by Karin Baine
‘You did what?’ She crossed her arms, challenging him to spit out the words he was now wondering whether he should say at all.
‘I wanted you to have a concrete reason for moving here. I thought securing a position for you at the hospital was the best way to convince you there was a life waiting for you here since the research facilities will take a while to get up and running at the clinic.’
‘You didn’t think to consult me on this first?’ Harriet frowning at him was not the reaction he’d expected.
‘I thought you’d be pleased. This is giving you the career opportunities you wanted as part of the conditions of moving here.’ Unfortunately, neither he nor Heatherglen had been enough to convince her to stay, which was why he’d used his initiative to go further afield. Over time he hoped she’d develop a love for him on the same par as the one she obviously had for her job. Except the impatient tapping of her foot on the floor said she wasn’t best pleased with this turn of events.
‘Charles, something as huge as changing my career path is for me to decide, not you.’ She huffed out an exasperated breath. ‘This is you making decisions for me again, without considering the consequences. I know nothing about this hospital, what their practices are like, or what I’d be expected to do in that particular environment. Things that are down to me to investigate, if and when I’m ready to relocate.’
Charles was beginning to think he couldn’t do right for doing wrong.
‘I was simply trying to facilitate that move for you. All I want is for you to have a reason to want to stay here.’
‘Is it me or the baby you want here?’
‘I thought you came as a package?’ He tried, and failed, to make her smile because he wasn’t sure which answer she wanted to hear. Of course it was important for him to be close to the baby but more than anything it was his desire to have Harriet here with him that had prompted his flurry of phone calls today.
‘This isn’t a laughing matter, Charles. It’s my life, my future, and my career you’re interfering with. If you can’t see that then I really don’t think we have a future together.’ As she said those words he got some idea of the devastation he’d once wreaked on her. It felt as though someone had taken hold of his heart and squeezed it until the pain was so great he was sure he might die.
She’d been hesitant about starting over again here until she’d seen a commitment from him, telling her he would make a good father and he was no longer that man she’d believed had run out on her with no good reason. He’d thought he’d delivered with the prospect of employment at the hospital. Apparently not.
‘I just wanted you to stay,’ he muttered, feeling utterly pathetic that he’d failed her again.
‘It’s always about what you want, isn’t it, Charles? You know I’d hoped we’d moved on from the past, but this proves we’re no further on than we’ve ever been. Everything has to be on your terms, with no thought to how it affects me. You haven’t changed at all, but I have. I’m no longer prepared to be that woman who’ll wait until you get bored again.’
‘Harriet, please, we can sort this out. I’ve messed up. Tell me what I can do to fix this.’ He wasn’t above begging if that’s what it would take for her to give him another chance. This time he had much more to lose if she walked out of his life for good. He loved her more now than he ever had. Along with the baby he might never get to meet.
‘If you’d changed from the man who ended our engagement without even talking to me about it, I wouldn’t have to tell you what to do. We’re only going to make each other miserable trying to force this relationship to work simply so you can have us where you want us. If it’s okay with you, I’ll spend the night and leave tomorrow. I have a few things to sort out and some goodbyes to say. We can work out access arrangements when the baby is born. In the circumstances you’ll understand I want full custody. After all, I tried to do things your way.’
He sighed his reluctant acceptance. How could he object when she was right? If she loved him this wouldn’t be so difficult, but he couldn’t force her to feel the same way he did about her.
He should never have stepped out of his shoes as Laird and medical professional when he knew the heartache that caused from previous experience. Now he’d have to start the grieving process all over again. Grieving for the loss of the woman he loved, his child and the family he wasn’t destined to have.
CHAPTER TEN
‘I’M SORRY THINGS turned out this way.’ Charles walked out the door as though he’d just cancelled a phone contract.
Harriet, on the other hand, had just had her whole world ripped out from under her. Again.
She managed to stay upright until he was out of the room, then her legs gave way and she collapsed onto the bed, too stunned to even cry. The moment she’d decided to seduce Charles in London she’d set herself up for a fall. If she hadn’t given in to temptation she wouldn’t have to go through this heartbreak for a second time.
Ending it with him was the last thing she wanted to do but she’d done so in self-defence. By making decisions for her without consulting her, it was clear he’d learned nothing. The relationship was never going to work. Especially once the baby was here and he started taking over there too. If he was incapable of changing, of considering her thoughts and feelings, she would end up the one getting hurt. There was a baby to think about in all of this too. The only option she could see now was to walk away and save what little there was left of her heart. It wasn’t any easier to do second time around, even if it was through her choice this time.
She lay back on the bed and wondered when she’d started thinking of this place as home when it held so many panful memories for her. Now there was one more to add if she ever had the stupid idea of coming back. Whatever arrangements they made regarding the baby’s upbringing, she couldn’t put herself through this again.
Harriet curled up into a ball, her arm wrapped around her belly. It was only when she thought about their baby that the tears finally broke free and trickled from the corners of her eyes. It was just going to be the two of them from now on. Like her and her mum all over again. Except she’d make sure she had a job and a home to return to in case of this very eventuality.
Damn Charles Ross-Wylde for making her fall in love with him again. Now not only was she going to be a single mum, struggling to juggle motherhood and a career, but he’d damaged her heart beyond all repair this time. Along with her trust.
He’d offered her a job, a home and a place in his bed. The only thing he hadn’t been able to give her was the love she so desperately wanted from him. Charles had waited until she’d fallen in love with the idea of being part of a family here with him, then snatched it away by repeating the same mistakes.
If she’d kept driving that first night and never come back, she’d be in a different head space than she was in now. A few days over Christmas feeling sorry for herself would’ve been nothing compared to this. She’d seen the possibilities of living at Heatherglen and becoming part of the family, but she would have to leave it all behind to look out for herself because no one else was going to do it for her.
* * *
‘You’re up early this morning. All that excitement with Harri must have kept you awake.’
Esme was refilling Dougal’s water bowl when Charles made his way downstairs to the kitchen. Last night had left him drained but not in the way Esme probably imagined.
‘Have you seen her?’
‘Not yet. So, how do you really feel about the Dougal adoption plan?’
‘The what?’
‘Don’t tell me you didn’t get around to discussing it. Me and my big mouth.’
‘No, we...er...had some other things going on.’
Esme stuck her fingers in her ears. ‘Ugh. Stop. I don’t want to hear what my brother and his girlfriend got up to last night.’
‘Then tell me what it is you
’re wittering on about.’
She grabbed the two slices of toast as they popped up and began buttering them as though this was any ordinary morning and not the day after Charles had lost everything precious to him. ‘Harriet had the bright idea that you two should adopt Dougal and keep him here at the castle.’
Charles stopped castigating his sister long enough to consider the implications of that news. ‘Harriet wanted us to adopt Dougal?’
‘Yes.’ Esme munched on her breakfast, giving nothing else away about Harriet’s secret pet project but it told Charles all he needed to know. Harriet had thought about staying on and making a life with him here. Taking on a dog was a commitment for the family they should have become. It was his blundering in, trying to secure her employment, that had messed everything up. If he’d left her to come to her own conclusion about what she wanted, instead of trying to force her hand, she wouldn’t be leaving him.
He had been selfish. All this time he’d spent convincing her this was the place to raise the baby, he’d never once considered what would make her happy. He was asking her to give up everything she had achieved in London so he could have her and the baby here without disrupting his life. The truth was he didn’t have a life worth living without Harriet in it.
He’d sent her away twelve years ago rather than make her fit into this world and now that’s exactly what he was trying to do. She was the one expected to make all the concessions in this scenario he’d conjured up when it was clear it should’ve been him making the compromises to prove how much he loved her. He hoped it wasn’t too late to do that.
With renewed determination to get their relationship on track he headed for the door. ‘Esme, if Harriet comes through this way I need you to stall her.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘She wants to go back to London. I need you to keep her here until I get back, okay?’
‘What is going on with you, Charles?’ She was waving the remnants of her toast at him and if she knew how badly he’d screwed things up with Harriet, she’d be chucking it at him. He was going to do his best to fix things before Esme resorted to violence.
‘I’m trying to get myself a life,’ he answered, on his way out the door.
‘Well, don’t be long. We have a party to sort out.’ Esme apparently had faith that he could do that in one afternoon. As Charles got into his car and set off for Glasgow, he prayed she was right. After all, he had everything to lose if he didn’t get it right this time.
* * *
Harriet had intended to leave first thing, but she’d fallen fully clothed into an exhausted sleep so deep she hadn’t heard her phone alarm go off. It had been the sound of a car door slamming outside that had finally woken her. Although she hadn’t thought it possible, the sight of Charles driving away saddened her even more. If he wasn’t even prepared to fight for her there really was no way back for them.
She took her time getting ready and packing up the last of her things. With Charles gone she didn’t have the same urgency. Besides, she still had to say goodbye to Esme. Harriet was surprised to see her still sitting in the kitchen when she was usually at work by this time.
‘Hi, Harriet. Can I get you anything to eat for breakfast?’ Esme being nice to her was the last thing she needed. Much more of this and she’d start blubbing and tell her how much she loved her brother. She’d have to get out of here before she talked herself back into staying and condemned herself to a life with someone incapable of putting her first.
‘No, thanks. I’m going to head back to London. I have a lot to sort out.’
She didn’t enjoy keeping Esme in the dark, but she could do without any more drama. She was feeling too raw from the fallout to be exposed to someone else’s pain. It was only fair someone considered Esme’s feelings in these matters too, but she had to work through her own first.
‘When?’
‘Today. Now. As soon as I’ve woken up properly.’ She wasn’t looking forward to the long drive home, but she’d have to do it before she was faced with Charles again. There was no guarantee she’d maintain her dignity if that happened and her self-preservation was replaced with the overwhelming love for him she couldn’t seem to bury.
‘No! You can’t!’ Esme’s outburst was so loud it send Dougal scampering back to his bed with his tail between his legs.
‘I have to.’
‘But—but it’s—Hogmanay. We have our big Hogmanay party tonight. You can’t miss that.’
‘I’m really not in a partying mood.’ It was one thing to pretend to Esme that nothing had happened to spoil her time here but putting on a brave face for a house full of strangers would require an inner strength she no longer possessed.
‘It’s wonderful, Harriet. Everyone comes together for the party. We have music and enough whisky that we can usually persuade Charles to sing.’
That did catch her interest. It reminded her of the night she’d met him at university. At one of those alcohol-fuelled affairs where it had been too noisy to even think straight. Then Charles had picked up a guitar, begun strumming and that velvety Scottish accent had captivated everyone in the room. It was a long time since she’d heard him sing. The memory of it did nothing to alleviate her pain.
‘I’m sure I wouldn’t be missed.’
‘Oh, but you would. Hogmanay is a time for us all to be together. You haven’t seen anything until you’ve been to our Hogmanay party.’
‘I’m due back at work.’ She knew the lame excuse wouldn’t work but she attempted it anyway, her defences at an all-time low.
‘There’ll be dancing and fireworks and don’t forget all the men in kilts.’ Esme sensed her weakness and pounced. There was one man in particular who’d look delectable in the family tartan, but even the promise of that sight wasn’t enough for Harriet to prolong her inevitable departure.
‘Please, say you’ll be there, Harriet. It’s our way of saying goodbye to the past and welcoming in a new start.’ The way Esme described it, celebrating Hogmanay at Heatherglen was tempting. The closure she needed before starting over as a mother to this baby who needed her to love it enough for both parents. She could always slip away during the fireworks...
‘You can’t leave anyway. The caterers have stuffed up. I’m going to need you to go shopping for me.’ Esme pulled out a pad of paper from a drawer and started scribbling a list on it.
‘What? No. Can’t you get someone else to do it?’ She’d end up with a serious case of trolley rage if forced to endure the hordes stocking up as though they were preparing for the apocalypse on top of everything else.
‘There is no one else. I’m waiting for the fireworks guy to set up and Max is helping the band with their sound check. Charles delegated everything to me this year, and I can’t have people turning up without food to offer them. I need your help.’
She was getting stressed if she was admitting she couldn’t do this alone. If the event turned out to be a disaster Harriet knew she’d blame herself. Esme deserved someone to think of her for a change.
This was turning out to be the worst New Year’s Eve in history.
* * *
Everywhere Harriet turned she was confronted with families stocking up with copious amounts of alcohol and snacks. Some were arguing over how much they actually needed, others looked bored to tears, but they were all preparing to see in the New Year together. At the stroke of midnight, she’d be getting ready to leave Heatherglen for the last time. Faced with the reality of ringing in the New Year alone made for a depressing picture.
She found herself wandering away from the grocery aisles towards the clothing department. To the baby section. The tiny outfits drew her like a moth to a flame. Her eyes misted as she fingered the soft fabric and thought about preparing for the new arrival on her own. Something she and Charles should be doing together.
* * *
Charles no more want
ed to host a party than he wanted to go back to a house without Harriet. It was a tradition he usually enjoyed, unlike the recurring break-ups. This year he was prepared to let Esme take over. With any luck she’d throw herself so deeply into preparations he could excuse himself altogether. How could he celebrate the start of a new year when he’d finished this one on such a low? Loving Harriet wasn’t something he’d get over as soon as the clock struck midnight. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a fairy godmother who could wave her magic wand and make him happy again, or make Harriet love him.
He hadn’t seen her today, and he prayed his sister had been able to come up with a plan to keep her there for the few hours he’d been absent. It would be devastating if he didn’t get to see her one last time and beg for her forgiveness.
Charles braced himself for the onslaught of Dougal love and whatever else waited for him behind Heatherglen’s doors. If Esme was on her own and Harriet had gone, he’d never forgive himself and his sister would kill him once she found out how stupid he’d been. He could only hope with the upcoming party, the ear-blasting would be short-lived.
As predicted, as soon as he set foot inside the family home, Dougal was there to greet him. He reached down to stroke the only one who’d be pleased to see him, no matter what. When he glanced up from his crouched position on the floor he met those anguished eyes that had haunted him since last night.
‘Esme wanted me to stay for the party.’
The sight of her when he thought he’d convinced himself he might never see her again hit him so hard it almost knocked him onto his backside.
‘Can you give Harriet and me a minute, sis?’ He was aware he was on borrowed time with Harriet now, especially if she worked out he’d been behind the ruse to get her to delay leaving for a while.
