. Angry that she dared to say it was Dad’s fault that she got pregnant.
“Daria, I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice. My husband told me to give you up or I would never see my boy again.” She cries.
“Stop blaming everyone else!” I scream at her. “You're the one who cheated on your husband. You're the one who fucked a schoolboy and got yourself knocked up. You're the one who made the decision to give up on me.” I scoff and shake my head. “You're the one who chose your son over an innocent baby.”
“It wasn't like that, Daria. Please. My husband was a violent thug! I couldn't let him take my boy away from me.” She wipes her eyes. “But you're right. It's my fault too.”
“You should have taken your son and ran as far away from him as possible!” I scream so loud that Jess jumps. “I would never have given up on Emily, even if someone held a knife to my throat.”
Turning, I see Striker and Nico standing there. Striker looks down after my comment.
“In fact, I did have that happen to me, and do you know what? It made me even more determined to keep my daughter safe, no matter what. She's my number one priority. She will always come first. Do you know why?” I look her in the eye. “That's what a good mother does.” I walk away from her, barging past Nico and Striker.
Once outside, I lean against the railing, taking a deep breath. My heart feels like it's about to explode. I found my mom. I found her and now I wish never had.
Tears fill my eyes again. I need Jake.
I know Jake will leave whatever he's doing to come to help me through this, but I don't want him to just leave his boyfriend behind to come to be with me, his ex-wife. He deserves this new love, and all that comes with being with someone for the first time. I won't come between them.
“Daria, sweetheart?” Barron places his hand on my back.
“Leave me alone, Barron.” I’m still trying to calm my erratic breathing and to slow my rapidly beating heart.
“Lauren’s right, her husband was the worst of the worst.”
“And that excuses her for giving up on me?” I turn to look at him with a watery gaze.
“No, look. I’ve known Lauren and Nico for years and I know that she would do anything for anyone. You just have to hear her out.”
“Just not her newborn daughter. I wasn’t good enough then. What makes her think I would be good enough now? She’ll be waiting a lifetime before I even think of hearing her excuses again.”
“Daria…” He tries to put his hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off. I don’t want anyone touching me.
“Just leave me alone, Barron.” He still stands there. “Fine, if you won’t leave, I will.” I run to the exit and sprint to my sanctuary; the lake.
“Some party, huh?” A voice startles me, and tearing my eyes away from the calming waters, I see Nico looking down at me with his hands in his jeans pockets, and a little smile graces his lips.
“How’d you find me?” I ran towards the lake; it’s the fastest I have ever run since high school. I had to get out. I felt all the walls closing in on me, the feeling of wanting to slap that woman for what she had said was taking over me, and I didn’t want to do anything I would later regret. Like slap your own mother? Closing my eyes, I breathe in the calming sea air.
“Striker and Jess told me you come down here when life gets too much.”
Letting out a humorless laugh, I say, “I seem to be spending a hell of a lot of time here these days.” I pick at the grass beside me. “That or drinking myself into oblivion.”
He sits beside me, knees bent and arms holding them. “Seems we aren’t so different.” I look round at him. “I come down here to think sometimes too. That tree over there, to be specific.” He points to a big willow tree not far from where we are right now. “This is a better option than drinking.” He takes a deep breath.
“Is it?” I turn back to the water. “Right now, I would do anything to forget all of today and drown out the little voice in my head.”
“Daria, Mom loved you and still loves you.” I look round at him, my big brother. “She was petrified of my dad. He wasn’t a good man. The way he used to treat her, the things I witnessed.” He pauses as if remembering something. “She was just scared for her life and mine.”
“Nico, stop trying to justify her actions and making excuses for her.”
“I’m not, Daria. I’m telling you that Mom isn’t the bad guy in all of this. If my dad wasn’t on the scene she would’ve kept you.”
I laugh. “No, she wouldn’t have, Nico. People like her, who go out and cheat on their husband and get knocked up by a random teenager, don’t keep kids from their one night stands.”
“Don’t talk about Mom like that.” His voice comes out harsh, harsher than I’ve ever heard from him before. “My dad was an asshole, Daria. He used to beat her, beat me. He treated her like a whore, like she was nothing. She was made to feel like nothing but a plaything for him and his friends!” He closes his eyes, and I know he’s trying to calm himself. “Look, Mom she’s far from perfect, but no-one is. Put yourself in her shoes. Think about how you would feel if Striker or Jake told you to get rid of your unborn baby to save Emily. How would you feel?”
“I would have packed up my shit and taken her as far away as possible.”
“Come on, Daria. You know it’s not that simple, especially with people like us.” He turns to me. “Think about when Emily went missing. When Striker threatened to take Emily away from you. Think about when your dad told you to get rid of Emily.”
I was crushed when Dad said to give Emily up. “But, Nico, I fought for Emily. I fought Striker at every turn. I stopped talking to my dad for ten years because I would do anything for my daughter.” I look to the sky to try and stop the tears from falling. “She could have fought to keep me. Fought to keep me and left that asshole of a husband.” Glancing at him, I offer him a small smile. “No offence.”
“None taken.”
“Why didn’t she fight for me? Even look for me?” I look to him, to my big brother, for answers. “Why didn’t she want me, Nico?” All the emotions of the day hit me like a wrecking ball. My mom didn’t want me. She chose her husband over me.
He says nothing but pulls me into his arms, kissing the top of my head, and I instantly feel protected. “I don’t know all the answers, kiddo.” He sighs, rubbing my arm as I stare out to the water. “Only Mom has the answers.” We sit in silence for a few minutes until he speaks again. “You know, I wish I knew sooner, then I would have been able to
protect you from this life longer.” Regret laces his voice.
“I don’t need protecting, Nico.”
“But you do, Daria.” Sitting up, I look him in the eyes. “Look at what happened with Striker. All the shit he put you through, the way he treated you. Those bastards that took Emily and those assholes that nearly killed you. I should have been able to protect you more. It’s my duty as a big brother to protect you.”
“None of this is your fault, Nico. So don’t beat yourself up. Nothing would have stopped me being with Striker that night. Besides, if I didn’t then we wouldn’t have had Emily. Your niece.” I shrug. “Jesus, I have a big brother.” Looking at him, I smile smugly. “I always wanted a big brother when I was growing up. Someone to protect me from the evil in the world, and my stepmom.” My voice trails off.
“What happened with your stepmom?”
“That’s a story for another day. I’m emotionally beat and I can’t go back to that place and talk about her.” I stand and walk towards the water.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” He walks up behind me and places his arm around me.
“Well, well, looky here?” We hear a man’s voice. Turning, I roll my eyes at the owner of the voice. “Once you’re done with that whore, I’ll have a go.” He looks me up and down grabbing his crotch. Nico tenses beside me, and I place my hand on his forearm, ready to grab him in case he flies at him.
“I suggest you leave while you still can.” Nico says through gritted teeth.
“The fuck you going to do? You’re fucking a slut who’ll do anything for a quick buck. I bet she feels good right? Her pussy so tight and so fucking sweet.” I grip Nico’s arm tighter. “What do you say, whore?” Still grasping between his legs suggestively.
“Go to hell, asshole.”
“Come on baby, I got a big cock you can ride and suck for-” He doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Nico knocks him to the ground and climbs on top of him, raining punches down on him.
“Nico.” I try to pull him off. “Nico, he’s not worth going to jail over.”
Finally peeling Nico off him, he leans over my shoulder as I try to push him away, pointing at him. “Talk shit about my sister again, or if I see you near her or even breathe next to her, I swear it will be you last breath.”
“You’ll regret this, bitch!” the guy shouts spitting out blood. Nico rounds me, running back to where the idiot is lying and kicks him in the face, his head snapping back and hitting the concrete with a sickening thud. I run up to him, pulling his arm and pushing him in front of me. I look around to make sure there aren’t any cameras or witnesses around to call the cops.
Ah, the joys of having a big brother. Good luck with that.
***
The walk back to the clubhouse was quiet. I know Nico is still irate over the whole random guy thing, but Jesus, he could have killed him. Walking through the doors, we see Jess and Striker sitting on the sofas, talking.
“Sit down. I’ll be back,” I tell Nico, not even looking at him. I go behind the bar for the first aid box. Fran smiles a little at me.
“Your dad said he’ll call you tomorrow.”
I nod my acknowledgment. I walk towards where Nico is standing beside the chairs. Striker walks up to me. “Baby?” He looks down at my hands and notices the first aid kit then looks back up to me. “Are you hurt?” He touches my arms and shoulders, scanning me for some injuries.
Rounding him, I walk to Nico. “Sit,” I demand, my voice less than nice. After staring at me and relenting to the fact I’m not budging, he sits next to a confused-looking Jess.
“Daria, its fine. It’s just a scratch.”
“What happened?” Jess asks, looking between us.
Nico stares at me while I clean his cut eyebrow and knuckles. I say nothing.
“Will someone tell us what the fuck happened?” Striker’s voice booms.
“There, done.” Standing, I put everything away, ignoring Striker.
Striker isn’t to blame, Daria.
“Daria?” Jess walks towards me. “You okay?” I nod. I don’t want to talk. Making my way towards the door, I leave everyone behind. I need to go home. “Mom and Dad took Emily back to their place. She’s worried about you.”
“Baby, wait.” Striker catches up to me. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He cradles my face with his hands. Closing my eyes, I revel in his soothing touch. When I open my eyes, he’s searching them, looking for some sort of clue.
“I’m sure.” I place a fake smile on my face. “I’m going to go.” He begins to walk with me, but I place my hand on his chest to stop him. “No, you stay here.” Striker tilts his head to the side, looking down at my hand on his chest. I remove it and put it on his cheek. “I just need to be alone tonight.” Leaning up on my tiptoes, I peck him on the cheek, breathing in his scent. I walk out, and the tears begin to fall slowly again as I climb into my car.
I need time to be alone, to process this whole day and all this new information.
I need some me time.
***
After I arrived home and had a bath to wash the day away, I put on a movie and poured myself a glass of wine. If someone walked in here and asked me what the movie was about, I wouldn’t be able to tell them, I have no idea. I can’t concentrate on anything. My mind always goes to Lauren. It’s all I can think about.
She left me on Dad’s doorstep when I was a baby. Dad refused to tell me who she was or anything about her. I now have an older brother. My life is so fucked up I don’t think the best shrinks in the world could even understand or begin to tell me how to sort it all out. My head feels like it’s on speed with how fast it’s going with all the thoughts and questions whizzing around.
How could she just give up her baby like that? Keep one child but give up the other? Why didn’t she just leave? I don’t understand. She blames my dad, Nico’s dad, but she doesn’t take any of the blame. I feel my anger returning tenfold. She should have fought for me, looked for me. I repeat in my head what I said to Nico earlier. I grip the wine glass tighter. The more I think about it, the angrier I become. Tears fall again and I let out a feral scream and launch the wine glass towards the wall. It smashes and just misses whoever has just walked in.
“Jesus Christ, Dee.” Jake covers his head, protecting himself from the falling glass and red wine. He blurs in front of me. He’s nothing but a black dot.
“Jake.” I sob his name. He’s by my side in an instant, taking me in his arms and cradling my head.
“Shh. I’m here.” He kisses my head. “I’m here, Dee.” He rocks me back and forward.
After crying for the millionth time tonight, I sit up. “Why are you here?”
“Jess called me.”
“Fucking Jess.”
“Don’t be mad at her, Daria, She’s worried about you, and to be quite frank, so am I.” He looks over at the broken glass on the floor. “What I do want to know is, why didn’t you tell me?”
“It only just happened a few hours ago, Jake. I wanted to get my head around it and try to make sense of it all. Besides, I didn’t want to bother you with my problems and my screwed up family.” I look down, wiping my eyes with my sleeve. “I’m not your concern anymore.” Standing, I walk to the kitchen to get more wine.
“Daria, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He looks at the glass and the almost empty wine bottle. “Drinking won’t solve this.”
“There’s nothing to solve, Jake. My mother wanted nothing to do with me. She gave me up and blames everyone else but herself.” I drain the glass, walking to the pantry to get another bottle.
“Dee.” He sighs taking the bottle from me. “Drinking is never the answer.”
“Jake, why are you here?” I take the bottle back from him. “Apart from raining down on my pity party.”
“Believe it or not, you will always be my concern.” He walks to the freezer and pulls out my favorite ice cream.
&nbs
p; “But, that’s the thing, Jake. I’m not.” We walk back into the living room, and I sit, bringing my legs up under me and staring into my glass. “Emily is, but I’m not.”
“Daria, seriously? We spent ten years married and raised a child together. You are my concern just as much as Emily is.” He digs into my ice cream. “Besides, you were my best friend before you were my wife.”
“You’re my best friend too, Jake. Does Jamie mind you blowing him off to comfort your fucked up ex-wife?”
“I don’t care if he does, you come first. Sisters before misters, right? That’s what you and Jess used to say.” I giggle for the first time today. Hearing him say these things always sounds strange. “See, that’s what I wanted to see.” He grins and winks at me.
“I love you, Jake.”
“Love you too, wifey.” He kisses the top of my head. Lying my head on his lap, we watch rubbish reality T.V.
***
“Shit!” I jump when I hear Jake curse. Sitting up, I see that it’s morning. “Ah, crap. I’m late for work. I’ve got a meeting in an hour.” He looks at his watch.
“You still have a clean shirt and pants here. Go get a quick shower and I’ll make you a coffee to go.”
He kisses my head and dashes to get freshened up.
“Thanks.” He takes his travel cup from me. “You sure you’ll be okay?”
“I’m sure. I need to go talk to Dad today.”
“Remember he’s not the bad guy, neither is Lauren,” he says. “You should hear her out too.”
“I will, just not yet.” I’m not ready for that. We walk to the front door, and opening it, I hug him tightly.
“When you’re ready. Right, I better get going. I love you.” He kisses my cheek. “I’ll pick Emily up from Alex’s and take her to Dad’s for the day. Just let me know when you’re home and we’ll come by after I finish at the office.”
I nod, I need my head together for her sake as well as mine. I’m sure she has so many questions about what happened last night, questions I’m not in the right head space to answer at this precise moment.
Three Strikes (Demons Disciples MC Book 1) Page 25
