by Kiki Archer
“You’ll regret this!”
Zara rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah! Why don’t you just start an Andi Armstrong fan club instead? I’m sure she’d appreciate the support.”
“She’s going to need some support after she reads this!”
Zara couldn’t resist one final dig. “The chances are, you’re a Proud Unity freak, so I’m not at all worried about you, or your stupid stolen file, because she’s leaving … for good. So you bunch of do-gooders can just go fall down a hole!”
The phone line went dead.
****
Andi squeezed on her mobile phone as the doctor and nurse began their presentation. This morning’s session had been pitched as an informal, but informative introduction to the world of fertility treatment. Andi had suggested they pay for their own individual consultation session on an evening after work, but Zara had stonewalled the idea, saying it was best to just sit and listen at one of the open Saturday morning seminars, where all were welcome for Q and A. She had claimed they would be able to get more of a feel for the clinic before they actually committed to anything in particular. For Andi it was simple; they were committing to starting a family.
Andi shifted in her plastic chair and looked up at the collage of baby portraits filling the screen, aware that she should be awash with excited elation, instead of her current emotion of lonely despair. What am I doing here? she questioned, cross that she had been so easily sucked in. She should have insisted on a private session where they could have travelled in together after work and thrashed out the best possible options for them as a couple.
The vibrations of her phone suddenly jolted her back into the room. She looked down at the display and the small white envelope with Zara’s name flashing underneath. She swiped the screen and clicked on the message. “Stuck in traffic. Gridlocked in Marylebone. Can’t be helped.”
Andi inhaled deeply. Can’t be helped? It could have been helped if Zara had been willing to move her 9.00 a.m. acupuncture appointment. She had gladly delayed her morning ‘Go Ape’ session with Pippa until the afternoon, even though it had been planned for ages. Surely Zara could have done the same? She looked back at the slide show and heard a cumulative ‘ahhh’ from the people in the room. A toddler was waving out from the screen saying, ‘Mama.’ Andi sighed and slid off her seat, staying low and creeping out of the double doors at the back.
Andi eased the handles back into position and stood tall as she walked down the corridor and past the main reception, pleased that the woman on the desk was deep in conversation with a heavily pregnant lady.
“Triplets!” said another woman as Andi walked past.
Andi stopped for a moment and smiled, sensing that they must be partners. “You’re very lucky,” she said looking back over at the woman with the huge bump.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. You’re Andi Armstrong, aren’t you?”
Andi nodded.
“My wife and I are huge fans.” The lady peered over her shoulder, disappointed that her pregnant wife was still engaged with the receptionist. “She’ll be sorry she missed you.”
Andi smiled apologetically. “Sorry, I’ve got to rush. Good luck with the triplets!”
“Thanks,” the lady nodded and looked at Andi’s stomach, “…are you?”
“Oh no!” laughed Andi. “Just here on business.”
“Right, of course. Nice to have met you.”
Andi nodded and scurried quickly out of the doors. She reached for her phone and dialled Pippa’s number. “Can we meet up early?” she asked, “my appointment’s been cancelled.”
****
Pippa pulled her car onto the pavement outside the Finchley Central Tube stop. She beeped her horn and reached over the passenger’s seat, forcefully pushing open the stiff door. “I’d have come and got you,” she said looking up at Andi.
Andi ducked her head and climbed into the car. “Don’t be daft. I’ve been in central London. Zara was going to give me a lift up to Trent Park, but she’s stuck in traffic.” Andi laughed. “But more importantly where on earth did you get this car? I assumed you’d have a Focus or a Mini or something like that.” She paused. “In fact you’ve never even mentioned owning a car before.” Andi smiled. “I like it!”
“Yeah right.”
“I do,” said Andi, looking around the old fashioned Morris Minor. “It’s not one of the ones made out of wood is it?”
“Sure is. Gee-Gee’s pride and joy. She’s called Molly. I never really need a car, but when I do, Molly’s here for me.”
“That’s so funny.”
Pippa laughed and hauled the heavy steering wheel to the right, pulling out onto Ballard’s Lane and starting their journey towards Trent Park. “I just can’t bring myself to sell her.”
Andi looked over her shoulder and admired the boot. “Spacious.”
“It’s a Traveller.”
“It’s probably worth a fortune.”
Pippa shrugged. “Maybe, but money’s not everything. Gee-Gee kept her in tiptop condition, and yes, I do feel a bit of a plonker driving it, but it brings back some happy memories. Plus I’m not really travelling anywhere of substantial distance at the moment, so old Molly here’s the perfect fit.”
“How far to Trent Park?” laughed Andi.
“Twenty minutes.” She patted the brown leather steering wheel. “You’ll be fine, won’t you, Moll? What were you doing in London so early anyway?”
“Oh nothing, just an appointment that got cancelled. I’m so sorry to mess you around.”
“It’s fine.”
Andi looked out of the window, aware that they were travelling very slowly. “Maybe we could go for a walk and grab a bit of lunch before the session?”
Pippa laughed. “Oh no, we won’t have time for that. I contacted them as soon as you called, saying we’d be early. And guess what?” She winked. “I’ve booked us a pair of Segways!”
“A pair of what?”
“Segways! You know? The machines with two wheels that you stand up on? The self-balancing ones?” Pippa laughed. “We get to cruise around the forest in style!”
Andi shook her head and laughed. “You never cease to amaze me, Miss Rose.”
“Good,” she said with a smile. “Because I’m going to show you what real fun’s all about.”
“I’m starting to catch on,” laughed Andi, feeling a buzz of adrenaline.
****
Andi was trussed up in a bright yellow boiler suit, bike helmet and knee pads, holding a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. She was sitting next to Pippa on a log outside the Segway hut at Trent Park, seemingly signing her life away. She tapped her pen under one of the statements and started to laugh. “I acknowledge that I risk injury or death from loss of control, collisions or falls from the Segway.” She ticked the box. “Look at me being all spontaneous! Might fall and die? Yeah, no worries!”
Pippa looked up from her own clipboard. “You’ll be fine. They’re really simple to drive. You just lean forwards to go and backwards to stop, but don’t lean too far back or you’ll start to reverse.” She nodded her head back towards the car park. “Anyway, your journey here in Molly was probably more dangerous than this’ll be,” she grinned, “but these do go faster.”
Andi laughed, “Are you like a Segway pro or something?”
“I’ve done it a couple of times.”
Andi adjusted her helmet which had already started to itch. “With Jayney?”
Pippa nodded. “Did I tell you she called last week?”
“No! The last I heard, you were trying to contact her and find out what she was doing at my party with Melody.”
Pippa placed her clipboard on the wood chipped forest floor and hugged her shoulders; it wasn’t bitterly cold, but she was eager to get moving. “She phoned last week to apologise.”
“Really?”
“Yep. She said she knew I’d be there, but she swore that Melody wasn’t the person she’d had an affair with.”<
br />
“So what was she doing with her?”
“Said they bumped into each other a few days before the party and got chatting; reminiscing about work and stuff. Apparently Melody needed a plus one and it was a bit of a spur of the moment thing.”
Andi frowned. “Sounds a bit random.”
“I know. Maybe she was hoping to see her mistress there.”
“No, Zara hardly invited anyone from work.”
“And how is Zara?”
Andi puzzled a smile. “She’s fine. Why?”
“Just making polite conversation.”
“Well don’t,” grinned Andi. “I much prefer it when you flirt.”
“Ooo the green light!” laughed Pippa, rising to her feet and wiggling her bottom in the yellow boiler suit. “How’s this for starters?”
Andi picked up Pippa’s clipboard and put it on top of hers. She rose from the log and shook her head teasingly. “If we’ve signed up for death via Segway collision, then I’ll need a bit more than that in my final moments, please.”
Pippa walked provocatively forwards and entered Andi’s personal space. She tilted Andi’s chin up with her forefinger and looked into her eyes. “Have I ever told you that you suit a helmet?”
Andi burst out laughing and bashed her away. “Stop it!”
“Hey, you started it,” giggled Pippa, rubbing her chest.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Andi, lifting her arm over Pippa’s shoulder and whispering into her ear. “Come on then, pro. Take me for a spin.”
Pippa tilted her head and whispered back. “I’ve already done that, and you purred like a beauty!”
“That’s more like it,” laughed Andi.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Pippa and Andi were in absolute fits of giggles. The ten minute instruction session in front of the Segway hut was proving one worthy of a slot on You’ve Been Framed. Pippa had obviously whizzed off around the small circular course with little need of assistance, only having to prove she could stop, start and turn; which she did quickly, elegantly and with flair. Andi, however, needed a helping hand to even get up onto the machine without falling. The idea that it was as simple as standing still on a pavement didn’t wash with her and it was taking a lot of coaxing from the young female instructor to even get her to tilt forwards and start the Segway into motion. When the wheels did finally begin to creep forwards Andi wailed with such delight that Pippa swerved her machine to a stop to see what was going on.
“I’M GOING!” screeched Andi.
Pippa laughed. “Well done.”
“And now stop,” said the instructor calmly.
“HOW?!” wailed Andi leaning further forwards and picking up speed.
The instructor jogged gently alongside her machine. “You’re fine. Just slowly lean backwards.”
Andi squeezed the handles tighter and flung her head back.
The instructor tried not to laugh. “There’s no need to look up at the sky, just lean your body backwards.”
Andi’s Segway was still rolling forwards. She bent her knees and pushed out her bottom. “Like this?”
“ANDI YOU LOONY!” shouted Pippa in between her laughter. “You look like you’re on the toilet!”
“I CAN’T DO IT!” screamed Andi in protest.
The instructor stayed calm. “Yes you can. Keep your arms straight and just lean back.”
“I’LL FALL!”
Pippa started her machine again and swerved around the bend, pulling alongside Andi’s. “You’re hardly moving!” she laughed. “Look, like this ... just lean back.”
Andi glanced to the side at Pippa’s Segway coming to a gentle stop. She tilted her body backwards slightly, surprised that her machine actually responded. “IT’S STOPPING!”
“Well done,” smiled the instructor, “now just stay upright.”
“WHAT?” screeched Andi as her machine began to reverse.
“Stand normally.”
Andi leaned forwards and the machine jerked into motion again. “IT’S GOING FORWARDS!”
Pippa couldn’t help laughing. “Just stand still!”
“I’m trying!” laughed Andi, feeling like a unicyclist wobbling forwards and backwards. Her movements, however, were not intentional.
The instructor jumped onto the machine and placed her hands on top of Andi’s. “I’m not supposed to do this, but just move your body with mine.” She placed her feet either side of Andi’s and pressed their bodies together. “Forwards … backwards.”
Andi could feel her cheeks blushing.
“Can you feel it?”
Andi was fully aware of the instructor’s movements and laughed nervously. “I think so.”
The instructor brought them to a vertical stance. “See. We’ve stopped.”
“Show me once more?”
Pippa laughed. “You look like you’re enjoying that far too much!”
Andi looked over at Pippa with a smile. “I respond well to physical direction.”
“I’ll remember that,” said Pippa.
The instructor jumped off the machine. “Okay, show me again.”
Andi tilted her body forwards. “I’ve got it!” she said.
“And stop.”
Andi stopped the machine.
“Great, now go again … That’s it … Gently round the corner … Perfect! … Now pick up a bit of speed … Great! ... You’re a natural!”
“I think we all know that’s not true!” laughed Andi as she rounded the final bend having actually completed a full circuit of the small course. “Let me do it once more to make sure.”
“Probably best,” teased Pippa, hiding the pride she felt at Andi’s accomplishment.
“Right.” The instructor spoke to Pippa, sensing she was the more sensible of the pair. “Keep to the paths and stay on the Segways. You’ve got forty five minutes so you can probably do both of the blue and red routes. You’ve got phones?”
Pippa nodded.
“The number for the hut’s on the side of the machine. Any problems, give me a ring.”
“Got it!” said Pippa. “We’re doing the ‘Go Ape’ course this afternoon.”
“God help you,” laughed the instructor looking in Andi’s direction.
“I heard that!” shouted Andi. “I think I’ll be great at falling out of trees.”
“Just make sure you’re attached to the zip wire!” advised the instructor in response.
****
Half an hour into their Segway session and Pippa and Andi were having the time of their life. They had already completed two out of the three clearly marked courses and were now about to embark on their final mission - the off road track. It wasn’t really off road, but it allowed the rider to experience small bumps, jumps and downhill slopes. Andi held on tightly as they neared the brow of a hill, aware that there must be quite a large drop on the other side. “HERE WE GO!” she shouted, tilting her machine over the edge.
Pippa followed closely behind, watching Andi pick up speed and steer towards the moguls. “HOLD ON TIGHT!” she shouted in Andi’s direction. “THEY’RE BUMPY!”
“I KNOW” wailed Andi. “LOOK AT ME JUMP!”
Pippa watched as Andi’s Segway hit the first mogul, relieved to see her keeping control. “YOU’RE A PRO! YOU’RE ACTUALLY GETTING SOME AIR!”
Andi shrieked with laughter. “I’M A SPEED DEMON!”
Pippa tilted even further forwards and hit the bumps at pace, jumping two at a time and finally catching up with Andi’s machine. “Race you to the bottom,” she said with a nod of her head.
“You’re on,” giggled Andi, relishing the challenge.
Pippa could hear her approaching and swerved into a couple of shallow troughs. “AH! THEY’RE SLOWING ME DOWN!”
“YOU DID THAT DELIBERATELY!” shouted Andi keeping on the flat and taking the lead. “THAT’S SO SWEET!”
“I didn’t,” lied Pippa, pulling out of the final slump. “You won, fair and square.”
Andi laughe
d. “I haven’t had this much fun in ages! Let’s whizz round and do it again!”
“After you … you Segway sensation!”
“Ooo you know how to flatter a girl, don’t you?! Seriously though, I look good from behind, right? I think it’s a great accessory and I might just ask for one for Christmas.”
Pippa pulled alongside Andi and matched her steady pace. “I could just see you rolling up to work on one,” she grinned, “and yes, my view for the morning has been very pleasant indeed, especially when you’re jiggling over those moguls.”
Andi pretended to gasp. “I hope I don’t jiggle?”
“You don’t wobble, jiggle. You jiggle, jiggle!”
“Oh,” she smiled, “that’s okay then. Now if you wouldn’t mind taking the lead, I’d like to be distracted.”
Pippa stood tall and rolled in front of Andi’s machine. She took one hand off the handlebars and placed it on her hip, turning her head and looking seductively over her shoulder. “So, do you Segway often?”
Andi laughed. “I might start. You?”
Pippa was about to reply when her machine hit a bump. She spun back to the handle bars but it was too late. The Segway lifted onto its left wheel, and then its right, sending her completely off balance. “SHIT!” she shouted, trying to regain control.
Andi watched in slow motion, the vision of Pippa being jerked from side to side. She was clinging on with one hand, but it was obvious that it was too late. Andi panicked and lunged her Segway forwards in an attempt to be of some assistance, but at that precise moment Pippa fell from her machine, hitting the wood chipped forest floor. Andi tried to tilt backwards, but it was too late. She hit Pippa like a mogul, even managing to get some air.
Pippa screamed out in painful laughter.
****
The phone call to the female instructor at the Segway hut had been very embarrassing indeed. They had had to explain about the hit and run; Pippa had been hit, and her Segway had done a runner - eventually located in a muddy ditch fifty metres away. The instructor had assumed it was Andi who had taken the fall and was cursing herself for letting her out on the course too soon. But Andi had taken great pride in leading the procession of quad bike (driven by the instructor) and trailer (carrying Pippa) back to the hut.
