“You fear she likes Adam more,” Cassius said.
Sirius placed a hand on the back of his cravat. “It’s not something I fear. It is something I know to be true. I’ll have to win her in some way.”
“Win her?” Cass asked. “She’s refusing you.”
“At every turn.” It was nearly painful to admit.
“Tell her the truth,” Nick countered. “It might help.”
Cassius said, “Perhaps, she is not as weak as you think. Maybe she can handle the truth.”
“Perhaps.” But he had no intention of finding out. He hated to see her broken. He would not break her again. “But with everything that’s going on, I plan to keep her unaware of what I truly do… for the time being.” He knew what she liked. Adam had been tamed. His soul hadn’t been any less gentle, but he’d been a kinder man. Sirius was only kind to those he wished to protect. Everyone else would be forced to walk lightly in his presence.
“Join us for dinner,” Cassius said. “Milly misses having people around.”
Sirius grunted. “If she misses people so much, she can have mine. I’ve eight with me on this trip.”
“Eight?” Nick asked, surprised.
“All women. Five are children.”
“Bring them,” Cassius said. “She’d like that.” Children were not Cassius’ favorite people in the world, but mainly because he feared to scare or to break them in some way. Yet, he’d do anything for the woman he loved.
They finished up business and then Sirius left to find his family and the woman who would soon be part of it.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 6
* * *
Pia sat on the stone bench and wiped at the tear that fell from her eyes before the wind could freeze it. She was at Adam’s grave. They’d placed him next to a small tree on the property and Pia couldn’t help but think it was symbolic in some way, ever preserving the mistake she’d made the day she pushed him.
Or perhaps, it was all the imagining of her saddened heart.
She wished her aunt were there. Melody always knew what to say to lighten Pia’s worries. Aunt Melody never worried about anything. She walked boldly through life. Pia would write her again when she got inside, but she couldn’t see how her aunt could make any of this better.
Pia looked toward the house.
Georgiana had said the place looked nothing like it once had. Adam had worked hard to buy them a small portion of land. He’d moved up from a clerk to a bookkeeper when he’d found an error in the former bookkeeper’s work.
Then he’d gotten a better job working for a wealthy lord and had bought all the land surrounding their home.
She couldn’t imagine what it had once looked like. Georgiana said it had been little more than sticks held together by the hands of God. Now, thanks to Sirius, it was a lovely manor, a third the size of the Gordie residence. The white stone with its gray accented wood and large windows was picturesque.
She closed her eyes and another chilling breeze blew across her face. She hadn’t brought a blanket with her or stones to keep her feet warm. There was nothing hot to drink that she could hold to warm her fingers.
She’d only brought the coat that Sirius had bought her, yet even that made her feel as though she were cheating. Adam laid just a yard from her feet. What remained of him was cold. Shouldn’t she be cold as well?
She blamed herself for his death. If she’d found a way to see that he’d been taken care of after her father dragged her away from the tree then perhaps Adam would have come to visit.
And perhaps… he’d never have caught the illness that had ended his life far too quickly.
She’d waited for him. She believed a part of her had died with him, that place in her heart that had longed for true love. When Sirius had proposed fifteen years ago, all hope was lost. She hadn’t been allowed to say no. Her father had forbidden it.
But then Sirius had run off, and Pia had been given to Lord Ginter.
Now Sirius had returned to her life... and that part of Pia that should be as frozen as the grass underneath her new boots was running like hot liquid through her bones.
A shadow passed over her and she looked up to see how large the cloud that blocked the sun was. Yet instead of a blue sky, she met blue eyes and they were as cold as the weather. Even more so.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked. “It’s cold.”
She held his eyes as he moved around the bench to sit next to her. He shrugged off his coat and placed it on her shoulders, disgruntled “That isn’t necessary. I already have a coat.”
“It’s cold. Too cold to be out here.” He cursed and looked around. “And there’s no staff watching you. Anything could have happened.”
She reached out and touched his hand. “I’m fine. I told them to go back inside. No one need suffer the cold.”
“Except you?” he asked.
She looked away and again wondered how he could see inside her soul so well. “Please, take your coat. You’ll catch your death out here.”
“And was that your intention?” he asked. “To die with your lover.”
“Of course not.” She rounded on him, yet even as she said the words, there was doubt in her mind. Why was she still out here? She wanted to suffer, just a little. It was the least she could do. “Did you know?”
“About?” He leaned on a knee as he spoke to her. It was a casual position that struck her as odd for an earl, yet very fitting for this man she barely knew. The edges of his dark hair whipped in the wind. He seemed to be concentrating on her.
“The money,” she said. “Georgiana told me that Adam had spoken about putting money aside to see me before he left.”
“It sounds like something Adam would have done. He loved you.” He looked her over. His jaw tightened. “And he’d want you to be inside where it was warm and not weeping over his grave.”
Pia pressed her lips together in frustration. “If my being here bothers you then please, do not hesitate to leave and take your coat.”
He did neither. Instead, he turned away and stared out ahead. Both his elbows rested on his sturdy thighs. His expression was pensive.
She knew he had to be cold. “Sirius, please. Either take your coat or return to the house.”
He leaned back. “If you’re content to sit out here as you are, then so am I.”
Pia groaned and stood. She started to take off his coat, but Sirius’ fingers closed around the edge before she could.
First, he pulled it closed around her and then he yanked her and drew her in. Pia opened her mouth to protest but Sirius’ lips were there first.
His warmth washed away her thoughts. She moved closer and moaned around the tip of his tongue.
But then he drew away. “He’s gone.”
At first, Pia was far too disoriented to understand his words.
“Adam is gone.” From his angry expression, one could easily assume the kiss had never taken place.
Her thoughts came back instantly as did her earlier pain. “I know.”
“It’s not your fault. These things simply happen.”
“But it shouldn’t have happened to him. It should have been…”
“Me?” Sirius asked. “It’s all right. Say it if you must.”
Pia gasped. “I wasn’t suggesting—”
“You weren’t suggesting that someone more deserving of death should be lying next to this tree instead of the man who holds your heart? You’re right. I’m not a good man, Pia, but I’m here. Life isn’t always fair. Sometimes, we must make due with what we have.”
Pia didn’t know what to say. He was so angry. She didn’t think the cold was helping. “I’m ready to go inside.”
He escorted her, held her arm whenever they stepped over a portion of the field he thought uneven. There was a path to the gravesite, but the quickest way to the house was through the field.
Once through the door, he steered her toward the sitting room and forced her into a chair by the fi
re.
He turned to a footman nearby. “Get me a hot pan for the cushion and some tea.”
“Sirius, I’m not even cold.” She was very cold, but all she wanted to do was be alone.
He ignored her and moved to the other side of the room. There was a blanket laying over the chair arm of an ornate couch. He grabbed it and sat it on her lap, kneeling as he did it.
She would overheat soon. “Sirius.”
He looked up sharply. “You may not want me, Pia, but I have vowed to keep you safe.”
“Vowed?” She thought that a strong word. “When did you make such a vow?”
He looked away. “It doesn’t matter.”
She cupped his cheek and spoke even though he refused to give her his eyes. “I believe I made it clear that I want you.”
He shook his head. “No, you want Adam.” He lifted his chin. His glare was direct. “You look into my eyes and you see Adam.”
She couldn’t lie. “I do see Adam, but when I touch you…” She stroked his cheek. “I know who I’m touching. It is you I want.”
“But you don’t want to.”
She swallowed. “I feel like… I’m cheating on him in some way. Don’t you? You were his brother.”
“Not at all,” Sirius said. “In my mind, this is exactly what he would have wanted.” He gripped the blanket on her lap. “He’d have wanted me to make sure you were safe and that you never had to work again.”
She dropped her hand. “Is that what draws you to me? Duty to your brother?” Now that she thought of it, she saw the possibility. “Is your desire to please Adam or me?”
He lifted a brow. “Trust me, the last thing on my mind when I’m touching you is my brother.”
Her cheeks went hot.
They both backed away from the other as a footman came in. Sirius stood just in time for his mother’s arrival.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 7
* * *
Pia stared at Georgiana, who wore a beautiful gown in ice blue. Did she plan to go somewhere this evening?
“You should go ready yourself. I happened to find a gown in town that might suit you for the evening,” Georgiana said as though in answer.
Pia didn’t meet Sirius’ eyes. She didn’t want to discuss where the money for the gown and other clothing came from. Georgiana had insisted on buying it, claiming that in another time, Pia would have been her daughter-in-law and that Adam would have wanted the world for her.
“Why would I need a gown?” Pia asked.
Georgiana looked at Sirius. “You haven’t told her?” She didn’t wait for his response. Instead, she told Pia herself. “We’re to have dinner with the Duke of Van Dero.”
The duke? She’d heard about him. None of it had been good. In fact, most of the people she knew hated him. Would the duke allow Georgiana at his table? She turned to Sirius then. “Are you and the duke acquaintances?”
Sirius lifted a brow. “He’s one of my best mates.”
Pia’s eyes grew wide before she could look away. She needed to write that letter to her aunt. She wondered what Melody would say once she heard of where Pia had taken dinner. She excused herself and left the room quickly.
It wasn’t until she’d made it to the bedchamber she’d been given that she realized Georgiana had followed.
“I’ll help,” the woman said. “I know it’s what a servant should do, but I’m anxious to see you in the gown.”
Pia thanked her for her assistance. The pale pink gown fit well enough for the evening. The bodice was larger than Pia’s frame but not enough that anyone would notice.
“It’s all coming together so nicely,” Georgiana said as she brushed Pia’s hair in the mirror. Their eyes met in the reflection. “You know, I always wanted a daughter, but then I wanted to marry as well.” She shook her head and sighed. “I was young and foolish to think the Earl of Gordie would leave his wife for me.”
Though Pia had always liked Georgiana, they’d never discussed this part of her life. “How old were you when...?”
“Fourteen,” she said. “He was eighteen when he became the earl.” She began braiding Pia’s hair though her eyes drifted away. “I left him a few months before Adam and I moved away, but I don’t think I’d truly have ever let him go if we didn’t escape. Adam helped me become a better person, a better Christian, and perhaps a better mother.”
Pia turned to look at her. “You were always a good mother, and you were always kind to me.” She took Georgiana’s hand. Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m glad Adam got you away, but never doubt the goodness of your heart. I do not hold your sins against you and neither does God.”
Georgiana cupped Pia’s cheeks and kissed her. Pia felt the mingling of their tears against her skin. “Bless you.” Then Georgiana straightened and laughed. “Perhaps God will give me a second chance at having you as a daughter.”
“How?”
“Well, if Sirius ever proposes marriage...”
Pia turned back to the mirror. “He already has, but he hasn’t mentioned it since our arrival.” She waited for Georgiana to resume her work, but when she didn’t, she looked at the woman in the reflecting glass.
Georgiana looked stunned. “Sirius proposed? When?”
Pia frowned. “At least fifteen years ago. Right after you and Adam left. There was a contract, which he broke when he ran off to marry his heiress. Perhaps, he wishes to forget. It wasn’t what either of us wanted. Our fathers pushed it. Did you truly not know?”
Georgiana simply shook her head. She grabbed Pia’s braid and began to pin the pieces back. “I can’t believe any man would choose another woman over you.”
Pia panicked. “Don’t tell Sirius I mentioned it.” She’d had Gillian swear not to bring it up upon her arrival. She didn’t want Sirius feeling any obligations toward her.
Georgiana touched Pia’s shoulders. “Let’s hurry. We mustn’t keep the duke waiting.”
Pia felt suddenly ill at the thought of seeing the duke. How could Sirius be friends with a man like him? The gentlemen Pia knew called him a savage, though it was always in low tones. “Is Gillian coming?”
“No. She’s in mourning, but we’re taking the girls.”
Pia turned and stood once Georgiana was done with her hair. “I should stay with Gillian and keep her company. She is the reason I’m here. She’s my sole purpose.”
Georgiana gasped. “But you must come. Look at you. You’re already dressed.”
“I can be easily undressed, but thank you for the gown.” Pia kissed her cheek again. “Tell the party not to wait for me. I’ll be all right.”
Georgiana stared at her and then left with a nod.
Pia was standing in nothing but her undergarments and corset when the door was thrust open. She barely had time to shout before Sirius closed them in together. Pia stared dumbfounded as his eyes scanned the room, caught sight of her gown, picked it up, and marched it over to her.
“Get dressed and hurry. We must go.”
Pia took the gown but only because she could use it to cover herself. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”
“And you’re not supposed to vex me so well, yet you do it like no other.” His eyes were like stone, but Pia saw something simmering in them. “Will you be needing help putting on this gown?”
Her tummy fluttered. “No.”
“Are you sure?” He stepped closer and placed his arm around her. Pia’s fingers dug into her dress as he pulled her close. “I’m a very good assistant.”
“I thought I vexed you,” she whispered.
“Like no other.” He tilted his head. “So, am I helping you into this gown or out of what’s left on you?”
Pia pulled in a shaky breath. Was there not the option for him to leave her altogether? “I wish to remain here with Gillian.”
“I understand, but you’re not.”
She sighed. “You are a very overbearing host. Do you treat all your guests this way?”
He grinned. “
Only the pretty ones with violet eyes.”
She laughed and wondered how any man could make her feel so many emotions in a day. “Why are you smiling? I vex you.”
He lifted a brow. “When a man finds a woman unrobed, it’s hard to stay mad for long.” He kissed her lightly and then backed away. “Hurry. If you’re not downstairs in five minutes, I’ll return.” His gaze gave her warning, but instead of feeling as though she should flee, the urge to draw closer hit like an arrow through the heart.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 8
* * *
Sirius was used to seeing fear in the eyes of those who encountered the Duke of Van Dero, but Pia’s dread left a sour taste in his mouth. Why did she fear him so? Even more importantly, why would she fear at all with Sirius at her side? Did she not know the lengths he would go to protect her?
Not that he planned or wished to fight Cassius any time soon. Hopefully, such a battle would never take place. They’d fought one another while growing up. Each knew the other’s weaknesses, each had worked to overcome it.
Such a thing would not be a pretty sight.
Sirius wasn’t the only person who noticed how pale Pia was while facing the duke. Milly was beyond pleasant as a hostess and on more than one occasion, openly displayed her love for her husband by stroking his arm, touching his hand, or giving him flirty eyes.
This seemed to help Pia a little. Her color returned, but she avoided Cassius when they were shown to the drawing room to await the meal.
Once there, Milly took Pia and Georgiana to have a ‘woman discussion’. Sirius had no idea what that pertained and had no interest in it. His only interest was in Pia’s fear and the reason behind it.
After seeing the children had been taken to a nursery that had been set up for them upstairs, Sirius sought out Cassius. Nick was with him.
Cass spoke before Sirius could. “She fears me.”
“I was going to ask you why,” Sirius said. “Have you met before?”
The Secret Pleasures of an Earl: (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book) Page 14
