by J. L. Leslie
Jenna
I sit at Kaler’s table, enjoying a bowl of cereal and watching Willow eat her cereal dry. Kaler walks through the kitchen, his hair still damp from his shower. He yawns, and I wonder how well he slept on the couch. This thought makes me wonder what it would have been like to have him sleep beside me. Does he like to spoon? Cuddle?
I berate myself for wondering this. I accepted a date with the purpose of convincing myself that I’m not interested in Kaler. I want to be excited about it, look forward to it, not be wondering what it would feel like to sleep beside the man that’s forbidden fruit. The man that I’m not allowed to be with.
“I’m sorry I took your bed last night,” I tell him, putting my bowl in the sink.
“It’s fine.”
I close the lid on the bowl Willow’s eating out of and pick her up. While Kaler gets his shoes on, I take her to the bathroom. She patiently waits while I brush her hair and put it in a ponytail, a purple bow as her accessory.
“She didn’t scream when you brushed her hair,” Kaler comments, leaning against the doorframe. “She always screams when I brush it.”
“She wasn’t happy,” I assure him. “I promised her an extra pack of fruit snacks though.”
“Bribing a five-year-old,” he shakes his head.
“I did what I had to do,” I grin and watch him fix Willow’s toothbrush.
She stands on a step stool at the sink and Kaler brushes her teeth, making sure she spits every so often. When he’s finished, he rubs his neck with his hand and tells her to go get her backpack.
“I thought you said the couch was fine,” I frown, seeing that he obviously has a cramp in his neck. “Come here.”
I scoot the step stool out so I can stand on it and then I start massaging his neck, my fingers working out the tension. He leans forward a bit and grips the counter with his hands, his eyes closed.
“Is that better?” I ask him and he looks in the mirror.
I still my hands but keep them on his neck. I stare at his reflection, at the way he’s looking back at me. He has the same expression on his face that he did the night we almost kissed, like he’s having this inner battle with himself.
I don’t want him to struggle with this. Honestly, it shouldn’t be so difficult for us, but the past we share, the people who connect us to each other, will always make it difficult. Will always make it impossible.
I lower my hands from his neck and step down, exiting his bathroom without addressing the attraction we have for each other. It’s best to continue to ignore it. Nothing good can come out of it.
When I reach the living room, Willow is attempting to put her backpack on. She has one strap around her chest and is spinning in circles, trying to reach the other strap. I giggle and help her correct it.
“You ladies ready?” Kaler asks and Willow runs to the door.
I open it for her, feeling Kaler’s hand at the small of my back as he follows us outside. He allows me to buckle her in and the three of us sing the birthday song the entire ride to my house.
“Do you want me to take her in with me?” I ask him. “I’ll just change clothes and freshen up, then we’ll be on our way.”
He glances back to Willow, as if to ask her if she’s okay with this. Finally, he nods, and I know it must be difficult for him to trust someone outside of his family with her.
“I’ll take care of her,” I promise him.
He smiles at me. “I know you will, Jenna.”
Chapter Thirteen
Kaler
I watch my brother take his car around the track at Down ‘n’ Dirty. He worked on it himself and it’s obvious. He never knew anything about working on cars. It’s pulling to the right big time. I don’t know why he didn’t bring it in to the shop. Dad or I could’ve fixed it easily. Now, he has a race tomorrow night and his car isn’t ready.
“It’s still fucking pulling,” Tauren yells, climbing from his car.
“Because you don’t know shit about cars,” I tell him, laughing. “Take it to the shop and I’ll look at it there. Maybe I can have it ready for tomorrow night.”
“Don’t you have to get Willow from school?” he questions me.
“I, um, I have a babysitter getting her today,” I inform him. I don’t mention that babysitter is Jenna and that I asked her for this favor so I could come and watch him drive.
“A babysitter? Mama isn’t watching her, Kipton is working, and the Oakwoods only get her on the weekends, so who’s this mysterious babysitter? I thought you didn’t trust anyone with your kid.”
“It’s a friend,” I let him know.
“I’ll be damned,” he says. “You’re finally dating again. When do we get to meet the lucky lady? Does she know you haven’t been laid in what…five years?”
“I’m not dating anyone. It’s just a babysitter,” I roll my eyes, not giving in to his blatant curiosity on the last time I got laid. “Get your damn car to the shop. I don’t have all night.”
“I get it, you want to keep Jenna all to yourself,” he teases and I tense up. “The whole town is already talking about the two of you. Those romantic walks you go on–”
“The whole town loves to gossip when there’s nothing to gossip about.”
“If you say so.”
Tauren gives up and I tell him to bring his car to the shop. I try to get as much done on Tauren’s car as I can. I know he wants to race tomorrow. I rotate his tires and do my best to correct the alignment. When I’m finished, I tell him to try it again and call me if it’s still pulling.
I arrive at Jenna’s house a little later than I planned to. I knock on the door and give her a few minutes to answer. I know she’s home because her lights are on and I can hear sounds coming from inside the house.
I knock again, and when she doesn’t answer, I turn the knob. It’s unlocked so I slowly tread inside. Jenna and Willow are in her living room and the two of them are dancing to a song about a baby shark. Jenna holds Willow and spins her around, singing along to the silly song. She spots me and motions for me to come over.
Willow lunges toward me and I take her from Jenna, copying her by spinning her around. My daughter laughs and asks for more. I happily oblige her and then I place one arm around Jenna’s waist and the three of us spin around together.
“I think this is the most annoying song I’ve ever heard,” I say, laughing.
“This is our fifth time listening to it!” Jenna replies, smiling.
The song ends and we’re all out of breath. Jenna plops down onto her couch and I follow suit. Willow sits with us for a moment but then gets down and runs off.
“She might break something,” I tell Jenna.
“I’m not worried,” she replies. “Did you help Tauren?”
“I think so. I don’t know why he thought he could fix his car on his own. He should’ve brought it in already. He may not get to race tomorrow night.”
“So, you know how to work on cars but Tauren never picked up the skills?”
“He knows a little, but since I worked with dad in the shop all through high school, I learned a lot more.”
“Are you going to run the shop when your dad retires?” she asks me.
“To be honest, I’m considering taking a job as a mechanic for a dealership about a half hour from Chapelwood,” I admit. “The pay would be better and there would be benefits too. Right now, I have insurance for Willow, but I pay out the ass for my own coverage. This company has been wanting me to come in for an interview, so we’ll see what happens. I may go check them out.”
I haven’t mentioned this to anyone, not my brothers and especially not my parents. My dad needs me at the shop. If I leave, he’ll have to hire another mechanic and I know he’ll struggle to do that. The pay is decent, but he doesn’t offer any benefits like insurance or 401K.
“I’m sure he’ll understand once you explain it to him. He only wants what’s best for you and Willow.”
I’m stunned. She didn’t berate
me or tell me it was a stupid idea like I’ve heard in the past. She was supportive. She knows I need to do what’s best for Willow and me.
That might mean me moving on to another job. Possibly even leaving Chapelwood. It also might mean it’s time for me to move on and let someone else in. Damn, sitting right here, that someone else could be Jenna Winston.
Jenna
I smile when I see Kaler peek his head into my classroom. He’s normally one of the last ones to show up, but I don’t mind. I’m usually here looking at their school work and trying to come up with cool games to play to make it fun for them. Right now, Willow is playing and I’m putting together some homework sheets for next week.
“How was she today?” he asks me.
“She’s been good,” I tell him. “She usually doesn’t give me any trouble at all. You know that.”
“Pick up your toys, Princess,” he instructs, and Willow ignores him. It takes him telling her twice more before she finally stands up to put her toys back into the toy bucket. “Come on, you’re going to grandma’s house.”
“Gamma! Gamma!” Willow shrieks and runs to get her backpack from her cubby.
“I guess you Holt boys are headed to Happy’s tonight?”
“Actually, Tauren’s car is running well so we’ll be at Down ‘n’ Dirty. You’re welcome to join us Holt boys, you know, like old times.”
I want to tell him yes, take him up on his offer. Kaler and I have spent a lot of time together the past week. We go for walks, eat dinner together, and he even trusts me with Willow.
But I have to remind myself each time I’m alone, that I’m not dating him. This relationship we have, the connection we have, is what I would want with someone I’m dating. I can’t date Kaler Holt and if I’m being honest with myself, as much as I might want to date him, it isn’t fair for me to pretend that I am. It isn’t fair for me to close myself off from others and not give myself a chance to find happiness with someone else.
“Thanks for the invite, but I’ll pass,” I answer him. “You Holt boys have fun though.”
If he’s disappointed, he doesn’t show it and that honestly disappoints me a little. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if he pushed some, if he showed me that he wanted me to be there.
But he doesn’t.
I tell myself it’s stupid for me to be disappointed over something so silly. He extended the invitation and I turned him down. What was he supposed to do? Drop to his knees and beg me to go? Is it bad that it would be nice for someone to do that for me just once?
He picks up Willow and tells me he’ll see me later. I stay seated at my desk and finish up the sheets I’m working on so that I can go home and get ready for my date. I nearly forgot that I scheduled it until the guy left me a voicemail earlier reminding me. I know without a doubt if I didn’t have the date scheduled, I’d be out with Kaler and his brothers, reliving my high school days rooting for Tauren to pull off a win.
Once I’m home, I shower and quickly wash my hair. The guy I’m going out with tonight, Alex, already texted me that he’d be by to pick me up around seven o’clock. I turn on some music while I stand at my closet to decide what I’m going to wear.
I settle on a pair of jeans and a cap-sleeve shirt. It’s green and plain, but my grandma told me before that it makes my hazel eyes pop, so I’m going with it. I grab a pair of strappy sandals from my closet and slide them on.
I add a little more makeup than I usually wear, gliding some mascara through my lashes and adding some light pink lipstick to my lips. I blow dry my hair and leave it down in loose waves.
Finished getting ready, I turn the music off and head downstairs just in time to see headlights through my kitchen window. I take a deep breath, doing my best not to be nervous. Kaler is really the only male I’ve spent a significant amount of time with the past few years.
I dated while I was in school, but there was no one serious. I didn’t have time for a serious relationship while I was getting my degree. My degree came first, and it didn’t matter to me that it was at the expense of my love life.
A light tap on my door stirs me from my thoughts on how long it’s been since I’ve had a date. I open it and smile, relieved that his profile pic was accurate. His light brown hair is a little longer, curling at the nape of his neck, but it’s definitely the same guy. Thank God. Tonight will be just fine if he doesn’t ditch me, leaving me with the check, like Ben did.
“You’re even more beautiful in person,” he comments with a genuine smile.
“I doubt that because I know I used filters for that pic,” I laugh and step out onto my porch, closing my door behind me.
“A sense of humor too? I’m in heaven,” he grins.
I walk to his car and he opens the door for me. I slide into the seat of the sleek, black Camaro and wait for him to get in. He cranks the car and the engine rumbles to life, causing my seat to vibrate a little.
“Hope you don’t mind fast cars,” he smirks, and I shake my head. “Cause we’re going to watch some. You ever been to Down ‘n’ Dirty?”
“It’s been a long time,” I answer him and put my seatbelt on.
I guess Kaler will be seeing me sooner rather than later.
Chapter Fourteen
Kaler
I’m in the pit with Tauren and Kipton, and I’m giving Tauren’s car a once-over before he gets on the track. The qualifiers are starting soon and although he said it’s been driving fine today, I want to check it out first. I know damn well he would take it out on the track whether it was ready or not.
“I gotta strap in,” Tauren says, and climbs in through the driver’s window of his car.
I hand him his helmet and tell him Kipton and I are going to watch from the stands. We’ll be back down when he’s finished. He knows if he comes to the pit during the race that we’ll be back down.
I try not to think about how disappointed I am that Jenna won’t be in the stands with us. I’m pretty sure I did a good job of not showing her how badly I wanted her to come tonight. Most of the time we spend together includes Willow. It would’ve been nice to have a night out with her where it was just the two of us. Well, my brothers would be with us but then we both know hanging out in a group would’ve looked better for us.
“I need a beer and peanuts,” Kipton says as we get close to the concession stand. “You want something?”
“Beer and peanuts sounds good to me,” I agree with him and we get in line.
There are a few people ahead of us so I know we’ll be waiting a few minutes. I pull my phone out of my pocket and decide to text Jenna. Maybe she’ll change her mind and come to the track.
I’m typing my text out to her when I hear laughter in front of us. I glance up and see Jenna taking a hot dog and cup of peanuts from some guy. There’s ketchup on her hand and this is what seems to have sparked her laughter.
The guy she’s with raises her hand to his mouth and licks the red substance off her finger. I see her blush under the fluorescent light, and I feel anger bubbling inside me. Who the hell is this guy?
“Jenna!” I call out and she turns in my direction.
I don’t give a shit if she is here with someone else. We’re friends, right? And friends speak to each other when they see each other in public.
“Hey!” she smiles. “I saw Tauren’s name on the board.”
“Yeah,” I reply, eyeing the guy standing beside her. “He’s getting ready for the qualifiers. I thought you weren’t coming here tonight?”
“She didn’t know what I had planned for us,” the guy explains and extends his hand. “I’m Alex Blacke.”
I shake his hand, making sure I give him a firm grip. “Kaler Holt.”
“I’ve seen your brother race,” he comments and shakes Kipton’s hand as well. “He’s really good.”
“Thanks.”
Kipton nudges my arm, pointing to the line so that we’ll move up and place our orders. “He’s been racing since high school.”
“Gosh, I remember coming to watch him almost every Friday and Saturday night,” Jenna says. “I told Alex I hadn’t been here in forever.”
“Probably not since Brynn brought you, right?” Kipton asks and Jenna nods.
“That was probably the last time,” she admits. “Well, you two have a good night. Tell Tauren good luck.”
“Nice to meet you,” Alex says, and I begrudgingly tell him the same.
I watch Jenna walk off with him, the two of them talking as they walk to the stands. She didn’t tell me she had a date tonight. If he’s the reason she turned my offer down, she could’ve told me.
“I suppose I was wrong about you and Jenna,” Kipton confesses. “Looks like she’s seeing someone.”
“Yeah, it looks like that.”
I order my food and two beers, knowing one will not be enough tonight. Aren’t friends supposed to be happy when one starts dating someone? Is that how it works?
If so, why do I feel like she’s making a mistake?
Jenna
I stand at the fence, beer in hand, and cheer Tauren on. I somewhat feel like I’m back in high school, only then, the beer was disguised in a Root Beer bottle. We thought we were so slick. My grandma told me when I finished up college that she always knew what we were drinking.
“Five bucks says he takes the lead on the outside on this curve coming up,” I challenge Alex and he grins.
“You’re on,” he agrees. “He’s been going to the inside the whole race.”
I watch with anticipation, and sure enough, he goes to the outside just as I thought he would. His signature move. I jump up and down in celebration.
“Okay, okay,” Alex says. “How about I pay you with some drinks at Happy’s Place?”
