It was also nice just being near Gemma. Her smell wafted over me, lady sweat, mingled with her deodorant and perfume. It smelt sweeter to me than the perfume of any fancy flower.
“You didn’t want to come, did you?” I was surprised when the question popped out of my mouth. I hadn’t intended it.
She stopped cutting the meat and looked at me. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean, you tried every which way to get out of coming on this trip.” I spat out some water on the fire, making it hiss. “Why?”
“I’ve already told you.” She resumed cutting the meat, hacking at it as if it was about to leap off the chopping board and start walking again. “I thought I was better suited to staying at the ranch.”
“There’s more to it than that,” I countered.
She flung down the knife. “Okay, Lance, what do you want me to say? It makes me nervous to be around you. I don’t know you anymore. It’s weird.”
I looked at her. “You know me plenty, Gemma.” I glanced over the mountains, trying to choose my words carefully. “You probably know me better than anyone else on this god forsaken earth.”
She looked up, startled. I immediately regretted what I said. Too intense, and it smacked of bitterness.
“What about Jack?” She had to bring him in, of course. It was like he was hovering over that camp fire.
“What about him?” I was annoyed. “Why does everything have to come back to Jack?”
“Because it always has!” Her voice had risen. I could see her hands were shaking.
In two strides, I was beside her, putting my arms around her.
She stilled, kind of like a horse just before it is broken. Waiting to see what the next move would be, and if she could dodge it.
I tilted her face up to mine, staring hard into those huge green eyes. I could see myself reflected in them.
“Goddamnit, Gemma, you know what you do to me,” I breathed. Her face was so close to mine. I felt like a snake, being charmed into stillness by that face. In that moment, I couldn’t look away for love or money.
Her lips. Those sensual, lush lips. Made for me.
I kissed her, suddenly. It was warm and sweet. I felt a stab of desire so fierce it nearly knocked me to the ground.
She had stiffened when my mouth found hers, but now, her lips parted in abandon. I grabbed her hair and moulded her head to mine.
I opened her mouth, my tongue moving in. I felt her shudder, from the tip of her head to her toes. She went limp, so much so I had to steady her.
I could hear voices in the distance. Damn! Some of the men were returning. I broke off the kiss, and stared at her.
She looked dazed, as if she had no clue where she was or what was happening.
“People are coming,” I whispered. My voice sounded ragged, even to my own ears.
She came to suddenly, vigorously shaking her head. She looked at me.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered back.
“Let’s not think too much,” I said. “The men will all be back soon. After dinner, meet me at the creek. We can talk then.”
She nodded, just as two of the men sauntered up to the camp, asking what was for dinner. I sat back down, trying not to look at her.
Funny. I had told her to meet me to talk, but talking to her was so far off the agenda of things that I wanted to do with that woman at the moment it wasn’t funny.
Gemma
I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
Lance had kissed me.
Lance kissed me, I said to myself, over and over. Yet the words seemed pale, somehow. They didn’t capture what had really happened.
A kiss. But oh Lordy, what a kiss. The most mind blowing, bone melting kiss I had ever experienced.
My hands were shaking as I tried to act normal. I finished cutting the meat, and the vegetables. I put it all into the Dutch oven, over the fire. I talked and laughed with the ranch hands as though nothing had occurred out of the ordinary at all.
And the whole time, my mind kept replaying that kiss, like a needle stuck on a record. I tried not to look at him as the night went on. I knew that if I did, my face would betray something.
I had agreed to meet him later. The clock was ticking down to that moment. I yearned for it, but I also dreaded it. The weight of the history between us, or the ghost of Jack, I just didn’t know.
It had been dangerous coming on this trip. I think I knew that, which was why I hesitated about it. Why I had been trying to get out of it. The tension between Lance and myself had been brewing all day when we had been riding. When I had seen him mount his horse that morning, in his jeans and boots, he looked so fine to me I had to take a breath to calm myself. His jeans were old and faded, but fit him like a glove. His buff physique had been accentuated by the tight tee shirt, and his cowboy hat suited him so well it looked like he had been born wearing it.
After dinner, old Hank got his guitar out and started strumming. The men all liked a singalong, I knew that. The night air filled with the sounds of us warbling. I had never been a good singer, so I mumbled along as best I could. Lance, on the other hand, had a voice of gold. He knew all those country ballads so well I reckoned he could set up his own music label. As we finished off singing about how mammas shouldn’t let their boys grow up to be cowboys, the men slapped their laps and hollered. Waylon and Willie would have been proud.
I was laughing so hard I almost wet myself. When I looked up, I couldn’t see Lance anywhere.
He was gone.
I knew it was time. A decision had to be made.
I could sit here with the others, pretending that I hadn’t noticed he was gone. I could pack away the gear, stretch lazily and say good night to everyone, crawling into my tent. Half of me wanted to do just that, ignore what was happening. Stand him up.
He would be disappointed, but he was a gentleman. Always had been. There wouldn’t be a grand scene because of it.
I thought through that scenario, and my heart started to ache at the very thought. No, I would go. It was probably the wrong thing, and it would all end in tears. Mine. But I was compelled. That kiss had shaken me to the very core.
I stood up, stretching. “I might take a walk before I hit the sack,” I commented, to no one in particular.
It wasn’t as if anyone took much notice. Old Hank glanced at me sharply, but maybe I imagined that.
I walked down toward the creek, my ears straining to hear him. I could barely see, and tripped a few times on some river rocks before my eyes grew accustomed to the light.
A low whistle startled me. I turned. He was so close, but I hadn’t known. So much for my survival skills in the wilderness. I could have been attacked by a wild cat before I even knew what had hit me.
“Over here,” he whispered, taking my hand.
I didn’t speak. What was there to say? His hand felt like fire on mine. My stomach started twisting into knots.
He led me to a secluded spot, up river. Then he turned and gestured for me to sit down. I knew instantly why he had chosen it. I sat down, looked up and gasped.
It was like the whole of the universe was spread out before us. The biggest night sky I had ever seen. Millions of stars glittered and twinkled in that vista. I automatically started to count them, before realising it was impossible. New ones started studding the sky every second.
“It’s amazing,” I breathed. I could see Lance smile at my wonder.
“Lay down,” he commanded. “You can see better that way.”
I did what he said, and he lay down by my side. He didn’t touch me, but I could feel him close.
“See the shooting star over there?” He pointed to a far spot in the sky.
I nodded. “It looks so close. Like I could reach up and touch it.”
“Millions of light years away,” he said. I could feel him turn to me. “I used to watch the night sky, when I was so far away from home, in the desert on the other side of the world. It was just as b
eautiful, but it made me feel very lonely.” He paused, as if he was trying to find the right words. “There’s just something about the sky at night,” he continued. “When you are in the middle of nowhere, nothing polluting it, that makes you realise how small you are in the universe.” He paused again. “It also makes you miss home like a mother fucker, too.”
I laughed, it was so unexpected. But that was Lance, sensitive one minute, profane the next. A sexy mix of light and shade.
He found my hand. And we lay there like that for quite a while, staring up at that night sky, holding hands.
I don’t know when it changed, but suddenly I wasn’t noticing the sky anymore. I was acutely conscious of him, lying next to me. His hand in mine.
He turned, like he knew, as well.
It was like two magnets drawing toward each other. Like it couldn’t be helped. Like it was inevitable.
We kissed, long and slow and sexy. It stayed like that for quite a while. Our lips couldn’t get enough.
His hands were in my hair as we twisted into one another. Those big, strong hands.
Then one of them snaked down to my breasts, kneading them into submission, tweaking the nipples. They were already hard in the cold night air, but his touch brought them to quivering peaks.
I felt like molten lava was spilling through me, a fiery liquid that couldn’t be contained. The wetness seeped out of me, so much so that I could feel my panties flooding with it.
I couldn’t remember ever being so turned on.
I had been with him before, of course, but we had been so young. He had popped my cherry, and I think I had popped his, too. Both of us experimenting, not knowing what to do. Something told me that Lance knew what to do now.
He was pretty turned on, too. I could feel his cock rock hard against me as he kneaded, grinding into me. His breath was ragged and sharp.
Suddenly, he was on top of me, snaking his way down my body. As though in a dream, I could feel him unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down, urgently.
His hands were cold on my thighs as he gazed at me. But I felt so hot it was like a fever itching on my skin.
“You are the goddamn sexiest woman I have ever met,” he breathed. I couldn’t see his eyes in the darkness, but even so, I felt them. It was like they were burning into the night.
He gently rolled down my panties, until I was fully exposed to the night air.
“Beautiful,” he whispered. I was relieved I had shaved down there recently. It wasn’t full bush, thank God.
His tongue found my core, licking and pulling, spreading apart my lips for fuller access. My head turned in the dirt. This was insane, so good I could barely breathe.
I felt it happening, and so did he. He picked up his rhythm, tonguing me to the point of no return. My hips started bucking, and I took his head in my hands, pulling him closer.
When it came, it was incredible. I started moaning softly, staring up into the stars as the contractions tore through me like a tornado.
He knew when it had finished, and backed off immediately. I was shaking with the afterglow.
“Watching you come was the sexiest thing I have ever seen,” he growled, stroking me as I recovered.
My breathing started to even out. He was watching me, intently.
“Do you want me to…?” I could barely talk.
He smiled, gently. “Enough for tonight,” he whispered. “I wanted to give you pleasure, out here in the wilderness. There will be more, my Gemma, much more, but not tonight.”
He caressed me gently. My breathing started slowing further, and I could feel my heart beat slowing down as well.
“I want this to be slow,” he grinned. “I want us to savour every goddamn piece of it.”
He held out his hand, pulling me to my feet.
We slowly made our way back to the camp. Everyone was in their tents, and the fire was out.
“See you in the morning,” he whispered.
“See you,” I whispered back.
In my sleeping bag, the reality of it hit me like a brick over the head. I had gone where I thought it was never possible to go. Back to Lance, my first love.
My only love?
I didn’t want to think too closely about it. I didn’t want Jack to elbow his way back into my head. I just wanted to lie here and remember how good his touch had felt.
I felt like a woman born all over again.
Lance
I crawled into my sleeping sack so pumped I felt like I had just completed the hardest training camp the Special Forces had ever invented.
The feel of her.
My hands started tingling at the memory. I could still taste her on my tongue.
It had taken all my self-control to stop myself from pulling her over and taking her, roughly. I knew I could have. I knew she would have liked it.
My cock was still so goddamn hard it felt like it was about to burst.
But every instinct in me was telling me to not rush too much. Tonight had already been a lot. The kiss at the camp fire, and then tasting her underneath the stars.
Slow it, Starling, I said to myself. Don’t overwhelm her.
I knew Gemma, knew her as well as I knew my own hand. She was a passionate woman, but she was also a sentimental one. She wanted this as much as I did, I could sense that. But her mind might get in the way. Misguided loyalty to Jack, for one thing.
I knew women. I knew that guilt could creep into their minds and color everything. Gemma had a code, whether that was right or wrong or misplaced. But it was there.
And what about my code? The bro code, that you never, ever hit on a woman who belonged or had belonged to your friend.
I felt it, had felt it for a long time, which was why I had stayed away from here. It was too hard seeing her.
But Jack was dead. Not just in the physical sense. The Jack I knew had died a long time before he took a bullet in the desert.
I waited for the guilt to grip me. Imagined Jack’s face, contorted with rage at what I had just done. But it never came.
A coyote howled in the distance, mournful and slow. Turning over in the sleeping bag, I reflected it was probably because of the way he had treated her. The other women, the neglect.
You never deserved her Jack, I thought sadly. You had a jewel in your grasp, and you threw her away like a piece of trash.
Your loss, buddy. I am going to make that woman shine again.
My claim predates yours.
* * *
I could smell the coffee brewing as I lifted my head off the pillow the next morning. Stepping out into the cold morning air, I spotted her immediately.
She was busy, preparing breakfast and brewing the coffee. Some of the other men were already up and about. I walked away to relieve myself, then came close to the fire.
“Chilly morning,” I remarked, just to say something. Just to have her turn her head my way.
She looked up, startled. She hadn’t seen me coming.
“That it is,” she said. “You’ll need a coffee, I’m thinking.” She grabbed a mug, pouring the coffee and handing it to me.
“Much obliged.” I took it from her. Our hands touched.
Her face had turned a pretty pink. I knew it wasn’t just from the heat of the camp fire.
“Lance...” She trailed off, biting her lip.
Before she could say anymore, more men started climbing out of the tents, approaching the fire. She looked at me, as if there was something she needed to say.
But it was too late. The day had begun. We finished breakfast, packing up quickly. We were on our way again.
The day had turned hot after the chilly start. My mind was on the task, getting the cattle to Ryan’s Ranch. I started to remember all the things I had loved about life on the land.
I couldn’t believe I had been away so long.
Wyoming. The land of my childhood. The vast open spaces. The gorges and mountains.
It lay before me like a gift, one that I had squandered be
fore. I had travelled all over the world, but there was nothing like this corner of it.
Home, I guess. It was reeling me back in, big time.
My eyes sought Gemma. There she was, alongside the wagon.
Seeing her made me realise maybe I could have it all. The home. The land. The woman.
It was like she felt my gaze. She turned, staring at me.
But her face didn’t soften. Instead, she looked troubled. She turned quickly to the front.
I felt a stab of unease.
Jack was back.
I could feel him coming between us, like a wind blowing alongside the tumbleweeds.
Gemma
I unpacked slowly, stiff from being on horseback for days. We had got back to Starling Ridge in the afternoon. Everyone was tired and sore, kind of sliding off their horses. It had been a successful cattle drive, though. We had got the cattle to Ryan’s Ranch on time with no major setbacks. From what Hank was telling me, a lot of things could go wrong on these drives, cattle stampeding, getting stuck in gorges. It took a lot of skill and effort to do it right. Which this team had in spades, obviously.
I glanced around. There he was, Lance. Chatting with the men, helping to unload. Just being there and helping, not afraid to get his hands dirty. I could tell the men respected him even more after the drive. He looked up, sensing my eyes on him. I quickly looked away, my face burning.
We hadn’t really spoken since that night underneath the stars. He had tried, approaching me a few times. But I just couldn’t act normally.
It wasn’t shame. God knows, I was a big enough girl to admit when I wanted to do something; I would never play the ‘you took advantage of me’ card. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. I had enjoyed it immensely.
Maybe it was my conflict over Jack, still lingering like the smoke from a camp fire that had been doused long ago. I knew I was over him, I really did. But knowing it and feeling it were two different things, especially when I had tried to be loyal for so long. To be getting my rocks off with another man felt like betrayal. Stupid, but there it was. Especially when the man I happened to be getting my rocks off with had been his best buddy.
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