“We have nothing to talk about.”
He tried to step around me, but I moved in his way once more. “Okay, if you don’t want to talk, then I’ll do the talking. We can’t keep avoiding each other.”
“I don’t have time for this. I need to take a shower.”
“Make time. Until we face everything that happened, it’s just going to keep festering between us.”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do.” When he tried to brush past me, I moved into the stairwell, blocking his exit. “You’re not the only one who was there, Luc. I was there, too.”
“Which is why we don’t need to fucking talk about it. Ever,” he growled from between clenched teeth.
“I don’t agree. If you don’t want to talk to me, then you need to talk to someone. Felicity left the name of a good psychiatr—”
“A shrink?” He moved back several steps. “No fucking way.”
“Therapists can be extremely helpful in situations like this.”
His jaw turned to a slice of steel beneath his skin, and he shifted away from me. “Situations like this,” he muttered.
“You know what I’m talking about.” My heart pinched. “What they did to you. The rape.”
He chuckled, but there was no humor in his voice, and the sound sent a chill straight down my spine. “You are so fucking naïve.”
“I’m not naïve.” My back went up, but I fought to keep my own temper in check. I realized he was hurting, but I was his champion, not his punching bag. “I saw what they did to you. I was there. I—”
“You saw what you wanted to see.”
“That’s not true. I—”
“Porca troia.”
He hurled his coffee cup against the cabinet. The ceramic shattered into a dozen pieces, making me jump, and coffee splattered against the cabinets and floor as he rounded on me with eyes as dark and stormy as they’d ever been.
“I agreed to it, okay? I agreed to let those kittens fuck me, and I agreed to the goddamn beating after. You can’t rape a willing participant, and I was willing. I even came when she was fucking me. Do you understand now? I’m not a goddamn victim, and I don’t need to talk to a stupid shrink. And if you had any sense in that stubborn head of yours, you’d get the fuck out of my life while you still can. I’m no better than any of the degenerate men in my House. If you didn’t know that last week when you watched me fuck that kitten in front of you, then you should have figured it out last night.”
He didn’t try to push past me for the back stairs. Instead, he turned for the archway that led into the main part of the house. And as I heard him stomping through the hallway and up the curved stairs in the entryway, his words spun in my head until only one thing was clear.
It wasn’t pain he was holding on to. It wasn’t humiliation as I’d assumed. It wasn’t even his tattered pride. What he couldn’t get past was guilt, because in his screwed-up head, he blamed himself for what had happened. He thought he was responsible.
My heart beat hard and fast as I glanced over the wide kitchen with its white cabinets, black-and-white checked tile floor, and pristine granite counters. Until I made him face the truth, we were never going to get past this.
I took my time picking up the broken mug, wiping down the cabinets, and cleaning the floor. And I used the time to think through the best way to reach him.
I’d seen him on the edge of control twice before. Once, in Venice, when his mother had shown up at our hotel and he’d been frantic to protect me from his family. The other time had been on his island, after he’d confessed what had happened to Vittoria, the girl he’d tried to rescue from his House. In both of those instances, the way through to him had not been to give him space. Space only granted him permission to sink deeper into the darkness.
What he needed... was me. My touch. My voice. My body.
Surrendering to him completely, without restrictions, was the only thing that had gotten through to him before. I had to believe it would work again. Because this time, I feared that darkness was dangerously close to claiming him forever.
My heart raced as I climbed the back stairs to the second level and quietly made my way down the hall. His bedroom door was closed, but a twist of the handle told me it wasn’t locked. I stepped into the room only to find it empty. Water ran in the bathroom. Glancing toward the partway-open door, I realized the shower was on.
I stripped out of my leggings and sweatshirt and dropped my clothes on the bedroom floor. Crossing the room, I placed a hand on the bathroom door and pushed.
The room was dark, and steam swirled around me. He hadn’t bothered with the light, hadn’t even flipped on the fan. As I glanced toward the open tile shower that had no door, I spotted him standing under the spray, his head tipped up to the water, his hands over his face, his tan skin and gloriously naked body wet and dripping and perfect, even with the scars on his back I knew still caused him pain.
He must have sensed me step into the stall with him, because he dropped his hands and whipped around to face me, his eyes growing so wide, I saw the whites all around his unique gray irises.
“What are you doing?” He held up two hands and shuffled back until he hit the shower wall. “Get out of here.”
I stepped toward him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Natalie, this isn’t funny.” An edge of panic rose up in his voice as he held his hands out further in front of him, trying to prevent me from touching him. “Just leave before I lose my shit again.”
I shook my head. “I made you a promise, remember? I, Natalie, take you, Luc, as my husband...”
“Cazzo.” His eyes slammed shut, and he shook his head, a pained expression crossing his features. One that wasn’t filled with anger any longer but with heartache. One I was desperate to kiss away. “Don’t. Just don’t, please.”
I was done letting him push me around. He needed this. I needed it too. “I promise to be faithful to you always.”
He groaned and dropped his head, his hands beginning to shake.
I moved closer, until his heat and the sexy scent of his skin surrounded me.
“In joy and pain.” I reached his hands and gently pushed them to the side. “In health and sickness. And I promise to love you and honor you, every day, for the rest of my life.”
“Merda. Please don’t...”
His chest rose and fell with his rapid breaths. He didn’t try to touch me, just let his hands fall to the shower wall at his back. But he didn’t open his eyes either, and he didn’t make any move to run from me.
“Luc...” I placed my hands on his sexy abs, loving the way he flinched under my touch but didn’t pull away, reinforcing this was the right thing to do. “Nothing about my promise to you has changed.”
“Cazzo,” he whispered, his stomach caving in. But still he didn’t move. And I suddenly knew he wouldn’t. He thought this was his punishment. He thought he deserved whatever I was going to do to hurt him.
I intended to show him just how wrong he was. About everything.
I pressed my lips against his chest very lightly. “And you didn’t break your promise to me. Not even the tiniest bit.”
“Merda. Y-you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, I do. I know what you did to protect me. I know how you sacrificed yourself to keep me safe. And regardless of what they want you to believe, agreeing to that ritual does not equal consent.”
“Natalie—”
“Injecting you full of drugs is not consent, Luc. Chaining you down while they sexually abused you, is not consent. And your reaction? That wasn’t pleasure. That was a biological reaction to forced stimulation. I know what you look like when you’re enjoying yourself, and that wasn’t it. I know what you sound like when you’re in the throes of pleasure, and that definitely wasn’t it. What those women did to you was not what you wanted. They didn’t stop, even when you said no. That’s not consent, Luc. That’s rape.
And it wasn’t your fault.”
“Dio dannato,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut even tighter. “Please, just... I can’t take it... I don’t want you to touch me. Not like this. Not when I’m.... dirty.”
My heart squeezed so tight, I was afraid it might burst. “Oh, vita mia.” I lifted my fingertips to his jaw and skimmed the soft stubble on his skin. “You’re not dirty. Not in the least. You’re mine. Do you hear me? You’re all mine. No one and nothing can change that. Not them. Not their rituals. Not even their threats. You’re mine, Luc, and I’m yours, and we’re unbreakable. No matter what.”
For a heartbeat, he didn’t move. And then his eyes fluttered open, and he stared down at me with damp, swirling, gorgeous gray eyes laced with disbelief. “Don’t you even care what I did? I betrayed you. I broke our vow. I—”
I pushed to my toes and pressed my lips against his, cutting off his words.
He didn’t kiss me back. Just stared at me in complete confusion as I lowered to my heels. But I didn’t care. I smiled and kissed his chest once more.
“You saved me, Luc. The exact same way I’m saving you.”
I gazed up at him, hoping he could see what was in my eyes. All the love I had for him and everything that was in my heart. “What they did to you... That was about power and control. What I want to do to you is all about love.”
I kissed his chest again, bent my knees, and worked my lips down the rigid indentation of his abs, over his belly button, and along his carved stomach.
He sucked in a breath as I dropped to my knees, but he didn’t move. He didn’t push me away. And as I took his already thickening arousal in my hand and looked up at him, I saw that his eyes were locked on me. Those swirling gray storms were still edged with confusion and disbelief, but they now brimmed with heat and need and a raging desire I knew only I could sate.
I smiled up at him, extended my tongue, and ran it over the flared bulbous head. His stomach caved in, and against the shower wall, his whole body trembled. I did it again, this time sliding my tongue all around the head of his cock, loving the way it made him groan.
“Cazzo,” he whispered, never once taking his eyes off me. “You don’t have to do that. You shouldn’t—”
“I want to. Don’t you like my touch?”
“Dio. I do, but—”
“Then let me touch you.” He was getting harder with every passing second. I closed my fingers around his shaft, ran my hand down to the thick base, then back up again to squeeze the swollen head. “Let me pleasure you. Because that’s all I want. I want to love you with my mouth until you’re so hard, you can’t see straight. And then I want to suck you so deep you explode down my throat, and I’m forced to swallow every single delectable drop.”
“Ah, cazzo. Don’t say things like that. I won’t be able to hold back.”
I grinned and leaned forward. “I don’t want you to hold back. I want you to feel every lick and suck and swallow as I love you with my mouth. Because I do love you. I love every part of you. And I’m going to start right here with your gorgeous cock.”
I closed my lips around the head and ran my tongue along the underside as I sucked him deep, loving how massive he felt in my mouth. He groaned as I toyed with his cock, then gasped in a surprised breath when I drew him all the way to the back of my throat. Eyes locked on his, I let his thickness slide almost all the way out of my mouth before doing it again, this time relaxing my gag reflex so he could press even deeper.
“Ah sì,” he whispered, staring down at me with riveted eyes, unable to look away as I did it again, this time flexing his hips involuntarily as I drew him in.
My eyes watered as he breached my throat. I groaned around his wide length, relaxing my jaw while flicked my tongue against the head. Lifting my hand, I scraped my nails along the underside of his balls.
He grunted and pushed into my mouth again, slowly giving in to the sensations I was building in him, finally fucking me the way I wanted... With long deep strokes, breaching my throat each time, forcing me to swallow around the swollen head of his beautiful cock.
I spread my knees on the tile shower floor, swiped the wet hair out of my eyes, and relaxed, letting him use me for his pleasure. His hand drifted to my hair. He flexed his hips harder, pressed deeper into my mouth, and stared down at me as if he couldn’t look away. As if I was the only thing he could see. As if I was everything.
I felt powerful. Adored. Worshiped. And when his length swelled, I knew it wasn’t my mouth or my tongue or even what I was doing that was driving him to the edge. It was my love for him, the connection we shared, that unbreakable bond neither of us could ever deny.
“Cazzo, Natalie,” he said in a raspy voice. “You have to stop. Sto per venire.”
His hand fell to my shoulder, but he didn’t push me away or pull free of my mouth, so I lifted my hands to his very fine ass, relaxed my throat even more, and pulled him in tighter. And then I swallowed around his length and watched with rapt attention as the orgasm overtook him and he exploded in my mouth, filling me with the sweet and salty remnants of his pleasure.
His body shook. He sagged back against the shower wall and closed his eyes. Letting go of his ass, I slid my hand around to his front, wrapped my fingers around his thick shaft as I released him from my mouth, and used my tongue to lick and swirl the head as the last of the aftershocks rocked him, savoring every last drop as I’d told him I would.
He blinked several times, wiped the wet hair back from his face, and looked down at me in the steamy shower.
His eyes were glazed when they met mine. Glazed and filled with lingering pleasure. But there was something else there too. Something I wasn’t sure how to define. Something... that made my heart break open wide.
Before I could figure out what it was, his legs buckled, and he slid to the floor of the shower in front of me. Then he reached for me and pulled me onto his lap. And all I could do was wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him close as he buried his face in my neck and his big, strong body shook against mine.
Water sprayed over us from different angles, but all I could feel was his tears against my throat. All I could hear was the muffled sounds of his labored breaths. All I wanted was to heal all the pain and torment and misery swirling inside him.
“I love you.” I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his temple as he held me tight. “Only you, Luc. Always you.”
His shaking slowed, and against my neck, I heard him sniffle. Then very slowly he drew back and looked up at me with wet and glistening eyes and the faintest tear tracks down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so so sorry—”
“Shh.” I brushed the tears away from his eyes and skimmed my fingertips down his cheeks. “No more being sorry.” Very softly, I pressed my lips against his. “No more apologies.”
“But—”
“No more buts either.” I kissed him again. This time just the slightest bit harder. “None of that matters anymore. All that matters is this.” I tipped my head and kissed his soft lips once more. “All that matters is us.”
My lips met his again, and this time he opened to me. And when his tongue slid into my mouth and I tasted him, I groaned and kissed him harder, wanting him to feel everything that was in my heart, in my soul. Every single thing that had only grown stronger over the last week.
Breathless, I eased back from his mouth and slid my hand down between us to find he was still hard. Hard and huge and bare—everything I ached to feel inside me.
“I need you,” I whispered against his lips, stroking him from base to tip. “I need to be close to you. Now. Right now.”
He groaned as he stared up at me with damp and very heated eyes. Then, his fingers tangled in my hair, he pulled my lips close, and he kissed me. “Ti desidero disperatamente.”
But his other hand dropped to my waist, preventing me from moving over him so I could take him in. And when he broke away from my lips, his voice was strained
when he said, “But... we shouldn’t.”
I moaned and kissed him, positioning the blunt head of his cock at my entrance. “Yes, we should.”
Both of his big hands landed on my hips, and he pushed me back, shifting away at the same time. “I can’t, Natalie. I want to, but I-I don’t have any condoms.”
There was just enough panic in his voice to cut through the desire fogging my brain. I stilled above him, and with my weight braced on my knees, I lifted my hands to his jaw and tipped his face up to mine. “Look at me, Luc.”
He swallowed hard. Blinked. Then slowly lifted his gaze to mine. And in his eyes, I saw exactly what was holding him back.
I leaned down and kissed him, very softly. “I love you.”
“Ah, Dio, angioletto.” His eyes softened to sweet silver swirls and filled with tears. “I love you too. So so much.”
“Then show me. Right here.”
“I-I want to. But—”
“You’re perfectly healthy. Felicity ran all the tests you asked her to run.”
His eyes slid closed again. “I know, but—”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” I kissed him again. Softly. Sweetly. “You’re not dirty. You’re not stained. You’re perfect.”
He sucked in a breath.
“You’re handsome,” I whispered, sliding my arms around his neck. “You’re so incredibly sexy.” I inched closer and lowered my weight to his lap, feeling his erection slip through my wetness, right where I ached to feel him most. “And you’re mine. Mine and no one else’s. I’m not giving you up. I’m not giving any part of you up. And this...”
I watched his face as I flexed my hips, rubbing my sex against his straining cock until his muscles tensed, and pleasure darkened his features. “This is mine as well. Mine to touch and lick and suck and swallow. And mine to fuck, whenever I want, as often as I want, however I want. That was implied in our vows.”
My words drew a reluctant laugh from him, but when I rocked against him again, he groaned.
“Dio. Sei irresistibile.” He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, struggling, I could tell, to keep from thrusting up hard and deep inside me. “Natalie...”
The Price (House of Sin Book 5) Page 9
