by NM Facile
Jack took the girls to the cemetery. His police contact had assured him that Ty’s body had been cremated, and buried next to his mother. There was nothing to mark the grave, but the bare ground where there should have been snow, was the first real hit Mary took. The time to say goodbye had come. The evidence was in front of her. He wasn’t coming back. The slim hope she had held onto that this was all a mistake was gone. Ty was gone.
Faith left her alone once they returned to the apartment. The tears came and went. One day spilled into another, and Mary let more things go. She called and resigned from East Side. She spoke with Karen and let her know that she wouldn’t be coming back to Safe Works.
Ty’s scent faded from her pillows. She wore the few shirts of his that were left behind, until all trace of him was gone from them, too. She began to pack her belongings into boxes while saying goodbye to her dreams piece by piece: the dreams she had of them together, the dreams of a future with Ty. She relived the memory of each kiss, releasing them one by one as the tears fell. Finally, she deleted the voicemails she had been unable to listen to earlier. His voice haunted her. He professed his love for her, and begged her again and again just to let it all go and run away with him. If only she had.
Ty had been good to her. He had lied and kept a part of his life hidden from her, but she could see now that he had done it because he loved her.
Yes, each day she let a little more go, piece by piece she let go; and piece by piece she put herself back together.
Chapter 19 - Live Again
Mary and Faith shared a quiet Thanksgiving at their apartment. Faith even took the holiday off, as it would be their last one together. Mary planned to leave in early December. She didn’t have a date set, but she was putting things in order. She insisted on leaving all the furniture and housewares behind with Faith. She would take only the personal belongings that would fit into her car.
She lived one day at a time, feeling like she was moving forward some days, and clinging to the past on others. A new life awaited her, but she wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to the old one. The days grew shorter, and the nights longer and colder. She had been through so much in such a short time, things that would be hard enough to endure in a lifetime, let alone a few short months.
She had avoided the box next to her closet for as long as she could. On her first day home from Florida, she’d spotted the little bat sticking out of it, and had known immediately what it contained. Ty had said he had stuff for her; he must have brought it by on that last day, before…
She hadn’t been able to bring herself to open it, but now it was the last thing left to sort through. It was all she had left. How could something as big as their love and their time together fit into one little box? She dumped the contents and put the items back in the box one by one. They were just common, everyday items she’d left at his place over time: some hair bands and perfume bottles, a book or two, and some extra clothes that had probably been forgotten on his bedroom floor at some point. She imagined him gathering them as she had done with things he had left behind. What had he been thinking as he did it? Did he believe it was over between them, or had he hoped for a chance to reconnect? What were those last few days like for him? Had he grieved for her?
She found her iPod in the pile. She still had his. They had never traded them back. She couldn’t listen to it yet, but someday she would. At least she still had that small part of him. The black bat stared at her with its hard glass eyes. The day in Como Park had been so beautiful, so perfect. They had been happy, or at least she had. She could look back now and see how different Ty had been that day. He had shifted between excitement and almost a silent brooding with every turn. He had to have known what lay ahead; there was no more denying it. The only question now was why he had gone if he had known what was coming.
She picked up the bat and caressed it, thinking of Ty’s tattoo. Where was his redemption now? She felt the little rip in the seam, and the crumple of paper underneath it. She slipped her fingers in and pulled it out. The tears returned, and through blurry eyes she read his last words to her:
Mary,
I don’t know where I’ll be when you find this, probably in the system somewhere. I won’t ask you to wait for me. I want to, but I won’t.
I don’t know what you’ll be told. Just know that I chose this. I made this decision a long time ago. In the beginning, I saw it as the only way out. It was my ticket to freedom. It was also a small way to make up for the lives I’ve hurt in the past, and to try to keep more from being harmed in the future. I never thought someone like you would come into my life. Had I known, things might have been different.
I looked for other ways to make it work, but no matter which path I chose, you would have suffered. This was the best way. You have your family and your friends. They love you and they need you, too.
I’m sorry for the lies. There was no other way to keep you safe. By now, I’m sure you know what I mean. Let it all go and don’t look back. Maybe someday you’ll understand why I did this, and maybe even find a way to forgive me. I thought this would settle the debt, but I’ll continue to pay for my sins every day, living without you. Maybe someday it will be repaid in full. Even if it isn’t, just know that I have always loved you.
Ty
The wound was reopened and began to bleed anew. This note was all that was left of what they had. Something so powerful and wonderful, reduced to nothing more than some black ink between blue lines. She put the letter back into the box with everything else, and went to bed. Tonight she would cry again for what was lost, and tomorrow she would leave.
Even though she barely slept, she was up early. Faith would be helping at Safe Works for most of the day and Mary wanted to spend the last few hours with her before she took off. The girls loaded the last items into Mary’s car and went out for breakfast. Parting was hard enough without leaving from the home they shared; saying goodbye in public would keep them both from falling apart. Mary was a little envious that Faith had somewhere to be, to help take her mind from it. Mary had nothing but hours of driving ahead of her, long empty hours on the road with only her thoughts to keep her company.
The girls picked at the waffles in front of them and made small talk.
“Don’t drive tired. Take your time getting there. When you stop at a hotel, sleep as long as you can.” Faith fretted all through the meal.
“I will, Mom.” Mary smiled at her. It was hard to be annoyed when she knew that Faith only worried because she loved her.
“Keep me posted on where you are.”
“I promise. Let me know how things are going here. I’m going to miss all of you so much.”
Their bill came and Faith paid. The time to leave was upon them. An awkward, hesitant silence fell between them as they walked to the parking lot.
“Did you remember everything? A survival kit if you get caught in a storm?”
“The weather report is clear for the next few days at least. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“What about everything else? Your cell phone?” Mary held it up to show her. “The charger, did you remember your charger?”
“I’m sure I have it all. Stop worrying, I’m going to be fine.”
The pause was back, neither of them wanting to be the first to say goodbye.
“So I guess this is it.” Mary had cried so much in the past few weeks that she didn’t see how there could still be tears.
“No. It’s just a little distance. We’ll still be in touch. We can Skype and it’ll be just like being together.”
It was true, they would stay in touch, but they both knew it would never be the same. It was just another one of those milestones that comes with growing up. If they hadn’t been parting now, they would eventually. One or both of them would find a guy, get married and move away. Of course they would always be there for each other when it counted, but everyday life would slowly take over, making this time they had together that much more special.
Mary hugged Faith to her, hard. They clung to each other, not noticing the cold or the looks from passersby. Finally, goodbyes were said and they went their separate ways.
Mary sat behind the wheel, thinking about how much she was going to miss Faith. Who was going to look out for all those little things for her now? She smiled and shook it off. She had everything she would need. Right? At a red light, she checked her purse just to make sure. She thought she had put her charger in there, but couldn’t find it. She wondered if she had left it behind, after all. She wasn’t far from the apartment, and she still had the keys with her. Faith had refused to take them, saying that it would always be Mary’s place, too, and that she was welcome back whenever she wanted.
It was a strange feeling, walking down the short hallway to her door. It looked empty somehow, void of the things that made it her home. She reached for the knob and was surprised to find it unlocked. She didn’t remember if she had been the last one out, or whether it had been Faith. Both of them had certainly been distracted enough to forget to lock up.
Immediately the room felt different to her. It didn’t matter what Faith had said, this would never be her home again. Even now her skin prickled, such a bittersweet feeling, a reminder of how she had felt when Ty was near. She went straight for her room; the charger must still be plugged in by her bed. She stopped dead in her tracks. Facing out her window with the charger in hand was a man. From the back, she could see that the hair was shorter, but as impossible as it was, there was no denying who was standing there.
He turned at her sharp intake of breath, and in that moment the world stopped. Their eyes locked, hers asking how, his begging please. She broke the silence first, with nothing more than a whisper of his name.
“Ty?”
“Mary!” He vaulted towards her. “I thought I’d missed you.” He stopped short when she didn’t move.
“How…why…I thought…” She couldn’t get out what she thought the shock of seeing him had her frozen.
“I couldn’t leave. Not without seeing you one last time.” There were tears in his eyes.
“They said you were dead. I saw the grave. I was there; I saw it. I saw the dirt.” Ty moved close enough to reach out for her, but she pulled away as if he’d burned her.
“The rest of the world needs to believe that.” Ty drew a deep breath in. The time for secrets was over. “I think you should sit down and let me tell you everything.” Ty led her from the room and out to the couch.
She continued to stare at him as if he would disappear any moment.
Ty sat on the edge of the couch with his hands clasped in front of him, staring at the carpet between his feet. She could see the changes in him, more than just a short haircut. His usual scruffy chin was clean shaven, and he was much thinner, almost unhealthy looking. He seemed to be searching for where to start.
“What happened?” It was all so much that she couldn’t even form a coherent thought, let alone a possible explanation for how Ty was here with her.
“I died.” He looked over at her with a sad smile. “At least, that’s what was decided.”
“Who decided?”
“Well, I guess the feds, maybe, or God. I don’t know. The plan had been that I was to be taken into custody and lost somewhere in the system. It wouldn’t be looked into real hard, and eventually any worries or threats towards me would be forgotten. I would be long gone and not a problem to anyone.”
He knew she didn’t understand. Hell, he barely understood it.
“It was all part of my departure plan. I got my ‘get out of jail free’ card and a free pass out of town if I led the feds to the guys I supplied for.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. “A new life, all in here.”
“I had been supplying long before I went to prison. Even though I wasn’t charged for more than dealing the first time, somehow they knew I was more than just a street dealer.”
Understanding was beginning to dawn on Mary.
“If I promised to help with an investigation, I would be let go.”
“I never even thought…” Mary whispered, mostly to herself.
“No, I made sure no one did, because if anyone suspected, I was as good as dead. I met with my parole officer only. He, in turn, only had contact with one other agent. I was on parole, so checking in with my PO was a good cover.”
“But what about the guy you were supplying for?”
“I never gave him a reason to suspect that I was more than I claimed to be. I approached him after I was released and pretended that I didn’t care about going back to jail if I was somehow caught again. I led him to believe that nothing mattered to me anymore. He knew my mom was dead and I didn’t have shit. I promised to be in it for him, to use my PO as a test to see if anyone suspected him and those he worked for. Before I went to jail, it had been assumed that someday I would take his job.”
“I don’t even understand what that means. What job?”
“Remember the guy I told you about, who started me off doing small deliveries for him?” Mary nodded. “He was a supplier. He picked up the heroin from a runner from Mexico who made the rounds to various cities. He then divided it up for various gangs in the city to sell. Kind of like a distribution point, I guess. Anyway, those small deliveries were really just a test to see if I was right for the job, and around the time I turned seventeen, I began to deliver bigger shipments.”
“Why would he give that job to a seventeen year-old kid?”
“I don’t think he had any choice. I’m sure you heard that Vasile Raylyanu was killed.” Again she nodded. “He was the one in charge the whole time. He was there the night of the bust. At first I couldn’t understand why, but then he told me that he had planned to make me a supplier all along.”
For the first time, Mary leaned forward to touch him. It was nothing more than a brush of her fingers across his hand, but it was a start. Ty sat back and reached out to her. She didn’t move more than to rest her hand in his.
“He even admitted that he was the one responsible for my jail time. He thought it would clean me up and get my priorities straight. He said he knew all along that I would go back to them.”
“If he was responsible, then how were you able to get departure? How did he not know you were working against him?”
“I don’t think he ever planned on that part. When I went back, it took some time to rebuild their trust. I had to start out by dealing again. My PO knew about it; it was a given that I would have to make some sacrifices and commit a few crimes, for the sake of the greater good and all. I’d been back supplying for a while before my contact assured me that I would be taking over for him soon.”
“So did you quit dealing when you said you did?”
“Yes, but I was still supplying.”
There was mistrust in her eyes. She was having a hard time knowing what to believe. Not even an hour ago, she had believed Ty was dead. Now he was here, telling her it had all been just one more lie.
“Don’t look at me like that. I had no choice. If I tried to stop, it would be breaking my deal for departure. I would be put back in jail, and very likely any of the dealing and supplying I had done undercover could still be used against me. If I somehow let on that the police were on to me, then it was my life. After I met you, your life was at stake, too. The men I supplied for weren’t a joke. They had been doing it for generations. You don’t build an empire like theirs without being willing to eliminate threats. If I became a threat, then you – by close association with me – became one, as well.”
Mary was wide-eyed. She had had no idea that her life was in danger. Of course it had been suggested, but none of it had seemed real. Ty had kept it all so well from her that she hadn’t even had an inkling of what he had been going through.
“What happened the night of the bust?”
“I’m not sure. I went, like I was supposed to. That was the meeting were the bust needed to happen. I would not only be meeting my boss, but the runners out of Mexic
o would be there, as well. I had no idea that the Raylyanus were involved, I just knew that the guy I would now answer to would be there as the new shipment came in. He would train me on cutting, and after that I would not only continue to supply the gangs, I would also be meeting the runners and dividing it out on my own.”
“The night I went in, Vasile told me he had chosen me for this. Then Dylan showed up. God only knows why that kid followed me there, of all the times for him to do it. I don’t even know how I missed him tailing me. Once Dylan was brought in, it all went to hell. The police were spotted and guns were drawn. Since Dylan wasn’t supposed to be there, it was assumed he was the one who brought the cops. Vasile fired at him.”
“And you took the hit.”
“Kind of hard to fake that one. The shot was to my chest, and it narrowly missed killing me. The powers that be decided that my death would be a better cover story for me than being lost in the system. They covered it up, and I slowly recovered. They kept me hidden while I was debriefed. Then I was just supposed to slip silently into obscurity with my new identity.”
“So you’re in the witness protection program, then?” How the hell was he able to come see her if he was?
Ty gave a dry laugh. “Witness protection. That’s funny. No, I’m not. There are some people that are put into that, but not many. It’s something used more in movies than in reality. I wasn’t a big enough player to qualify for that. For me, it’s just a new ID and a pass out of town. It’s my responsibility to keep a low profile and stay out of trouble.”
