by Lee, Geneva
“Because he’s a cheater. You can’t change a man that cheats. You can’t fix a man that cheats. And it’s never your fault.”
“I know that.” I began to study the Sound Coffee label as though it were a piece of fine art. Did I really know that? If I did, then there was no reason to go on this date. I could cancel. I could have canceled already, but I hadn’t.
“I can tell you until I’m blue in the face, honey,” he said. “But the thing is you’re going to have to believe it. So you may as well go on your date, but let me tell you preemptively: I told you so.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s very helpful.”
“I live to serve.”
George was right if I really believed that Luka cheating on me wasn’t my fault, I wouldn’t be going tonight. I guess I did have something to prove to myself. “I know it’s a bad idea, but I have to do it.”
He nodded as if this was a dilemma he could relate to just as a fresh wave of corporate evacuees came off the elevator. I caught sight of Gavin and tried to hide behind the fern George kept on the counter. The last thing I needed was a run-in with the boss. Not when I was trying to avoid him, and what had George just said about cheaters? If he was right, and I knew he was, then it was best to keep my distance from Gavin.
“Where you going?” George asked, oblivious to my Houdini antics.
I shrugged, afraid my voice would carry across the lobby. Luka had texted me the restaurant, but I had never been there. “Some place downtown, near Pike Place Market. Some little French bistro.”
“Oh. French food,” he said with meaning, adding another motherly cluck of disapproval. “He definitely wants this to be a date.”
“Well, I don’t.” As far as I was concerned, that was my final word on the subject. I would get what I wanted out of Luka, which only seemed fair after he used me for sex our entire freshman year. I deserved answers, and a little bit of French food on the side wouldn’t hurt either.
Gavin shot me a tight smile as he strode quickly out of the office building. I’d been spotted! But he didn’t stop to chat. My heart did a traitorous flip as I watched him leaving.
“Now that man—” George began, but I cut him off.
“Is definitely off limits.”
I was standing firm and leaving no room for arguments. No dates. No romance. George opened his mouth like he was going to try to argue anyway, but before he could Trevor came running up.
“Did you see Mr. North, I mean, Gavin?” He was a little out of breath and red in the face like he’d just raced down the stairs instead of taking the elevator.
I ignored him. George did the same.
“Oh come on, guys! I’m supposed to go to some last-minute meeting.”
Why on earth was Trevor getting invited to a last-minute meeting? Maybe Gavin was playing favorites. Or maybe hiding out in my cubicle all week had got me kicked off the invite list. I tried not to look sour about it.
“He just left,” I said in a low voice, so he couldn’t hear my frustration. Thwarting Trevor, no matter how much he deserved it, wasn’t professional and I was determined to take the high road from now on.
“Thanks!” He dashed off to catch up with him.
“I don’t think we should have told him” George said with a fair amount of sass.
“He would have found him. In fact, I’m surprised he lost track of him at all. His lips are usually firmly attached to his ass.”
“That’s your other ex-boyfriend, isn’t it?” George chuckled at this and took a sip of his Americano “Girl, you’ve got a weird love life.”
I spun to face him, almost spilling my drink in the process. “Neither of them have anything to do with my love life.”
“Sure, sure. Whatever you want to tell yourself.” He held up one hand in surrender, the other still clutching his coffee a safe distance from my flailing limbs.
“Good. I’d hate for you to lose your coffee hook up.” I was joking. Mostly. George meant well, and like it or not, he was probably right about a few things.
I said goodbye, grabbed my coffee and went back up to work. The next hour and a half would pass whether I was here or at home, but once I got home it would be time to get ready for my date with Luka—and that was the last thing I wanted to do. Staring at my cubicle wall sounded like paradise in comparison. I punched the up button, George clucking his tongue and muttering to himself behind me.
No rain materialized. Instead, the evening got hotter as though to warn me I was about to enter my own, personal hell. Luka picked me up in the BMW I’d seen him drive off in the other day. He’d been driving a used Honda Accord a few years ago, and like me, he had been a scholarship kid. I didn’t think Luka’s parents were poor exactly, but they weren’t rolling in it. It had been something we had in common when we met. I couldn’t help but wonder how much his life had changed since then if he could afford something like this now. I got into the car unable to help admiring the buttery leather and gave him a small smile.
He looked me over and whistled appreciatively. “You look fantastic.”
I did look fantastic, in fact. Even though I’d been dreading this date, I decided to make the most of it. For me, that meant a little black dress with criss-crossing straps and a pair of black mesh Jimmy Choos that I had scored from a secondhand fashion site. I’d wanted to feel on equal footing on this date. I might not be driving a BMW, but I’d come a long way since we were nineteen.
“This is a really nice car.” A compliment felt in order, but I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea by telling him he looked hot. Even though he did. I’d met his parents once. He’d scored his blond hair and blue eyes from his Russian mom and his Italian attitude from his father. It had resulted in a man who knew exactly how good-looking he was.
“Thanks,” he said with a grin. “It was a graduation present to myself.”
Of course, it was. I glanced down at my shoes and wondered if other people had the same reaction when I said that it was a present to myself. “I guess I didn’t realize you graduated.”
“Yeah, it was getting harder to keep my scholarship, so I felt like I needed to get out of there. You understand.” He shifted gears and zoomed ahead, weaving in and out of the traffic. Nineteen-year-old me would’ve been impressed with his driving. Current me was terrified. Did he know how crazy traffic was downtown this time of night? Suddenly, an even scarier thought occurred to me. What if Luka hadn’t changed at all? Would that wreck my entire experiment? It was too late to back out now. It was probably too late for anything, because Luka was going to kill us. I clutched the armrests and sent a silent prayer to anyone who was listening.
Please if you get me out of this tonight, I promise to not date any more guys like this. Ever.
“You still have another year?” he asked over the roar of the engine.
I managed to nod, which given the speed he was driving felt like it gave me whiplash. “After this summer I have one more semester of classes. Then I need to find a paid internship to round out my degree.”
We were in the hell of small talk. The place where people who no longer had anything in common wound up trapped and chatting for all eternity. If this was a first date, I could hope that we would move past it—maybe into the hell of ‘tell me about your family’ or ‘what industry are you going into.’ But this far into our relationship—having already slept together—there was no hope. I already knew the next couple of hours were going to be even worse. Ninth Circle of hell stuff.
When we finally reached Pike Place and parked, Luka was out of the car and around to open my door before I’d reached one shaky hand toward the handle. I got out on wobbly feet and considered kissing the blessed concrete beneath my heels.
“Are you okay?” Luka’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. He’d asked me this the other day in the parking lot in exactly the same way. Then, it had seemed genuine. Now it felt perfunctory like he’d practiced this, as though he needed to rehearse being a decent human being.
I shook my head emphatically, refraining from lunging at him, even if I did want to strangle him. “You drive like a crazy person.”
I was already wondering if I could get away with taking an Uber home. But Ubers were expensive, and I was an unpaid intern. Still, it would cost less than dying.
Luka visibly bristled, but then he smirked. I’d seen this move before. If he acted like he didn’t care, then there must not be a problem. I was still fuming when he reached out, in a way-too-friendly fashion, to put one arm around my shoulders. I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t a big fan of him touching me. Still the gesture wasn’t overly intimate. I shrugged it off anyway and gave him a small, conciliatory smile.
“You’ve just forgotten what it’s like to ride with me.” I thought I got the edge of a secondary meaning to that, but before I could respond he grabbed my hand and began to walk forward.
Again with the touching! It was pretty clear he thought this was a date. I supposed the fact that he insisted on picking me up should have been a sign. No matter what I wanted this to be or what I hoped to get out of it, I couldn’t ignore what Luka’s motives were. This time I let him hold my hand. It didn’t feel as bad as I wished it did. There was a comforting familiarity to it. We’d been like that when we were dating — affectionate, overly so sometimes. I remembered both Jillian and Jess complaining about it. Things had been different back then though. I hadn’t minded when he drove around town like an insane person in his Accord, acting like he was a cast member from the Fast and the Furious. I’d been too caught up in the hormones of it. Now? It felt kinda nice to hold someone’s hand.
Pike Place was crowded enough to make conversation difficult. I wanted to kiss every tourist I passed for being so loud. The white noise kept me from having to confront Luka about the past, about tonight, about any of it. The restaurant itself was tucked on the side of the hill down a narrow alley and mostly out of sight. When we arrived, I discovered it was charming and cozy and a little too intimate. A waitress sat us at a small table in the back—the kind reserved for lovers out for a romantic night.
I almost asked her if she had a booth available.
But I knew it wouldn’t do any good. Luka had chosen this place for a reason. From looking around I had to guess it had high ratings for first dates on Yelp. We were presented with menus which were, also charmingly, in French. A language I didn’t speak.
Luka leaned over and whispered, “I’ll translate for you.”
With horror, I remembered that Luka had studied French all through high school. He must’ve continued to do so in college. He was really pulling out all the stops. Why couldn’t a guy I wanted to date do that? I could dig on some cheesy, romantic gestures but not when they were a play by my ex. At least it meant I stood a chance of getting him to open up to me.
Maybe Jillian was right and I wasn’t giving him enough credit. I was a different person than when we had dated. I was smarter, savvier, and less likely to put up with his bullshit. Maybe if he was ready for a commitment, things could be different. Then, I remembered how he drove. I wasn’t going to make any bets on who Luka had become.
A haggard looking waiter appeared at our table and stared us down while he began rattling off the evening’s specials. Most of them I was familiar with. I might not speak French but I had eaten French food before. I didn’t need to give Luka the opportunity to show off. Before I could process all my options, Luka began to order, “We’ll start with an order of the escargot and also the foie gras. Bring a bottle of the Dom Perignon. The lady will have the veal and I will have the cassoulet.”
He closed the menu with satisfaction.
I happened to like veal. It was probably what I would have ordered. But I resented the fact that he had tried to do it for me. I caught the waiter’s eye before he could turn away. “Actually the lady will have the filet medium rare.” I quickly tacked on a “please.”
The waiter looked from Luka to me and back. If he had thoughts on what had just happened, he didn’t share them. Instead he nodded and muttered a “very good” before disappearing toward the kitchen. How very French.
“My apologies. They’re known for their veal here. I wanted you to try something new.”
“I grew up on a Texas ranch. I’ve tried every kind of meat there is.” I wished I could swallow the last part back down. It had much too strong a whiff of double entendre.
Luka must have noticed because he tried to hide a smile, turning his head to look out the window. “This place is lovely. I haven’t been here before.”
Now it felt like he was baiting me, as though my correcting him on the veal issue meant that I was somehow more worldly than him. Apparently, this evening was going to turn into a pissing contest. Well, I might not be able to pee standing up, but I could hold my own.
“I’ve been really busy at work,” I said sweetly.
“An internship, right?”
I nodded. I already didn’t like where this line of questioning was going.
“Paid?” he asked.
“No, it’s a fantastic opportunity though. The investment group is doing really good work. In fact, it might turn into a job when I graduate.”
“Is it a nonprofit?” he spit the question out like it tasted bad in his mouth.
Yes, companies working for the betterment of society were to be looked down upon. The reasons why Luka and I were incompatible were stacking up higher than the ivory tower he was looking down from.
“No. It’s just a company with a conscience.” That was the party line. The one that was scrawled all over their website and brochures. Gavin would be proud.
“It sounds like you’ve drank the Kool-Aid.”
I could tell what he thought about that. I shrugged, tired of the interrogation, and him basically crapping on good people. It was time to turn the spotlight on him. “So what have you been doing?”
“I’m developing a new game for Microsoft. I’m on the lead design team.”
“You’re the lead designer?” I asked as innocently as possible. There was a huge difference between being on the team and being in charge. Fresh out of college? I knew where his place was in the pack. I’d play dumb if it knocked Luka down a few pegs.
“No.” He shifted in his seat, angling his body a little further from me like I’d struck him. Score! “But I could be, you know. Everyone has to start somewhere. The salary is huge though. I have my own place, a new car, I get a couple weeks vacation.”
I couldn’t tell if he was selling me on Microsoft or him. I wasn’t interested in buying stock in either.
“That’s cool,” I said noncommittally, tapping the tines of my fork with my fingernail. The disgruntled waiter appeared with the bottle of champagne, looking annoyed at my fidgeting as though it marred the atmosphere of the joint. He held it out for Luka to inspect, but he waved it off like it was fine. He really was determined to show off. Two glasses were poured and I watched the bubbles dancing in the pale liquid.
Luka raised his glass. “To new beginnings.”
I hoped he didn’t mean new beginnings with me. I clinked my flute against his and took a sip, amazed at how much it bubbled in my mouth. I’d never had champagne this expensive before. Now I understood the price tag, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.
The alcohol had the effect of boosting my courage. I took a heady swig and dived right in. “So, I’ve been thinking since I ran into you about how our relationship ended.”
“I have, too,” he admitted to my surprise.
I hadn’t expected him to be so open to a discussion about the past, but, hey, if I had the opportunity, I was going to take it. Carpe diem that bitch.
“I guess I just never understood why you cheated on me.” I abandoned the champagne and waited for a response.
Luka took an extraordinarily long time taking his next drink. If he’d been thinking about us, he hadn’t been considering that. Finally, he answered, “We all make mistakes, Cassie. I think it’s best to leave the past in th
e past.”
“Does that include leaving you in the past?” I couldn’t help myself. My patience was beginning to crumble, especially if Luka was going to act like it wasn’t a big deal. I decided to stand my ground. “No, really. You hurt me. I mean, we weren’t in love or anything, but I did kind of think it was crappy of you.”
“It was bad of me,” he admitted “but I was a kid. I was surrounded by a campus of beautiful women. I’ve changed a lot since then.”
I suspected that someone whose defense was to recall the sheer number of gorgeous girls on campus hadn’t changed as much as he wanted me to believe. Before I could point that out, he moved closer to me. I felt his hand on my knee, and I jumped a little. Luka looked deep into my eyes, locking our gazes, and for a split second, I remembered how charming he could be. Yes, he was cocky, far too self-assured, but he had the moves to back it up—and the looks. As his baby blue eyes stared soulfully into my own, I felt like nineteen-year-old Cassie again and for just a second I was lost. “Cassie, I’m not going to lie to you. I have grown. I think that what we had was something really special. Sex that hot doesn’t come along every day. I’m busy with work. You’re busy with this internship. I think that maybe we could really blow off some steam together.”
“Excuse me?” I smacked his hand from my leg like it was a mosquito. I’d prefer it had been a mosquito. I’d rather be dealing with a bloodsucking parasite.
“Don’t take it the wrong way. I mean, maybe it will lead to something. Someday. And I’m not to going step out on you anymore. I understand the value of sticking to one chick.”
“Chick?” I repeated. “I’m not a chick. I’m a woman.” And the closest he was getting to me was paying the check. The waiter had the bad timing to show up with the foie gras at that moment. I stood up, ready to blow, and nearly knocked him over as I grabbed for my purse. “The problem is you never saw that. That girl—the one who was stupid enough to think your crazy driving was cool, the one who didn’t notice when you were sleeping around—she’s left the building. Now this woman is about to do the same thing.” I took a step toward the door, paused, and spun around. Picking up the plate of foie gras I gave him a haughty glare. “And I’m taking this with me.”
