by J. L. Leslie
“I currently have a decent amount of flexibility where I’m working at now,” I tell him. “I pick my daughter up from school and I’m home with her in the evenings and on weekends as well. I’m a single father so that flexibility is extremely important to me.”
Mr. Franke gives me a tight smile. “We have other single fathers who are employed with us. They know the importance of a good nanny.”
“I’m not hiring a nanny,” I inform him firmly.
“Have you considered moving to Westmont? There’s an amazing school here and it offers an after-school program that’s available until six o’clock.”
“I’m from Chapelwood, Mr. Franke. My family is there,” I explain.
He gives me another tight smile. “Chapelwood simply doesn’t have the same opportunities as Westmont does, Mr. Holt. Perhaps it’s time for you to consider a change.”
“Thanks for the opportunity and for your time.”
I shake his hand and I can see the disbelief on his face. “Mr. Holt, you’re passing on the job of a lifetime. Opportunities like this one don’t come in Chapelwood. You have to do what’s right for your family.”
“I am.”
“Perhaps you would feel more comfortable if you spent some time in our mechanics department. See how things are run. I suggest that you don’t make your decision until it’s an informed one.”
I consider what he’s said and agree to come back on Saturday if I’m able to get a babysitter. I doubt it will change my mind. Willow will always come first. Sure, the pay and benefits would be better but when would I see my daughter? When would I take her fishing? Spend time with her?
I get in my truck and check my phone, seeing that I have two missed calls. Brynn. I roll my eyes. She hasn’t called in a while. I thought she gave up, especially after the fiasco with Kipton, but I guess not.
I start my truck and pull out of the parking lot, deciding to call her back while I’m on the road. I’ve ignored her long enough and my decision hasn’t changed. She needs to hear that from me. Maybe then she will leave this alone and move on.
“Hello,” she answers. “Kaler?”
“I figured I would call you back so you could hear my voice when I tell you to stop calling me! Stop texting me! Stop contacting me about Willow!”
“Kaler, please, just hear me out,” she pleads.
“Brynn, I heard you out five years ago when you told me you wanted out of our marriage. You wanted out of the life we had together,” I remind her. “I let you out of it and you never looked back. You don’t get to change your mind on that!”
“She’s my daughter!”
“No, she’s my daughter!” I yell. “You didn’t want her!”
“I did want her, Kaler!” she says. “I still do! I was going through something and I didn’t understand it at the time, but I do now! I was sick and I was depressed!”
“Oh, bullshit, Brynn! She wasn’t the perfect little girl you wanted so you bailed!”
“Her birthday is coming up, Kaler. I want to see her!”
“Shit, Brynn, I’m surprised you even know when her birthday is. She’ll be six, you know. Where were you for her other birthdays? How about Christmases?”
“You have to believe that I wanted to be there, Kaler! Ask Kipton or ask Jenna! I told them what was wrong with me!”
“The only thing that’s wrong with you, Brynn, is that you’re a cold-hearted bitch who walked out on her child!”
I hang the phone up and sling it across the truck. My hands are shaking as I drive. I know I’m not wrong about her. She walked out, left her daughter because she didn’t want her. She doesn’t get a damn do-over for that.
Jenna
I read to Willow, the two of us sitting on my porch swing together. We have already eaten dinner and she’s had her bath too. I thought Kaler would be here to pick her up by now, but he hasn’t called, and he hasn’t answered my calls either. Maybe his interview ran later than he planned.
I haven’t really thought about what it would mean if he were to take the job in Westmont, but I want him to do what he feels is best for him and Willow. Westmont isn’t that far from me.
“Cow,” Willow says, pointing at the picture of the cow in the book.
“Yes, that’s a cow. What color is it?” I ask her.
“Bwown,” she replies.
I repeat the word correctly, making her say it after me until she says it right. It only takes her three times and she claps once she gets it right and then makes a “moo” sound.
“Everything okay, Mrs. Jones?” I call out to my neighbor who has been sweeping her porch for the past half hour. It has to be spotless by now.
“Are you babysitting or is that your boyfriend’s daughter?” she asks me, and I know damn well she knows who Willow is and that Alex does not have any kids. Not that I would call him my boyfriend.
I would love to tell her Willow is my boyfriend’s daughter, but that’s not true. I don’t really know what’s happening between me and Kaler, but we’ve never discussed labels. The only thing we have discussed is that what is happening between us needs to stay between us. Only us.
“Babysitting,” I answer her.
“I know that’s Kaler Holt’s daughter,” she states. Yes, I know you do. “I’ve seen you with him a lot lately. Are you his nanny? Lord knows that little girl could use one, especially since she doesn’t have her mother in her life.”
I roll my eyes, knowing she can’t see me. “Yes, actually, I am her nanny.”
It’s an outright lie but it’ll shut her up. Maybe it’ll make her mind her own damn business. If she believes I’m Kaler’s nanny, then she’ll know I have an excuse to be around him.
“Are you still dating that other boy? The one that drives that loud car?” she continues to question me.
“We spend time together occasionally. He doesn’t live in Chapelwood, so it can be difficult sometimes.”
“If you ask me, you shouldn’t be spending so much time with two different men. It doesn’t look right.” I didn’t ask you, Mrs. Jones. “Lord knows it doesn’t look right that you’re spending time with Kaler Holt, even if you are his nanny. That little girl needs her mama, not a nanny.”
As if Kaler hears us gossiping about him, I see his truck come into view. He slows to a stop in front of my house and gets out. He stumbles on the curb but manages to stay on his feet.
Holy hell, Kaler is drunk!
I get up and make my way to him, doing my best not to draw more of Mrs. Jones’ attention to him. I grab his arm and lead him to my porch. The moment Willow spots him, she calls out to him and he acknowledges her with a very loud and friendly “hello.” She giggles at his silliness.
“You should’ve waited on me to celebrate your new job,” I say quietly.
“Didn’t take it,” he replies, surprisingly without a slur, but the alcohol on his breath reeks. “Not yet anyway.”
“Step up,” I instruct, and he gets one foot on my bottom step.
“I’m so stupid, Jenna,” he tells me. “Why am I stupid?”
I shake my head. “Let’s get you inside. Mrs. Jones is having a field day over there. She’s already been asking about us. I told her I was your nanny.”
He smiles at this, his eyes bloodshot. “My nanny? My naughty nanny? We aren’t being very good at keeping our dirty secret, are we, my naughty nanny?”
I giggle and give him a nudge. I tell Willow to come inside with us and she climbs down from my porch swing. Once inside, she gets on my couch and continues to look at her book.
I don’t attempt to get Kaler up my stairs but opt for the downstairs guest bathroom instead. I leave the door open so that I can hear Willow and turn the shower on. I pull his t-shirt off and then get on my knees so I can get his boots off while he sits on the side of my tub.
Kaler places a hand on my shoulder and leans forward, his mouth grazing my forehead. He breathes in as though he’s smelling my hair before sitting back upright. I get his shoes off
and then tug his socks off next. I stand up and then take his arms, pulling him up. He sways a little but stays standing while I unbutton his jeans and shove them down.
“I’m so stupid, Jenna,” he says again, reaching up to touch my face while he kicks his jeans off. “You can never be Brynn.”
He steps away from me and climbs into my shower, closing the curtain behind him. I gather his clothes in a daze, hurt by his words. I fold his clothes and neatly place them on the counter before I leave him alone.
I never should’ve started this with him. I’m more invested than he is and I’m going to get my heart broken in this screwed up mess I’ve gotten myself into. He’s not over Brynn, and I can never replace her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Kaler
I wake up with a pounding headache and a cramp in my neck. I shift up to a sitting position, glancing around Jenna’s living room. I don’t hear any noises to indicate that her and Willow are here.
I rise to my feet and head into her kitchen in search of some aspirin. I find a bottle and take two, swallowing them down with a glass of water. Hopefully, they will do their job pretty quickly.
I find my boots and pull them on before going to her bathroom to take a piss. I don’t bother with brushing my hair, but I do use her mouthwash. Once I’m decent enough, I leave and drive to my dad’s shop, ignoring the stares from Mrs. Jones.
Great. I really fucked up last night and now it’ll be all over town that I crashed at Jenna’s place. Things have been going too good for us for me to allow my anger at Brynn to ruin it.
I shouldn’t have let her get to me. I know she has no grounds to take Willow from me. Hell, she hasn’t even been a part of her life since she was born, so no judge in his right mind would ever uproot her life just so her mama could get a do-over. Still, the fact that she would try to take her from me pisses me off, and I did my best to drown out that anger.
I can barely focus throughout the day from the pounding in my head. I promise myself that I won’t drink like that again. Shit, I even drove! I don’t let my mind wander to the possibilities of what could’ve happened.
As I sat at that bar and downed shot after shot, the knowledge that Brynn is not going to let this go slowly faded. She hasn’t given up yet and I don’t see her doing that. I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do anymore. How far is she willing to take this? I have a feeling she’ll go as far as she has to, which means court.
I was so pissed after talking to Brynn that I decided to stop and get a drink to calm my anger down before seeing Jenna. She didn’t deserve for me to show up angry because of my ex-wife. She’s too good for me to lash out at her and I knew I would have.
I finish up at the shop and make my way to the school to pick Willow up. She’s playing with a wooden puzzle when I walk into Jenna’s classroom. Jenna looks up from her desk and a ghost of smile flashes across her features.
“I suppose I owe you for letting me crash on your couch,” I tell her, coming to her desk and leaning against it.
“You were in no condition to be driving,” she replies.
“I apologize about that. I had a rough afternoon.”
“Yeah? Well, I wasn’t expecting to watch Willow all afternoon. You didn’t call or let me know you were running late. I might have had plans.”
She’s frustrated, obviously, but I never meant to take advantage of her generosity. I let her know that.
“I didn’t intend to take advantage of you, Jenna. If you had plans with Alex or whatever, then I’m sorry you had to cancel them.”
“It’s fine. I would rather not do this here,” she says.
“Do what here?” I ask her. “I’m apologizing for being a dick last night. Sorry you had to cancel your date.”
“You know, if you want this whole thing between us to remain strictly between us, then you should really think about how what you did last night could’ve screwed everything up.”
“It didn’t cross my mind at the time, Jenna,” I admit, knowing she’s right.
“I’m sure it didn’t,” she says, standing from her desk. “But I am screwing my best friend’s ex-husband, so it did cross mine! You need to be respectful of that. I may not compare to her, but I still don’t want all of Chapelwood to think I’m a whore and a homewrecker!”
I catch her by the arm and stop her before she can walk away from me. “I’m not comparing you to her and you are not a whore or a damn homewrecker, Jenna. That home was wrecked long before we began this!”
Her eyes water. “You said last night that I could never be Brynn and you’re right about that. I am not her. What the two of you had was something any couple would want and I get it, Kaler. You don’t feel that way about me and probably never will, but‒”
“That’s not what I meant when I said that,” I tell her, cupping her face with my hands. “You could never be Brynn because you are nothing like her. You are kind and compassionate, Jenna. You are so many things that she could never be, and I want all of those things. I want you, Jenna Winston.”
Jenna
I suck in a breath, blinking back tears. Kaler lowers his mouth to mine and when our lips meet, I know that he’s telling me the truth. He’s not saying what I want to hear to make me feel better. He means what he says.
“Ms. Winston?” Principal Hawkins’ voice sounds from my door and I jerk away from Kaler, my cheeks heating. “I came by to let you know the board has approved your request to order more iPads.”
‘Thank you, sir.”
“Have a good night,” he says. “The both of you.”
He steps out and Kaler chuckles. “Well, that was awkward.”
I give him a light shove. “Awkward is putting it lightly. Wow.”
“He doesn’t strike me as the type to say anything, so I wouldn’t be worried,” he assures me.
“I’m not worried about that, but he does know that I went out on two dates with his nephew, that I somewhat have a boyfriend, and now I’m in my classroom kissing another man. It’s not exactly behavior a kindergarten teacher should be exhibiting.”
“I’m sure he has some dirty secrets of his own,” he winks.
I shake my head, not wanting him to divulge anything he knows. I will never look at Principal Hawkins the same if I find out something about him that I can’t un-hear.
“We really need to be more careful,” I warn him. “It’s been a few weeks and you know how this town is. If Mrs. Jones thinks we’re together she’ll tell everyone. I don’t want the backlash that will bring me. Half of town already thinks I’m an alcoholic because of that sermon Pastor Jacobs did.”
“I understand,” he agrees. “But at what point do we say screw them all?”
“When we know exactly what this is,” I tell him.
Kaler frowns but he doesn’t say anything else. He goes over to Willow and helps her finish her puzzle before putting it away and picking her up. I approach the two of them and tell Willow goodbye.
“Will I see you tonight?” he asks me.
“I don’t know,” I answer him honestly. “Alex texted me earlier wanting to see me. I also have some papers to grade here and maybe it’s best that we spend a night apart.”
“I’ll leave the back door open in case you change your mind.”
Once they leave, I finish grading my papers and go home. I talk to Alex on my way home and tell him I’m not up to driving to Westmont and he admits he’s tired and doesn’t feel like driving to Chapelwood. We both agree to a raincheck.
I have some cleaning to do, so I take care of that right when I get home, listening to music while I do. When I’m finished, I grab a beer and make myself a sandwich. I sit down on my couch and turn the television on, telling myself I’m staying home tonight. I’m halfway through my sandwich when Brynn calls.
“I feel like it’s been awhile since we talked,” she tells me. “Did you ever get to talk to Kaler?”
I finish chewing my food and then reply, “I’m good, Brynn. Thanks for as
king. How have you been?”
“Oh, sweetie, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m anxious to know if he’s coming around or not. I’ve been calling for weeks. Willow’s birthday is coming up and I want to be able to see her.”
“I haven’t spoken to him about it,” I confess. “I brought it up and he shut me down, so I didn’t push.”
Brynn mumbles a curse. “He can’t continue to keep her from me. I told him that yesterday and I know it made him mad, but he needs to know that I’m going to be part of her life. Kipton is making arrangements for me to see her again this weekend. He said he didn’t care how mad Kaler got about it.”
“Is that what you think is best? You do realize that they got in a huge fight about him letting you see her the last time and they’re barely on speaking terms, right?” I ask her, annoyed that she’s willing to put Kipton in the middle of it again.
“At least he’s trying to help me, Jenna,” she replies, her tone somewhat accusing.
“You haven’t spent a significant amount of time with her since she was born and you want Kaler to let you back in, but you keep sneaking around behind his back.”
“I prefer not to sneak around behind his back, but he won’t give me a chance. Jenna, there’s so much here in Tuscaloosa for Willow. So much more than in Chapelwood. There’s a school for special needs children, programs and activities. She wouldn’t be an outcast here.”
“So, now you just want to take her from him?” I ask her, completely shocked. “Take her from the only parent she’s known?”
“That isn’t my fault, Jenna,” she argues.
“Actually, Brynn, it is,” I tell her angrily. “It isn’t like you live across the world. You could’ve seen her this whole time! If you would’ve made this effort sooner then things would be different, but you stayed away, and you still won’t tell Kaler why!”
“I tried to tell him, but he wouldn’t listen! Whose side are you on? I thought you were my friend.”
