Sex had never been something I thought about much until I’d had it with him. I hadn’t been able to understand the fuss, but I sure did now. Especially when he was as alternately intense and playful as he was today.
“Yeah, I can get behind that plan. We’ll talk about it later,” he said before sliding one hand behind the nape of my neck and pulling me to him for a deep kiss.
It was the summer after our high school graduation. We’d been accepted to the same schools, and we’d worked on our short list together. I wonder if he’s going to ask me to move in with him.
We’d talked about possibly sharing a place, but I was hesitant. It seemed like it would be too fast. Like we were too young.
But then I would think about how long I’d known him. How he’d become a really good friend to me in the last few years. It had been Pax, Brett, and me against the world for so long. It wasn’t like I’d be saying yes to moving in with someone I’d only known for a couple of months.
And we were young, but we weren’t that young. Maybe, if that was what he wanted to talk to me about, I would say yes.
A shiver ran up my spine at the thought of waking up with him every morning. He chuckled darkly against my lips when he felt it, then proceeded to make me see stars twice before finally coming apart in my hand. We hadn’t even made it to actual penetration this time.
“What were you going to say earlier?” I asked, my forehead resting against his while my chest heaved as I tried to calm my racing heart.
He cleared his throat, and when he looked into my eyes again, there was something in his I didn’t like one little bit. A seriousness I couldn’t stand to see there.
“What is it?” I asked again, feeling worry creep in through the euphoria. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just…” He dragged in a deep, shuddering breath, his gaze fixed on mine and his arms circled tightly around me. “I was just going to say that it’s going to be hard not seeing you every day.”
“What are you talking about?” I frowned, pulling away to stroke his jaw with my thumbs. “We’re going to school together, right?”
His tongue came out to wet his lips before he shook his head and closed his eyes. “I’m not going to school, baby. I’ve decided to put it off for now.”
“What?” Shock radiated through me, and it felt like my heart had been replaced with a block of ice. “What are you going to do instead? Work? We can still go to the same town or city, though, can’t we?”
“No, baby. We can’t.” When he looked at me again, I felt my world starting to crumble around me before he even said the words. “I’ve joined the army. Basic training starts in a couple of months, and after that, who knows where they’ll send me. I’m sorry, Colette. I only got the official paperwork yesterday, but I’m in, and I’m going. I need to do this. For me.”
Even worse than that was when he added, “I won’t ask you to wait for me. I love you too much to do that to you. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”
But he wasn’t sorry enough to talk to me about it. He also wasn’t sorry enough to hear anything about me joining him. He wasn’t sorry enough for anything that might keep us together in the long run, so I guess he wasn’t really sorry at all.
Chapter 9
PAXTON
The first person I saw when I walked onto the set I was working at today was none other than Blondie—Madelyn. Indignation tightened her features when our gazes clashed as I made my way to the dressing room.
I’d escaped her clutches only to see her at work a couple of days later. Just fucking great.
There was no one to blame but myself here, though. I had left her lying practically naked with her legs spread, but in all fairness, I also hadn’t been the one to get her into that position.
Not that it would matter to her. As far as she knew, I’d been a willing—if not very talkative—participant right until the minute I’d walked out on her. Them’s the breaks.
Once I was clad in the tight, black leather pants I needed to be in, had enough eyeliner on my eyes to be confused for a goth teenager, and my torso had been oiled up, the people from makeup and wardrobe let me go. I didn’t know if Madelyn had been waiting, but she was on me as soon as I was done.
Her arms were crossed beneath her ample breasts. The leather minidress she was in was skintight and sexy as fuck, but I couldn’t even bring myself to check her out in it. Now that Colette was back in my life, I was even less interested in Madelyn than I had been before.
As far as I was concerned, every other blonde in the world was a cheap imitation for Colette. It wasn’t fair to think of people that way, and I knew it, but I couldn’t help the way I felt.
Madelyn pursed her lips like a pissed-off toddler might, and with her arms still crossed, I couldn’t deny that she very much reminded me of a toddler about to throw a tantrum.
“You just left me there,” she said accusingly, luckily keeping her voice low enough that the others around us wouldn’t be able to hear her. Not that I cared what they thought about me, but I wasn’t a total asshole. I wasn’t proud of what I’d done. Although, take that, Tommy Baker and your band of elementary school bullies. I walked out on a naked fucking model.
Still, I didn’t need to flaunt what had happened between us. Doing that would’ve put me at a level of assholery not even I’d achieved just yet.
“I did,” I said to her when I noticed she was still following after me like a lost puppy. “I got called away on something urgent. It couldn’t wait.”
“Was it your girlfriend?” she asked, proving that she was about to be just as annoying on set as she had been at the party.
I shook my head. “Nope. It wasn’t my girlfriend.”
“Who was it, then?” She sounded one part curious, two parts snippy. “What you did was very rude, you know.”
“So is interrogating someone you don’t know about their personal lives,” I retorted, and then I sighed. I wasn’t about to apologize, but I probably owed her an explanation. “It was my sister. She’s getting married, and she needed me.”
“Oh.” She paused for a beat, a soft smile spreading on her full lips as if she was immensely pleased by my answer. “That’s so sweet of you. You could’ve just told me it was an emergency. I’d have understood. What are you doing after the shoot?”
Oh, fuck. The last thing I wanted to do was to give her hope that we would be continuing what we’d started anytime soon. Trying to fuck Colette out of my system hadn’t worked before, and I didn’t want to try again.
“What I should’ve said was that it wasn’t my girlfriend who called, but she was there at the restaurant where I met my sister later.” The girl in question would also have my balls for what I’d just said, but since she had been my last and only serious girlfriend, I would always kind of think about her that way.
“You have a girlfriend?” Madelyn’s voice went up several octaves, but then she grabbed my arm after glancing around and continued in a furious whisper. “So you’re a cheater?”
“I’m not a cheater.” People could accuse me of a lot of things, but not that. “If I recall correctly, it was you who came on to me. Not the other way around. I might’ve kissed you, but it was never going to go any further than that.”
She shot me a scowl before releasing my arm like I’d burned her. “Kissing is cheating, Paxton. So is dancing provocatively with other women. Jeez.”
“Things have been complicated between us,” I said but didn’t offer any more details. She arched an eyebrow at me to indicate she was waiting, and when I shrugged, she released a heavy breath.
After sending me a look that seemed to say that she was very disappointed in me, she turned on her ridiculously high heels and marched away. I didn’t check out her ass while she did, which was another sign that the Colette train was firmly parked in the station again.
As the shoot got underway, I was still distracted by thoughts of my ex. She hadn’t been very far away from my mind since I’d firs
t laid eyes on her again. I honestly hadn’t expected that seeing her would stir up so many old memories, but it had.
It was almost like I had one foot in the present, but the other was planted firmly in the past. Our time together played on a constant loop behind my eyes, even as I watched the photographer for my cues and moved in accordance with what he required.
“He’s usually a lot more playful than this,” I heard someone whispering from the shadows as I posed for a series of solo shots. “I wonder what’s up his ass.”
“Maybe he’s finally found someone who’s immune to his charms,” another voice said snidely. “It would serve him right if the shoe is on the other foot for once.”
“I think it’s his girlfriend,” Madelyn said, obviously joining in the conversation.
“He has a girlfriend?” one of the other models asked. “Since when?”
“Poor girl,” the other voice snorted. “I hope she knows what she’s getting into. That man isn’t settling down anytime soon, and he’s the type who would break your heart so hard, you’d need to be institutionalized to get over him.”
I wasn’t that bad, but I didn’t care enough to make the argument out loud. Tuning them out and leaving them to their gossip, I followed the photographer’s instructions to the letter, eager to get this over and done with.
If only they knew that Colette knew better than anyone else what she would be getting into with me, perhaps they wouldn’t have been so worried about her. Not that she’d ever take me back. Nobody hated me more than she did.
I couldn’t even blame her. In retrospect, I could’ve handled the whole telling her I was going to the army thing much better. Maybe I even should’ve waited until I didn’t have my hand down her pants before I essentially let her know we were over.
At the time, I’d known that I was doing what I had to for myself, but I’d also thought I was being all noble and self-sacrificing in telling her not to wait for me. I’d wanted to ask her to do it, but at the same time, I also hadn’t really wanted to be tied down.
We’d been nineteen, for God’s sake. Fresh out of high school and with our whole lives ahead of us. There had been this idea in my head that I’d go forth and spread my wild oats while Colette did the same—although I’d selfishly hoped she wouldn’t. In the back of my mind, I’d wanted her to be there to welcome me back with open arms when we were older and ready for what we had between us.
I’d needed the military, and I didn’t regret going, but I’d regretted how it had gone down pretty much from the minute I’d opened my big mouth in the back of my truck that day. I’d been a kid, though. A kid who’d just had a fucking mind-blowing orgasm and thought he was about to get some later before our parents got home. I’d thought that my being honest with her in that moment was not only a good idea, but that she’d appreciate it. Like a total and complete idiot.
The shoot flew by while my head was stuck in all those memories, and before I knew it, my part of it was over. Even the photographer asked if I was okay before I left for the day.
As soon as I was changed back into my own jeans and T-shirt, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and shot a text to Colette. It wasn’t that hard to convince Tierra to give me her number.
I debated about it for all of about thirty seconds before I hit Send.
Me: I know you’re not thrilled about this. I even understand why. B+T are counting on us, though. I’m willing to table our history if you are.
It took me a few seconds to realize she wasn’t going to write me back right away. The ticks beside my message turned blue almost immediately, letting me know she’d read it, but there were no dots to indicate a response was on its way.
Blowing out a breath and running my hand over the back of my head, I tried to figure out what I was going to do if she didn’t reply at all. My sister needed me, and I’d be there for her. Period. No matter what I needed to do.
With that in mind, I tapped out another text to her before pocketing my phone and heading out toward my car.
Me: What do you say we start with just sitting down and mapping out everything we need to work on for the wedding?
Heat and humidity smacked me in the face when I exited the building through the revolving doors in the lobby. The sidewalk was packed with people either hustling their way somewhere or sitting at a café having a drink.
It was late afternoon, and a drink sounded pretty fucking good to me right about now. Then again, so did going back to my air-conditioned penthouse or hitting up the communal pool on the roof of the building.
I was still debating my options when my phone buzzed against my leg. My heart jumped a little in my chest when I got it out of my pocket and her name was on my screen. She actually messaged me back.
Color me fucking surprised. I’d really thought I was going to have to make an appointment with her office under a fake name to get her to talk to me or something equally as elaborate. I’d have been willing to pay for her time if I needed to. Hell, maybe getting together in a therapeutic environment would’ve even been good for the both of us.
Colette: Fine.
Okay, so it’s not an overly enthusiastic response, but I’ll take it. As I typed out my reply, I headed over to my car and got the AC going as soon as I was settled behind the wheel.
Me: Are you free tonight?
I hadn’t even started the car before my phone started ringing. A slow grin spread on my face when I saw it was her calling.
“Hey, you,” I said, even though I knew the light tone and friendly words would rub her the wrong way.
“Don’t do that,” she snapped. “I’m not calling you to chat. We are not friends, nor are we going to be. The only reason I’m calling at all is because you’re right about them counting on us, and I don’t have time to type cute little messages for the rest of the afternoon.”
“Okay,” I agreed easily. “So tonight, then. You free?”
“I’m a mother, Paxton,” she said as if she couldn’t even believe she had to remind me or say any of this out loud. “I can’t just free up blocks of time with only a couple of hours’ notice.”
“How about I just come over and we work from your place, then?” I suggested. “All I asked was whether you were free. I never said we had to go out or anything like that.”
When she hesitated, I knew I had her. Even if only a little bit. One last push and I might just have a shot at helping my sister make her dreams come true. “Come on, Colette. What’s wrong? Is your place too messy to have a boy over?”
Chapter 10
COLETTE
April watched me from the couch with a little frown between her blonde brows. “Why are you cleaning up, Mommy?”
I stopped rushing around the town house for a minute to answer her, wiping my brow with the back of my hand. “I’m not cleaning up. Just tidying a little bit. There’s someone coming over later to help us do some stuff for Uncle Brett’s wedding.”
Our place wasn’t dirty. It was just a bit messy because, well, people actually lived here. There were dishes in the sink and toys on the floor. A pile of laundry I had to do waited in a basket in front of the machine, and our cushions were lying haphazardly on the couch from how we’d arranged them while watching a movie before bed the night before.
So sue me. I watched a movie with my three-year-old.
Sighing because I knew I was arguing with the imaginary judgmental voices of other mothers in my head, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to calm the storm that had been brewing in my mind since I’d received Paxton’s message earlier.
My daughter observed me carefully, then hopped off the couch. “Can I help? My teacher says we need to help our mommies at home because we helped make the mess.”
I debated her offer for a few seconds. On the one hand, a toddler never helped so much as hindered in the cleaning process, especially when a person was on the clock. But on the other hand, I knew what she’d said was true. It was important for them to be included in chores.
; Regardless of how little time we had left before Paxton got here, I needed to slow down enough to have her help me. “Sure, honey. That would be great. Do you mind straightening up in here while I go pack the dishes in the dishwasher?”
I eyed the cushions and the toys before pointing at the toys first. “How about you help me by packing all those away, and then you can put all the cushions back?”
She nodded eagerly, and for a moment, I could only smile as I watched her get to work. Meticulously moving from one toy to the next, she carried each over to one of the containers we had in the corner and started depositing the toys in them.
The delay cost me, but it was worth it to have slowed down just that little bit. She really was growing up too fast. I hated to even think about how much faster time would start going as she got older.
Then again, I also hated that I cared enough about what Paxton thought about our house to be tidying up before his visit at all. Our place wasn’t huge, but it was comfortable. Although I earned enough to be able to afford something a little bigger, I also didn’t want to stretch us too tight.
After April’s birth, I’d gone back to work as soon as I could to finish my residency so I’d be able to provide for us. I didn’t have a mountain of debt from my student loans, but there was still a chunk of my income that’d gone to paying it off every month. Until recently, anyway.
I’d finally received the notification to say I was officially student-loan-free, and it had taken a giant weight off my shoulders. Instead of moving us to a bigger, nicer house now that I had a bit more money at my disposal every month, I’d used that money to start investing on April’s behalf.
Yep. My life is far from glamorous. But I had to be practical about things. Andrew wasn’t suddenly going to have an attack of conscience and start contributing toward April’s expenses anytime soon. I’d heard her expenses were only going to become higher as she got older, and meanwhile, her father was living it up on a Caribbean island with his much younger bride. A mutual friend had informed me of that fun little nugget the day before her second birthday.
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