I tangle my fingers in his hair. Close my eyes. Feel the need build as he kisses my inner thighs, as his hands move lower.
‘Ash.’ My voice sounds strange to my ears, seems to blend with the wind as I press against him. Nothing else seems to exist. Nothing else is important. All I can feel is his touch, his warm body. All I can see are his eyes as he lays me down beneath him.
‘Oh, Beck.’ One hand holds my wrists, the weight of his body presses against me. For a moment, time stands still as our gazes lock.
‘Please.’
His mouth joins with mine at the same time as he enters me.
His groan mingles with my gasp as I arch up.
I’m unfurling inside, scared but unable to stop. Losing myself to him. Giving a part of myself away that I didn’t know I had.
Afterwards I cling to him, waiting for the world to come back.
When the sky darkens, he pulls a blanket onto the grass and takes a bottle of wine and glasses from the corner of the tent.
‘Flipping heck, you’ve planned everything!’
‘With military precision.’ He pours us a drink each and settles down beside me. ‘Including the bit where we make love under the stars, in—’ he looks at his watch ‘—two hours and thirteen minutes’ time.’
I mock punch his arm. ‘You have to be kidding, you’re trying to finish me off!’ He chuckles and I grin back. I think actually it’s me that’s doing the kidding. If he touches me again, I won’t be able to say no, and he knows it.
Bella crawls onto the rug, feeling left out, and I fondle her ears.
‘Ash?’
‘Sounds ominous when you say my name like that!’
‘Why did you leave the Marines?’
‘Ahh, that one. Complicated.’
‘Try me. I’m smarter than I look!’ I pull a goofy face.
He chuckles. ‘Complicated for me to get it out, not for you to understand.’ He sits up, his forearms propped on his knees. ‘There were loads of factors I guess; I’d been thinking about it for a while. Leaving.’ I nod. ‘It’s not something I wanted to do into old age.’ The corner of his mouth quirks up into the semblance of a smile. ‘And I missed this place. I bought the place in the village so I could be near my grandparents really, keep an eye on them, then I realised if I didn’t do something it would be too late. My nan had Alzheimer’s. In the early days I’d come home and put the changes down to old age, the things she’d forgotten, the way she’d tell me the same thing over and over.’ I sit up, so we’re thigh to thigh, and he puts his hand on my knee.
‘Then the next time I came home it was more noticeable. She started getting confused, doing things she wouldn’t normally, forgetting things I’d just told her as well as things she’d told me. It was like losing her, cell by cell. Memory by memory as though it was draining her, her whole life was drifting away bit by bit. It’s like a horror movie you know, the way a person is wiped away and you can’t do a damned thing about it. Then she’d have days when she was really low.’ He carries on talking, monotone, and I let him.
‘He knew of course, Gramps, he’d known for ages but didn’t want to upset me.’ The smile lifts and drops again, like my heart. I link my arm round his broad back and hug in close. ‘Funny, old people, aren’t they? How they try and protect us, even when shit like that is going down?’
‘I guess they always feel like they’re the ones protecting us. They don’t want to burden us, it’s supposed to be the other way round in their heads.’
‘They’d gone to doctors, hospitals, they had support and he kept telling me they’d be fine, not to screw up my career and come home, but I had to. I had to come back for them.’
His gaze meets mine. His sea-blue eyes are like a young boy’s, hurt and helpless. I guess for somebody like Ash, used to talking control and putting things right, it must have been a total nightmare. I wrap my other arm round him, hug hard, rest my head against his arm.
‘I was too late.’ His voice is expressionless. ‘The day before I was due home, I got a call; there’d been an accident. They’d both been killed.’
‘Oh Ash.’ I hug tighter.
‘Dodgy brakes on the car they said, old car, not been serviced for ages.’ There’s a wobble in his voice. ‘Gramps never had dodgy brakes, he used to be a mechanical engineer, he serviced it himself. He always told me that if you find the right person, you’ll never want to spend another second of your life without them, and Nan was his other person.’ He gazes straight into my eyes again then.
‘He’d left all his papers in order, even put clean sheets on the bed that morning. Shut every window, even though they usually left a couple open to air the place.’ He smiles, a gentle smile. ‘He’d left a bottle of good wine and a glass on the desk by the window. He told me to take it down to the lake, row Ginny out and remember that there’s a right time for everything and that the hardest winters clear out the old and make way for the rest to flourish.’
I bite my bottom lip hard and try to hold back the tears. ‘We used to go down to the boathouse together, he loved the view from there. When I was a kid, he’d plonk me on his knee and point out all the peaks to me one by one, tell me which order we had to climb them in together. We never did manage to do the last two.’
‘You should climb them, for him.’
‘I should.’ He squeezes my hand and it is like he’s squeezing my heart. A lump blocks my throat and my eyelids tingle. I just want to hug him hard, and never let go.
How could Georgina have knocked that boathouse down?
Bella wanders over, licks my hand, then his, then settles again as though she’s reassured that everything is okay.
‘This was never just about getting a dog back because your name was on the papers, was it?’
‘Hell no.’ His voice is rough-edged in my ear. ‘She’s always been more than just a dog. I love her to bits, it was about love, and loyalty and doing the right thing. Always.’
‘But I don’t get why you left Bella with Georgina in the first place, let her have her.’
‘I didn’t. I said she could honour her commitments, do a few shoots. That’s all it was supposed to be. And we never agreed she could stay here while Georgie swanned off, that was just her having a go at me, taking advantage. I’d come to pick her up the day you arrived.’
‘Then you got here, to find me.’
He grins. ‘I didn’t expect that! A gorgeous woman, all English rose complexion, pink cheeks and beautiful eyes fighting like a she-cat protecting her kittens!’
‘I’m not like a she-cat!’
‘As protective as one.’ He chuckles, then kisses my lips gently. He tastes of the rich, ruby-red wine. Warm and delicious. ‘That’s one of the things I love about you.’
‘Just one?’ I feel warm, content. Safe. I feel for the first time in my life that I don’t have to question what sounds like a compliment. I can take it and cherish it.
He said he loved something about me.
‘That and the way you’ll try anything, the way you never give up, the way you’re just you.’ He kisses me again. ‘You were a bit of a shock to be honest, and I wasn’t going to launch into a full-blown row with Georgie when you’d only just arrived. She was counting on that, I reckon.’
I smile.
‘Then it got even worse when I found you all sexy in your pyjamas and slippers rolling around on the damp grass! Irresistible.’
‘I was not rolling around!’ I punch him gently. ‘Take that back.’
‘Not the bit about you being irresistible.’ He shakes his head ruefully. ‘It was all downhill from there.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I rang her up and agreed she could keep Bella until she got home.’
‘Why?’
‘It was a way of seeing you. I couldn’t stay away… even if you did think I was just being sneaky to get Bella.’
‘It was a way of seeing me?’
‘Yeah. And I didn’t want to upset you, when y
ou came all this way to dog-sit. Wouldn’t be the same without a dog, would it? You’d have been a bit redundant!’
‘Hang on. Can we go back a bit, just so I can check. You didn’t insist on having Bella back, because you wanted to see me?’
‘I couldn’t help myself. I think you’re some kind of witch who has risen out of the lake to bewitch me!’
‘So all the time I was trying to protect Bella from you, you weren’t going to steal her anyway?’
He chuckles, his dimples deep. ‘Something like that.’
‘You sod!’
‘So you came here to change, a new start?’ His voice suddenly has a serious edge.
‘Well no, I came here to clear my head. I’d got a bit stuck and a change of scene always inspires me, though I did think there’d be less drama here!’
‘Didn’t want you getting bored!’
‘Haha. Seriously, I didn’t come here thinking I could change, but this place has got under my skin. And so has Bella.’ We share a smile. He definitely gets that bit. ‘I got up every morning wanting to work, and I realised just how far I’d drifted from what I really wanted to do. You know what?’ I’m a bit surprised how suddenly it is so clear, so obvious, in my head. ‘I wasn’t allowing myself to be me, I’d got so caught up trying to fit other people’s expectations, trying to please other people like Teddy, trying to be closer to what I thought my family wanted me to be. How shit is that?’
‘But?’ His voice is soft.
‘I realised when they all came over, that they only want me to be happy.’ I grin. ‘That, and self-sufficient. Mum obviously doesn’t want me and my dirty washing, and a mucky dog gate-crashing her tidy house! But mainly she wants me to be happy.’ I shrug. ‘They are proud of me.’
‘They are, I am. I was such a stupid twat though. When I saw him, I just saw red, a different you. I’d kind of fallen for the you that had dropped into my life.’ I love hearing him say he fell for me, I could get used to that. ‘And here you were saying you wanted to reinvent yourself, not be the real you.’ He sighs. ‘I’m such a stupid twat, of course people can change for the better as well as the worse.’ He strokes his hand with the lightest of touches down my side, pausing at my waist and sending little shivers of anticipation through me. ‘Although, it’s just about finding out who you are, isn’t it?’
I try and ignore the squirmy feeling of need building up inside me.
‘Come here, woman. I want to learn more about the real Becky, and not the one who talks a lot.’
It is the soft early morning light that wakes me, as it filters its way in through the open flap of the tent. I open my mouth to call Ash, and a shadow falls across the opening.
He puts his finger to his lips, motions me to come closer.
There are deer only a few yards away, near the edge of the tarn.
I don’t want to reach for my phone to capture them, to risk startling them and changing everything, it doesn’t matter. It’s just beautiful to see them. To lie here, with only the sound of our breathing breaking the silence.
One of the deer lifts its head, half turns, alert. It watches us for a moment, then casually retreats through the bracken, moving gracefully up the hillside, the others following behind. When I glance up, a broad smile on my face, Ash is watching me, which makes me blush.
‘Shouldn’t you be watching the wildlife?’
‘I’ve seen it lots of times, I’m more interested in the great crested Becs!’
‘Oh gawd, is my hair sticking up that badly?’
He laughs as I pat it down, then ruffles it back up with his big hand.
‘Thanks for bringing me here.’ I break our gaze for a moment and look out again at the scene in front of me. Rough and rugged, but wonderful. There’s still a morning dampness in the air, touching the ground with dew, skimming the tarn with the lightest of mists.
Magical. I breath it in, trying to capture something of the place inside me, hoping I can hold the image in my head. There’s something wild about it, untamed. Like the man in front of me. He blends in here; I could never imagine him anywhere else.
‘You’re welcome. Coffee?’
There’s a lot to be said for having your own Bear Grylls at hand. ‘Wow, how did you do that? And wow, I can smell bacon sandwiches! Tell me you’ve got bacon and I’m not imagining it! Where’s the fire?’
‘I’ve got bacon. Afraid I settled for a camping stove and meat from the corner shop in the village. Thought I’d keep my stick lighting, rabbit hunting surprises for next time.’
‘There’s going to be a next time?’
He crouches down. ‘If you fancy it? I thought we could tackle those two crags I never did with Gramps.’
I take the sandwich. ‘I’d love to come back. I’ll be sad to leave this place.’ I study him, his cheekbones, clefted strong chin, unfairly thick and dark eyelashes. ‘And you.’ Is it bad to voice it? Too soon, or just the right time? But it doesn’t matter, does it? He can brush me off, but I’ll be leaving anyway. I might as well be brave.
‘I’ll miss you too.’ He smiles and touches my cheek with the back of his hand gently. Not a dog-napper at all, or a scary ex who will murder me in my bed. ‘You could always stay you know. No pressure.’
‘I can’t afford—’
‘I know of a nice camper van that’s empty right now.’
‘Hot and cold running water? High speed broadband? Proper toilet?’
‘Not quite.’ He hunkers down beside me, takes a sip of coffee, smiles. ‘Just trees, the sound of running water, birds…’
‘Sounds perfect.’ I pause. ‘Apart from the toilet. I’m a bit of a proper-bathroom kind of girl if I’m honest. Talking of which…’ I look around and grimace.
Even paradise isn’t perfect.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
‘Thanks.’ His deep voice oozes over the distance and for a moment I just let myself listen. I’ve only been gone a couple of hours, but it feels like much longer. It feels like I’m driving in the wrong direction. I shouldn’t be leaving.
‘Thanks for what?’ I think I know, but I want to be sure.
‘For the painting.’
I smile. ‘I painted it for you.’ I love that painting; I really had painted it from the heart. But at the time, I hadn’t realised that the heart of it was Ash. So, I’d wrapped it up and added a note.
I can’t give you the boathouse back, but I can give you this, Becky x
‘Where are you now?’
‘About sixty miles up the road from you!’
‘Where will you head, Becs?’
‘Daniel’s, my brother’s.’ Before the party I’d thought that idea was completely alien, but you know what? He’s okay. He’s my brother, not some fancy-pants barrister. He doesn’t think he’s better than me, he knows we’re just different.
It’s weird how things work out, isn’t it? I came to Cumbria to escape, and for inspiration. And I’ve realised that inspiration doesn’t come from moving into other people’s (often messy) lives, it’s about finding my own perfect place. Finding a me I’m happy with.
‘It’s not so bad, but just for now, and then when my house-sitter goes I guess I’ll go home. Or…’ I pause. ‘You probably think I’m crazy, but I might just go for it again.’
‘What?’
‘House-sitting!’
‘You don’t have to, you know.’
‘I like house-sitting!’ I pull over into a layby so that I can unclip the phone from my hand-free set and hold him closer.
‘I meant you don’t have to leave this place. If you didn’t want to…’
Oh I don’t, I really don’t. ‘I know. But it’s so bloody expensive, Ash. I’d never be able to afford a place there.’
There’s a long pause. ‘I know you dissed my camper…’
‘I did not diss it! It’s gorgeous.’
‘But lacking in facilities! But anyway, forgetting that, I’ve heard there’s a nice flat for rent, above the art shop, kind of fitt
ing? It’s reasonable rates. I know the landlord, he’s a good sort.’
‘Short term?’
‘He prefers long, but he’d settle for anything.’
‘Desperate then?’
‘Pretty much.’
It suddenly dawns on me. ‘Is this landlord an ex-Marine?’
‘Maybe.’
‘We’re talking about you here?’
‘We could be.’ He sounds uncertain, the first time I’ve ever heard a note of hesitancy in his voice. ‘You can have it really cheap, if you want, that is, I don’t want to pressure you… no strings, but…’
‘Oh, I was hoping there might be strings.’
‘Strings there if you want them.’ There’s a long pause. ‘I’d like to see you; I’d like you to be here. I want more than just seeing you for a day trip.’
‘I’d like to be there, Ash. Very cheap?’
‘Very, if you agree to dog walk now and then.’
‘Well…’
‘With the owner. He likes company.’
‘He does?’
‘He does. If it’s the right company.’
The happy feeling bubbles up inside me, breaks out into a grin on my face. I stare out of the windscreen, smiling, then realise he can’t see me. Doesn’t know what I’m thinking.
I love the place, it’s the first place I’ve truly felt at home. And I like Ash. A lot.
I wanted to spend more time together, and not the kind of time where you’re counting the minutes away until you need to go.
‘I wouldn’t want to pressure you coming back here if it isn’t your kind of place. I wouldn’t want you to do it just because…’
‘It is my kind of place, Ash.’ I take a deep breath. ‘You know what? I like the sound of that!’ In for a penny, in for a pound, as Mum has been known to say. ‘I’ll need to go back, pack the rest of my art gear.’
‘There’s more?’ He chuckles.
‘Lots more!’ I want to spin the car around right now. Well, why not? What’s stopping me? I’m free – I can do whatever I want to do! ‘I could come back now, sort terms with my new landlord, then go back and clear my flat out when the sitter moves out? Oh hang on a sec, I’ve got a call coming in – can I ring you back in a sec?’
The Dog Sitter: The new feel-good romantic comedy of 2021 from the bestselling author of The Wedding Date! Page 31
