“Why?” he asks, studying me quizzically, like he truly can’t fathom why someone would feel uncomfortable around disembodied schlongs.
“Because dildos are weird. They’re like that hand from the Adam’s Family, running around detached from the rest of itself. Some things require context to be appealing.”
He nods, clearly fighting a smile. “But cucumbers are okay?”
“Of course. Cucumbers are cucumbers. Whole different kettle of Not Penis.”
“All right, then when you do this for real, you can use a cucumber. Or a carrot or whatever phallic vegetable floats your boat.” He holds up the candy. “But for now we have penis pops. Homemade cherry-flavored, from the candy shop on the square.”
I blink, and he answers my unspoken question. “They have a secret back room where they keep the naughty sugar.”
“Like what?” I ask, intrigued. “I mean, aside from peen pops?”
“All sorts of things.” He wiggles his brows too over-the-top and silly to be sexy, but my skin still feels tighter than it did before. “We can go on a field trip after we’re finished with our lesson, if you like. You can see for yourself.”
I balk at the thought. “But Penny works there.”
“So?”
“She also caters some of the weddings at the bed and breakfast. I see her in real life.”
“Well, she also caters bachelor and bachelorette parties. And she makes these personally.” He ticks the pop back and forth in the air before bringing it to his mouth and taking a lick. “Mmm, delicious.”
He licks it again, and I snort-choke, torn between amusement and mortification. “You look ridiculous.”
“Pretend I’m you.”
“I have a good imagination, but not that good.”
“I’ll be you,” he insists, “and you be a man who’s into you.”
I shake my head, my cheeks heating. “No, I feel silly.”
“Come on, it’s not that hard,” he says in a higher voice that’s eerily familiar. “I thought you were into trying new things.”
I hunker lower in my chair, shoulders inching closer to my ears, cringing even as a grin tightens my cheeks. “Oh my God, you sound just like me. How are you doing that?”
“I’m an excellent mimic. I can sound just like Stevie Nicks, too. We should swing by karaoke night at Crystal Lotus later, and I’ll show you.”
I giggle. “Yes. I want to hear you sing ‘Rhiannon’ in your Stevie voice. In front of everyone.”
“Done,” he says, batting his lashes in a way that is both cute and ridiculous. “But only if you play along, mister.”
“Okay, fine,” I say, wincing as I sit up straight and spread my legs apart under the table. I spread my arms as well and puff up my chest, dropping my voice as low as I can before I add, “But I can’t promise to be as good at this as you are.”
Shep laughs—high and soft, still completely in character. “It’s not a competition. It’s an opportunity to try something a little different.” He licks the lollipop again, pausing this time to tease his tongue over the tip of the bright-red candy schlong.
I almost break and snatch the thing from his mouth, but I force myself to grunt out in my man voice, “So you’re really into sexy candy, I see.”
“I love licking things,” he replies sweetly, almost innocently, though there’s definitely the hint of something wicked around his eyes. “All sorts of things. I have a bit of an oral fixation, I guess you’d say.”
“That sounds gross.”
“Remember, you’re a man,” he says, batting his lashes again. “I don’t think that’s what a man would say.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine, then I guess…” I clear my throat and force myself to commit to the stereotype. “That’s hot. That you…like to lick stuff.”
Shep almost breaks—I can see the laugh start to rumble in his chest—but he pulls it together to whisper, “It is hot. But you know what’s even hotter?”
“What’s that, baby?” I ask, playing it up in hopes of making him lose it, but Shep doesn’t miss a beat.
“Getting tested for STDs. Together.”
My hairline jumps back an inch, but I stay in character. “Oh yeah? Is that what really does it for you?”
He nods slowly as he runs his tongue up and down the shaft of the candy. “Oh yeah. It drives me crazy. A little blood draw, a cookie after, and, once the negative results come back, condom-less blow jobs as far as the eye can see.”
“I like the sound of that,” I say gruffly. “But I’m clean. I promise. We don’t need to get tested. We should go back to my place. Right now.”
“Tempting, but…” Shep trails off with a sigh and another sensuous lick of the pop that actually makes me tingle a little, proving I’m getting way too into this role-play. “But I’m a safety girl. I want you safe and me safe and nothing on our minds except how good we can make each other feel. I’ve got an appointment for two later this afternoon. You sure you won’t come with me?”
“I hate needles,” I hedge. I’m ready to head off to the clinic right now, but I feel like the average man would put up more of a fuss.
“I hate the taste of latex,” Shep counters. “Some things taste so much better bare, don’t you think?”
“I, um…” I trail off, my traitorous mind offering up images of Shep and I both bare, tasting each other, my tongue on his lollipop and his tongue—
I run a hand through my hair, dropping the man act with a nervous laugh. “Sorry. I lost my train of thought.”
Shep rumbles back in his real voice, clearly pleased with himself. “Good. That’s what’s supposed to happen. He gets so turned on he’s at the free clinic getting tested before he knows what hit him.” He waves his lollipop like a wand. “And voilá, you’ve got a safe and happy partner who’s going to be thinking of nothing but how desperate he is to feel your mouth on him every second of every day until those results come back. No stress, no weirdness, all fun and good times.” He pushes the second candy across the table. “Now you try.”
I shake my head. “No way. I can’t. Not in public.”
“Yes, in public,” he insists. “If you try this at home, you’ll run this risk of him jumping on you before you get the message across.”
I roll my eyes but reach for the lolly and unwrap the top. “Because he’s going to be soooo turned on by watching me lick a candy penis?”
“Yes,” Shep confirms in a husky voice that goes straight between my legs.
“Really?” I hold his gaze as I drag my tongue across the top of the pop, a burst of sharp cherry flooding my mouth and heat flooding the rest of me.
Flames flicker to life in Shep’s gaze, giving me the confidence to linger with the candy, licking it up and down, up and down, until a soft groan escapes his throat.
“You look like you’re enjoying that,” he whispers in a voice that’s all drawn curtains and hot whispers in the shadows.
“I am,” I reply. “But I’d rather have my mouth on you. Think you’d be up for going to get tested with me in a couple hours so we’ll both be safe when that happens?”
“Yes,” he says without a beat of hesitation.
I fight a grin. “Shouldn’t you be a little more resistant, mystery man?”
“No. I’ll do whatever it takes. Whatever you want,” he says, making my nipples pull tight inside my bra. “As long as it gets you naked in my bed.”
The hunger in his voice, his eyes, steals my breath away, and I’m suddenly possessed by the urge to bite the candy off the stick and chomp up every delicious bite.
But that wouldn’t be very sexy. And I really want Shep to keep looking at me like that, even if this is all pretend.
“Bridget?” he says, his attention still fixed on me with an intensity that has me buzzing all over.
“Yes?”
“I texted Cutter last night and—”
“Hey, there! Sorry to interrupt you.”
Shep and I flinch, and I hurriedly cover b
oth red peens with a napkin before turning to face a tall, skinny high school kid wearing a Sips Ahoy apron and a crooked sailor cap on his curly blond head.
The boy holds out a piece of paper with a twenty-dollar bill beneath it. “But I just found this on the counter when I came back from getting ice for the frozen mocha machine, and I thought you should see it now.” He hands what looks like a note and the money over to Shep. “It’s nice, but also kind of strange, you know?”
Shep scans the note, his expression sobering before he glances back up. “You didn’t see who left this?”
The boy shakes his head. “No, sorry. I was only in the back for a couple of minutes, but I missed whoever it was.”
“Do you have security cameras in the café?” Shep asks, glancing up at the ceiling.
The boy shakes his head again. “No, sorry. We’re a pretty old school operation. My boss makes us accept checks and everything. Even though, like, who writes checks anymore? Like, just get a debit card or an app for your phone or whatever, right?”
“Right,” Shep murmurs as he passes the note across the table, thanking the boy, who turns to leave as I scan the brief missive.
Coffee’s on me and so is the advice—Ditch the girl and get yourself a woman. You only get one life. Don’t waste a minute of it.
Chapter Fifteen
Shep
Bridget paces in front of the picture windows in my summer sublet—renting a place instead of crashing at Bridget’s, and being forced daily into the path of temptation, was my summer gift to myself—scanning the street below like she’s looking for snipers.
“It’s fine,” I insist, setting her half of our to-go cupcake on the kitchen island and pulling out a stool. “Come. Sit. Eat your cupcake before it gets cold.”
“Cupcakes don’t get cold, and we should be at the police station.” She props a knee on the window seat and leans closer to the glass. “I bet you can see every inch of your apartment from the gazebo in the park. We should check after dark. And you should keep your blinds drawn when you’re home. Just in case.”
“I’m not going to live without sunlight because a fan has a crush on me.”
“She’s stalking you, Shep.” Bridget turns to pin me with a fretful look. “And it’s getting worse. This is what? The fourth or fifth note this month?”
“I’m not sure. The others were all typed. So this could have been someone else, a fan who just happened to be in the coffee shop at the same time we were and thought it would be nice to pay our bill.”
“And tell you to ditch me in creepy psychopath handwriting.”
“The handwriting was creepy,” I concede.
“So creepy.” Bridget shudders as she pulls her sweater tighter across her chest.
“If you’re cold, I can turn up the heat. Maybe make some more coffee?”
“I’m not cold. I’m worried.” She crosses the apartment’s small but cozy living room to lean against the island across from me. She doesn’t even look at her cupcake, a sure sign that she’s shaken by what happened this afternoon. Bridget appreciates dessert nearly as much as I do. “Does this happen a lot?” She threads her fingers into a fist on top of the counter. “Fans crossing the line?”
“Not to me, no.” I shrug. “But Colin and Cutter have both had issues with some over-the-top people. It’s mostly harmless stuff like sending weird presents to the venues or trying to sneak in backstage. But one girl broke into Cutter’s hotel room in Phoenix. He walked in and there she was, naked in his bed with a giant stuffed shark.”
Bridget cocks her head. “Because she’d heard he was obsessed with sharks?”
“And naked women.”
She huffs. It’s not quite a laugh, but it’s close enough to make me hope we’re on the verge of putting this behind us. “So what did he do? Call the police?”
I rub a hand across the back of my neck. “Well…from what I understand she was a very attractive woman.”
“A very attractive crazy woman,” Bridget says, her lips curving up on one side. “But then, Cutter’s not all there himself, is he?”
I grin. “No, he’s not. Though in his defense, it was a really nice stuffed shark, too. He had it hanging from the ceiling of the tour bus for a while.”
Bridget hums beneath her breath. “Right. So he’d never let you live it down if you called the cops because a fan bought you coffee and left you an overly personal note, huh?”
“Absolutely not. But that’s not why I’d like to let it go. I just don’t want to waste the police department’s time, you know? They have real crimes to deal with. People to save, parking tickets to write…”
“Hidden Kill Bay has to be the parking ticket capital of the world.”
“Or at least the eastern seaboard,” I agree.
“All right.” Bridget sighs as she reaches out, covering my hand with her cooler, smaller one. “But promise me you’ll get help if it gets any worse, okay? I know you’re a big tough guy and all that, but you’re still human and vulnerable.” She hesitates before adding, “And I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”
I turn my palm over, threading my fingers through hers. “Ditto. So be sure to snap your helmet under your chin when you’re riding your bike. Every time.”
“Yes, sir,” she says as she swipes a finger through the icing on her cupcake and pops the lucky digit into her mouth.
My jaw clenches and a bolt of desire knifes through me with enough force to make me grateful for the support of the island. This woman literally makes my knees weak, my heart pound, my entire body ache to get her in my bed and show her all the things she makes me feel.
Watching her with that damned lollipop today was enough to give me chest pains.
She’s so beautiful. So damned sexy.
She’s on the verge of becoming the confident, irresistible woman she wants be, but all I can think about is how much I want things to stay the same. The thought of coming home and watching Bridget flirt with her man of the moment makes me physically ill.
If we keep at this, I’m going to end up holding her back. I need to end the experiment now, before we get in any deeper than we have already. “Bridget, I’ve been thinking and—”
She cuts me off with a sugar-scented finger pressed to my mouth. “No. The answer is no.”
“No to what?” I murmur, the feel of my lips moving against her skin enough to make me hard because when it comes to this woman, I’m hopeless.
Absolutely hopeless.
“I refuse to accept your resignation,” she says. “You’re doing an amazing job. The penis pops were brilliant. You were right. Safe sex can be fun. And I can totally see myself pulling that off, especially with a guy I’ve already got a good connection with. But that’s only the beginning. We’re just getting started.”
“Sometimes you should quit while you’re still ahead,” I say, my breath catching as her finger skims back and forth across my bottom lip. “Bridget…”
Her name is a warning, one I know she hears—the way her gaze jumps to mine before returning to my mouth assures me she got the message loud and clear—but she doesn’t pull away, and when she speaks her voice is husky. “I’m not a quitter, Shepherd. Not while there’s still hope, and you gave me a lot of hope today. So I wanted to… Well, I was wondering if you might want to…”
“I got tested this morning,” I say.
Her lips part with a soft sound of surprise that sends electricity sparking across my skin. “You did? Really?” Her fingers drift lower, coming to settle on my chest, where my heart is slamming against my ribs.
“But I won’t have the results until sometime next week.”
“But still…” Her other hand comes to rest beside the first as I shift around the corner of the island. “You went and got tested. Just because of the talk we had yesterday?”
“It was obviously important to you. And if there was even the ghost of a chance things between us might go that far, I wanted to be sure you felt safe.
”
“I think there’s more than the ghost of a chance,” she says, holding my gaze. “Don’t you?”
“I do,” I concur, while my cock strains toward her in silent, desperately turned-on agreement.
“I’ll make an appointment, too.” Her arms slide up around my neck as my hands come to rest on her hips, my fingers curling into the soft fabric of her black cotton skirt. “And head into the clinic tomorrow.”
“They don’t have any free appointments until next week. I had to call in a favor to get seen today.” I hug her closer. “But I’m not worried about it, Bridge. You don’t have to get tested for me. I’m sure you’re fine.”
“But what if I’m not?” She leans in, the feel of her breasts against my chest sending hunger surging through every Bridget-starved cell in my body.
“You’re clean. There’s no doubt in my mind.” I murmur my next words against her temple. “And even if you weren’t, I wouldn’t care. You’re worth it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Attraction doesn’t always make sense.” I kiss her forehead. “It kind of plays by its own rules.”
“I’m beginning to realize that,” she says, her voice catching as I cup her ass in my hands, drawing her closer to where I ache. Her lashes flutter against my cheek. “God, I want you so much. I’ve never felt anything like this before. Even a week feels like way too long to wait.”
“We don’t have to wait,” I murmur, my nose brushing hers as I bring my lips a whisper away from her mouth. “We could do other things to each other. Or I could just do things to you.”
She shudders against me, and it’s all I can do not to throw her over my shoulder and sprint for my bedroom. “That seems selfish.”
“It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.” I kiss her softly, but even a brush of her skin against mine is enough to make my head spin. “And it wouldn’t be selfish as far as I’m concerned. I get off on giving.”
Bang Theory Page 11
