by Lexi Blake
She was getting in deep with this man.
“And you will, but not tonight,” he promised. He stepped back and opened the condom, rolling it over his cock in one smooth move. “Tonight, I need to be inside your pussy. Hold on, baby.”
She felt the bed dip as he got in behind her, and she was holding on to that tie for dear life because he wasn’t waiting. He gripped her hips and thrust up inside her hard.
She was caught between the tie around her wrists and Rob behind her. There was nothing she could do but ride the wave he set off. She turned her head again so she could watch him in the mirror, watch him enjoying her, taking her, dominating her. The picture of him thrusting deep burned into her brain, an erotic image she knew she would never forget.
Then she couldn’t think about anything at all except the fact that his hand had moved from her hip, finding her clitoris and pressing down hard.
“I want one more from you. One more before I let myself go.”
She couldn’t deny him even if she’d wanted to. Over the long hours they’d spent together he’d learned exactly how to make her come.
He bucked inside her and then he was holding her still, pressing himself as hard and high as he could. He lost his rhythm as his body went stiff and he followed her over the edge.
She felt him kiss the nape of her neck before he pulled away from her. He reached up and untied her hands.
“I’ll be right back, baby.”
She was exhausted but in the best of ways. Sore but happy. It had been a long time since she’d had any kind of sex, much less the athletic fucking Rob seemed addicted to.
She was going to need to up her cardio routine.
She managed to get the covers of the bed turned down while he was in the bathroom. It was chilly at night, but she wouldn’t be cold. She would wrap herself around him and sleep like a baby.
Why had she waited so long? She’d known months in that Robert was different. She’d known she wanted him and that his desire went far beyond a need to attach himself to someone. They fit, and tonight proved they fit damn near perfectly. Even their kinks meshed beautifully.
He'd given her everything she needed.
The bathroom door opened and he strode out. The man was simply perfection. She took in his muscular body and couldn’t help but stare. He stopped mere feet away from her and smiled.
“Seriously?”
She shrugged and yawned. “Not seriously. But in the morning I’ll likely be ready to go again. But gently. It’s been a long time for me and you’re not exactly a small man.”
His cock was like the rest of him, built big.
He leaned over and kissed her. “I’ll remember that. Nights are nasty and mornings are soft and sweet and gentle. Good night, Ariel. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She expected him to get into bed and cuddle her, but he reached for his pants. “Where are you going?”
A little of the glow she’d been feeling fled. He wasn’t going to sleep with her? She sat up as he pulled his shirt on. He didn’t bother with the buttons since half of them were on the floor because she’d ripped it off him in her haste to touch him.
He slid his feet into his shoes and his smile had faded. “I don’t sleep well and I don’t want to disturb you. I would hold you until you fall asleep, but I’m worried I’ll fall asleep, too.”
“I don’t mind. I want you with me.”
He shook his head. “No, I can’t do that. I’m sorry, but I have nightmares and I don’t want you to see me like that.”
“But I can help you.”
He stepped back. “I can’t. I’m sorry. You have no idea how much I don’t want to disappoint you, but I can’t give you this.”
Even Doms had hard limits and this was one of his. She wanted to argue and cajole and get him back into bed, but his eyes had gone hollow. She could push him for selfish reasons or she could give him the space he needed. For now.
“Kiss me again, and if you happen to sneak into my bed in the morning, bring coffee with you.”
His whole body relaxed and he smiled again. “A little bit of cream and a whole lot of sugar. I promise.”
He kissed her mouth and her nose and her forehead and then her mouth again before groaning and forcing himself away.
“Good night,” he said with a sigh. He picked up his kit.
She didn’t want him to leave. Of course he had bad dreams and she wanted to be there when he woke up shaking. She wanted to take him in her arms and remind him he was with her and not that crazy woman who’d ripped his mind from him. But he wasn’t ready for that. “Good night. I’m next door if you need anything. I mean anything at all.”
She watched him leave.
It was a while before she managed to get to sleep.
* * * *
Robert stepped out into the hallway, closing the door as quietly as he could. It was late and everyone should be sleeping, but a quick glance toward the kitchen let him know someone was up.
Damn it. He did not have to go down there and figure out what was wrong. He had every right to go to bed and get some sleep so he could climb into Ariel’s bed early in the morning and hold her like he would have if he wasn’t so fucked up.
Ariel. God, she’d been everything he’d dreamed of. Better, really. Being with her…he couldn’t process all of it right now. He needed time to really let it sink into his soul that they were together now. They were a couple, and he’d been wrong to push her away. He would make this work.
He opened the bedroom door, trying not to wake Tucker, but the light was on and no one was in either of the twin beds that probably wouldn’t fit either he or Tucker.
Ariel’s bed was a queen. He would fit on that. Oh, he would have to cuddle with her, and he would absolutely take up most of the space, but they could tangle themselves together and they would sleep fine.
Right up to the moment he wrapped his hands around her throat and potentially killed her if he didn’t wake up in time.
He tossed his kit and shoes on the bed and changed his shirt. If Tucker was up this late, he likely couldn’t sleep and needed to talk.
He wouldn’t be able to go to bed knowing Tucker was up. Damn it. It was probably a good thing since if he tried to sleep now all he would see was the look in Ariel’s eyes when she’d realized he wasn’t going to crawl into bed with her. He walked out into the hall again, passing Ariel’s doorway and wishing he’d been whole enough to have stayed with her.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The words drifted down the hallway.
“Well, of course you don’t. They care about you.”
Robert hurried up. That was Dante and Owen, and he prayed they weren’t about to come to blows.
He made it to the kitchen and they were all sitting around the table where he’d spent the early part of the evening with Ariel. It hadn’t been the date he’d planned, but it had still turned out to be the best night of his life.
It didn’t look like it had been the same for the rest of the group. They all looked up as he walked in, and he couldn’t help but notice that every one of them had gone tense and alert the minute he’d walked in the room.
They relaxed when they realized it was him. Tucker sighed and sat back. Owen’s hand came off the knife that was sitting next to the remains of the pear he’d been eating. Dante got up and walked to the fridge. Only Sasha remained exactly where he was. His eyes were red and his hair slicked back as though he’d dunked it in water at some point.
Robert knew that look and realized why they were all up. “How bad was it?”
Cooling off with cold water was one of the first things they did when the migraines started to take over.
Dante flipped the top off a beer. “It was disgusting. He wouldn’t do any of the things he’s supposed to do. It was almost like he wanted to be violently ill.”
Sasha shot him the finger. “Fuck you, Dante.”
“It’s under control,” Tucker said. “I got him cooled off. Rebecca gav
e him some anti-nausea meds and we’ve kept him calm.”
“And guess who is left to clean everything?” Dante complained. “I’m always the one who cleans things up. I’m sick of it and we’re doing it for people who lie to us.”
“I thought you cleaned up the room so you wouldn’t have to sleep in puke,” Sasha pointed out, his bloodshot eyes turning to his partner. “I told you I would do it.”
“I’m not talking about that, though I suppose it’s all part of it. Levi Green says he has the cure.” Dante paced. “I want it. I think we should make contact and negotiate with him.”
Shit. He’d been hoping it wouldn’t come to this. “No one is contacting Green. We can’t trust him. We can’t believe a word he says.”
“And we can believe Damon?” Dante asked.
“Damon took us in.” Owen stood up. “I don’t know why we’re arguing about this. The door is right there. If you two don’t want to be here, feel free to leave.”
Unfortunately, Owen was right, and they might be at that point. “You’re not a prisoner, Dante. If you want to leave, you can head out at any point in time. I’m sure you’ll get to negotiate with Levi a couple of hours after you hit the streets.”
“Or I would immediately be taken into custody by police who wish to turn me over to Interpol,” Dante replied. “Perhaps even Damon himself would call them. Have you ever wondered how they could get the charges dropped for Robert and Theo but not the rest of us? I find it interesting. They’ve managed to save the ones they like.”
“Jax and I still have warrants.” Tucker’s voice had gone low. “You think they haven’t worked on it? They have. I’ve seen the legal bills.”
“You’ve seen what they want you to see.” Dante wasn’t moving from his position.
He was done with Dante. “There’s no talking to someone who won’t listen. I don’t think you need to be involved in our operations if you genuinely feel like we’re all willing to betray you.”
“He doesn’t think you will betray us.” Sasha sounded weary. “He thinks you are all being naïve, and I’ll be honest I think you are, too. I think they aren’t telling us things we should know.”
“They won’t listen, and now Robert will call Damon or hell, he’ll tell his girlfriend and I will be out.” Dante finished the beer and grabbed another. “Or Damon will put me in some form of jail or turn me over to whoever will pay the most for me.”
It was all their fears—that they could be caught and lost in some government program, and that would be their end. They would have no future. No past. Nothing but experiments and pain until they died. No one would come for them. No one would care. It was why they’d stuck together even when they annoyed each other. They were the only ones who understood what it meant to survive Hope McDonald. They owed each other. “I’m not talking to Damon, but Dante, you need to decide if you’re in or you’re out. When we get back to London, we’ll all sit down and discuss this. I don’t think we should make any decisions without Jax.”
“I will talk about this with you,” Dante said, his tone wary. “But something has to change, Robert. We can’t go on this way. I’m going to bed. You should be careful around the girl. She’s not what she appears to be.”
“What?”
“Ariel. I know you’re blinded by her beauty, but she’s involved with the rest of them,” Dante said and for once he didn’t sound bitter and angry. He sounded weary. “Ask Owen. He saw her that day. You don’t get that accurate from a range. Not when you’re trying to hit a moving target.”
“Hey.” He turned to Dante as he walked out of the kitchen and down the hall. The other man didn’t stop and Robert didn’t take his eyes off him until he was safely behind his own door. “What was that supposed to mean?”
“It means we’re worried about Ariel.” Sasha sat back and ran a hand through his hair, forcing it back. He’d lost weight and it was starting to show in the gaunt lines of his face. “I never noticed it before Toronto. She moves like an operative.”
“Because she’s been trained. Damon and Big Tag wouldn’t let her out in the field if she hadn’t had some self-defense skills.”
Sasha sent a pointed look across the table where Owen was sitting.
Owen huffed and sat back. “It went beyond what a self-defense class could have taught her, Rob. I was there. She was…I would let that woman watch my back in the field any day of the week. Not only did she take out the Agency man, she took down that MSS operative hand to hand, and she didn’t even have a spot of blood on her. She used a knife, and not a one of us heard the fight, so I’m thinking there wasn’t much of a fight at all.”
It was ridiculous. “Ariel isn’t some kind of killer. She’s a therapist. She’s got a PhD in psychology. She helps people.”
Ariel was one of the gentlest human beings he’d ever met. It was precisely the reason he’d rejected their attraction in the beginning.
“Hey, assassins can help people if they’re killing the right targets,” Tucker said, his eyes on the table in front of him.
“You think she’s hiding something, too?” He couldn’t believe Tucker wasn’t on his side. Tucker was always on his side.
“Have we asked her?” Sasha took a drink of the water that sat in front of him. Or maybe it was vodka.
“She told me she used to work in private practice for a while and then wanted to do something more.” They’d gone over it before. “She was employed by Scotland Yard and she did some work for MI6 as a profiler when they needed her. That was how she met Damon. And she got lucky that night in Toronto. Yes, she was a badass, but it was fueled by adrenaline. She was the only one left who could save you.”
“And she did it with precision,” Owen countered. “I’m not saying Ariel’s anything but the hero she was. I thank god every night that she was there and she did what she did because otherwise I would be in Beijing wishing I was dead and Rebecca would be Levi Green’s personal neurologist. But that wasn’t her first time, mate. She’s a professional. I would bet my life on it.”
They were all paranoid. They needed to get out more or have more work to do because they were all becoming crazy conspiracy theorists. “Have you all discussed this behind my back?”
Tucker finally looked up. “It’s not a big deal if Ari used to be someone else. We all used to be someone, and probably some of us weren’t good people. Ari is good. I don’t see what the problem is. It means you can relax around her. She can handle herself. You don’t have to treat her like glass. Tell me why you’re not still in bed with her.”
He felt his skin heat. “That’s none of your business.”
Tucker shoved his chair back. “Of course it’s not and yet here I am shoving my nose in. You left her bed because of that freaky thing you do in the middle of the night.”
“Where he tries to strangle something?” Owen said. “I watched him nearly tear apart a pillow one night. He always looks happy when he’s doing it.”
“He’s afraid he will strangle Ariel?” Sasha asked.
“I’m not putting her at risk.” He hated that they all knew about what he went through every night. He hadn’t told Ariel about his nightmare for precisely this reason. He hated the sympathy in his brothers’ eyes. He couldn’t stand the thought of seeing it in Ariel’s. Nor could he risk her finding out about it firsthand. “And that’s all I’m going to say about it. We should get to bed. We’ve got to provide security for Rebecca’s interview tomorrow. We’ll deal with this when we’re back in London. Let’s just get the job done.”
He couldn’t deal with it now. And getting back to London would allow him to include Jax. Jax was levelheaded, and he could often sway the others.
“Sure.” Tucker grabbed his water bottle. “I would like to point out that no one cares if Rob strangles me. I’m always his roomie and not once has he managed to get his hands around my throat but hey, it could happen.”
Owen got up, too. “There are nights I would strangle you myself, mate. ’Night. Sasha,
I hope you feel better.”
Sasha nodded his way. “Please thank Rebecca for me. I do feel better. I will try to stay away from that memory.”
Sasha didn’t move from his chair and Robert didn’t particularly want to go back to the room he was sharing and face more questions from Tucker. “Did you write down what you do remember? Ariel told me it could help.”
Sasha went still, the moment lengthening between them.
“You don’t have to, of course.” What was going on behind Sasha’s cold exterior? He almost never talked about anything personal. Sasha had always held himself apart. Even when they were in custody, Sasha had seemed to greatly prefer to be alone.
“Do you get flashes from your life?” Sasha asked the question with a tentativeness Rob hadn’t heard from him before. “They’re like little moments in time that almost feel like a movie except you know it was real and it happened to you?”
“I see my mother. I’m young and she’s holding my hand. We’re walking across the grass and she looks down at me, but I can’t ever see her face because the sun is behind her.” He wanted to see her face because he knew she loved him. He knew because he could feel how safe he was with her.
What was Sasha’s memory? Was it of torture and pain? Or worse. Did he remember doing something he wished he hadn’t? Some memory that would have been best left in the past.
“I see a child. A baby. They put her in my hands and she’s small. She’s tiny. I’m afraid I will drop her.” Sasha’s head fell forward. “I think I have a child. I don’t know her name. She’s wearing a pink blanket. That means she’s a girl, right?”
The words were a shock to Robert’s system. Sasha had a kid somewhere in the world? It was almost unthinkable. “If you had a wife don’t you think she would have looked for you?”
Because he had to think if someone out there had cared for him, they would have looked for him. Wouldn’t they? If he’d had a family, they would have moved heaven and earth to find him.
Sasha shook his head and finally pushed away from the table. “I don’t know. I would think so. Perhaps the child is not mine. Perhaps the child is somewhere safe and couldn’t care less about me. I can see that happening. All I know is this is the vision that I can’t resist, the one that I know I should. I would do anything to see how it ends.”
