by L A Cotton
“Are you going to tell me why we are rushing like tomorrow might never come?” Linking my fingers through Jackson’s hand, I let my gaze settle on the leafy tunnel whizzing past.
“Just eager to get to Otis and V’s. Me, you, and that tiny bed.” He laughed quietly, but something was off. I knew it the second he arrived at the dorm and demanded that I pack, giving me the excuse he wanted to head to the Blacks a few days early, totally playing down the fact that Christmas was only two days away. But before I could argue, he’d gathered up my things and had me packed into the car and we were on the road.
Yeah, something was definitely up.
Ten minutes later, I couldn’t stop the pit in my stomach. Usually, he spent holidays with them. He said Marcus was out of town, but still, spending the whole week at Otis and Velma’s seemed unusual.
“Jackson, do Otis and V know we’re arriving early?” I removed my fingers from his hand and started lazily twisting the bracelet on my wrist, trying to seem aloof. When really the nausea settling low in my stomach had me troubled.
“Sure. I called Otis earlier.” Jackson’s voice sounded so normal. Too normal.
“Okay, I’m done playing. What the hell is going on?” Shifting in my seat, I narrowed my eyes at the side of Jackson’s head, willing him to talk to me.
As if he could feel me watching, his features hardened and he blew out a long sigh. “He knows.”
The pit in my stomach expanded into a vast cavern and I clasped a hand over my blouse, trying to hold myself together.
"He knows," I repeated quietly.
This was what I wanted. It had been all I wanted for the last year. But now that it was real, panic spread through me like a raging fire.
Jackson shuffled in his seat next to me, swerving off the main road. The car screeched to a halt, causing my whole body to shoot forward and then land back in the seat with a thud.
Before I could process what was happening, Jackson had exited the car and came around to the passenger door. He all but yanked me out, dropping me to my feet and caging me between him and the rear door.
I could see the pain in his face, the look of sadness in his eyes, and I reached out for his jaw, gliding my fingers across the hint of a five 'o' clock shadow.
He gulped. "I'm out."
Out?
"Wha-what does that mean?"
"Of the inner circle. Probably the family. I'm out. Uncle Marcus doesn't know yet, but I can't imagine he'll be thrilled. And Braiden..." He paused, looking deep into my eyes. "Braiden will never forgive me. Which means I'm out."
I should have been ecstatic. Relieved. It should have been happiness consuming me. But, instead, all I could think was that Jackson had walked away from the only family he'd known for most of his life.
For me.
My heart beat rapidly in my chest as realization dawned on me. He had finally chosen.
And he had chosen me.
"Say something."
"I- I-" The words were there on the tip of my tongue, but even if they managed to find their way out, I had no idea what they were going to be.
He's really chosen, was the only thought filling my mind.
Jackson closed the distance between us, pressing his forehead against mine, holding me in place. His breath came in short bursts and the rise and fall of his chest matched my own.
"It was always you; it just took me a while to realize. I'm done with his shit. I’m out." He emphasized each word, and I didn’t know who he was trying to convince more. Me or himself.
Clamping my eyes shut, I gripped his jacket, overwhelmed with emotion, and I tried to swallow down the tears threatening to pour out. This was all I wanted, but I had never really given much thought to what would happen if he did it. If he chose me over them.
And what it meant for us.
“There you two kids are. Otis Black get your hiney out here. Jax and Ana are home.”
I smiled at Velma in her bright pink dress and wooly slippers. Even in the freezing temperature, she managed to look like a bright sunny day.
“Ana, give me some sugar. It’s been too long, girl.” Her eyes darted to Jackson and she cocked an eyebrow before wrapping me in her thick arms. And I couldn’t help but wonder what version of events she knew.
“Nice to see you again, Velma. Happy Holidays.”
“You too, honey, you too.” She pulled away to focus on Jackson. “Get over here, boy, and give V a hug.”
Throwing his arms open, Jackson scooped her solid frame into a hug. It warmed my heart watching them together, knowing that Velma was probably the closest thing he had to a mom growing up.
“Good to see you, V. So good to see you.” Jackson’s eyes found mine over the old woman’s shoulder, full of emotion.
The rest of the car journey after our brief stop had been silent; both of us locked in our own thoughts. I pushed to know what else had been said, but Jackson wouldn’t discuss it. He wanted to settle at the Blacks and then tell me everything.
“I’ll get the bags; you two lovely ladies head inside and make sure the old man isn’t getting himself into any trouble.”
Velma linked her arm through mine, leading me into the small house. Once inside, memories of my first visit resurfaced, and it was hard to believe a whole year had passed. “Don’t be overthinking things, dear. That boy loves you like I seen him love no one else.”
I didn’t know Velma well, but in the brief time I spent with her and Otis last Christmas, I knew she had a way of just knowing things. And she seemed to know Jackson better than anyone.
“Miss Parry, good to see you.” Otis rose from his rocking chair and extended his hand. I took it and smiled at him. He seemed older somehow, more frail, but he quickly straightened when the front door clattered in its frame and Jackson appeared in the doorway.
“Old man.” He grinned before heading straight for Otis and pulling him into a hug.
It was like watching another person. Jackson was so at ease with them; warm and open. For a split second, I almost forgot we were running. Or temporarily in hiding. Jackson hadn’t said the words, but I was no fool.
“To what do we owe this pleasure anyway? Don’t usually get you for Christmas dinner.” Otis moved away from Jackson, dropping back into his chair.
“Otis Black, watch your claptrap,” Velma scolded.
Jackson stiffened. “V, it’s okay. Otis has a fair point. We needed to get out of town for a few days. Things have been kind of heavy.” Jackson didn’t say anything else, but his eyes met Otis’ and something passed between them—just like the times I’d witnessed at the diner.
“I hope we’re not intruding?” My voice cut through the tension.
“Intruding? Pfft, the door's always open.” Otis grunted.
“Why don’t you get settled and I’ll make some tea. Jax, show Ana to your room.”
Jackson grabbed our bags and led us to the small room. It was exactly as I remembered; plain walls, simple furniture, and that damn single bed.
The second the door closed behind us, I said, “Well, that wasn’t awkward in the least.”
Jackson laughed, dropping the bags, and then turned to wrap his arms around me. “You know what he’s like. He’s jealous. And concerned. He just has a funny way of showing it.”
My nose brushed across Jackson’s taut chest and I breathed him in. His smell comforted me, wrapping around me until the whole room zeroed in on him.
“Ana, remember what happened last time.”
I heard the smirk in his voice and reluctantly wriggled out of his arms. “So, how long are we staying here?” I started unpacking my small bag.
“I don’t know. A week, two.”
“Two weeks?”
“It might be for the best.”
I dropped the blouse back into my bag and spun to face Jackson. “How bad is it?”
Jackson grasped his chin with his hand before jamming a hand into his hair. He grimaced. “That’s the thing, Braiden made it too easy. I was re
lying on him being distracted by this clusterfuck with Calder, but something didn’t feel right. He just let me walk out of there.”
Jackson was right. After last year—the threats, the cabin—there was no way on earth Braiden would just let this drop. But that made the alternative even more terrifying. He was biding his time. Plotting his revenge.
My heart sank. This was what Jackson had wanted to protect me from. The exact reason he walked away last year.
“Hey, hey.” He closed the distance between us, his eyes shining bright with concern. “I won’t let anything happen to you…” He hesitated. “Not again.”
“And what about you? Who protects you?” My eyes burned into him, but he just chuckled, ignoring my concern. “I’m a big guy, I can look after myself.”
His words did nothing to appease the anxiety building in my stomach, still hollow from the conversation in the car.
“H-how bad is it going to get?”
Jackson inhaled before brushing his nose against mine and placing a soft kiss on my lips. “Honestly? I have no fucking idea. But we will get through it. I promise.”
"Can I please just see where we are yet?" The icy air took my breath away, stinging my lungs, as Jackson guided me out of the car.
His laughter surrounded me but did little to calm my rapid pulse.
"Not yet. Just trust me."
That was easier said than done when he had pulled out a blindfold and insisted I wear it during the whole ride to wherever the hell we now were.
"It's so cold." My teeth chattered and I heard the telltale beep of the car alarm being set. Seconds later, Jackson wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his side. His mouth lingered near my ear and he whispered, "Will you stop complaining if I promise to keep you warm?"
Tingles spread through me, warming my core, and I frowned trying to ignore the desire uncoiling low in my stomach. We had only spent one night with the Blacks, but it was one night too many. Although sharing the ridiculously small bed, Jackson insisted on us behaving under Otis' roof. The whole night had been torture, lying next to him unable to love him in the way I wanted. The way I needed to, after recent revelations.
"Fine," I mumbled, letting him lead me in an unknown direction.
Unable to see, I honed in on my other senses. The cold wind whipped around us and I could just hear the distant ripple of waves landing on the shore. But it wasn't until the ground softened beneath my sneakers that I guessed that Jackson had brought me to the beach.
"You do know it's Christmas Eve, right?"
He squeezed my hand. And a new noise entered my field of hearing. Low music, a slow beat traveling through the air, and a crackle in the background. A fire? And then I felt it. The heat licking my face, instantly warming me, and I leaned into it.
“Surprise.” Jackson’s hands slipped behind my head and unfastened the blindfold, pressing a quick kiss to the side of my neck.
I blinked, my vision adjusting to the scene in front of me. The huge fire roared against the moonlit black canvas. The ocean glittering behind.
“It’s beautiful.”
Jackson tugged my hand, pulling me into the small crowd gathered to one side of the fire. Of course, I didn’t recognize anyone, but people lifted their heads, smiling at us. We reached a smaller cooking fire surrounded by coolers.
“Drink?” Jackson smiled at me and my breath hitched. He was trying to give me normal, just for a few hours. And it was perfect.
I nodded, taking a bottled beer from him and he wrapped an arm around me as we stood and just watched the flames. No one seemed to be affected by his presence here. A few of the girls watched him with a look of longing in their eyes, but that didn’t surprise me. Jackson was that kind of guy; the kind who walked into a room and turned heads. And I relaxed against him, sinking into his side.
After two more beers and a burger, Jackson nestled his chin onto my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”
There’s more? It had already been a night I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. A chance for us to just be a normal couple away from CFA…away from Braiden and Briony. Away from Calder. But I let Jackson lead me away from the small gathering, moving us further down the beach and into the darkness. It didn’t seem to faze him. The way he moved with purpose suggested that he was taking me somewhere he knew well, and butterflies fluttered softly in my stomach at the thought of finding out more about him. About his past.
My eyes squinted into the void surrounding us. I could just make out the sea’s edge and the gentle waves lapping at the shore. The landscape in front and to the side of us started to change. Rocks rose up out of the sand creating a maze that Jackson navigated with ease, and I wondered if he had a sixth sense; the ability to see in the dark, like night vision.
I stumbled behind him as we weaved in and out of rocky structures, and then Jackson paused. “Here.” He turned to face me, his profile highlighted by the moonlight shining down on us. “This used to be one of my favorite places as a kid.”
Taking a few steps back, Jackson disappeared into one of the huge rocks and I hissed, irrational panic spreading through me. "Jackson. Jackson."
"In here." His voice echoed and I stepped forward into the black hole.
His arms caught me, wrapping around me and drawing me close. I closed my eyes, relieved to feel him. My face nestled into his firm chest and I let my breath even out.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Open your eyes."
He turned me in his arms so that my back was to his chest and slowly I opened my eyes. And gasped.
"Wow, it's beautiful." I stared at the sight before me. Light seeped through an opening at the top of the cave reflecting off the damp walls, creating a silvery light that illuminated the cave.
"Dad used to bring me here at night. We would camp out, make bonfires, tell ghost stories. I loved it here."
Untangling me from his arms, Jackson yanked his jacket off and laid it on the soft ground. "Come here," he said, after sitting down in his jacket, leaning back against the glowing wall.
I dropped down and wriggled back into his parted legs, letting him hook his arms around me, pulling me back.
"Do you miss him?"
Jackson's chest heaved against my back. "Every damn day. I always thought that with every year that passed, I'd forget him. Forget his face or the way he smelled. But I remember him like it was yesterday."
His hands dipped under my sweater and rested against my flat stomach, burning into me. Igniting my whole body. And I almost forgot the bitter temperature.
We'd both experienced so much loss. Maybe that was part of our connection; the magnetic pull between us. We understood loss; we lived it every day.
"What was it like growing up with them?" For as much as I hated them, I wanted to know. I wanted to understand.
Jackson shifted behind me and started brushing his fingers across my skin. "Okay, I guess. When Aunt Marie was alive, she made things as normal as possible." Sweeping my hair to one side, he pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "I don't know how she did it, putting up with all the crap."
"What happened to her?"
"Cancer. She died when we were thirteen. Braiden didn't handle it well. He changed. He was always a bully, but he became even more ruthless. Like she was his conscience and when she died it went with her. It was a tough year."
I didn't want to feel sympathy for them, but no one child should ever outlive their parents. I knew firsthand.
"I'm sorry."
Jackson brought his chin to rest on my shoulder. "It's in the past. She would have loved you, though."
His voice didn't disguise the emotion there. The memories. And just for a second, I wondered how he really felt about cutting ties with them. They were his family—all he'd known since he was just a young boy.
"I know what you're thinking. Don't, Ana. Things between Braiden and me have been strained for some time. Even since before I laid eyes on you. The girl who arrived in a ye
llow cab with one bag." He smiled against my neck.
"I remained loyal to my family because they are that, my family. Dad worshiped Marcus. Looked up to him like a brother. After Mom had died, Marcus was there every step of the way, helping Dad pick up the pieces. He might not have wanted this life for me, but he would have never walked away, never betrayed Marcus. So how could I? After everything he’s done for me?
“But hearing those gunshots ring out at the game. Fuck. It spun my whole world. My first thought wasn't Braiden or Briony or Uncle Marcus. It was you, Ana. You."
Silence surrounded us, but my ears filled with the sound of my own heart racing.
"You're not just some crush or phase. You. Are. It. My salvation."
Without thinking, I twisted onto my knees and slammed my lips onto Jackson's. He caught me, laying back, covering his body with mine. Our tongues swirled together and my mind fogged with desire. I wanted him more than I ever had.
Jackson's hand skimmed my waist up to the curve of my breast and I gasped into his mouth as he brushed his thumb over my nipple. He rolled us in the sand with ease so that he was positioned above me, staring down at me with such affection in his eyes that my cheeks flushed. His lips feathered mine before he knelt back and unbuckled his jeans.
“Scoot onto my jacket.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him and watched his lips curl into a knowing smirk.
“Do you trust me?”
I nodded. I trusted him implicitly. Shuffling back onto his jacket, I leaned into the sand. Jackson yanked off my sneakers and traced his hands up my legs to my thighs and zipper. The cold air collided with my bare skin as he peeled down my jeans and I shivered. But the feeling didn’t last long. Jackson’s fingers skimmed over my panties and heat spread through me, growing into a fire as he slid away the material and slipped inside me.
The sensation was overwhelming; the cold air biting into my skin mixed with the warmth of Jackson’s fingers moving deep inside, and I moaned into the air.
“Shh, Ana.” He chuckled, gazing at me like I was everything to him. I reached out for him, gliding my hand across his half opened jeans. He sucked in a sharp breath. “I need you so much.” His words were breathy, taking me over the edge, ripples of pleasure crashing through me.
