by Meghan Zeb
Gods Vs Mortals
By Meghan Zeb
Copyright 2013 by Meghan Zeb
Cover by AnaJadeYu
Jessica, Taylor and Brynn were three peas in a pod. They worked at the same company together, went out at night together, and spent their weekends together. They also screwed things up together, something for which they were rather famous. Jessica was a tall, blonde Amazon. Taylor was a short, dark-haired nerd. Brynn was a flighty, unusually tanned redhead.
The Walter Whackman Company was where the three girls worked. The owner, Walter Whackman, was teased more times than anyone could count about his name. The building was a gray, boring building smack dab in the middle of brightly colored buildings in the brightly colored town of Brighton. The Walter Whackman Company boxed up office supplies that were to be shipped to other companies in need of such supplies. It was menial labor and the three friends agreed they were only working there until they could do what they really wanted to do with their lives. It was boring and they all knew that they weren’t well liked by their co-workers and employers. They were good workers, but unfortunately some form of disaster always followed them. A few weeks ago, Jessica bumped into Brynn, who was holding the coffeepot. It dropped, spraying hot coffee and shattered glass over other employees standing nearby. Luckily, no one had been really hurt, but there were a few people wandering around the warehouse with coffee-stained clothes and irritated expressions.
One of the coffee-stained employees was so annoyed (her shirt was brand-new) that she tacked up a badly drawn picture of the three of them with the brightly colored, bolded caption: The Three Muskaturds. Everyone found this extremely funny and the girls heard that name for weeks much to their dismay.
Another Monday rolled around and it was a drab day and put the friends in a drab mood. Jessica groaned as she parked in the last spot in the lot. “I’m so tired. I really don’t like this working full-time for a living. I want to earn money catching fresh clams from the ocean and selling them to restaurants.” She loved the beach and had an obsession with eating clams.
Taylor grinned, used to the I wish game. “And I would like to earn money by creating characters like Gollum for movies, Precious.” Taylor had a strong fondness for The Lord of the Rings movies, and she often quoted Gollum to amuse herself.
Brynn stretched her deeply tanned arms above her head. “And I want to design clothing with unique and funny pictures on them.” She had sewn a picture of hands onto three t-shirts that pointed to interesting areas of the body. They all wore them rather frequently, especially when they went out together.
Jessica swiped her I.D. card at the doors and they walked back to shipping and receiving, leaving their dreams behind them.
*~*~*
The Heavens were full of Gods, and they frequently tried to one-up each other in strength and power. There was the God of Lightning who would put on a huge light display with many jagged bolts of light to impress the others. The God of Rain would unleash downpours in the middle of the day, and then turn it back to a light and sparkly rain. There was the God of Earth who caused massive earthquakes and volcanic eruptions when her mood swings were in full force. Thankfully, that wasn’t often, but they were all careful of pissing her off. Then there were three Gods who ruled together to keep humans in check. They were the Gods of Peace, Hope, and Love. They were too upbeat for the other Gods, so they were quite often left alone together in a corner of the sky. They weren’t the greatest Gods in the universe, unfortunately. Lust usually overtook love, not many people had hope for a better future, and not many people were at peace with themselves.
The God of Peace sighed, clutching a bit of fluffy white cloud to her chest. “Girls, I get so tired of trying to get humans to be peaceful sometimes.”
“Humans are capable of so much love, but they try so hard to fight it sometimes. It depresses me,” the God of Love chimed in. “They just never understood the phrase all you need is love. The Beatles certainly knew it.” She twirled her finger in a wisp of cloud that floated by.
“Yeah, I have little hope for humans anymore,” the God of Hope remarked, flopping back onto a cloud with a groan.
The three Gods sighed in unison and gazed down at Earth. The God of Peace blew on her finger, aimed it down over the side of a cloud, and a spark of light shot from the tip. The three of them watched as a man found some measure of inner peace, relaxed, and stopped thinking of how he’d get through another work day. Not to be outdone, the God of Hope flicked a finger and they watched as a young girl started to feel hopeful that a boy she liked would ask her to the school dance. The God of Love kissed her fingers and blew and watched with amusement as a middle-aged couple was rather abruptly overcome with love; starry eyes and all.
“Whoa,” she commented when they got a little frisky. “See what I mean?”
“You know, it’s nice when things work out, but I just can’t help feeling that there’s more to life than this. It’s just so rare that the things we do for mortals ever really stick. I mean, that young girl is hopeful that the boy she likes will ask her, but young boys can be cruel,” the God of Peace said.
“Yeah, I wish we could just cut loose for once and not worry about the fate of the world,” the God of Hope said sadly.
They all sighed and glumly watched over all humans, the very beings they were sick of helping.
*~*~*
Back on earth, the three friends were packing office supplies into large, brown boxes and setting them on the conveyor belt to be closed at the end of the line. Jessica was jabbering on to Taylor and Brynn about the finer points of locating the best kind of clams and which restaurants had the best ones. Encouraged by her friends interest, she emphasized her point of how big clams could get by spreading her hands and a particularly heavy box they were hefting onto the conveyor belt slipped from their grip. Office supplies spilled out and pens went rolling, pads of paper fluttered about, ink spilled, and paper clips slid out in an unending stream. The conveyor belt gave an almighty jerk and made a loud grinding sound. It continued for a moment and then it just stopped completely. Everyone turned and stared at them; the only ones who had been talking and not paying complete attention. Jessica’s mouth was hanging open in shock, while Brynn and Taylor just looked sick.
The supervisor came rushing over. “What the hell happened here?! Who’s responsible for this?” he yelled, a vein bulging in his neck. His body temperature was rocketing if the color of his face was any indication.
He was puffing heavily, his thinning comb-over hair in disarray. Little strands were sticking straight up in the air, the rest glued to his forehead. Jessica opened her mouth to tell the truth, but nothing came out. Her vocal chords had apparently shut down.
Timmy, the oh-so-helpful-butt-kisser, helped them out. “The Three Muskaturds let the box drop because they were too busy yapping.”
Brynn closed her eyes in anticipation of what was coming. Manny the supervisor turned, his vein throbbing even more, to face them. “What do you have to say for yourselves?” he whispered, standing perfectly still. He sounded as if he’d burst if he moved one muscle.
Taylor cleared her throat. “We were at fault, sir. We’re so sorry, we didn’t mean for it to happen. We’ll help however…” she trailed off as Manny moved a muscle. His eyelid twitched spasmodically. That was never a good sign.
“Damn right you’ll help!” he roared. “You’ll help by not receiving your next paycheck, all of you! This will back things up horrendously until it’s fixed! And you’ll help by leaving, because all three of you are fired!” He finished his screaming rant with a spray of spittle that went flying over the unfortunate employees standing too close.
Flushed bright red, the three girls shared the utter hu
miliation and didn’t say another word. They just hurried out of the room. Not a word passed between them as they gathered their belongings and headed out into the sunshine. Hurrying across the pavement to their car, feeling the warm and gentle breeze blow over them, the three of them started crying. They held onto each other and just let the flow come.
Tears finally ebbing nearly ten minutes later, Jessica pulled back. “It’s my fault. I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am to both of you. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me forever.”
Brynn rubbed the back of her hand against her tear-swollen eyes. “Don’t, Jess. It’s not just your fault. We were talking, too, and we were encouraging you to tell us your story. We all had hold of that box, and we all fumbled it.”
“Yes. Please don’t blame yourself, Jess. It was our fault, too, and now we have to suffer the humiliation and the consequences,” Taylor added, her voice shaky.
They piled into Taylor’s car when they calmed down and pulled out of the lot, not knowing where to go now that they were fired.
*~*~*
“Heaven is such a wonderful place. Even people who don’t understand and have never been here say chocolate, massages, and sex is heavenly.” The Gods of Peace and Hope giggled at the God of Love.
“Yeah, but they just assume it’s heavenly, because it’s taught that Heaven is a wonderful place.”
The God of Peace glanced down at Earth and frowned. “Oh no. Look at those poor girls,” she murmured, interrupting the conversation. The Gods of Hope and Love followed her gaze and saw the whole scene unfold at the Walter Whackman Company with Jessica, Brynn, Taylor and their supervisor Manny.
“Those three girls have hearts of gold. They made a mistake and look how this man treats them. It’s unforgivable.”
“Those poor girls,” the God of Love said with a sigh.
“We should do something about this. Manny needs to be punished for treating them like that,” the God of Hope said angrily.
They looked at each other, not sure if they dared to do anything. It wasn’t up to them; there was a God of Punishment and he was one of the Head Honchos in Heaven. He was the only one that was supposed to dole out punishment. They knew they’d be risking their comfortable spot if they did something, but the three of them felt like they understood the three human women below. It was an odd feeling, something they were not quite sure they understood. They knew what it was like to make mistakes and be treated like dirt when you were actually a good person. Many of the other Gods weren’t very fond of them and the three of them had suffered humiliation like that before.
“Let’s do it,” the God of Peace whispered. She was willing to risk the wrath to punish this man and the other rude employees for their attitudes towards the three women.
With a little twisty puff of pink smoke, the God of Love aimed her smoking finger toward Manny. A round emerald green puff shot from the God of Peace’s finger and aimed for the employees. The God of Hope shot purple, streamer-like wisps over everyone.
*~*~*
On earth, Manny the supervisor very suddenly felt quite strange. He became all starry-eyed and decided to approach Faye, the large, burly woman who spoke very little and helped heft the boxes onto the truck. He gave her what he thought was a winning smile. “I dream about how you so masterfully heft those boxes onto the trucks. I’d be honored if you would date a man who still lives with his mother.”
Faye shot daggers at him with her beady, brown eyes and proceeded to clunk him over the head with a carton of office supply paper. He stepped backward from the blow and tripped over another employee’s foot. Faye put her booted foot on his chest and effectively pinned him down. “You’re a weirdo,” she muttered.
“Get off me!” he cried. The other employees looked on peacefully, feeling oddly like they had taken some happy pills, and started loading all the broken supplies from the floors onto the carts to be taken to the trucks. They were so spaced out on hope and peace that they didn’t care about anything else.
So, alas, Manny struggled to no avail to unlodge Faye’s foot from his chest. The other employees were dropping and breaking more items as they carried boxes to the truck.
“Oh, don’t worry about,” Timmy-the-butt-kisser said to his co-workers. “I have faith everything will be okay. We can just leave that stuff there.”
Everyone was still acting stupid when Walter Whackman strode in looking furious. He pushed his thick-rimmed glasses higher onto his nose. “What is going on in here?!” he growled, his voice sounding very girlish. “There’s a broken conveyor belt and you people are dropping and breaking valuable items! And Manny, get up!”
“I’m trying!” Manny wheezed.
*~*~*
Up in Heaven, the three Gods laughed until they cried. Then with a crack that rattled even the clouds, the God of Punishment came down for a visit. “And who in Heaven gave you the permission to punish these people?” His voice was quietly furious as his cold green eyes focused on them.
Instantly alert, and now scared by what they’d done, the God of Hope spoke. “W-we just thought it wasn’t f-fair that they fired those girls without giving them a second chance. They only made a m-mistake…” she trailed off at the look in the God of Punishment’s eyes.
“You had no right. The three of you are a disgrace to Gods.” The other Gods in the Heavens were standing by quietly and listening.
“On orders from the upper Powers, you three are banished forthwith to earth, to live out the lives of the three girls you so unsuccessfully tried to help.”
A booming sound shook the Heavens and swirls of pink, green, and purple mist surrounded everything in Heaven and on earth. When the mist cleared, the three women from Earth stood there in the Heavens, naked as the day they were born.
“What on earth….”
*~*~*
The God of Hope woke slowly, her head pounding out a staccato rhythm. “Oh man,” she whispered. Her stomach rolled and she felt like she was going to be sick.
She blinked her eyes open and catching sight of her surroundings, she frowned. Squinting, she gasped, “What in Heaven's name…”
She looked to her right and saw a small, dark-haired woman sleeping on the floor next to her. Quickly, she turned to her left and saw a red-haired woman with a really tan arm flung over her face. The God of Hope stood up and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her blue eyes widened as she took in the stranger’s appearance. She had long blonde hair, long legs, and long arms. She couldn’t think of anything else to do but scream.
The other women leaped to their feet at the sound, shocked right out of sleep. And when they caught sight of themselves, they began to scream as well. When their throats hurt too much to continue, they stopped and stared dumb-founded at each other.
“Who’s who?” The God of Hope whispered.
“I’m the God of Love,” the redhead murmured, looking down and wrinkling her nose at her very tanned skin. It was so horribly unnatural.
“I’m the God of Peace,” the dark-haired one whispered. She looked down at her short legs in dismay. She was like a midget!
“I’m an Amazon!” The God of Hope wailed. She stretched her long legs out and they all stared at their length in fascinated horror.
“I haven’t used a bathroom in eons, not since I was human,” the God of Peace whined, “but my nerves are shot and now I have to!” She raced out of the room, a little unsteady on her new, short legs.
“Where are we?” the God of Love asked. They were in a room that was many shades of blue. Curtains fluttered in the breeze that drifted in through the open window. A large bed was in the corner, unkempt but not slept in. Pictures of strange people were on the wall, and books and clothes lay scattered about in messy piles.
The God of Hope walked slowly around the room taking everything in. She trailed a hand over a small figure of a pale creature with large eyes that looked vaguely familiar. “Wasn’t it Taylor that liked that creature from Lord of the Rings?”
/>
The God of Peace came back in, trailing toilet paper that was stuck to her foot. “Ew, I forgot how much I hated using the bathroom. And yes, I’m – or Taylor – is the one who likes Gollum.” She walked over to examine the small figure of the creature and a look of glazed happiness passed over her face as she stroked a finger over the pale, bulbous head.
The God of Love rolled her eyes and tried unsuccessfully to hide a snicker. “Let's get out of here.”
As they headed outside, The God of Peace squinted against the sunlight. “Where are we going?”
The God of Hope headed confidently toward the beat-up gray sedan in the driveway. “Grab the keys, ladies. Whatever happened, we’re here, so we’re going to the bar. That’s one thing a human does that sounds fun!”
*~*~*
Jessica stared in shock at the other two naked women standing next to her. She didn’t recognize them. “Who are you?” she screeched.
“I’m Brynn, who are you?” the pink-haired one screeched back.
“It’s me, Jessica,” Jessica said, calming down. “And I guess you’re Taylor?” she questioned the green-haired woman.
When Taylor nodded, Jessica suddenly seemed to realize she was naked as well and tried covering herself; the other two followed suit having realized the same thing. “Why the hell are we naked and where are we?”
They turned around and Jessica, Brynn, and Taylor screamed simultaneously as they realized they had an audience. In a full-blown panic, they tried to hide their nakedness by standing behind each other. Since they were all attempting to hide, they just succeeded in flailing around in a circle.
The other Gods were snickering behind their hands, while the God of Punishment just looked furious.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen!” he roared in frustrated anger. “Your souls were supposed to be put into newly created bodies. How in Heaven did you get here?”
Jessica stopped flailing about and stared at him. “Who are you? And before we do anything, can we please have something to wear?”
The God of Punishment snapped his fingers and the three women were clothed in soft, gossamer robes. Brynn shakily raked her fingers through her hair.
