by L A Cotton
His fingers stroked down my spine causing my eyes to flutter shut. "I can't promise that, but I promise that I won't go looking for trouble."
I nodded. It was all that I could do.
"I have to leave in twenty." He flipped off his back, and before I knew it, he had me pinned to the mattress, his body pressed against mine. "Plenty of time to make you feel again."
Chapter Sixteen
It had been the longest weekend in history. Which was saying something, considering over the last year I had spent weeks at a time holed up in bed. I guessed that was the difference between having a reason to live and not.
Before I met Jackson, I had lived for others. For Aunt Betsy and Uncle Jim. For the memory of Mom, Dad, and Danny. Even for Dr. Simmonds. But I didn't live for myself. Even starting college had been guilt-tripped on me by Aunt Betsy. There was a time that I wanted all that, got excited about the whole starting college gig, but waking up to find out you survived the accident that killed your parents and boyfriend put things into perspective. It changed everything.
After the accident, I tried to go back to school. Even in my zombie state, I only lasted three weeks before the constant staring and deathly silence every time I walked into the room was too much to bear. The rumors were the worst. People talking about things they knew nothing about, accusing me, blaming me. What they didn’t realize was no one blamed me more than I did. I hated myself—wished that I had never woken up in the hospital. My friends—our friends—pulled away from me. They said that it was too hard to be around me knowing that I survived and Danny didn’t. I lost everything. Everyone.
Jackson was healing me, but part of me worried that he could also break me—for good. The secrets, the lies, his loyalty to Braiden and the Donohues—where would it all end? But it was too late, I needed him now.
Walking away wasn’t an option.
“Morning, chica. Missed you.” Elena breezed into the room and dumped her bag down by her desk. “Did you have a good weekend? You could have come to Dante’s with us last night.”
“I didn’t feel like it. Besides, Gardner’s class is kicking my ass.” I shoved the last book in my bag and closed the buckle. “Ready?”
She nodded. “Just let me grab my jacket. It’s cold out.”
We exited McGinley and the cold wind whipped around us.
“Wow, you weren’t wrong. It’s freezing,” I said, wrapping my arms tightly around my waist.
“It's set to get worse. Apparently, it’s a little colder than average for this time of year. A storm system or something.” She scowled, and I laughed. Elena was having a harder time than most adjusting to Oregon’s climate. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask you, what are your plans the holidays? Are you going hom- ummm, I mean, are you going back to Fort Pierce?”
My throat tightened, but I tried to shake off the feeling, forcing a smile. “I think the campus stays open, so I’m probably going to stay.”
Elena grabbed my hand and gently squeezed. “Shit, I’m sorry, Ana. I didn’t even think. Me and my big mou-”
“Elena, it’s fine. I’m fine. I just don’t think that I’m ready to go back. Not yet. Come on, we have classes.” I looked her right in the eye, in an attempt to reassure her, but I caught something over her shoulder. Someone watching us.
Chad stood up against the wall of the Schroeder building staring right at me, a slow smirk spreading over his face when he realized that I had noticed him. I should have looked away, but something in me snapped and I raised my chin a little in defiance, determined not to let him intimidate me. Chad straightened off the wall, his face scrunched and fists clenched at his side. Shit, he was pissed. It was rolling off him in waves. But I still couldn’t make myself look away.
“What are you looking at?” Elena turned her head to see what had my interest.
“Umm, nothing. Come on…” I finally turned away from Chad, linked my arm through Elena’s, and pulled her in the direction we needed. “Let’s get going.”
We separated outside of Pauling, and I headed into the auditorium. My eyes immediately found the white square of paper lying on the table. I rolled my eyes, thinking how I should have just stayed in bed, because with Jackson out of town, it only left one person who could have written it.
I won’t tell you again, bitch. Stay away from Jackson.
I glanced over at her desk, and Briony was looking right at me with a smug grin on her face. My eyes narrowed at her, and I gripped the desk. The girl was downright crazy, just like Paul had told me. Dropping my eyes, I screwed the note up into a ball and tossed it aside. See how you like that, bitch. Briony scowled, flicked her untamed hair off her shoulder, and then turned to face the front. My body sagged with relief. I was trying to remain cool, but between her and Chad, things were getting a little intense.
Gardner moved into the middle of the stage and I tried to focus on his voice, until I realized my bag was vibrating. Discreetly, I pulled out my cell and opened it in my lap.
I’ll be back around eight. Can’t wait to see you…leave the window open. J x
Some of the tension melted away and my face broke out into a smile as the soft flutters warmed my insides. I had missed Jackson, probably more than would be considered normal for two people in the early stages of a relationship—if you could call what we had a relationship. We hadn’t really defined or labeled it yet. But Jackson had referred to me as his on more than one occasion.
And for now, that was enough. It had to be.
The clock hands were broke. It was the only explanation for the fact that the time was moving impossibly slow. Elena left me an hour ago to spend the night with Tyson. She was sleeping over virtually every night, but he had his own room in the house, so it made sense they would stay there. I didn't mind my own space, but right now, it was the last thing that I needed.
I checked my appearance for the hundredth time. It was silly; I wasn't even dressed up, in my usual skinny jeans and sweater. But I had styled my hair and added some liner to my eyes. It was the first time in a long time that I had made any kind of effort for anyone.
When Jackson finally rapped on the window, my heart was in overdrive. It felt like we had been apart for days, and my eyes drank him in as he carefully inched through the small gap, his biceps flexing as he hoisted himself in. "I missed you,” he said, his eyes searching mine.
"Missed you, too," I replied, a slight frown on my face.
Something was wrong.
Jackson was standing in an unnatural position, his right arm hung protectively over his ribs. Feeling panic sweep over me, I walked over to him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
Anyone else might have believed him. Not me—I noticed things, like the way he winced when I looped my arm in his. It was subtle, but definitely there.
"You're lying." I craned my neck up to meet his gaze.
He smiled, dropping a chaste kiss onto my nose. "I'm just a little tired."
There it was again, something flashing in his eyes, and a slight strain on his face. He was in pain.
"Lie down with me?" Jackson nudged me over to the bed, and I sank down onto the mattress, moving over to give him space. "What did I miss in Gardner's class?"
Oh nothing, just you're psycho pseudo-sister leaving me letter threats.
"Nothing. He showed us some clips and then made us discuss them in pairs."
"Who did you pair up with?"
"Umm, Derek, I think."
"Derek is a douche. He didn't try anything, did he?"
A small laugh escaped. "Are you for real?"
Jackson pulled me closer. "When it comes to you, I am always serious." He pressed a kiss to my hair and my whole body tingled with need.
Feeling brave, I rolled onto my front, kicking my legs either side of his to straddle him. Jackson shifted uncomfortably, and his face twisted with pain as his hand shot out to his ribs. He was definitely hurting.
Before he could stop me, I carefully lifted his shirt up. My eye
s almost bugged out. An ugly fresh bruise covered one side of his ribs. It was angry and fiery red in the middle, spreading out into purple and blue ripples. But that wasn't the reason my stomach felt queasy. In the middle was a thin cut. It didn't look deep, but something sharp had been in contact with Jackson's skin. Something like a knife or blade.
"Wha-"
Jackson's finger lingered on my lips, silencing me. "I'm fine. It looks worse than it is."
Without realizing, my hand reached out to trace the tender spot. The action was feather light; so gentle that Jackson let out a groan low in his throat.
"I hate this. Hate that every time you disappear, I'm going to go insane waiting to see how you come back to me." My eyes fixed on his, begging him for some kind of explanation.
"I'm okay, I promise." His hands came up to cup my face. "The doctor said I didn't even need stitches." He smiled weakly. "But you might have to go gentle with me for a couple of days."
I scooted off him and nestled into his good side, my mind running overtime. Was this how it was always going to be? Him disappearing and coming back injured; me always worrying about him?
“Where did you go? Did it have to do with Reibeckitt?”
Jackson’s body tensed next to me, and I knew I had uncovered some of the story. “Ana, you promised.”
I blew out an exasperated breath. “I know, I know. It just isn’t easy to see you like this. I care about you.”
It was my turn to tense. And I stilled, wanting to take the words back the moment they left my lips. It wasn’t that they weren’t true, but admitting them made me feel a guilt so deep it hurt. Admitting that I cared about Jackson was admitting that I was moving on. Moving on with my life. Moving on from Danny.
His fingers traced circles over my shoulder, and he whispered into my hair, “And I hate seeing you zone out on me. Hate the look you get in your eyes." He squeezed me closer. "We both have secrets, Ana.”
He was right.
We did.
Jackson's lips brushed my forehead and his body relaxed. I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of him breathing. It wasn't long before sleep claimed me.
"I've got to go, Ana."
A hand brushed my face and I murmured something inaudible. Somewhere in my unconscious, I heard the door click shut.
The next thing I was aware of was the alarm clock ringing out. I shut it off and rubbed my eyes. It was early, only a little after seven. Jackson had left sometime this morning. His side of the bed was cold, a sign that he had been gone a while. We had both slept for hours. Jackson succumbed to sleep first, only minutes after leaving the words hanging between us—making his point about us both having our secrets. I just wondered how much longer they would stay buried.
After dragging myself out of bed, I showered and got ready for the day’s classes. On cue, Elena rushed into the room, dropped her overnight bag, and started rummaging through her wardrobe. I still didn’t understand why she didn’t wear whatever it was that she carried around in an oversized bag.
“Morning, chica. It’s freezing out; I need more layers,” she said without even coming up for air.
“Really? I might just climb back under the comforter then.”
We both laughed, and she looked at me and did a double take. “What’s up with you?” Her eyes bored into me, and I stiffened.
“Nothing, why?”
Nothing was wrong. I felt fine. In fact, I felt happier than I had in a long time, but Elena wasn’t pacified this time, and she walked over and circled me. “You seem different. Something’s off.”
I shrugged, fiddling with my zipper in an attempt to avoid looking at her. She would see right through me.
“Ana, did you have sex last night?”
“What? Why on earth would you say that?” I exclaimed, almost choking for air.
She eyed me again, suspicion written on her features. “But there is a guy, right? Ooh, please tell me that I’m right. You’re all happy and smiley, and... and so not you.”
Seriously, how did she know these things?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I stepped around her and pretended to pack my bag, but she followed me. “Oh, no way, chica. You’re not getting out of this one. I want to hear everything… like how in the hell you’re meeting guys and I know nothing about it.” The hurt in her voice was obvious and part of me felt bad.
This was the kind of thing roommates talked about, wasn’t it? Sharing stories about their latest dates and the cute guy they liked. She wouldn’t let up, that much I knew, so I had to give her something.
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “Fine. There might be someone.”
There, I had said it.
Elena clapped her hands like a child. “Ooh, goody. Give me the details. I want it all. Name, age, shoe size, score between the sheets.”
“There’s not much to tell yet. It’s early still. Very early. I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-it early.”
She pouted and planted her hands on her hips. “You can’t cut me off already. This is huge, Ana. Freaking huge! I’m so proud of you, girl.” Elena was on me in a second, wrapping me into a hug.
As I stood awkwardly in her embrace, I tried to remind myself that this was just her way of showing that she cared. Her regular invasions of my personal space didn’t bother me as much as they did at the start of the semester, but it still felt strange.
After longer than necessary, she pushed me back, holding me at arm’s length. “As long as I’m the first person you talk to about the mystery guy, I can live with that.”
“I promise. All developments will be reported to you and only you.”
Elena beamed and I guessed that I had given another right answer. Maybe I was getting better at the whole friend thing. Maybe Dr. Simmonds had been right all along when she kept telling me that I just needed time. Time to grieve, to process, to heal. Time to find myself again.
Or maybe it was all down to Jackson breathing life back into me.
Either way, I was happy. Really happy.
“Hey,” Elena called back to me, as we exited the room. “Maybe when you’re ready we could go out, the four of us? Double date?” Her eyes sparkled with hope and excitement.
And just like that, my happy bubble burst around me.
Because behind closed doors, everything with Jackson was perfect.
But out in the real world, it was just a shitstorm waiting to happen.
Chapter Seventeen
My eyes flickered over to where Jackson sat. When he and Briony had arrived in class, I had noticed right away. Something was different. He walked next to her like usual, but he seemed more guarded, brushing off her hand every time she tried to touch him. He was keeping her at a safe distance. I couldn’t help the smile building inside of me. It eventually broke over my face when he cut in front of Briony and her friend to sit at the end of the row, instead of next to her, like usual. She scowled and then looked back at me. My eyes shot down and my pulse spiked, sending my heart into panic. Briony was already onto us, and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.
“So, today I want to do something a little different,” Gardner said. “You’ll notice that I have arranged things a little differently this week. I want you to all come down here and take a seat.”
Students started to look at one another, wondering what Gardner wanted us to do. At the front of the auditorium was a circle of chairs. A couple of people started to move down to the front, but I lingered. This was not good. There would be no escaping Briony’s scrutiny in that seating arrangement.
Reluctantly, I got up to join the rest of the class, forcing my eyes to stay on the empty seat that I headed toward and not sweep the room in search of Jackson. He would stay away—I knew that. So, when I sat down and looked straight ahead, I didn’t expect to see his captivating green eyes staring back at me. Crap. I squirmed on the seat, unable to pull my gaze away from his. Briony had somehow ended up seated away from him, and I risked taking a glance around the
circle to find her. She sat just before the circle curved around. My body relaxed into the chair. She couldn’t see me, or at least, she couldn’t see my eyes. Or where they were focused.
Gardner started, and I followed the rest of the class in fulfilling his instructions: talk to the person next to you, feedback to the group, and repeat. I hated this kind of thing, but I did it. All the while stealing glances at Jackson. Our eyes would meet, sending my body in meltdown. He looked at me with such intensity, his eyes full of silent promise and things to come.
Jackson had mostly healed now. I checked the bruise every time he managed to sneak into my room. The thought of something bad happening to him terrified me. I had already lost so much—I wasn’t sure that I would survive if something happened to him. But this was his life. I still didn’t fully understand it, and I sure as hell didn’t like it, but he had made it clear. Jackson had loyalties to the Donohues.
“Why is the redhead looking at you like that?” the guy I was paired with asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
My head whipped up to meet his eyes as he watched something over my slightly turned shoulder. “What redhead?”
“She looks like she’s about ready to come over here and beat the shit out of you.”
I turned my shoulders slightly to angle me away from the rest of the circle even more and hissed, “Stop looking, will you?”
The guy faltered but then shrugged and continued discussing the next question Gardner had flashed up on the board. I didn’t hear his words, too lost in my own thoughts. Briony was becoming more and more of a problem. Part of me wanted to tell Jackson, but the other part? The other part was terrified of the outcome. Despite her being a crazy bitch, she was his family, and I was just a girl he knew little about, keeping secrets of my own.
