by Abbie Lyons
I couldn’t believe it. “That's what this was all about? A stupid clerical error?” I tensed my fists. Having gone from wanting a hug to wanting to punch him in a matter of a minute and a half.
“So something about your weird recruitment system figured that I was...”
“Scott's brother,” Marius finished for me. “And obviously you're not, and you're not—”
“I'm not a guardian,” I said. “I know, trust me. Everything about this place just makes me—”
“Whenever you're going to say, don't say it,” Marius said shortly. “I don't care about your complaints. I don't care if you don't like it here. What we do matters, and if you don't understand that, then I don't care. But you have guardians like us to thank for the fact that your human existence is even possible.”
That pissed me off. “Guardians, yeah. You guys are so high and mighty. Busy having your big fancy frat parties when people are literally dying.” Tears pricked at my eyes, but I ignored them. “guardian Angels? Seriously? Ridiculous. You're ridiculous. I don't know what you do up here in your literal ivory tower, but I can say for sure that it's not helping fucking human beings. Because if you were any good at your job, you would never have let someone like Scott die. Or—” My head spun as soon as I said it. I realized the truth: that Scott wasn't a human. “Or you would have cared enough about a fuck up like me enough not to let something like that happen,” I finished lamely. “You would have protected me from losing the only good thing in my life.”
I hated everything about what I had just said.
I glanced up, my hair streaming in my face, and my breath caught at the look on Marius's face. It wasn't hard, judgmental, unfeeling—the way I was used to seeing him. It was a little taken aback. His lips gently parted, his eyebrows wide and shocked.
“Go back to your game,” I said bitterly. “I'm just going to...”
I chewed my lip. I'd given this whole dramatic speech and I didn't even know where I was going to go. “I don't even know,” I said out loud. At this point, I was beyond caring how stupid I looked. “I don't belong here. I don't have a home. I have nothing nothing on the entire planet.”
“We should have stopped it.”
I looked up. “What do you mean?”
“We should have stopped it,” Marius said again. “We should have known. Guardians, like your brother...they're not supposed to just die like that. It was wrong. He was powerful. He was—”
“He was,” I said, emphasizing the past tense. None of that matters. “You failed, he died, I have nothing.” I swiped away tears. “So what? I stay here and find answers?”
“You can stay but...sooner or later—”
“Sooner or later what?”
“If you're really a human, you won't be able to withstand the kind of power that courses around here. Life in general, classes, maybe you'll be fine. Homework, not really a big deal. But by the time all the demons from Hades come for the ball...”
“That's not for months,” I said.
“More like weeks,” Marius said. “And the whole ball is about balance. There’s a ritual we do with the demons to create a kind of...microcosm of balance within the ballroom.” He sighed. “You just have to be careful. I'm not saying you have to leave. I don't care. I'm no purist. Do what you want. I have other things to concern myself with. I'd even...I’d help you, but I can't just be doing detective investigations.”
“So you're saying I just have to figure out what happened to Scott by the time the ball rolls around?”
“Ideally before then,” Marius said, “but yes.”
I considered my options, which were basically none. I could go back to San Francisco, but that wasn't even my real home, and I didn't have anything there besides a scorched apartment. It was either stay here or be homeless. And I didn't like the idea of giving up. I knew I had every right to give up, but I didn't want to.
“Marius!” Male voices were shouting from back in the practice field. “Yo, Captain! We need you!”
Marius took his hands off his hips. “I'm going,” he said.
“I know you are,” I said.
“I can't help you. But it's not because I don't care,” he said.
“I don't care what the reason is,” I said. “You're not helping me. That's fine. I'll help myself.” I squared my shoulders. “I'm going back to my room.”
“Quinn.” Marius's voice was urgent, more urgent than it usually was.
I spun on my heel, my hair fanning around me. “What?”
In the low sunlight, he was framed in gold. Shining.
“Don't tell Violet about this. She can't know any of it.”
“Of course not,” I said. I meant it. I didn't want to drag her into this. I didn't want to be dragged into it myself. And I knew better than to give girls and shit because of who they were dating. Marius nodded. With a hard snapping sound, his wings unfurled from out of nowhere, and he pushed the air down, lifting himself up, and then over the trees, back to the field, winking out against the red sun.
“Wait,” I called after him, and he paused, sending another gust toward the ground.
“I have to go,” he shouted again.
“I just have one question,” I said. “What happens if I'm here for the ball?”
Marius shook his head. “I don't know.”
“You mean I'll die,” I said.
Marius shook his head again. “Whatever it would be, it would be worse than death.”
With another whoosh, he was gone.
Chapter Eleven
At that point I basically had several very clear objectives: not get kicked out, not let anyone figure out I was human, and figure out what happened to my brother. Other than that, I just had to blend in as a normal college student. Except for the fact that normal at this college meant having superpowers I didn't actually possess.
But aside from that, and all the deception, I was actually getting along with Lucy and Steve pretty well. I've never had friends before, at least not outside of my brother, so it was a bit weird, but playing along wasn't hard as I thought.
“I've got a plan, man,” said Steve.
“Oh, no,” Lucy said. We were hanging out in the common room outside the main classrooms in the sun-flooded atrium. “Can't be good.”
“No, it's a great idea. I'm gonna go out for the philodiscus team.” Steve grinned, flexing a muscle. “I think I've got what it takes. Lightning fast reflexes. A killer attitude. The hunger to win.”
Lucy giggled. “I think you also have to be a good athlete,” she said.
“Come on, back me up, Quinn.” Steve flexed for me. “I can do it, right?”
“I don't really know,” I said tentatively. “I'm not much of an athlete myself. And I don't know the first thing about this sport in particular.”
That wasn't true either. I instinctively touched my forehead where Marius had healed me the other day after my fall out of the tree at his angelball practice. (Which was what I was mentally calling the game, even if no ball was involved.)
“You guys are such dream killers,” Steve said, looking a little put out. “But he perked right back up. No worries, I can do it anyway, with or without your support. It’ll be like that movie.”
“What, Rocky? Rudy?” I couldn’t think of a single sports movie Steve would have seen.
“No, Angels in the Outfield.”
I sighed. My translation homework made absolutely no sense, just a bunch of squiggles. And I was really at a loss to see how any of this reading and theory and endless discussion was going to help us—well, help the guardians—do what they claimed to do.
Save people.
Lucy wasn't overly invested in her schoolwork either. She tapped her pencil against her book, looking thoughtful.
“I feel like I should join a club,” she said. “Or start one. Not a team, but you know, a way to make friends.”
“What, we're not good enough for you?” Steve said, his mouth hanging open.
“That's n
ot what I meant. I just...I don't know. There's got to be something that people are into. Maybe a dance team?” She looked at me, but I couldn't provide any backup.
“I'm more of a loner,” I said. “I'm not a club person.”
Lucy looked put out. “Well, once I figure it out, I'll invite both of you. Because I’m generous. But don't count on being made officers.”
“What, like Treasurer or something?” Steve said, making a face.
That made me wonder. “What do you guys even use for money?”
The two of them stared at me.
“Gold?” They said in unison. Steve muttered, “duh.”
“Oh.” Well, I guess that was obvious. The only problem was that, as great as it was to hang out and take my mind off of things, my mind couldn't be off things because of my aforementioned objectives. The ball was coming up in just a few weeks. And from what Marius had told me, it sounded like my presence at that demon-angel party would lead to me being totally liquefied or thrown into a pit of fire or something.
I wasn't a secret agent or a spy. I wasn't even a fan of gossiping. But all of a sudden, I was going to need to figure out what a mysterious group was into and why it might have led to my brother's untimely death. No problem, right?
Eventually, after all of Steve's talking about training and then actually dropping to the floor to do push-ups, and Lucy's fretting about whether or not people would be more interested in a dance team or, I shit you not, a save the unicorns club, I decided it was time to pack it in. It wasn’t not like I was making a ton of progress with my homework anyway. After grabbing a snack, which was some kind of fruit salad that the staff had laid out on one of the tables around our study area, I trudged across campus, the sky turning slowly sapphire above the tops of the dorms. As I went up the spiral staircase, I remembered how afraid I had been the first time I'd gone up, thinking I might fall. I touched my forehead again. Well, I'd already fallen and not completely cracked my head open.
Who knew I had it in me, I thought sarcastically.
“Oh!” Violet started a little bit when I opened the door. She was at her desk, brow furrowed over something. “I didn't realize you were coming back.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Sorry.”
Violet stared at me. “You don’t have to apologize for coming back to your own room.”
She had a point. I flopped on the bed with my messenger bag beside me. I had never imagined having a roommate, at least not one who wasn't my brother. I hadn’t imagined any part of the traditional college experience, so it wasn’t like I was expecting to be friends with Violet. It wasn’t like I was even expecting to live here as long as I had turned out to be staying .
I thought about what Marius had said the other day, about not telling Violet. And I felt weirdly guilty, even though I didn't owe her anything. Or him anything, for that matter. I just didn’t like when innocent people got tangled up in stuff.
“Sorry. I feel like I snapped at you just now.” Violet rubbed her temples and put her elbows on her desk. “I'm getting killed with all of these sutras. It's not even practical, really. I don’t know why I decided to ask for an extra course load. Just so much to study.”
“I hear that,” I said, because finally someone agreed with me. “I don't know how it's actually supposed to help you do anything.”
“It’s...yeah.” Violet rubbed her eyes and sighed. “Do you want a drink?”
“Oh, I'm fine. I have my little water glass thing.” I looked at my bedside table where my usual sparkling grapefruit water was waiting for me.
“No,” Violet said. “I mean like a drink drink.” She produced two small glasses and a clear bottle of what must have been ambrosia.
“Oh,” I said. I guess it’s five o'clock somewhere. And it wasn’t like I was making progress on anything in particular today—homework or investigation. Besides, I didn't want to seem rude, especially if I was in danger of getting kicked out of school due to not actually belonging here. Better to play it safe. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“You've had this before, right?” Violet said, pouring one glass, then the other, which she handed to me. “I never know what half humans are used to before they get here.”
“I hadn't had it before I got here,” I said, sidestepping the question about half humans. “I mean, I saw some at the party the other night, but—”
“Oh Gods.” Violet closed her eyes. Then she lifted her glass, and I touched mine to hers.
“Cheers.” I said.
“To health and safety,” Violet said, and threw back her entire shot. She shuddered like it was bitter. I took a sip and found it incredibly sweet, but I guess different strokes for different folks. It didn't have any of the burn of human alcohol.
“I feel bad about that. Parties aren't usually like that. The whole thing isn't usually like that.” She turned the empty glass around in her fingertips.
“It was fine,” I said. “I made it out alive.”
“I mean, don't get me wrong, I was impressed that you got in. And I wasn't trying to be snobby about keeping you out, but still—”
“But it wasn't even me that got in,” I interrupted. It was Lucy. “Apparently she’s some kind of...celebrity?” That didn’t feel like the right word.
Violet quirked a brow. “Who's Lucy?”
“Lucy Halloran,” I said. “She came with us.”
“Oh, right.” Violet's eyes went wide. “I didn't know she was a Halloran. That sucks.”
“It does,” I said, staring deep into my glass of ambrosia. “Losing people always sucks.”
“Still, though. I feel bad for being responsible for you attending a party where...”
“Where your boyfriend ended up beating someone up?” I finished.
“He's not usually like that,” Violet said. “Or really ever like that. It’s only when things around the...”
I knew she couldn’t talk about the Order. I helped her out. “He doesn't seem like an especially emotional guy,” I said mildly. Violet smiled, and she really lit up thinking about him. I felt a pang of guilt, remembering what Marius had looked like on the field when he'd come to talk to me. When we'd been alone. When he’d been shirtless.
Being lonely like this wasn’t good for me.
“Yeah. Feelings aren't his strong suit. Typical guy stuff.” She snorted. “But I'm not a mushy type either. I almost wanted to break up with him before we came to school.” She pressed her lips together suddenly, as though she'd said something she shouldn't have. “Really?” I said. I was curious, but not in a gossipy way.
It just genuinely surprised me.
Violet shrugged. She reached for the decanter and began to pour herself another glass of ambrosia. “This place takes a lot of brain power,” she said. “Or it does for me. And we’ve been dating a while. Our families have known each other forever. But I also want to have my own life, and...” She shrugged. “I don't know. He said he wanted to be there for me. And it's good to come in knowing people.”
“And you love him,” I said. Then I winced. That was so inappropriate. I didn't know if that was the case. If Violet was my age then, yeah, probably, it would have been a big deal to say the L word.
“Yeah,” Violet said. “I do. But...I don't know.” She shook her head and took a big half glass sip of her ambrosia. “I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I'm sorry. I’m oversharing.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said. “You're not imposing. I just wish I had something exciting to overshare back at you.”
She smiled a bit ruefully.
“I would never pry, Quinn. You seem like the kind of person who respects people who respect other people's privacy.”
You're not wrong about that.
“Besides, I've seen what it's like for half humans in guardian society, or demon society, for that matter. You get peppered by annoying questions by people who aren't familiar with the culture. You get written off by people who are purists. People who think that any human blood here at all is dangero
us, that you’re risking your life around supernaturals—”
“What do you mean?” I said, remembering too late not to sound panicked. If any human blood was dangerous, then my whole body was dangerous. I still didn't know what Marius was hinting at that would happen at the ball with Hades, but I wasn't looking forward to it.
“I wish I could tell you,” Violet said. “But I don’t even know. If there is danger to humans in guardian society, that's some high-level magic stuff. I have to think that there is some difference between human blood and supernatural blood, but...” She shrugged. “It's not really something that's ever come up before. And besides, I don't think it really matters. I don't judge people one way or the other, so...”
“But there's something that can happen to humans,” I pressed. “Something they can't withstand. Like nuclear radiation or something.”
“I guess you could say that,” she said. “But I really don't know.” Violet looked pensive. “I suppose...obviously there's a reason that guardians exist and that humans don't usually know about us. We're exposed to things that humans can't handle. We have to do things that humans can't do. So, yes , I guess since Elysium is a training ground, probably lots of the classes and rituals could be really dangerous. Because we’re inviting the kind of danger we protect the humans from so we can learn how to fight it.”
I slugged back the rest of my ambrosia.
Violet chuckled. “Oh, Quinn. Don't worry. Half humans can still thrive here. You're not going to blow up or anything.”
“Has a human ever been here?” I said. “A full one?” It was a weird question, so I fished around for a reason to be asking. “Just, you know, in case my parents want to come to graduation or something.”
Violet smiled. a bit confused. “We don't really have graduation that way—like in movies with the hats.” She shook her head. “But as far as I know, no human's ever been here. I don't know what would happen if they did.”
“But something would happen,” I said.
“Maybe not right away,” Violet said after a pause. “But yes, I think it would be pretty dangerous. We're here to buffer things from humans. Elysium exists so that humans don't have to face the things we see every day.”
