“You were never meant to work unless it is for pleasure,” he continued. “Therefore, I am making it so you never have to work again. Starting tomorrow, I want you to begin doing what other ladies do.”
“And what is that?” She scowled in the dark at his audacity.
“Absolutely nothing.” His smile came through his voice. “See? Now, you can create at your leisure. All your problems have been solved.”
“Except for the part where I’m stuck with you for the rest of my life.”
“Oh, you’ll enjoy that part most.”
Her cheeks went hot. “I do not accept your proposal on the grounds that it was not a proposal.”
“Excellent,” he said. “Because I’m not proposing. This is not a suggestion that I’m asking you to consider. This is what will happen.”
She leaned forward and felt for the other seat. She was far too upset to be by him. She needed to clear her mind and think.
But he pulled her back.
His hand went around her throat and then up to her jaw. He turned her to face him. “Though perhaps I should mention how much I care for you and that the way I want you is immeasurable and painful. I wish to exist in your sphere and be the receiver of your adoration and devotion just as much as you will be the receiver of mine..”
He stroked her cheek and Pia closed her eyes. Her breathing was sporadic. His voice softened. “I want those eyes only for me. Do you understand that?”
She nodded. Her heart constricted.
He pulled her closer. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll protect you with my life.”
The words should have been reassuring, yet they only reminded Pia that Sirius was no ordinary earl. When he spoke of his life, there were actual dangers involved.
He’d called himself a Collector. He said he hunted people. He’d threatened to pull Mullon’s teeth out and she had no doubt that he’d do it. She recalled the blood on his hands that first time they’d gone to Leeds. He’d had shallow cuts on his knuckles. Had he pulled someone’s teeth out that very day?
He was nothing like the Sirius she remembered. The old Sirius had been an idle boy.
The old Sirius would have never managed to make her feel as she did right now. She had a feeling that with Sirius, she’d never feel unwanted again. He’d said his want of her was immeasurable. Painful. She wondered what it would feel like to always be wanted and to grow old with a man as Mrs. Coleman and her Thomas had.
She could have that with Sirius… if he didn’t get killed.
Though he had proposed and left her before. Who was to say he wouldn’t change his mind again?
That vulnerable part of her, the one used to rejection, pulled away.
“What other reassurances do you need?” he asked.
“You proposed before,” she said. “What makes you so certain now?”
“I’m a different man, Pia. You’ll have to trust me.”
She needed to see him in the light.
As if knowing, he lit the lamp. Light flooded the cabin, blinding Pia at first, but then slowly she adjusted and found Sirius watching her.
“Why did you run before?” she asked. “Was it money?”
He looked frustrated. “You didn’t want the marriage either back then. We’ve both changed.”
That was an understatement where he was concerned. He’d transformed, but that didn’t mean she could trust him.
Except, everything she’d learned about him over the last few weeks said she could. Their connection this time around had been nearly instant. She’d tried to fight it at first, but there had been no denying his appeal.
And yet… “What about my aunt? We’ve not spoken about her.”
His grimace set her pulse racing. She almost wished they were in the dark again. “I have already sent a missive to Cassius. He knows what we discovered. I plan to speak to your aunt while we are here in London to find out the truth.”
“And if the truth doesn’t please the duke?” she asked nervously.
Sirius looked away. “I could petition that her life be spared.” He looked at her. “As Lady Gordie, you may make that request as well.”
Yet another incentive to marry the earl. He truly wanted to marry her.
He went on, “But if she’s guilty, I cannot guarantee anything. We are talking about the life of a duchess and an heir. Such threats should only be handled in one way.”
She knew better than to ask, yet still, she did. “How?”
“Death.”
She leaned away and wrapped a hand around her throat.
“If not death, she will answer for what she’s done. She will suffer.”
∫ ∫ ∫
3 8
* * *
Pia was quiet after that. She sat apart from him. She’d been tired when he’d brought her to the carriage, but she was awake now with worry. He had a feeling she would try and visit her aunt first thing in the morning, which meant Sirius would have to find the woman tonight.
He hated that she worried, but Pia didn’t understand the magnitude of the web she’d fallen into. Sirius would already have to explain Pia’s action to Cassius. Their friendship aside, if their roles were reversed, had it been Pia’s life that was threatened, Sirius would demand the same from Cassius.
There were no second chances when death came. Once it was done, an apology could never make up for the loss.
He watched her in the light. Her posture showed defeat. It was better to expect the worst. He would hate to make false promises.
They arrived at his house and he had a maid show Pia to her room. He had another footman stand outside her door just in case she thought to slip away. The man wouldn’t stop her, but he would follow if she left.
Cassius sent another footman out to find Lady Melody Brook’s address. Her beauty and life as a former actress made her quite popular in London. It didn’t take his servant long to find Sirius what he needed.
He arrived at Lady Brook’s home and found out from a watchman that the lady hadn’t been in residence for a few days. Irritated, Sirius paid the man to inform him when Lady Melody did return and then went home.
He stopped outside of Pia’s door and debated on whether he should go in. Feeling the need to see her with his own eyes, he peeked inside and found her awake. She was up, writing. She turned from the writing desk and looked at him.
She wore a pearl-white night rail.
She looked down at herself sheepishly before returning her gaze to him. “It’s Georgiana’s. I hope she won’t mind.”
“She wouldn’t mind at all. She’d be glad you’re wearing it.” He closed the door so that the heat of the fireplace wouldn’t escape into the hall.
“I always loved Georgiana. I’m glad you got to know her as well. It still impresses me that you’ve managed to see past her faults and embrace her for who she is. Most lords would have shunned her. Most earls would not allow her to live in residence.”
He leaned against the wall. “I’m not most earls.”
She smiled. “No, you’re not.” She frowned and shook her head before turning back to her paper.
“I thought I’d find you asleep. I only planned to peek in. Why are you awake? Who are you writing?” He wanted to peek, but he stayed across the room.
She’d washed her hair. He could smell it. Orange and vanilla. Sensual. The strands rested damply over one shoulder. “I’m writing to myself. My thoughts. Questions I should ask myself and things I feel I should know about you before I give my consent to marriage.”
He walked farther into the room and then took a chair from a side table and sat facing her. He kept his distance. He crossed arms. “What is it you feel you must ask?”
Pia grabbed her sheet and turned to him as well. “How would Adalina and Babbette feel about our marriage? We don’t know—”
“They adore you,” he said. “They’ve been on me about finding them a new mama for years. They want it to be you.”
Pia crumpled the pap
er in surprise and then began to straighten it out. “Really?”
He nodded. “Georgiana told me. What’s next?” He wanted all her doubts set aside before morning.
“Where did you go?” she asked. “You’ve been out in the cold. I can feel it coming off you.”
“I went to find your aunt. I planned to get the truth.”
“But you didn’t,” she said.
He shook his head. “She’s not home.”
Pia’s gaze darted away. “She might be visiting a friend in the city.”
A man, Sirius suspected. “I won’t hurt her,” he promised.
He perceived the calm that came over her as she looked back at her list. That small measure of trust made him smile, but he hid it before she could see it.
Her eyes scanned her paper. Then she lowered it. “You said you’re a Collector and that you hunt. It didn’t sound like you meant it metaphorically.”
“I didn’t.”
She rubbed her arm with her free hand. “Do you truly enjoy it as much as you led me to believe?”
Her question was touching an area of Sirius’ character that not even he understood fully. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I like fear. I like having control over it. Who gets it. Who doesn’t. How much.” He was growing excited by the thought alone.
She became so motionless he wondered if she stopped breathing. “I don’t understand.”
Neither did he. He shrugged. “Perhaps…” He had to be mindful of his words, otherwise, Pia would learn he was Adam. “I lacked control as a child. I was never allowed to do as I pleased.”
Pia scoffed. “I find that hard to believe. You were spoiled.”
“But it was all controlled.” He searched for a way to compare Adam with Sirius. “I didn’t feel free, and I felt a great amount of fear as a young man. I hated the feeling, but since there was no way to avoid it altogether, I sought to control it.”
“To control fear?” she asked. “Is that even possible?”
He shrugged again. “Total control would be impossible, but I can manipulate it.”
She tilted her head. “How?”
His eyes fell over her small frame. “I cross the room to you and fall to my knees. I take your skirts in my hands and slide them up your legs. I grab your bare thighs and spread them. Your warm scent greets me.”
Pia’s lilac eyes turned a shade that matched wine and she shivered.
“Is your heart racing?” he asked.
Her voice was soft yet broken by desire. “Yes.”
“Are you scared?”
She started to shake her head, but then stopped. “Only a little. Only because…”
“You don’t know what I’d do next,” he said. “You’re at my mercy.”
She nodded. Her cheeks changed a rosy hue as she wrapped her robe tighter around herself.
As though that could protect her.
Sirius groaned. He couldn’t get his own image out of his mind. He may never master fear, but he would master her desire, he swore to himself.
“Do you want to know what I’d do next?” he asked.
Pia blinked. “Yes. I mean... “ She cleared her throat. “Not tonight.”
But another night?
She looked around and her eyes fell to the paper on the floor. She’d dropped it. She seemed surprised by that fact. He hadn’t even noticed himself. Picking it up, she read something else and then put the paper face down on the writing desk.
Sirius braced. Had they reached the end of her questions?
“I need to know that you’re a good man,” she said.
“I’m not.”
Her eyes widened.
“I won’t lie,” he told her. “I am both admired and despised and they all have their reasons. There are men who piss themselves at the sight of me. I am rarely merciful unless dealing with my family. I have never been called ‘good,’ but I am fair, I believe.” Though at times, he wasn’t sure.
“You are very generous to your family,” she said as if knowing his doubts. “Georgiana, Gillian, the girls… You have gone beyond the call, Sirius. You have raised the standards of men in my eyes. I have found all else wanting.”
Sirius wrapped a hand about the back of his neck and ducked his head. Then he ran a quick hand through his hair and straightened. “I vow to be good to you.”
She stood. “If I marry you, it will have to be a decision we both make. I didn’t have a choice before. Not when you proposed fifteen years ago and not when my father presented me with Lord Ginter. This must be my choice.”
She wanted a choice, which meant he’d have to ask.
Fear proved itself once again to be the wild emotion that it was, setting his pulse to a fevered speed. Anxiously, he stood. Slowly, he walked over to her and bent his knee. Taking her soft hand, he looked up and took a second to take in his position. He was submitting himself to her.
His place on the floor made it clear that while he could control some things, he could not control this, his need for her. He could not control Pia, and he didn’t want to. “Will you marry me?”
Her answer was not delayed for a single moment. “Yes.” She bent her knee and kissed him before popping back up. “We should go to bed.”
He stood and moved into her space. “I agree.”
“Separately. Please.” She eyed him warily. “While I still have the sense to say no to you.”
He groaned his protest even as he let her go. He didn’t want to control her. Only a fool would think to ruin the strong woman that she was.
∫ ∫ ∫
3 9
* * *
“Be civil.”
“You don’t want me to be civil...” Sirius growled in her ear, his breath hot where the wind that brushed her cheeks was cold. She shivered for reasons that had nothing to do with the weather.
Sirius pressed his body close and Pia moved away, though not far. They held hands as their blades cut through the ice, carrying them from one end of the lake to the other.
The fresh air was wonderful.
They’d been inside for three days. Three of the best days of Pia’s life, but today he’d finally allowed her out of bed. She doubted she’d have protested another day in bed, but more than ever, Pia felt a burning need to show off her new husband, to rub their noses in the fact that she was not a failure.
Everyone knew that Ginter hadn’t wanted her.
But Sirius wanted her. He was everything Ginter had never been and more.
The ceremony had been far more beautiful than the large one she’d had with Ginter. Small in comparison with only two of Sirius’ friends present, they’d spent the day alone, getting to know one another better inside and out.
She and Sirius gained stares from those of the ton who spent the entire year in Town. A few people had approached. Having read their wedding announcement in the papers, there were many who seemed genuinely pleased for her.
Yet others wouldn’t meet their eyes. Those who were close to her aunt skated very far from Sirius, as though they feared he’d attack them there on the ice.
She looked at him and noticed he was staring behind them.
Pia looked. A woman she recognized got off the ice and gathered her two sons with her. Pia didn’t know if it was fear or the cold that turned her so pale.
“Do you know her?” Sirius asked.
“You mean Lady Kelsey?” Pia asked.
“That’s Lady Kelsey?” Sirius took the woman in again, clearly recognizing her name from the list Pia had given him.
Nervousness made her falter on the ice. She slowed. “You’re not going to do anything to her, are you?”
Sirius turned those penetrating eyes to her. “Do you want the truth?”
Pia turned and watched as Lady Kelsey helped her boys take off their blades. Her motions were rushed.
“Go talk to her,” Sirius said.
Pia looked at him. “You want me to talk to her?”
He nodded. “We still don�
�t know where your aunt is. Perhaps she does.”
Pia wasn’t sure she’d share that information if she had it but doubted it would do her any good to keep it from Sirius anyway. Eventually, he’d collect on her aunt. It was likely best she allowed her aunt a few more days of freedom.
Sirius’ gaze wandered across her face and changed. All sentiment vanished. “You are the only reason I don’t already have your aunt.”
Pia’s blood ran cold. “Don’t look at me that way,” she whispered.
“What way?”
“It’s like you become someone else, someone who doesn’t care for me.”
“But you know I do.” He touched her cheek and then lowered his head to whisper in her ear, “If you could read my thoughts, you would know that this part of me cares for you in the most deadly of ways.”
Pia closed her eyes and pulled in a breath.
His mouth brushed her cheek. “There isn’t a person in the world I wouldn’t break if that meant keeping you from harm. You remember that the next time you see this look.” He pulled away and lifted her chin. “I want to know if it’s me Lady Kelsey fears or you.”
“Me? Why would she fear me?”
“Because you’re a turncoat,” he said. “You married the other side of this war.”
Pia hadn’t thought of that.
“Go speak to her. I’ll watch.” Sirius dropped his hand and then skated back a short pace.
She understood his look now. He worried for her. He cared for her… perhaps too much. “Are you going to stay here?”
“I’ll remain close, but not close enough to hear your conversation.”
Pia looked over where Lady Kelsey had been and saw her walking around the edge of the far side of the pond. On skates, it was easy for Pia to catch up. “Lady Kelsey.”
The woman stiffened and then turned to Pia. Her dark eyes were full of fear. There was so much of it, the emotion so intense, that Pia nearly choked. “Tell the duke that I’m done. I want no part of this.”
Pia wasn’t sure how she should respond. She could pretend to not know what Lady Kelsey spoke of, but then that didn’t feel right. She didn’t like Lady Kelsey’s fear, though she had to admit she hadn’t liked what the lady had been planning either. “How could you? His wife and child?”
The Secret Pleasures of an Earl: (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book) Page 19
