“S-stop that! I’ll throw public indecency and sexual harassment on the list of charges! I said… I said stop! Police, take him away! Quickly! Ahhh, st— Nooooo!!”
As the officers piled on Zesta, who had knocked over the knight, the other Axis devotees closed in to see what was happening. The knight escaped just in time, scrambling away from Zesta with tears in her eyes.
“Huff, puff…! I-it’s just as I said! The fortune-teller of the Crimson Magic Clan has never been wrong. Meanwhile, you all spend every day doing…all the things you do! There’s no question which of you to believe. So we’ll start by interrogating this pervert. Based on his testimony, we’ll decide who else to talk to!”
The knight was finally starting to calm down, but now Cecily broke in. “Now, wait just a second! I know Lord Zesta is a hopeless pervert and that every time he tries to peek in on me in the bath, I have to smack him on the head and hope it makes some kind of a difference! But forget him. Are you saying us regular believers would betray Lady Aqua and consort with demons? That’s a scurrilous lie, you cow! I’ll tear those soft, bountiful udders right off, so just you come over here!”
“Stoooop! Why is it that the men and women around here both love sexual harassment so much?! Get that perv out of here already! Listen up, everyone! We’re going to go interrogate this man. Don’t get any ideas… Stoppit! F-fine, let’s just get out of h— Ahhh! Didn’t I tell you to stop?! Stop!”
“This is a plot by the Eris sect! Don’t be deceived! Fearing my immense charisma, they sought to entrap me using a dim-witted young girl…!”
Cecily was trying to tear off the clothes of the knight, who was starting to tear up. Zesta was babbling something about his innocence. It was all they could do to drag him out of the church…
8
After Zesta had been led out of the building, the rest of the devotees in the building stood in shock.
“I can’t believe it… Without Lord Zesta, what will happen to this religion?” Cecily said grimly, her eyebrows furrowed.
“You said he was the most important and responsible person in the Church. What exactly will happen with him gone? I’ll lend you my aid. We’ll keep this church running until Zesta gets back, all right?” I gave the trembling Cecily an encouraging pat on the back.
“B-but… No, you’re right. I can’t just stand around. We’ll have to share the work Lord Zesta was doing…!” Newly energized, Cecily turned to the other believers. “…Hey, does anyone know what work Lord Zesta was actually doing?”
“…Well, we have specialists who handle confession. Maybe he was looking after the church’s finances?”
“Wasn’t his secretary handling the finances? Maybe he was healing injured people who came to— No, wait, we have specialists for that, too. Lord Zesta spent so much of his time screwing around outside, I never even saw him cast a spell.”
“And it’s not like he was on the streets giving sermons or preaching to passersby, either. The only thing he ever sermonized about was how this town should switch to mixed bathing in the name of gender equality.”
The mumbling among the devotees died down. After a moment, Cecily whispered, “…Somebody tell me…what did Lord Zesta do here?”
There was a collective cock of the head from the other believers.
Cecily turned to me. “Megumin, I’ve figured it out. Without Lord Zesta here, nothing in particular will change. Sorry to worry you.”
“A-and you’re okay with this?! He’s supposed to be your representative, isn’t he?! And that knight cast damning accusations on the entire Axis Church! Are you going to let her get away with that?”
The Axis followers had started to filter away, but now they stopped in thought.
“You’re not wrong,” Cecily said. “Lord Zesta gets led away by the police all the time, and it’s not really a problem, but I hate to think that people believe the Axis Church is in league with demons. Lady Aqua hates demons! Why would paragons of upright behavior suddenly be suspected of something like that?”
I saw Yunyun shiver, and that gave me a thought.
“Yunyun…?”
“Y-yes, what is it?!” she said, her voice scratching. She couldn’t quite look at me.
“………No matter how deep, indeed biological, an aversion you may have to Zesta, it’s not right to report an innocent man to the police. You know that, don’t you?”
“Th-that’s totally unfair! I didn’t report anyone to the police, and that old guy sure makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t hate him…!”
I looked at her curiously. “Why, then, did you flinch? You were making the same face as my little sister when she was suddenly in a hurry to learn Kindle to hide the fact that she’d wet the bed…by burning the entire mattress to ash.”
“Sweet little Komekko did that?! N-never mind. I didn’t—! Um… You see…” Yunyun twiddled her fingers. “…The truth is, before I left our village, Soketto asked me to deliver a message for her. She said… She said Arcanletia would be in trouble and that if I was going that way, I could drop off a prophecy for her at the same time. And so…”
She looked apologetically at the ground…
INTERLUDE THEATRE: ACT III
Lady Aqua, I Won’t Be Defeated!
Something huge happened.
Namely, today I had decided to go to the Eris Church, where I graffitied their statue (partly to kill time), but then those nasty Eris priests chased me out. They caught me, but I was rescued by a child wizard who suddenly appeared.
What was this? What was going on here? Was this my reward for doing such a good job graffitiing that statute?
“My name is Megumin! Greatest genius of the Crimson Magic Clan and wielder of Explosion! Heh, now that I’m here, you won’t get away with your villainy!” she exclaimed and struck a pose. She was just my type of magical girl.
Oh my God, was she cute. Angelic. She hit me right here!
Who is this girl? Is she an angel?
“Wait, you’re from the Crimson Magic Clan?! H-hold on just a minute—there’s been a mistake! We’re the victims here!”
“D-don’t be so hasty! Let’s talk it through!”
The two Eris priests tried to cover for themselves, but…
“I think not! Your lies may deceive the average dimwit, but my crimson eyes can see the truth!”
She was an angel!
I can’t believe how happy I am! She didn’t ask any questions, just believed me outright. I wanna take her home!
Oh man, this was big. This was bad. This was downright dangerous. I was on the verge of giving her a great big hug right there in front of everybody. But if I grabbed her right then… Well, just think about what that guard had said only last week.
I needed to cool myself off.
“Your crimson eyes are blind!” one of the men interjected, and that was my opportunity!
“He’s right! We’re from the local Eris Church, and… Huh?! O-oh, shoot!”
I pushed away the hand that had been holding me and made a break for a nearby alleyway. Fortunately, the priests didn’t try to follow me. I watched from my narrow side street while the girl who had rescued me dithered. She was so cute.
“What’s wrong with you? That woman’s with the Axis Church! She drew graffiti all over our statue of Lady Eris!”
The girl flinched under the man’s assault. I would have to make sure I covered the doorpost of his house with an extra-large helping of gelatinous slime.
Then the other one jumped in. “And she stole the bread we provide to the needy!”
I was in need! I had a right to that bread.
Specifically, I desperately lacked love. And now that the handsome sword bearer had run away from me, I wanted the love of that petite little miss.
“G-g-goodness, I am sorry about that… I-I’m new in town, and…”
The Eris priests closed in on the stammering girl. When I saw that, I looked around quickly. After surviving so many years on the battlefield that was Ar
canletia, I knew where I would find one very specific person. I knew he would be patrolling past here right about now… Yes, there he was!
I grabbed his arm, tears in my eyes. “Please help me! The Eris priests, they—!! The priests who were chasing me suddenly turned on a poor young girl who happened by…!”
“Eris priests did that?! B-but I can hardly believe they would…”
The officer sounded doubtful. But I pointed to the perpetrators and exclaimed,
“There, Officer, that’s them!”
Lady Aqua, I won’t be defeated!
1
The next morning. Yunyun and I, who had been allowed to stay the night in the church, headed for the chapel proper, which was full of Axis devotees milling about.
“Now listen to me, Yunyun. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just delivered a message from a villager, as you were asked. So hold your head up high.”
“I—I know that! All I did was drop off a letter, and if that old fart ends up getting interrogated by the police, well… U-um, uh, it’s…it’s got nothing to do with me!” It took her a few tries, but Yunyun managed to hold her chin up proudly…despite the fact that she had spent all the time since Zesta’s arrest acting like it was her fault.
“That’s the spirit. If he were to be just a little more scrupulous overall, he might stand a better chance of people believing a word he says. You could practically say it was his own fault he was dragged off. And if he’s innocent, I’m sure he’ll come back to us soon enough; there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Y-yeah! You’re right. Even if the Axis followers get angry with me, no matter what they say to me—I’m just going to hold my ground!” Yunyun said. Then she summoned her courage and opened the church door…!
“Oh, g’morning, Megumin, Yunyun. You sleep well?”
The only person in there was Cecily eating breakfast, bedhead and all.
“Good morning… Are you the only one here, ma’am? Where did everyone else go?”
“Aw, they’re long gone. It doesn’t look like Lord Zesta is going to be our pontifex for much longer. That means we’re going to need a new one. And the pontifex is chosen by a vote by all the Axis followers. So they’re out there campaigning for votes.”
…Campaigning for votes?
“U-um… Before they do that, aren’t they going to, um, ask around town to help clear the name of this Zesta or, you know, anything along those lines?”
“? Why would we go out of our way to do something that sounds that boring and that annoying? We all discussed it, and we decided we’re probably better off without Zesta, so we’re just going to let things be…”
“Are you kidding?! Miss Cecily, I know maybe I’m not the best one to ask this, since I delivered that letter and all, but are you sure about that? Can you live with yourself if you don’t do something for him?” Yunyun shook Cecily vigorously, but the woman didn’t stop stuffing fried eggs into her face. Yunyun had said something about standing her ground, but it was obvious she still felt plenty guilty.
“Lithen, I unfersthand, but…” (She swallowed.) “…the police are still at the investigation stage. It’s true Lord Zesta is overseer of the hot springs, and it’s true that there have been complaints about the baths. We should let them talk to Lord Zesta, figure out whether he’s innocent or guilty, and give us the verdict.” She continued to shove bites of egg into her mouth. “Plus,” she said, swallowing again, “that fortune-teller from the Crimson Magic Clan is supposed to, like, never be wrong, isn’t she? I hear she borrows the power of some demon who’s supposed to be all-seeing or something. I don’t know… That demon sounds like a sham if you ask me. But look, Axis followers normally sleep till noon, and today they’re up and at ’em first thing in the morning. Can’t argue with that.”
I… I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“It’s true—Soketto’s predictions are almost always right,” Yunyun said. “But still, isn’t there anyone who believes in Mr. Zesta’s innocence…? Oh, what about you, ma’am? I know you must believe in him; otherwise you’d be out looking for votes, too.”
“Me? I spent all last night drinking in celebration of Lord Zesta’s arrest and just got up a few minutes ago. Once I finish these eggs, it’s stumpin’ time.”
“This is unbelievable! Megumin, what do we do? I never imagined delivering one little letter would lead to all this…!” Yunyun was tearful and full of remorse, but if not one single, solitary member of Zesta’s own religion wanted to help him, there wasn’t much we could say.
Gosh. And here she had been so adamant this had nothing to do with her until a few minutes ago.
“It’s all right, sweet Yunyun. I’m sure Lord Zesta is enjoying his interrogation at the hands of that female knight right about now. He wouldn’t appreciate us interrupting. Instead, maybe you could help your big sister. I’ll pay you! I think pulling a few stunts to get people’s attention, to really make them remember my face, will get me more votes than just talking to them. And I think you…!”
“You think I what? Come on, Megumin—say something to her…!”
“How much will you pay us?”
“Good question… Let’s say ten thousand eris for each person who votes for me.”
“……………”
“No, stop! Yunyun, I see the error of my ways! Just stop chanting your spell!”
“Y-your big sister will share part of her ham with you! Just calm dowwwwn!”
2
It had been an hour since we had calmed a raging Yunyun and set out for a walk around town. Yunyun was at the head of our party, but she kept glancing back like she had something to say.
“M-Megumin…er…”
“…After you ran out of the Axis Church with such fervor, you realized that in fact you don’t have anywhere in particular to go, and you wonder what you should do next—is that it?”
“……Yes,” Yunyun said quietly, flushing.
“Megumin, please don’t upset Yunyun! Oh, just look at that red face, so full of shame! Aaargh, it’s so cute, I can’t stand it! How can you be so cute?! It’s all right—your big sister is on your side! Feel free to call me Big Sis Cecily!!”
Cecily, who had followed us for some reason, caught Yunyun in a big hug. I turned to her. “Ahem, Big Sister. May I ask you something?”
“Only if you call me Big Sis Cecily!”
“Big Sister. What I’m wondering is…that knight, she said this church is responsible for overseeing the main spring, right? And that complaints have been coming in from the hotels around town since yesterday.”
“Uh-huh. I have a personal commitment to never, ever look back on the past, so I don’t remember that in the least, but I guess it does sort of seem like maybe something like that happened.”
Was our “big sister” going to be okay?
“W-well anyway. I was thinking perhaps we should start by going to the hotels that lodged the complaints. Something strange might be happening, but maybe it’s not the same thing the village fortune-teller was referring to. I think we should establish exactly what the problem is first. Maybe it’s not a criminal case, just a weird accident.”
“…I see. Well, I’m gonna bet ten thousand eris that Lord Zesta was the real culprit!”
“M-Miss Cecily, I can’t believe you!” Yunyun exclaimed, still in Cecily’s embrace and still red-faced.
The question was which hotel to start with…
…Hmm?
“What is going on over there? It appears to be some kind of argument.”
“Hmmmm? Oh gosh. If it isn’t one of our parishioners.”
Not far away, we could see a man whom I did indeed recognize from the Axis Church.
“Nah, I don’t believe it… Look, I’m not saying Zesta wasn’t a problem. He was. But even so, a mole for the Demon King’s army?”
“I know how you feel. But I also know how everyone else feels! Just look at how Axis followers act every day! Would you believe them?”
We sort of casually eavesdropped: It seemed the two men were talking about Zesta’s arrest. But there was something a little…off about this conversation.
“As a fellow Axis believer, I’m ashamed! I would do anything to bring back the good name of the faith that Lord Zesta…no, that Zesta has besmirched!”
“I really don’t think much will change, with or without the pontifex. It’s been nice chatting, but maybe you could let me go one of these days? I need to water my crops…”
It appeared our Axis friend had grabbed a passing farmer and begun “preaching” to him.
“Water your crops, indeed! Where do you think that water comes from? That’s right: Rain falls by the provision of Lady Aqua, the goddess of water! And what city are we in? …Right again! Arcanletia, the city of water and hot springs! A place that practically exists by the patronage of Our Lady Aqua! Why, I don’t believe it would be an exaggeration to say that it is the duty of every resident of this city to join the Axis Church! So do your duty, citizen, and—!”
“Yes, yes, as a farmer, I’m very much an Axis follower. I give thanks to Lady Aqua every day.”
“Oh really? That makes things easy, then. Listen, with Lord Zesta in jail, we’re going to need to choose a new pontifex. And how do we do that? By ballot. Every Axis believer is entitled to vote. So I’ve got a proposition for you…”
And that was when the conversation got really weird.
“I have here a pair of panties that I stole from a gorgeous Eris priestess’s laundry… Get what I’m saying?” He held out the underwear tantalizingly.
“…You’re a real villain,” the farmer said with exaggerated contempt. “Or should I say…you’re a real member of the Axis Church!”
Yunyun's Turn Page 10
