by Lexi Blake
And he looked delicious. He’d changed out of his traveling clothes into a set of perfectly pressed black slacks, a snowy white dress shirt, and blue tie. It should have looked staid. It would have on most men, but on Robert it made her wonder what she would see when she peeled off all those clothes.
She had a damn degree in psychology and it didn’t mean anything when her hormones got involved.
“Hey, I know I acted like a massive asshole earlier today.” He had a grim look on his face that changed to charming when he brought his hand around from his back and showed her the perfect white rose he offered her. “Would you please let me make up for it?”
There were a thousand reasons to say no. She could do it gently. She could remind him that the first chance they’d had to prove they could manage a relationship and still work together they’d blown. She could point out that there was still the hope of a cure out there.
Or you could live in the moment, my love. You could stop being so in that head of yours and let yourself feel.
Sometimes she could still hear her father’s wise voice in her head. He’d done so much, taken so many chances to bring his family to a better place.
“Ariel, please. I’m sorry I treated you like that. I took out my bad day on you and it wasn’t fair. I wanted our night together. I planned it all out, but I forgot that the only really important part of the night wasn’t the restaurant or the hotel. It was that we got to be together. Be with me for a while.”
She took the rose from his hand, all thoughts of why this was a bad idea flying out of her head. “Yes.”
But she wasn’t nearly as dressed as he was. “Give me a minute to change.”
He shook his head. “You look beautiful and we’re only going to the kitchen.”
“You dressed for the occasion.”
“I was also the asshole who challenged the authority of my commander in the field. Trust me, I like this far better than dropping to the floor and giving you a hundred like I…” He shook his head. “Not going there.”
She stepped in, putting a hand on his face. “It’s okay. Let the visual piece go and tell me what you felt.”
He pressed his cheek against her hand. “No therapist stuff tonight. I promise I’ll write it down later and talk to Kai about it, but I want you to stop thinking about me as a patient. This can’t work if you don’t. Please come to the kitchen with me. I managed to shove everyone else in the media room. They’re watching a football match. Well, Rebecca is reading on her e-reader and rolling her eyes when the guys yell at the screen, but the kitchen is on the opposite end of the floor. I promise it’s quiet there.”
She was still in the slacks and blouse she’d worn this afternoon. They were casual and comfortable. Certainly not something she would wear on a date. Robert was far better dressed for the occasion.
A vision of a private dinner where he was in a suit and she was wearing absolutely nothing floated across her brain. Sir wouldn’t want her in clothes. Sir would want to see nothing but her own skin so he could touch her everywhere, whenever he pleased. They could spend long hours like that. She wouldn’t worry about anything at all but pleasing her dominant partner.
“Come on.” He used that deep voice on her she’d heard him use at The Garden. Like her, Robert spent at least one night each weekend playing. She’d seen him paired up with some of her friends, but never had he taken one to a privacy room or up to his flat.
She hadn’t indulged herself in sex in a long time.
She followed him down the hallway and sure enough, heard someone yelling from the far end about a ref’s call. Poor Rebecca.
Robert led her away from it, his loafers making no sound over the carpet. This part of the club was comfortable, much more like a home than downstairs, and it made her wonder if Peter often had guests he put up here. She’d talked briefly to the man and he appeared to be very interested in teaching and training new D/s couples.
Were she and Robert going to be a D/s couple?
She stopped that line of thinking. This was nothing more than a pleasant way to spend an evening with a man she liked enormously.
With a man she might be falling in love with.
Why couldn’t she let things be? Why did she always have to look past the now?
“Hey, if I didn’t know better I would think you’re the one whose stuck in a nasty memory loop in your head. Are you all right? I’m not frightening you, am I?”
She rolled her eyes. “You have to stop treating me like I’m a delicate flower who wilts in direct sunlight. You don’t frighten me at all. You frustrate me at times because I think you hold back on me. You see me as something I’m not, and I worry that could be a problem.”
“Something you’re not?”
Maybe it was best to get the uncomfortable discussion out of the way. “You view me as a savior.”
“I do not.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but if we’re going to have a real relationship, you have to see me for the woman I am. I’m not delicate. I’m flawed and human. I can’t be on a pedestal. Women placed on pedestals always fall off them.”
“You think I see you with some kind of halo around your head?” he asked. “You didn’t save me. The Taggarts did, and I assure you when I see Big Tag I’m mostly annoyed by his sarcasm. I don’t have a deep desire to throw myself at his feet. I’m grateful, but gratitude isn’t what I feel for you. If I put you on a pedestal it would be because I could fuck you better there.”
Her breath hitched. “Robert.”
He shook his head. “Don’t. You started this when you accused me of putting you in the Madonna role. I didn’t meet you and immediately think ‘this woman can fix my soul.’ I met you and got a hard-on. I met you and thought ‘this woman can fix my cock because she’s the single sexiest woman I’ve ever met.’ I don’t know about your other patients. I’m sure many fall in love with you because you’re an angel, but I want to bring out the devil in you. I want the dirty, nasty Ariel who will rock my world not with the power of her mind—but with every drop of the sexuality I intend to bring out in you. That’s the memory I clung to this afternoon. That’s what saved me. The filthy thoughts that went through my head seconds after meeting you.”
She remembered that moment quite differently. He’d been charming and seemed a bit lost. “But we were at a morning meeting. We were in the conference room.”
“And I got a hard-on that Damon told me I should put away because I wouldn’t be needing it. I never wanted you to be my therapist. I did it because I didn’t think it would be good for you to be my lover. We’re never going to work well together. My first thought is always going to be to protect you, and that’s not because I don’t think you’re competent. I know you’ve had all the classes.”
“You know I was Scotland Yard before I joined the team.” A lie, but one that had been established before she’d even met him.
“Yes, I do, and they likely gave you all the self-defense training you could ever want, but I’m a man who cares about you. Tell me when I go in the field you’re not thinking of me.”
She’d been terrified the whole time he was away. “You know I do. I worry.”
“I didn’t want you to come with us to Colorado because I knew it could get dangerous. After how you took care of me in Toronto, I have to shove that scared part of myself back. I thought I was going to die, and my biggest regret was never taking a chance with you. Let me take a chance with you tonight.”
She had to be honest with him about the few things she could. “I just got off the phone with Damon and he thinks he might be close to finding someone who can tell us who you are.”
He stared down at her, his hazel eyes warm. “I am Robert McClellan. That’s who I am. I’m curious about who I used to be but I know deep inside that I’m not that person anymore. I’m the man you see before you.”
“But we don’t know if you left anyone behind.” It was a thought that kept her up at night, that some other woman was
pining for him.
“A wife would have looked for me. No one looked for me. If I left behind kids, would that disqualify me from being with you?”
“No.” She would want to know them. “Of course it wouldn’t.”
“Then let’s stop thinking about what might be and make something real. I’ve lived the last several years of my life not thinking about anything but survival and figuring out my past. I would very much like to have some kind of future, and I can’t do that if I’m always looking behind me. Have dinner with me. That’s all I’m asking for now. I’ll take this hour by hour if I have to.”
“All you want is dinner?” That was disappointing, but probably smart.
“Hell, no. I want more but I’ll take what I can get when it comes to you. You’re the one I want, Ariel. I want the Ariel who bluffs like a pro when we play cards but mucks the best hand if she thinks it would help someone else win. I want the Ariel who’s kind to everyone around her but doesn’t let them take advantage of her. I want the Ariel who knows what she wants and doesn’t hesitate to reach out and take. I want so badly to be the person that Ariel wants.”
He was everything she wanted. Even that fight they had today proved it. He hadn’t sulked in his room, waiting for her to fix things. He’d apologized. He’d taken responsibility and acknowledged what he’d done. He was a strong man who’d seen the worst life had to offer and still come out with kindness in his heart. She wanted him more than anything. She went up on her toes and tilted her head back, offering up her lips. “I would like that very much.”
He didn’t seem even the slightest bit interested in refusing her. He immediately sighed and brought his mouth down on hers. He brushed their lips together, his hands moving to her hips. “I am sorry about today. You handled the situation quite well, but then you always handle me well. I might have to change that.”
She knew what he was talking about. She was in the position of control on the mission. He wanted a little of it somewhere else. She couldn’t think of a better idea. “Tell me what you want from me, Sir.”
He hissed, like a pot letting off the tiniest bit of steam. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to play with you?”
“As long as I’ve wanted to play with you. You weren’t the only one attracted that day.” She’d seen him sitting there with Theo and Erin and her hormones had gone into overdrive. She’d been fairly new to the team and had been very much in self-care mode. She hadn’t been looking for a man. Not at all, but Robert had shown up and her plans had gone to hell.
“Does anyone care that I’m wearing a suit for this?”
She turned and Tucker was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a bottle of wine in his hand.
“I’m the only one of his brothers willing to play the waiter tonight and you two are going to make out until all the food is cold and then I won’t even get a tip.”
One day there would be a woman who would take one look at Tucker and fall head over heels. He was a beautiful man with golden brown hair and a face meant for a movie screen. There was a light about Tucker she’d rarely seen in others. And that woman would have to take on all his crazy, too.
“How about I give you the rest of the night off, buddy?” Robert turned to his friend. “I think Ari and I can take it from here.”
She found her hand in his again, the press of it warm and secure.
“Fine, but if the pasta is cold it’s not my fault. And I hope you enjoy the playlist I spent all afternoon working on.” He shrugged suddenly and grinned. “I didn’t really. It’s my ‘let’s get down to business’ playlist. Candyee says it’s guaranteed to put you in the mood. And she’s a pro.”
Oh, lord. “Thank her for us.”
Robert had a hand over his mouth.
Tucker winked her way and walked back toward the media room.
And she let Robert lead her into the kitchen to start their date. She hoped it ended properly.
* * * *
Robert stared at her across the candlelit table and promised he was going to be way nicer to Peter. Ariel looked gorgeous in the candlelight and she’d relaxed after he’d poured her a glass of Pinot Noir. He’d served her the spaghetti Bolognese he’d put together after Peter had gotten him acquainted with the kitchen. One of the things he’d done while holed up in The Garden was learn to cook. He wasn’t handy with a computer like Jax, or as excellent at deductive reasoning as Sasha. He was good at putting a plan together, making sure the team had everything they needed out in the field. He was the logistical guy, but most of the time he wasn’t needed. He’d discovered he was excellent in the field at being a bodyguard and had great instincts as to when the shit was about to go down. But sitting around The Garden waiting, working out, and practicing how to kill enemies hadn’t been as fulfilling as he’d thought it would be. So he’d learned to cook. He wasn’t Sean Taggart level good, but he was competent in the kitchen.
“That was excellent. Teresa taught you well,” Ariel said, putting her glass down.
Teresa was kind of the mother sub at The Garden. She did a lot of the cooking and took care of the team. “She was a patient teacher. Most of the people at The Garden have been kind to me.”
“Is that why you decided to stay? I know Ian offered you a job.”
“I stayed because they needed me.” His brothers. “Theo didn’t need me after he stopped being a stubborn asshole about his wife. Once he accepted his past, he was good. Think about it like you’re the only person in the world with a disease and suddenly you find out that there are five others out there just like you. There’s this odd happiness. Then guilt that you feel happy.”
“You felt that way because you weren’t alone.”
“And it was never truly happiness. It was more like a settling deep inside me. They needed me. Being around for them as they adjusted to the world gave me purpose. The first time Damon called me into his office to give a report on my men, that was the moment I found some pride.”
And he’d felt…normal again. He hadn’t even been sure of what that word meant at the time, but now he knew there had been a familiarity in taking charge.
There was an Army base in Germany. Lots of soldiers moved through there. Had he been stationed here?
“You have a lot to be proud of,” Ariel said, pushing her chair back. “We should do the dishes.”
He let the thought go. He wasn’t going to have another episode tonight. He was going to keep his focus on Ariel. “No, I’ve got that covered. Owen lost a bet and I finally called it in. Don’t worry. Rebecca will help him out. I left them what we didn’t eat. They’re probably waiting outside for us to leave.”
“No, we’re not,” a feminine voice said from behind the doors.
“Yes, we are. We’re hungry and you two are taking forever. Please bang already,” Owen yelled from behind the door.
He should really be better about this. Robert got to his feet. “You know I facilitated your relationship with Rebecca. You could be a little nicer.”
Owen stepped inside, Rebecca following after. “I’m being very nice. You’ll sit here and talk the doc to death if I don’t give you a nudge.”
“And honestly, if he hadn’t spoken up, his stomach growling would have interrupted you.” Rebecca moved to the counter where he’d put the rest of the spaghetti and salad. “He can’t help it. He’s a bottomless pit. There’s no satisfying him.”
Owen pulled his girlfriend into his arms and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “You satisfy me quite nicely.”
Rebecca laughed as he nuzzled her neck. “Seriously, guys, we can grab a bowl and come back later if you two want to talk.”
He didn’t want to talk anymore. Not like this. He wanted to be alone with her, naked with her. He’d waited forever, but he wasn’t going to push her into this. If she was going to leave him at her doorstep with a kiss, he would handle it.
A gentleman. He would be a gentleman right up until she let him off the leash. Then he would eat her up.
> “I think we’ve had a long day and we’ll have a longer one tomorrow,” he said, reaching for her hand. The minute she threaded their fingers together he felt something inside him relax. He loved the daily intimacies they’d started to find. Holding her hand, kissing her, those small affections grounded him mightily. “Don’t forget the morning briefing. Peter says he’s bringing in something called butter pretzels, so we should assume we’ll get a lecture on the history of pretzels in Bavaria.”
Owen groaned. “We’ll be there.”
He led Ariel out. Down the hall he saw Dante outside the media room, a beer in his hand. He’d been turned toward the kitchen at the opposite end of the hall, as though he’d been standing there staring at it. Had he been listening to the happy couples?
There was something dark in Dante that always gave him pause.
Dante turned without a word and disappeared behind the doors where he would likely drink himself to sleep. It seemed to be the way he and Sasha operated.
But he wasn’t thinking about that tonight. Tomorrow would be soon enough to sit everyone down and talk about the problems they were having. He would get Jax on the phone. He wasn’t leaving him out because he was in London.
“Are you all right?” Ariel had stopped beside him. “Is Dante giving you trouble?”
He was glad she’d been upstairs when they’d gone on their rant. “I think the pressure is starting to get to him. But we can talk about that tomorrow. I think after we get back to London we should have a big group meeting and get some things out in the open.”
“They think Damon and Ian are keeping things from them?”
No. He did not want to go there. He stopped in the middle of the hall and got into her personal space. She backed up against the wall and he loomed over her. It was time to move from reality to a place where they might be able to play out a few fantasies, if she was ready. “No work talk. If you want to go to sleep, I’ll kiss you now and see you in the morning. Tucker and I are in the room next to you. If you need anything I’ll be there. If you aren’t tired and you want to talk some more, we can go down to the bar and have another glass of wine with the full knowledge we don’t have to go any further than that. I’m more than willing to sit up talking to you all night long.”
