by Shouji Gatou
《Yeah, right there. Put extra care into the nape of the neck,》 the dragon said. 《That’s my best feature. That neck charmed all the young females in the old days, and today, it’s going to knock a few guests off their feet!》
“We get it, now shut up. It’s hard to keep steady when you’re moving,” a woman with long ears, who looked a bit like a dark elf, muttered as she polished the dragon’s neck (looking more closely, she was using a car buffer).
《Now now, Ashe-san. You clearly don’t believe me, but I really was a ladies’ man! Do you know a dragon called Eliza Gonda? She was a popular idol a while back, and she and I—》
“Just shut up,” she interrupted him. “You’re playing the villain, anyway. I can’t believe even an accountant like me has to—”
《By the way, who’s that girl?》 At the dragon’s words, all eyes turned towards me.
“What? What do you want?” the woman he’d called Ashe asked.
“Um, um... excuse me. The director person... um, Dornell-san? He told me to bring this here...”
《Ohh, finally!》
“I was worried it wouldn’t make it in time,” she said. “Since we had to have it made-to-order...”
《We need this to coordinate our performance. Last night’s rehearsal was a mess without it.》
She opened the package and pulled out a watermelon-sized earphone. She pushed it into the dragon’s left ear and then switched it on.
“Testing, testing. Can you hear me?”
《I hear you. I hear y—wahh?!》
“What is it? Too soft?”
《No, the opposite! Too loud! Shut u— turn it off, turn it off!》
“Stop writhing!” she ordered, “you’ll hurt someone!”
But the dragon just started thrashing even more, as if picking up his own voice. The people around him started running in panic. I shrank out of the room.
“Y-You have it now, so... I gotta go!!” I sprinted away, leaving the commotion behind.
Since coming to this park, I’d stopped being surprised by most things. But who wouldn’t be flabbergasted by the sight of a dragon?! A dragon! An honest-to-goodness dragon! And they were, apparently, going to put him in front of the guests at the show! This was a really bold stroke, and it worried me.
When I got back to the master control room, Kanie-senpai happened to be saying that exact same thing: “We have to put every card we have on the table. I’d been thinking about how best to use that dragon, Rubrum, but I really think we just need to put him out there.”
“It’s a really bold stroke, Boss,” Dornell-san agreed, “but writing Rubu-yan off as a special effect is gonna be tricky.”
“Eh, we just say it’s a trade secret,” Kanie-senpai scoffed. “That’ll make people speculate, which will get people talking. Guests will even start filming it and uploading video!” His mouth curled up in a smile. It was the smile of a villain, but it was also attractive in a way that sent a chill up my spine. So frustrating!
The monitors nearby showed security camera footage of the audience. There was a huge crowd of guests out there—absolutely massive. It wasn’t just one or two hundred, either; there were probably more than a thousand people there, and that number was growing all the time.
“Um... I delivered it,” I announced.
“Oh, you’re back, nell? Good. Take that coil of cables to the 15th warehouse,” Dornell-san said bluntly, then went back to messing with his console.
Kanie-senpai looked at me and, once again, just said “Oh.” So humiliating!
I carried the cables to the 15th warehouse, just as I was told. It felt like I was just getting some stuff out of their way, and it felt like total busywork. Did they really need me here helping out? But I wasn’t going to complain.
It was about five minutes until showtime. On my way to the warehouse, I saw members of the cast all around me, getting ready for the show. Most of the chaos had died down by now, and it was now all the tension and silence that precedes a big performance.
A group of women in beautiful costumes stood around the elevators that led up to the stage; they were all stiff with nerves. I saw Muse-san there too, compulsively adjusting her bra.
Near another elevator further in, I saw Macaron-san speaking to a photo he was holding. A photo of his family, maybe? Next to him, a Tiramii-san covered in flowers was leaning against a pillar, taking a nap. He looked like Corporal Hicks during the drop mission. He was braver than I gave him credit for.
I didn’t see Moffle-san. He was the star of the show, so he was probably waiting somewhere else.
“Three minutes until showtime. All departments, make your final reports to the master control room,” intoned a backstage announcement. It was Isuzu-senpai’s voice. I saw cast members saying “All clear” into their headsets, one after another.
The onstage BGM and the guests’ whispers of excitement could be heard in the distance, somehow feeling louder than they really were. Even I was getting nervous. My heart was pounding like a drum.
I threw the mass of cables into the warehouse and headed back towards the master control room, thinking that the show would have started, and I’d see everybody hyped with excitement on my way back. But instead... it was weird.
As I walked back from the warehouse, the cast was all still on standby. They were fidgeting and glancing at clocks on the walls. It was five minutes past the scheduled showtime.
There was another announcement from Isuzu-senpai. Her voice had a slight edge to it. “We’re having trouble with the sound system, but we’re working to fix it. Please remain on standby.”
As I returned to the master control room, I found Dornell-san shouting commands at people all around him. He was pale and covered in sweat, unable to find the source of the issue, and adjusted things on his console repeatedly while he talked to someone on the other line.
From what I could tell, the problem was that the stage’s main speakers weren’t working. That meant they wouldn’t play music, sound effects, or the cast’s lines. Without that, the show would lack impact, and more importantly, nothing would make any sense.
“What the nell is going on here?!” he fumed. “It was working during the tests this morning!”
“I don’t know, pii. It was such a rush job, it could be anything...”
“We’re sending our full force to test the connections, mog.”
“How long will it take?”
“Ten minutes... no, about twenty minutes, mog.”
“Oh, for the... The guests won’t wait ten minutes, nell! They’ll get fed up and leave!”
The situation was apparently more desperate than I’d imagined. I was back in the control room, but I couldn’t exactly ask for another assignment.
Kanie-senpai was sitting silently in the back of the room. He wasn’t chastising Dornell-san and the others; he just stewed there in silence, his expression severe. I’m sure he’d like to be stomping back and forth around the room, screaming his head off. But he was biting back his feelings and remaining perfectly still.
I realized I’d seen that expression before. It was a long time ago, when I’d visited my dad at work with an onigiri pick-me-up. There had been an awful flood, and my mother and I decided to stop in to visit him and his comrades, who’d been on standby for a long time. I’d walked in to see him sitting in front of the radio, waiting for the call, and his face had looked something like that. Of course, when he noticed me there, his expression had immediately gone back to its usual gentle one.
But when Kanie-senpai noticed me, there was nothing gentle about his expression. “Oh, are you here?” was all he said, before returning to his sullen silence. With no other choice, I just stood in the corner of the room and watched things unfold. There was nothing I could do, but... They didn’t seem to be able to identify the source of the problem.
Time ticked by, minute after minute. I could see the guests on the monitor growing cranky. They must have been bored. They must have been irritated. I saw p
arents doing everything they could to soothe crying children.
Isuzu-senpai said repeatedly over the announcement system, “We’re still getting the show ready. Please wait.” But it still didn’t start. This wasn’t good. Already, some guests were leaving.
“How are things going, fumo?” Moffle, wearing a red scarf over the top of his cook’s whites complete with hat, entered the master control room. I thought he might have lost his temper and come to demand to know more, but his voice remained even. He seemed actively trying to remain relaxed and to stay out of the way of Dornell-san’s work.
“Looks like it’s going to take more time,” Dornell-san told him. “The issue seems to be with the new amps, but...”
“Should I go out first? I could buy us a little time, fumo.” Of course. So that was why Moffle-san had come here. It made sense that he wouldn’t just leave his post for no reason.
But Kanie-senpai shook his head. “...No, don’t. Macaron and the others need to warm up the crowd before you come out for your main character spot. If you’re the opening act, it all falls apart.”
“I know that, fumo. But it’s... getting pretty dicey out there, fumo.”
“Yeah. Why don’t we get Sento to tell some humorous anecdotes? The announcement system is working, at least...” Kanie-senpai was joking, but his voice was dry.
“That’s not even funny, fumo.”
“I guess not,” Kanie-senpai sighed. “She wouldn’t get any laughs. She’d be better off singing, if anything.”
Silence reigned after that. Those two, who always seemed so competent, had no choice now but to fall silent. They were out of options, after all.
After a while, Moffle-san let out a sigh. “Singing, eh? Well... moffu.”
His large eyes flicked in my direction. He must have known I was there from the start, but now he watched me with a scrutinizing yet careful gaze. After a little while, he finally spoke. “Hey, newbie.”
“Y-Yes?” I stammered.
“Go to the announcement booth and sing a little, fumo.”
Naturally, I was speechless. So were Kanie-senpai and Dornell-san.
“Huh? Um... um?” I managed to squeeze out at last.
Moffle-san responded with total calm. “The customers are bored, fumo. I’d like you to go out and sing to buy time.”
What was he talking about? I didn’t understand. Me? In front of that huge crowd? Huh?
“I’m not telling you to sing on stage, fumo,” Moffle continued. “Isuzu’s doing announcements from the room next door. You’ll go in there and do a few songs over the loudspeaker, fumo. They’ll love it, don’t worry.”
Words—a whole lot of words—began running through my brain. This is a joke what is he talking about it’s like this bizarre rodent is telling me to kill myself yes that’s right I see now I’ll die if I have to sing in front of all those people and he wants me to die or else he’s joking yes that’s right I hope he’s joking if he’s not I’m going to pee myself it’s over I’m out of here it’s okay for me to run isn’t it that’s my legal right he’s being unreasonable there’s no way the crowd will like my singing they’ll be shocked they’ll be offended I mean this isn’t some talent show on public TV it’s not like going to end with a bell ringing if the audience boos me off who will pay for my therapy bills they won’t they don’t care why should I do something like this for 850 yen an hour it’s horrible you people aren’t fairies you’re demons you’re devils this is devil’s advocacy you’re shadow warriors I refuse unequivocally um I’m really sorry but I have no obligation to you none of this is my fault it has nothing to do with me so please let me go let me go let me go let me go—
“Moffle. What are you talking about?” Kanie-senpai asked, ignorant of my mile-a-minute thought process. “You want a part-timer to sing? The fate of the park depends on this show; surely we can find a better opening act. If someone has to sing, even Sento would be a better candidate... And while I really wouldn’t be happy about it, I can also sing. My voice is professional grade, of course. ...Anyway, the point is—”
“You’re amateur hour next to Chujo Shiina, fumo,” Moffle-san stated plainly.
I was shocked! (Mostly because he remembered my full name.)
Naturally, Kanie-senpai was furious. “What was that? How dare you—!”
“Ah, that’s nothing against you, Seiya. What I’m saying is that she’s incredible, fumo. I’ve been in this business a long time, and talent like hers is a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. The stability and emotion when she’s singing full blast—that’s something you can’t acquire with hard work. She might be timid, she might get bad stage fright, but I tell you she’s the real thing, fumo.”
“You’re talking about her?” Kanie-senpai sputtered incredulously. In theory, it was an awful thing to say, but his doubts were justified. I said nothing.
“Moffu. I heard her at karaoke the other day, and I mean every word I said. But you’re the acting manager, Seiya. The decision’s yours, fumo.” Moffle-san fell silent.
Seconds continued to tick by on the clock. Kanie-senpai looked at me with greater scrutiny than he ever had before. I wanted to turn tail and run.
At last, Kanie-senpai spoke. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Seiya!” Moffle interjected.
“Even if you’re right, it’s not going to work,” Kanie-senpai insisted. “We can’t trust this to someone who’s running away. The ability to keep it together at a critical moment—I don’t feel any of that strength from her. She’s terrified!”
“Mmgh...”
“You said you’ve been in this business a long time, right?” Kanie-senpai continued. “Then you should know the element that all successful entertainers have in common isn’t skill; it’s strength. You get flustered, but you still read the next line in the script. The crowd turns on you, but you keep going anyway. Can she do that? No, she can’t. So, my answer is no.”
“Moffu...” Moffle-san seemed to have a hard time arguing with Kanie-senpai’s reasoning.
And what was going through my mind? It was a blazing anger like nothing I’d ever felt before. A moment ago, I had been trembling, wanting to run away. But now that had changed.
This person who ate lunch alone in that isolated area at school. This person who treated me like I didn’t even exist. This person who had everything, who could do anything. This person I found so attractive. Kanie-senpai... he had no right to talk about me! He didn’t even know me! How could anyone be so arrogant, so dismissive? Not even I could abide this kind of treatment.
What would you know about me? I thought fiercely. You never really talked to me! This is the first time you’ve even really looked at me! How dare you reduce the complicated human being that I am to some kind of eternally hopeless loser?
It was outrageous. It was unforgivable. Yes, it was so... so humiliating!
But then, what should I do? If I wanted to really show up this arrogant senpai... “—I’ll sing,” I found myself saying.
“What?” Kanie-senpai asked in disbelief.
“I’ll sing,” I told him defiantly. “I’m not scared, and I never gave you the right to question my character like this. I’m going to sing and I’m going to knock your socks off. In other words, I’m saying yes. And by the way, I’m serious!”
“Um, but you...”
“We don’t have time, right? I’m doing it and you can’t stop me. So just sit here and watch!” I hissed, then strode away.
Looking back on it now, I don’t think I was in my right mind. The depression of my awful new school year; the parade of surprises from all the people I’d met at the park; the strange atmosphere of this place where reality and magic jumbled together... It had all combined together inside me to explode into a form I never could have expected.
“Are you serious?” Isuzu-senpai asked me in the announcer’s booth, her eyes wide.
Moffle-san had come with me and explained the situation. “Oh, she’s serious. Way serious, fumo. Isn’t t
hat right, newbie?”
“Yes, I’m very serious,” I replied immediately. I think my eyes had glazed over. “Let me do it.”
Isuzu-senpai didn’t offer any more objections. She just stared at Moffle-san intently. Then, once she determined that he wasn’t playing around, she nodded. “All right. But what will you sing? This isn’t a karaoke parlor; our selection is far from impressive.”
“Whatever you happen to have is fine. This Park... yes, ‘This Brilliant Park,’ please.”
“...That song?” she questioned doubtfully.
I was talking about Amagi Brilliant Park’s theme song, which played frequently over the speaker system. It was written in the 1980s, and it went like this:
O wonderful, wonderful, wonderful park.
Get bigger and stronger, wonderful park.
We all love to work here.
We love to meet guests.
So strong, so gentle, this wonderful park.
O Amagi Brilliant Park.
We’re happy to be here, wonderful park.
That was more or less how it went (and I hoped the lyric writer lost his job over it).
Also, for some reason, the melody was this grandiose thing, like the Russian national anthem. That, combined with the lyrics, made it feel a lot like totalitarian propaganda. But to be honest, the song didn’t matter. I just had to sing. I was feeling kind of desperate, to be honest!
Don’t blame me, I thought, if my stupid song makes the crowd mad and they riot! Yes, that’s right! I hope you all die! ...was more or less how I felt. But feeling that way was the only chance I had of going through with this.
“I’m starting the song now.” Isuzu-senpai manipulated the controls. Immediately, the speakers in the park creaked to life, playing a fanfare-like introduction. It was a very long intro. While it played, Isuzu-senpai spoke into the mike.
“We apologize again for the wait. The special live show will soon begin. In the meantime, please enjoy this rendition of our park’s theme song, ‘This Brilliant Park.’”
